Chapter 16
Ruby had never been to a backstage door in all her life.
She’d certainly never been to this part of town alone at night. It wasn’t a habit she planned to establish. She did enjoy her freedoms, but she knew this was a bit much. Even for her.
From the look on the doorman’s weathered face, it was clear he thought she had lost her wits. Perhaps she had. Perhaps she was from a long line of people who were losing their wits, but she wasn’t going to fight it.
So, as she stood in the misting rain which was at last cooling down the hot summer day, her cloak tucked up over her curled hair, she smiled at the older gentleman. And he tipped his hat at her.
He still looked as if she had wool for brains, but he was kind about it as he gestured for her to enter.
It didn’t bother her.
As much as her mother and father troubled her, they were remarkable people. They were the sort of people that history would remember. Her mother might be infamous, but she had little doubt that one day people would whisper her name with awe.
Perhaps history would remember her too.
But more than anything, Ruby wanted to be loved, and she wanted to love. That was far more important than being remembered. And so she gathered her ivory-colored skirts and wound her way through the back halls of the theater building, trying to look as if she belonged there.
No one stopped her because she was dressed in the magnificent costume of a woman who clearly could have bought and sold the theater three times over.
She walked with utter confidence to the back stairs. People were racing up and down it, taking props and costumes back and forth.
Smiling at anyone who looked at her, she did her best to cause no notice.
She failed. Everyone seemed to gape at a young lady on her own in the back part of the theater. Still, she headed up the narrow way and began looking at the doors, seeking a familiar one.
Finally, she realized she was in the same place that Peter had taken her just a few nights before, and she felt a wave of relief. There was something magical about the backstage rooms. Something quiet, something soft, as if at any moment the atmosphere might explode into excitement.
It was a magical world.
And sometimes she was grateful that there was still such magic in the world.
People needed magic. She needed magic. She thought that was probably why she loved horses so much.
She’d always felt as if they were magic creatures walking between this world and the next, understanding things that humans never could.
The theater was the same. It was a place in which it was in between the real world and the next world, or at least so she thought. A place of in-between.
And as she lifted her fist and knocked upon Mrs. Abigail Simpson’s door, she held her breath, hoping that she would not be cast out into the rain.
The door opened and Mrs. Simpson was already saying, “Forgive me, but I have no desire to see anyone at present. I am most…” But she stopped mid-sentence as she spotted Ruby and let out a peep of surprise. “Do come in,” she said.
“Thank you,” Ruby said, lowering her hood. “I am honored that you would allow me to pay a visit to you.”
“Of course,” Abigail said, propping a hand on her curved hip. “You are Lady Ruby Reynolds. Be seated, please.”
Ruby shook her head and tugged her gloves off. “I am too nervous to sit. Is it all right if I pace a bit?”
Abigail laughed, though she did look a trifle concerned at Ruby’s odd visit. “You are like Peter, aren’t you? The two of you will do wonderfully well. I don’t think he could ever be with anyone who liked to sit for too long.”
Ruby smiled ruefully as she tucked her gloves in her reticule. “I too could not be with someone who liked to sit for too long.”
Ruby drew in a deep breath, having already traversed the small room three times. She forced herself to plant her booted feet on the woven rug. “Now I have been thinking about something.”
Abigail’s face grew wary, and she pulled her dressing gown about her frame as she crossed to a kettle of hot water that was simmering over the fire. “Oh, yes?” she queried as she poured out hot water into a pot and steeped some tea leaves in it. “May I offer you some tea?”
“That would be very nice,” she said swiftly, feeling her heart begin to beat wildly with both trepidation and excitement. “It might steady my nerves.”
Abigail looked over her shoulder and smiled reassuringly as she swished the leaves about the pot. “I didn’t think you were the sort of person to get frayed nerves.”
“Oh, everyone is,” Ruby rushed before she wound her hands together, lest they flutter about like eager doves. “Even those of us who seem as if we don’t have nerves at all. I promise you, I have simply learned to race along with my nerves.”
“I suppose I understand that,” Abigail returned, readying two beautifully painted cups.
“I always feel terrified right before I’m about to go on stage.
And then I simply surrender to the fear, and I always do beautifully, even when I make a mistake.
I think it’s when people fight their nerves that it goes terribly wrong. ”
Ruby sucked in a breath, realizing the actress was right. “Well put,” she said.
“Now why are you here?” Abigail asked as she poured out the steeped brew into the two cups. “I don’t think it’s for acting tips, and I don’t think you wish to be my patroness, do you? Although I won’t say no.”
Ruby grinned. “Well, if you’d like a lady patron, I’d be happy to start some sort of guild, you know, to help the actresses so they don’t have to rely overly on men. I don’t like that. Men so often have trouble helping ladies without expecting something in turn.”
Abigail lifted a brow. “I feel the same. Though not all men are nefarious,” she sighed.
“Isn’t that nice, that not all men are nefarious?” Ruby drawled.
Abigail’s eyes danced and her bright lips curved in a surprised grin. “I like the way you put your tongue in your cheek there.”
Ruby smiled. “I would like us to be friends.”
Abigail cocked her head to the side and offered her a cup. “Friends?”
“Yes,” Ruby returned as she took the tea. “If I’m quite honest, I don’t have many friends. And also, I have no siblings at all. And if you’re to be my sister, I would like it very much if we could be close.”
Abigail stood still for a long moment, clutching her own cup. Her knuckles whitened and Ruby feared that she was about to be thrown out.
“Of course,” Abigail said at last, her grip on her cup easing before she took a sip. “If you want to be my friend and my sister, since you’re going to marry my brother, I think that perfectly reasonable.”
“Good,” Ruby enthused, relieved as she took a sip. It was most excellent tea, dark and aromatic. “And I have an idea about how we might start our friendship if you don’t think me too bold.”
“Oh, I think you’re very bold indeed,” Abigail sallied brightly. “But it’s one of the things I like about you. The world needs more bold ladies.”
“Right then.” She cleared her throat and said without further hesitation, “I want to go into a race.”
Abigail’s brows only arched further. “A race?” she echoed. “Ladies don’t race.”
“I know.” Ruby sighed, making sure she didn’t look petulant.
The last thing she wanted Abigail to think was that she was spoiled.
“It’s most infuriating. We have a great build for balancing lightly upon a horse and not weighing the creatures down, but gentlemen will ever insist that we aren’t capable. ”
“Silly fellows,” Abigail returned. “What does my brother say?”
“I haven’t told him,” she admitted, trying not to wince.
Abigail lowered her teacup and considered before she pursed her lips and replied, “I don’t like to deceive him, but I think he would love this.”
“He loves it when I’m at my best,” she offered, longing for this with a surprising strength.
She’d never been allowed to participate in any of the great races.
Or even the ones gentlemen so often arranged with each other.
But this small one. Just this once. She wanted to experience it.
“And racing is when I’m at my best. And I’d like to show him. ”
“Well then,” Abigail said merrily. “Tell me what you need, and I will assist you. But I must warn you that I will never help you hurt my brother.”
“All the more reason for us to be friends,” Ruby assured. “I don’t want him to hurt either. I think he’s hurt far too much. I think it’s time that he knew a bit of happiness, don’t you?”
Abigail beamed at her. “I couldn’t agree more.” Abigail put her teacup down and brushed her hands together, eager for the task ahead. “Come on then. I think I know just what you want me to do. You’ve seen me play the breeches parts, haven’t you?”
“I haven’t actually,” she admitted. “I’ve heard about them. And how boyish you look. And I thought that you might be the master of this trade.”
Abigail threw back her head and laughed. “You are right there. I can indeed look and act exactly like a boy, just as Master Shakespeare so often requires. Now let’s get your transformation underway, shall we?”
Ruby swallowed, her stomach twisting with nerves. Real nerves. “Thank you. But first, there’s something I must ask.”
Abigail hesitated. “What?”
She cleared her throat, closed her eyes, willed herself to be brave and then said with utter sincerity, “I don’t want to just be your friend in secret. I want us to be friends publicly.”
Abigail tensed. “Why?”
“Your brother is so ashamed of his father,” she said.
“He’s ashamed of all that was done. And I don’t want him to feel shame anymore.
And I don’t want to hide our friendship either.
I want to be proud of it. I would like it very much if you would consider being my friend publicly and if you would consider being your brother’s sister publicly too. ”
Abigail pulled back. “But that would cause a great scandal.”
Ruby beamed. “I know. Wouldn’t it be marvelous, a bit of scandal? Everyone would make you the talk of the town—”
“And not in a good way.”
Ruby drew herself up and then countered with her prepared argument, for she had thought a great deal about this.
“I don’t know,” she said. “You’re born to a gentleman.
I think it would make you the toast of society.
It would make you a legend, and I think it would make Skyburn happy not to have to hide his pride for you.
I think he’d like to be able to show the world his family. ”
“Even the bastards? No one does that,” Abigail said.
“Kings have done that,” she countered honestly. “I don’t see why we can’t.”
Abigail stared at her. “You are bolder than I thought. But I like it,” she breathed.
“And I like the fact that you want to help my brother, that you want to ease his hurt. So do I. We’ve all known so much suffering, all of us who were born to that man.
But I think he suffered the most. And I think he’s the most… ”
“What?” Ruby prompted.
“Scarred by it,” Abigail said, her eyes darkening with sorrow. “He doesn’t think he can have good things.”
“That’s why he’s always running,” put in Ruby.
Abigail nodded.
“I knew his reputation, of course,” Ruby mused, her heart aching for Peter.
“I’ve only learned it more. The way no one can keep up with him, the way he’s always going from party to party, race to race, boxing match to boxing match, political agenda to political agenda.
It’s like he can’t stop, lest he feel the weight of it all.
And the truth is I want to help him free himself from that.
I want to set myself free from that. As fast as he and I are, I think we both need to stop running or we will collapse one day. ”
Abigail crossed to her and took her hands in hers. “Then let me help you try.”
“Thank you,” Ruby said. And she threw her arms around Abigail and hugged her.
Abigail let out a cry of amazement. “My goodness,” she said. “I never expected that.”
“What?” Ruby said. “A hug from a lady?”
Abigail nodded.
“Well, you’re to be my sister, are you not?” Ruby drew back a bit. “And I’ve never had a hug from a sibling or a friend.”
Abigail’s jaw dropped and then she snapped it shut, indignant. “Well, that’s a crime. What about from your parents?”
She shook her head. “We’re not terribly affectionate. I was close to my father for a very long time, but I think he wanted me close because he wanted to punish my mother, and now I cannot bear that. I cannot bear being a tool in the pain of my family, just like I don’t want—”
“Yes,” Abigail said gently. “I understand. You want all the pain to stop. It can’t though. You can try, but it will never stop. All you can do is…”
“What?” Ruby asked, her heart twisting at Abigail’s rather frightening assessment of life.
Abigail gazed sympathetically at her. “Be patient, be kind, wait it out, ride the pain, and hope for better days.”
“See,” Ruby said, beaming, “this is why I needed a sister, to have someone tell me such things. Someone who’s seen the world.”
Abigail smiled softly at her and gazed in her eyes.
“Oh, I think you’ve seen the world. I can see it there, the shadows.
People like you always want to convince yourselves that you’ve not known any suffering because you’ve grown up with silks and lace and carriages and gilding.
But the truth is, I think you’ve suffered more than many because you’ve grown up without affection.
You’ve grown up without love and kindness.
Maybe you’re bold and maybe your parents stood behind you, but I can see it in your eyes.
You’ve never really trusted anyone. So now you must start.
And I’m honored that you’re trusting me. ”
And she was. Ruby was trusting Abigail. And Peter. All her life, her father had taught her to go boldly on her own. Well, now? She didn’t want that anymore. She wanted to go boldly with people who loved her.