Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
XANDER
It’s been a long fucking day, and Ivy never texted to give me an update on when she’ll be here.
I kept my phone on me, even during the photoshoot, and pissed off the photographer because I kept checking it.
I didn’t fucking care. Frankly, her time is up.
I need to hold her, touch her, and if need be, I’ll fuck her into submission.
She’s mine.
She’s always going to be mine.
I’ve booked the flight and changed my clothes, and I’m getting ready to leave for the airport. I have my backpack ready to go and on the kitchen counter.
My car will be here in ten minutes.
I’ve just grabbed my jacket from the bedroom closet when I hear the front door open, and with a frown, I walk down the hall and feel my heart stop when I see Ivy standing in the foyer, a bag slung over her shoulder, holding Cally’s carrier.
“Meow.”
“Sorry, baby,” Ivy says and sets the bag and carrier down, opens it, and the cat comes running to me and winds through my legs, purring.
Ivy smiles at the feline, then her pretty blue eyes climb to mine again, and she sobers.
“I have a delivery of a litter pan and stuff coming in a few minutes,” she says. “I would have tried to carry litter with me, but it’s heavy.”
She’s here.
She’s fucking here.
“I know I didn’t text to give you a heads-up, but it was a last-minute decision to come tonight rather than tomorrow morning”—she swallows hard and frowns—“because I was eager to see you, and—”
“Thank fuck.” I bend over to pet the cat and then eat up the space between Ivy and me with four long strides, frame her face, and kiss her like I’m a man starved.
Because I fucking am.
“Jesus, I missed you,” I murmur against her lips, and she sighs as if she’s relieved. “I’m sorry about before, baby.”
“We have a lot to talk about,” she says, but she’s not pushing me away. She’s pulling me closer, up on her tiptoes, so I grip her ass and lift her and grin against her lips when she wraps her gorgeous legs around my waist. “Can we snuggle while we talk?”
“Have you already forgotten that snuggling is our thing?” I brush my nose against hers and breathe her in. “How did you get more beautiful while you were gone?”
“You’re sweet,” she whispers, brushing her fingers through the hair at my nape.
My phone pings, and I wince. Ivy’s eyebrow lifts.
“That’s my car,” I tell her as I sit on the couch, keeping her in my lap as I pull my phone out of my pocket.
“Where are you going?”
I’m tapping the screen, canceling the ride.
“I was going to Montana to get you.”
She blinks at me, and then those beautiful baby blues fill with tears. “You were?”
“Fuck yes. You were gone too long, and I’m an impatient man, Red.”
Now her phone pings and she bites her lip.
“Cally’s stuff is here.”
“I’ll get it.” I kiss her once more, softly, then shift her onto the couch, but before I walk away, I cover her with her favorite fluffy blanket and then stride over to the door and call downstairs to speak with the concierge.
“Hello, Mr. Hendrix,” he says. “Shall I accept this order for Ms. Ivy?”
“Yes, please. Do you have time to bring it up?”
“Of course, give me just a moment.”
I fill Ivy’s water bottle, then do the same for Cally, filling a bowl with water and setting it on the floor. The doorbell rings, so I go to fetch the delivery.
“Thank you,” I say as I accept it, pass over a hundred-dollar tip, and then quickly fill the pan with litter, which Cally immediately uses. “Good girl.”
Grabbing Ivy’s water, I join her on the couch and pass her the tumbler.
“I haven’t had enough water lately,” she says and takes a drink, then sets it aside and scootches closer so she can touch me.
“So, what have you been up to, Red? You were vague as fuck last night.”
I brush my thumb over her freckles, and she closes her eyes, as if she’s soaking up my touch.
“Well, a lot happened,” she admits and then takes another drink of her water. She’s stalling. I know her. But I’ll allow it.
Suddenly, Cally jumps up with us and starts making biscuits in my lap, and I pet her, from her ears to her tail.
My girls are here.
“I’m a mess, Xander.”
“You’re my mess. And we’re going to sort it out together. Always. So let’s start now.”
She nods slowly. “First of all, I was always coming back. I wouldn’t just leave, even if I’m freaking out. I’m not your mom.”
I narrow my eyes and feel my stomach tighten. “I know.”
“I went straight to work when I landed.” She outlines that first day, which all sounds pretty normal for her. Worked a long day at the hospital, then went home to Cally and to warm up dinner. “You never replied to my texts.”
She blinks up at me.
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t like being ignored, so don’t do that again.” She blows out a breath. “I guess what it boils down to is, I have been so fucking scared, Xander. I’ve had pretty bad anxiety since I was a kid.”
I frown and hold her hand, bring it up to my lips.
“I worry about stuff that hasn’t happened yet. I fixate on the horrible what-ifs. I always have, although it’s been so much better since I’ve been with you. You calm me down just by being near.”
“Same here, baby. You soothe me.”
“But the closer we got to you being back on the ice, the more I started to freak out. Because what I said the other day is true. You’ve already forgotten me twice before, and if it happens again, I won’t survive it, Xander.”
“Okay.” I nod. My first instinct is to simply say It won’t happen. But I don’t think that’s what she needs right now. “How can I reassure you? What do you need from me, baby?”
She blinks fast and looks out the windows to the city, as if she’s shocked by the question.
“No one has ever asked me that before,” she whispers. “I was always just yelled at. Told to shut the fuck up. To get over it and stop being a baby.”
“Whoa.” I shake my head and frame her face, making her look at me. “No. No, Ivy. I don’t ever want you to shut up, and I definitely don’t want you to deal with this by yourself. You just tell me what you need to get through the anxiety. Even if you don’t need anything from me at all.”
She pets Cally, and then, in the smallest voice, she says, “What else did you forget? Was it just me?”
Fuck, she’s breaking my heart.
“It wasn’t just you,” I tell her. “Remember at the cookout at my house, when my brother asked if I remembered daring Easton to ride his bike in the lake?”
She tilts her head to the side. “Yeah.”
“I don’t remember it. There are just some memories that are gone. I remember my mom clearly. In fact, my family, teammates, best friends are all here.”
I tap my temple.
“But I couldn’t tell you who I went to prom with. Or who my seventh grade math teacher was. I can do math, though.”
She chuckles at that.
“I don’t remember sticking up for you in high school, and I wish I did. I’ve had moments since we’ve been together that I get a flash of a memory. But nothing concrete.”
She nods and frowns, and I decide to try something different.
“Ivy, the people I love the most? I didn’t forget them. And I can tell you with absolute certainty that you’re the most important person in my life, and even if I get hurt, I couldn’t forget how much I love you. But that doesn’t invalidate your feelings, so we’ll work through it together.”
She nods again and offers me a shaky smile.
“There might be times that I just have a freak out. I can’t control it. It just happens.”
“So noted.”