Chapter 7
CHAPTER
SEVEN
Brogan
I’ve changed my outfit three times, and the bedroom looks like a bomb exploded. I don’t know why I’m this nervous. I’ve had dinner with my sister and her daughters at Forrest’s place, which is now their home, more times than I can count since they moved.
This time shouldn’t be any different.
I keep telling myself this, but I’m still stressing about it. It’s the first time Maddox and I will be attending anything with our friends and family since being married a week ago today. The morning after at the hotel doesn’t count. I was still firmly in the “we’re getting this annulled” camp at the time. Now, well, I’ve agreed to give him six months, and a week in, I know my husband is not against playing dirty.
The things this man says. He melts my insides. We’re talking swoon all the way, and I can’t tell if he’s playing a game, or if that’s just really him. My heart tells me that’s just Maddox in a relationship, but my head, that bastard tells me I can’t trust it. It’s going to be a long six months.
“Whoa.”
I look up to find Maddox standing in the doorway of the bedroom. The one we now share. “Sorry.” I wince.
He steps inside and doesn’t stop until he has his arms wrapped around me. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
“I’m trying to find something to wear,” I mumble against his chest. Something I’ve learned over the last week about my new husband is that he’s a touchy-feely guy, and he loves hugs. Not only does he love them, but he’s damn good at it. It’s been a week, and already his arms around me have a calming effect, like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
“You’d look beautiful in a paper sack.”
“Stop.” I playfully swat at his chest.
“Tell me what’s really going on, Brogan?” His voice is soft, soothing almost.
I exhale loudly, but I don’t pull away from his hold. “It’s the first time we’re doing something with other people since the morning we woke up married.”
“And?”
“And… I don’t know. I’m just… nervous, I guess.”
“You have nothing to be nervous about.” He pulls back and places his index finger beneath my chin so that I have to look at him. “You and me, Brogan. That’s how we face this. Together. I’m your huckleberry, baby. If you want to leave at any time, we will, but, baby, this is our future. You don’t go to these things alone anymore. And it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. Everyone is going to be happy to see you. You’re the same Brogan you were two weeks ago, only now, you’re also a wife. My wife, and trust me, there isn’t a single piece of clothing in this house that you would look bad in.” He bends and kisses the tip of my nose.
“Yeah, yeah,” I mutter, feeling mollified at his response. I pull out of his arms and look down at the black leggings and oversized sweater I’m wearing. I guess this will have to do. I know I’m freaking out for nothing, but I don't know how to stop it.
“You’re beautiful, Brogan.”
I look up to find him watching me intently. There is nothing but honesty staring back at me, and that look, the one I’m learning to know and trust, mends another small broken piece of me. “I just need to grab my shoes and I’m ready to go. I’ll deal with all of this”—I wave my arms around the room—“when we get back.”
“I’ll help you when we get back. The truck is already running, and I put the brownies you made for the girls in the back seat.”
“Thank you, but I could have gotten them.”
“I know, but I was heading out to the truck, anyway.” He moves toward the bedroom door. “I’ll be in the living room when you’re ready. Take your time.” He gives me a smile that feels kind of like a fist reaching into my chest and squeezing my heart.
Once in my closet, I grab my black ankle booties and shove my feet into them. I don’t bother looking in the mirror. I’ve done that enough today already. Maddox is right. This is my sister, and my nieces, and my brother-in-law. They’re not going to judge me or judge us. The only judgment I’m going to get is avoiding my sister’s calls or cutting them short all week, telling her I had to get back to work. Not a complete lie, but I wasn’t ready to talk about my current situation. I’m still not ready, but I can’t avoid her forever.
“Good choice,” Maddox says when I enter the living room. He stands from the couch and holds my coat open for me. I know better than to tell him I can put my coat on by myself. Instead, I smile, say, “Thank you,” and slide into my coat with his help.
“You want me to carry you to the truck so you don’t get your boots in the snow?”
“What? No.” I chuckle. “They’re boots.”
“They look fancy. I think I should.”
Before I know what’s happening, Maddox has me in his arms, bridal style, just as he did the day we got home from Vegas a week ago and carries me out to the truck. “I can get the door,” I tell him when we reach the passenger side.
Somehow, we manage to pull open the door, and he sets me inside on the seat. I open my mouth to say thank you, because what else can I say? But he surprises me when he leans in and pulls my seat belt across my chest and latches it.
“I’m going to go lock the house. Be right back.” He drops a kiss to my cheek, shuts the door, and jogs off toward the house.
I was so lost in being in his arms I didn’t even think about the front door not being shut. That’s what he does to me. He scrambles my brain and makes me forget who I am and how to act. Case in point, waking up married after a drunken night in Vegas. Maddox Lanigan has super powers.
“Stay there,” Maddox says as he parks his truck in Forrest and Briar’s driveway.
“You are not carrying me to the house,” I scold him.
He grins. “I just want to get your door.”
“I can do it. You don't have to treat me like glass, Maddox. It’s going to be a long six months for you if you do.”
He turns to face me. His expression is hard. “I’m not treating you like glass, Brogan. I’m treating you like my wife. With the respect that you deserve, nothing more, nothing less. And it’s going to be a long, happy life of me taking care of you, treating you the way you deserve to be treated. You might as well go ahead and get used to it. I’m not going to stop now or in fifty years from now.”
He doesn’t wait for me to reply, which is good because I’m speechless. I wouldn’t know how to respond to that if I tried. Instead, he removes his keys from the ignition and climbs out of the truck. I remain seated just as he asked me to while he comes to my side to open the door. He opens the back door first and grabs the container of brownies, before closing it and opening mine. He offers me his free hand, and I take it, allowing him to help me down from the truck.
His hand rests on the small of my back as he leads us to the front door. He doesn’t knock. Instead, he twists the handle and shouts, “We’re here!” The pitter-patter of giggles and little feet fill the room, and there they are. River and Rayne cheer and launch themselves at me. I barely have time to kneel to accept their hugs.
“Aunt Brogan, we missed you,” Rayne says.
“I missed you, too.” I hug them tightly, one twin in each arm, until they wiggle free, and move on to Maddox.
“Uncle Maddox!” They have just as much excitement for my new husband as they do for me. It’s not because we’re married now. Maddox has been in their life as their uncle as long as Forrest has. To them, there is no difference.
To be young again.
Maddox kneels to hug them one at a time because he still has the container of brownies in his hands. “Where are your mom and dad?” Maddox asks them.
“In the kitchen. Let’s go!” Rayne takes his free hand, and River takes her sister’s as they start to drag Maddox off toward the kitchen.
I stare after them, grateful for all the new people in our lives. None of them blinked an eye at accepting those girls as Forrest’s daughters. They’ve embraced all four of us into their lives, and ours are more enriched having met them.
Maddox looks back at me over his shoulder. “Coming, babe?”
“Yeah.” I nod, because my voice is so soft I’m not sure he can hear me. The emotions are thick in my throat, but I swallow them down and prepare myself for my sister’s inquisition.
“You made it!” Briar says as soon as we enter the kitchen. She comes rushing toward me and pulls me into a hug. “I’ve missed you this week.” She gives me a knowing look, and I shrug.
“Uncle Maddox, what’s that?” River asks, pointing to the container of brownies. I’m surprised they’ve just now noticed them.
“Aunt Brogan made these for you.” He opens the lid so that they can see inside.
“She did?” the twins ask in unison.
“She did, but you have to eat all your dinner if you want one of these delicious brownies.”
“We love brownies,” Rayne tells him.
“Me too.” He winks, places the lid back on the container, and sets it on the counter.
“What can I help with?” I ask my sister.
“Nothing, it’s all done. Forrest made white chicken chili in the Crock-Pot, so we kind of cheated, I guess.” She smiles.
River gasps. “Daddy! You’re not supposed to cheat.”
Forrest grins as he bends and scoops River into his arms. “Razzle, you’re right. Cheating is bad. What Mommy meant was we made an easy meal, so it wasn’t a lot of work.”
River furrows her brow, but before she can reply, her sister is stealing the show.
“Daddy, chili’s not supposed to be white.” She places her little hands on her hips and gives him her best four-going-on-fourteen attitude.
Maddox lifts Rayne onto his hip and takes her to the Crock-Pot, and lifts the lid. “They call it chili because of the beans, but it’s kind of more like a chicken soup. See.” He puts the ladle in and scoops up a helping to show her.
“Sissy, adults are weird,” Rayne tells River.
They fall into a fit of giggles, but that could have more to do with Forrest and Maddox tickling them for calling them weird than with their own assessment.
“Let’s eat, then I’m stealing your wife,” Briar tells Maddox.
He glances over at me, and his eyes soften. “That’s fine, but just know I’m not leaving here without her.” He tosses me a flirty wink before turning his attention back to Rayne as if he didn’t just melt my heart into a puddle in the middle of my sister’s kitchen floor.
“Damn,” Briar mutters. She loops her arm through mine. “That was hot as hell, and total book boyfriend vibes.”
“I think he has a book or some kind of manual. He keeps saying all the right things.”
“Hmmm, maybe my husband and your husband are reading the same book then.” She chuckles. “They’re just good guys, Brogan. Good men, who I know our father would have approved of.”
“Yours maybe. Not mine.”
“What do you mean? Maddox is great.”
“We weren’t even dating, Briar.”
“ Pft , who cares. This is your life, and you live it how you want. You know that’s what Susan would tell you. Have you talked to her about any of this?”
“No. I have an appointment with her next week.”
“Do you need me to go with you?”
“Thank you, but no. I’ll be fine.”
“Have you considered having Maddox go to an appointment with you? You know he’d go. When Forrest went with me, it was a great visit.”
“He was already in love with you and you with him by that point.”
“And you’re crazy if you think that man isn’t falling in love with you.” She points to where Maddox is standing talking to Forrest. He glances over and smiles at me before giving his attention back to his friend.
“He can’t go five seconds without looking over to see where you are.”
“He’s just hungry,” I tell her.
“My dear, dear sister, you are in denial. Come on, let’s eat.” She guides me back to the center of the kitchen, where the girls are already eating at the island. “Girls, let’s move you into the dining room so we can all eat together,” Briar tells them.
I get lost in her words, one in particular. Denial. I trust Briar more than anyone, and maybe she’s right. Maybe it’s not because he’s hungry, or maybe it is. Maybe he’s just hungry for me?
“Daddy said we could eat here,” River says, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Razzle,” Forrest says gently. “I said you could eat there until Mommy and Aunt Brogan were ready to join us.”
“Please, Daddy?” Rayne sticks her bottom lip out in a pout.
Forrest looks to Briar, his eyes pleading. She shakes her head. He’s such a pushover when it comes to the girls.
“Don’t you want to eat at the table with the rest of us like big girls?” Maddox asks them.
“We’re big.” River squares her shoulders, and Maddox chuckles.
“Come on. I’ll give you a ride.” He turns and offers River his back, and she latches on.
“Hop on, sweetheart.” Forrest does the same for Rayne, and the girls giggle and laugh for the whole twenty steps or fewer it takes to get to the dining room.
Briar and I grab their food and cups and get them all set up before we make our own. The girls carry the conversation as we eat. Mostly that it’s weird that we call what we’re eating chili because it’s not red.
These two, they always manage to make me smile, and I miss them so much. I’m glad Maddox suggested we get together. It’s eerie how well he already knows what I need without me having to tell him.
“We’ll clean up,” Forrest says, when Briar stands and reaches for my bowl. “You two go get caught up. We’ve got this, and the girls.”
“Oh, Uncle Maddox, wanna play with us? Daddy said we could play salon and paint his nails.” River bounces in her seat.
“Sure,” Maddox says, holding his hand out for her to see. “What color are you thinking?”
“We gots lots of colors, Uncle Maddox.”
“Finish your dinner,” Forrest says, smiling at them. “Then we’re all yours.”
“Thanks, babe,” Briar tells her husband.
“Never thank me for taking care of our daughters, Briar.”
I lean over and whisper in my sister's ear, “I think that was in the manual too.” The words are barely out of my mouth before Briar is cracking up laughing.
“We’ll be in the basement.” She grabs my hand and tugs for me to follow her. Once we’re settled on the couch, with the television on for noise to drown out our conversation, she gives me a pointed look.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Anything. Everything. I know you well enough to know you’re hiding within yourself. You’re still married, and the last text message you sent me said we’re seeing where it goes.”
Sitting back on the couch, I close my eyes. “He asked me to give him six months.” I take a few minutes and replay that conversation in my head, just as I have every day since it took place. Finally, I open my eyes and glance over at my sister. “He says that in six months, neither one of us will want to walk away. Briar, when we got here, he told me to stay put. I thought he wanted to carry me to the house, like he has before.”
“Wait. Hold up. He carries you to the house?”
“Well, I mean, he carried me inside that first day when we got home from Vegas, and again because he didn’t want me to walk in the snow.” My face heats as I explain this to my sister.
“Damn,” she mutters. “Maddox is a dreamboat.”
“Stop.” I swat at her arm, laughing. “Anyway, I told him he didn’t have to carry me and he said he just wanted to open my door for me. Then I spouted off how he doesn’t need to treat me like glass because this is all new to me, Briar. I’ve seen what happens in the movies and on TV. I see how Forrest, Roman, and Legend treat you, Emerson, and Monroe, but I have no first-hand experience myself, and honestly, I feel like I’m living a damn fairy tale, and I’m waiting for the credits to roll, and for it to all be over.”
“I know that feeling, but, Brogan, this is real life. We’ve had our share of pain. It took me some time to realize that our past doesn’t define our future.”
“Okay, now you sound like Susan.”
“Thank you.” Briar nods, and I smile. I really did need this time with my sister. “So, what did he say to you, telling him he didn’t have to treat you like glass?”
“Something about how he’s treating me like his wife, not glass, and that I better get used to it because it’s going to be the standard for the next fifty or so years.”
“Damn,” Briar says, her mouth hanging open. “He’s got a way with words, that one.”
“See! That’s what I mean. How can I trust him when he’s that smooth?”
“Brogan,” Briar says gently. “You can trust him. He cares about you. Anyone can see that. To hear Emerson and Monroe tell it, these guys, when they fall, they fall hard, and they turn into giant teddy bears for the women in their lives. I know Forrest did. You see how Roman and Legend are with their wives. That’s what he knows. That’s who he is. It’s not fake.”
“Not so long ago, you would have been agreeing with me,” I grumble, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I know. It took me a lot of time, and Forrest gave me as much as I needed to come to terms with the fact that he’s one of the good ones. He’s not all pretty words and no actions. Let Maddox show you.”
“I told him I’d give him six months, but, Briar, I’m already—it’s going to hurt when he leaves. I’m broken, and when he realizes that, he’s going to bolt, and my heart… it won’t ever be the same.”
Briar pulls me into a hug. “You are not broken. That night can’t define us.”
“Everyone I love leaves me.” The words slip free before I can stop them.
“No. I didn’t leave you.” Her tone is firm, one she uses with the girls when she means business. “I’m right here. I’m just a short drive away and no matter when you need me, day or night, I’m going to be there. Our family is growing, and sure, the girls and I don’t live with you anymore, but that’s okay because you’ll have kids one day; I’m certain that husband of yours will make sure of it.”
“I’ve never—he’s more experienced than me. He’s not going to want a wife who doesn’t know what she’s doing in bed. He’s had his fair share of women. He’s not going to want to choose a novice to sex to have sleep next to him for the rest of his life.”
“You’re wrong.” She points to her chest. “I was the same way, remember? I don’t have a single memory from that night at the frat party. In every way that matters, Forrest was my first. Don’t stress about the small things. Talk to him, tell him, and I promise you, he’s not going to disappoint you. Neither will your body,” she assures me.
“I’m scared,” I admit. “And yes, before you ask me if I’ve told him that, I have. He says he won’t hurt me.”
“Then put your faith in him, Brogan.”
“But what if I’m right?”
“Then I’ll be here for you to help you pick up the pieces, but my gut tells me that you’re wrong. What is your gut telling you?”
I clamp my mouth shut, which is the only answer she needs. It’s not my gut or my heart that’s the issue. It’s my head. I can’t seem to stop thinking about the what-ifs and just live for the here and now.
“Come, let’s go spend some time with our family. I need to threaten my new brother-in-law.”
“Please don’t,” I beg her, and she giggles all the way up the steps. “Briar,” I say, grabbing her attention. She stops and turns to look at me. “Remember that tattoo we always talked about?”
Her eyes light up. “I do.”
“Are you ready?”
She nods. “I think we waited for a reason. We were waiting for our husbands.” She winks, and I smile as I follow her into the kitchen in search of the girls and our husbands.
We find everyone in the living room. River is painting Forrest’s nails, and Rayne is painting Maddox’s nails.
“Look!” they say in tandem.
Briar heads toward Forrest, and I do the same to Maddox. “Wow, you’re doing a great job, Rayne,” I tell my niece.
“Do I look pretty, baby?” Maddox asks, as he raises his left hand that’s already painted. His wedding band catches my eyes, and my chest tightens. I ignore it and settle on the floor next to him.
“Handsome,” I tell him.
Maddox reaches over and places his hand on my thigh. He gives a soft squeeze and leaves it to rest there while Rayne works on his other hand.
“I can do yours too, Aunt Brogan.”
“After this it’s bedtime,” Briar tells the girls. “We’ll have to plan another day for Aunt Brogan to come over so you can paint her nails. Maybe we’ll even go to the salon and we can all get our nails painted.”
“Daddy too?” River asks.
“No, a girls’ day,” Briar replies.
“Oh, we love girls’ day!” Rayne exclaims.
The girls finish their job, and Maddox and Forrest make a huge deal about how great they did, and their little faces beam with pride.
“All right, little ladies, time for bed,” Briar tells them.
“We should be heading out too.” I stand and offer Maddox my hand, to help him do the same. Once he’s on his feet, he wraps his arm around my waist and presses a kiss to my temple.
“Thank you for dinner, and the manicure,” he says to the girls. “Our place next time?” he suggests.
“We’ll be there,” Forrest tells him.
After a round of hugs, we’re heading out to the truck. Maddox opens the door for me, and this time, I smile and thank him. The drive home is quiet. Once back, we go through our nightly routine, and when Maddox turns off the light, he whispers my name.
“Brogan?”
“Yeah?”
“Come here, baby.”
It’s like this every night. I try to sleep on my side of the bed, but he insists that he holds me. Without a word, I move, and he meets me in the middle, wrapping his arms around me. He places a tender kiss on my shoulder. “Night, beautiful.”
For the first time since we’ve been living together and sleeping in the same bed, I don’t think about how I’m going to handle life when I no longer have him here. This time, I snuggle a little closer, and whisper, “Goodnight, Mad,” before allowing myself to drift off to sleep.