Chapter 42
Chapter Forty-Two
Nova
I woke up with my face buried in a rough forest of dark fur, dampened from a combination of sweat and tears. I inhaled sharply, and a low whimper vibrated against my cheek.
Phantom.
He curled more closely to me while I drifted in and out of awareness. Some time passed, and then I heard his voice, a whisper in the back of my mind—
( Come back. ) Another whimper. ( Come back. )
I moved my hands through his fur, weakly clenching my fingers into it, trying to ground myself and keep the world from spinning. He shifted his position again, pressing his forehead to mine. I scratched his chin, and the sound of his tail thumping uncertainly against the mattress woke me further. I felt life slowly creeping back into my body—enough that I managed to open my eyes and take in the familiar sight of my bed. My room. My dog .
I was still here.
I ached in every place it was possible to ache, yet somehow, I was still here.
But Grimnor was gone. To where, I didn’t know—but it seemed far. I couldn’t explain it, but I could actually sense its absence like a gaping hole in my chest, a missing piece that made me feel off-balance even as I was lying down. The vision of it being carried away played over and over in my mind.
Gone.
As was Luminor.
And Zayn…no, Lorien .
Gone .
And Aleksander—
I shot upright and tried to roll out of my bed, only to end up tangled in the sheets. I was weak. Gods , I felt so damn weak. The dizziness was overwhelming; I couldn’t stay balanced. The white sheets tangled tighter and tighter around me, as if I were wrapped in the arms of angry, vengeful ghosts. I tumbled to the floor and struck my head against the bedpost.
“My lady!” Aveline cried, rushing to gather me up in her arms. Phantom gave a panicked yelp and leapt down to my side, shoving his cold nose between Aveline and me, trying to lick my cheek.
“ Aleks ,” I gasped, as the room twisted around me. “Where is Aleks?”
“Let’s get you back into bed,” Aveline insisted.
I refused, clinging tightly to her, holding her down on the floor with me. “ Where is he ?”
She grabbed my arms, gently but firmly pushing me back, putting enough space between us to properly look me in the eyes. “He’s still here.”
“In the palace?”
“Yes.”
“Alive?”
“Yes, of course, but—”
“I need to go to him.”
Her grip on me tightened. “He’s in the prison holds down below. No place for you to go in your condition. And besides—”
“How long?”
“…You’ve been in and out of consciousness for almost five days.”
“ Five days ?” Another wave of dizziness overtook me, worse than any before it. I could no longer find the strength to fight against Aveline; she was surprisingly strong.
As I went numbly still, her hands moved to the sides of my face. She captured my gaze and held it, her blue eyes shining with emotion. “Five long, terrible days. When they brought you to me, I thought…I thought you were dead.”
Dead .
I should have been focused on how not dead I was, maybe. Grateful that I’d survived to fight another day. But all I could think about—out of all the terrible things that were happening—was Aleksander.
How he and Lorien were tied to one another.
How he’d been lied to, manipulated, betrayed by the one he thought was his family…
I had to go talk to him. We needed to sort through all of these latest horrors together, and I needed to make sure he was okay, that he was eating, that he wasn’t being tortured for a crime he didn’t commit.
“He doesn’t deserve to be locked in a dungeon,” I said.
“My lady…”
“They’ve got it wrong. Zayn is the one they want; Aleks did nothing wrong.”
“Nothing at all?”
I shook my head as vehemently as I could in my dizzy, weakened state.
Phantom leapt back onto the bed, settling down with his head resting on his paws, watching us and letting out the occasional anxious growl.
Aveline sighed as she rose to her feet, carefully pulling me up with her, guiding me to sit on the edge of the bed. She contemplated my words for a long moment before she asked, “Can you be certain?”
I didn’t answer right away. Not because I didn’t know the answer, but because it felt so… big . Like the sort of answer that cleaved a life into two parts. There was the before—before I realized how wrong I’d been.
And now came the after.
My gaze swept over the violin Aleks had gifted me, resting in its case on a shelf. Then I looked toward the balcony, transporting myself into the memory of playing that instrument while he watched in quiet awe, and then everything that had followed after—exchanges of heat, of breath, of words that had settled upon my heart like a vow…
I don’t consider us a tragedy. At all.
I’d seen the truth in Luminor’s blade. But a part of me, I think, had known it long before that. He was not my enemy.
Our worlds wanted us to be enemies.
But the worlds had gotten it wrong.
“Yes,” I told Aveline. “I’m certain.”
She again took a long time considering my words, busying herself with folding a basket full of freshly laundered towels.
“Well,” she finally replied, “the Regent had no answers for what he stumbled upon in the swords’ chamber. The Elarithian lord went missing, along with the swords, and you were half dead and in no state to explain anything. You’re lucky your brother insisted on merely locking Aleksander up; the other leaders of Noctaris have been calling for much worse. They’re furious, that lot. Looking for someone to blame. And it’s only going to get worse, what with—”
“I have to speak with him.”
“You have to rest,” she countered.
“ Please ,” I whispered, my voice strangled and desperate. “Please don’t ask me to sit here and do nothing. Too much is at stake for that.”
She pursed her lips. Folded a few more towels with tense, jerking movements that slowly gave way to easier, resigned ones. “…At least wait a little while longer. Eat something. Drink something. Make certain your strength is truly returning. You woke briefly two days ago, and we made the mistake of thinking you were truly recovered—you ended up fainting again, and worse off than before.”
I didn’t remember waking up at all…which, of course, made it difficult to argue against her point.
Part of me still wanted to make a run for the door, but my limbs felt too heavy and the room spun faster every time I started to stand.
So I sat. And I sat, and I sat, while Aveline restlessly continued her folding, and then she moved on to bringing me one tray of food and drink after another, until I finally managed to stomach some of it.
Slowly, the dizziness subsided. The heaviness persisted, but I managed to get to my feet, and I paced, and I paced and I paced while Phantom slept, snoring loudly, and Aveline continued finding chores to keep herself busy with while still staying close to me.
Eventually, I found myself in front of the standing mirror in the corner, taking in my disheveled and broken appearance.
My skin was gruesomely pale, the tired circles under my eyes as dark as bruises. The entire right side of my neck was covered in bright, angry scars. The worst of it was concentrated there, but those scars stretched beyond my neck, too; ugly, jagged marks of ruined pink skin creeping over part of my face and crawling down across my throat and my chest.
I wanted to rake the scars off. To create my own to cover these, as if I could erase the memory of Lorien’s touch if I just carved deeply and violently enough. Because staring at them made me feel… dirty . Violated. Empty .
What magic had he taken from me?
And how could I reclaim it?
Could I reclaim it?
Gingerly, I traced the paths of ruin his magic had left behind. They didn’t seem real. Nothing that had happened in that chamber seemed real.
My bracelets rattled against one another as my hand moved. I vaguely remembered the turquoise one slipping from my wrist in the sword chamber, and the surge of magic that had followed. The ghosts of Calista and the other Shadow Vaelora…had I imagined them all? Had I been hallucinating from the pain, delirious from the loss of blood and magic? Or had I really had such power inside of me all along?
What else could I do?
All of these bracelets, binding my power so precisely, so neatly, so fearfully…
“I did what I could with your wounds, but I worry they’ll leave some sort of permanent mark, anyway,” Aveline said, gently, making her way to my side. “Magic scarring is…complicated. And I have little experience dealing with what Light magic leaves behind.”
It’s okay , I wanted to say. Because for so long, that had been my mantra. My way of surviving—pushing the pain down. Hiding it. Shackling my real fury and feelings with bracelets and smiles and a bright, never-breaking optimism.
It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.
But I couldn’t get those words to leave my mouth this time.
And I was shaking from a sudden urge to rip my bracelets off and throw them in the trash.
“I’m sorry,” said Aveline. Then, in a tighter, colder voice: “We should have known those Lightwielders couldn’t be trusted.” Clearly flustered, she went back to her chores.
“…If I’d trusted Aleks, none of this would have happened.” I was speaking to my reflection as much as to Aveline. To this bruised and battered version of me who was finally waking up to all the things that were not okay .
Aveline turned back to me, but I kept my eyes on the woman in the mirror.
“I love him,” I told that woman, my voice breaking slightly. “I love him so much I was afraid of something— anything —that might tear us apart, and so I closed my eyes to what I didn’t want to see. I’ve risked an entire world because I was too busy trying to pretend everything was fine, even when I knew it wasn’t, because I was afraid that digging for the truth would hurt too much. And it…it does. It hurts. It…” I trailed off. My breaths were coming in short, erratic bursts, making it difficult to speak clearly.
I moved away from the mirror, unable to look at myself any longer.
I felt Aveline watching me as I stumbled back to sit on my bed. She finished arranging the throw pillows on the couch and then came to sit beside me. Phantom woke up and wiggled his way over to my other side, dropping his head into my lap.
“It isn’t just my fear of what might become of me and Aleks,” I said, numbly stroking Phantom’s head as I stared at the ground. “I’m afraid of my power—whether it’s divining memories or waking the dead, I’ve always been afraid. And I’ve spent most of my life hating it all, focusing only on how lonely and different it made me.
“ Trust yourself , Orin told me before I came to this world. And don’t be afraid of your darkness. ” I held up my wrist, studying the amethyst jewels in the last bracelet he’d gifted me. “Since coming here, I’ve felt a stirring, a deeper connection to my magic than ever before. I could have truly embraced it and gotten so much stronger, if only I’d dared. I could have seen the truth so much sooner…but instead I kept shying away, kept choosing the path of least resistance, only doing the bare minimum, and now…” I trailed off, unable to put into words the crushing sense of regret settling over me.
Phantom lifted his head in concern. I buried my face against his while Aveline rubbed my back, offering a comfort I didn’t feel like I deserved.
“There’s nothing wrong with being afraid, my love,” she said, softly.
“Maybe not,” I whispered. “But fear won’t fix anything.”
She was quiet for several minutes, her hand still moving absently up and down my back, before she said, “Then it’s a good thing there is more to you than fear, isn’t it?”
I said nothing to this, but I let the words sink over me as tears ran silently down my face.
In time, I lifted my burning, bloodshot eyes to what I could see of the outside world through the partially drawn curtains. The faint orange glow of the setting sun barely cut through the shadows around us. Another day slipping away. Another day closer to Equinox—to what felt like inevitable ruin, now that Lorien was on the loose with both swords in his possession.
Where had he gone?
What was he planning to do next?
What could I possibly do to stop him?
I started to collapse back into my blankets and pillows, but Aveline caught me in her arms and held me against her instead. I gave into her embrace, as I usually did, letting her comforting scent carry me away into a softer, kinder world. I let her brush my bedraggled hair and braid it. I didn’t fight her when she insisted I get up and bathe and change into clean clothes.
At least another hour passed. My tears finally stopped. The aching in my gut didn’t subside, but I made myself move, more and more, in spite of it. I had to keep moving. I still didn’t know what I was going to do. And I was still afraid—the fear would always be there, I suspected.
But maybe Aveline was right.
Maybe I was not made entirely of that fear.
I went to my wardrobe, taking out my boots and belt. Grabbed my favorite knife from the nearby dresser—the same knife that had been bathed in Lorien’s blood just days ago. I still had it, at least. A reminder that I could still fight, no matter what he had stolen from me. I secured it at my side before turning around to find Aveline watching me, her expression unreadable.
“I have to go,” I told her, quietly.
She didn’t protest this time. She only beckoned me toward her, taking a silver pin from her own hair and using it to better secure the crown of braids she’d woven around my head.
“Be careful, my Queen,” she said, kissing my cheek.
I headed straight for my brother’s office, Phantom trotting at my heels.
Bastian spent more time in this office than in any other place within the palace—and this was exactly where I found him, as expected, sitting at the head of the long, marble-topped table that took up half the room.
But he was also surrounded by several of our own court, as well as the visiting Noctarisan leaders. The sheer size of the audience made me pause, briefly, and reconsider the words I’d been prepared to say. The demands I’d been a breath away from making.
Several of those leaders caught sight of me. The mood in the room immediately shifted from a quiet, smoldering tension to something far more volatile and ready to erupt, as if I were an ember tossing myself into a pile of dry kindling. A few stood, moving as if to approach me. Their expressions ranged from grim curiosity to outright anger. One of them—Lord Marek—started toward me, his eyes full of far more vitriol than the others.
Phantom growled threateningly at my side.
My brother was on his feet in an instant, catching Marek by his jacket and jerking him to a stop. Marek twisted violently from his grasp. An uneasy ripple raced through the rest of the room, bringing almost everyone at the table to their feet.
Bastian shoved Marek back toward the others and stepped purposely, protectively in front of me.
“Excuse us one moment,” he said to the group, placing a hand on my back and guiding me away from them. We walked out of the room and down the hall—well out of hearing range—before he stopped and looked me over.
“Thank the gods you’re awake.” He placed his hands on my shoulders, studying me for a moment before wrapping me in a quick embrace. “I thought I’d lost you again.” His gaze lingered on my new scars as he pulled away, and he swallowed hard. “What happened in that chamber?”
So many things I needed to tell him. But I knew how he operated, by this point; if I spilled all of the information he wanted, he would start making decisions and plans without hesitation—plans that almost certainly wouldn’t involve releasing the Light King. Because leaving him to rot in the dungeons would be the safer thing.
“I’ll tell you all of it,” I said, “but I want Aleks present for this conversation.”
He massaged the space between his eyes. “Nova…”
“I’m not changing my mind on this.”
“We need to consider—”
“Those are my orders.” My words were sharp-edged and swift, cutting without restraint through the tense air between us. “Am I the future queen of this kingdom or not?”
He didn’t reply right away; it was the first time I’d openly spoken of taking the crown he’d offered me weeks ago, and the words seemed to catch him off guard.
In the corner of my vision, I saw Thalia stepping out of the office, pushing her way through people, striding toward us. I could feel her gaze narrowing in my direction, but I didn’t take my eyes off my brother’s.
“If you do not release him, then I will find a way to do it myself,” I said.
We glared at one another. My heart pounded. I realized I was holding my breath, and I forced myself to exhale slowly. Calmly.
He started to shake his head, but I cut him off with a pointed look. “Don’t test me, Bastian.”
He looked as if he was considering doing precisely that—until his gaze fell upon my scars again. His hand moved absently to his own scars, fingers lightly tracing the dark marks splitting up his arms. Different from mine—as his had been caused by his own Shadow magic, by a desperate attempt at defense—yet Lorien had been indirectly responsible for those, too.
“We don’t have much time,” I said, a pleading edge to my voice, now.
He kept silent.
Reaching us, Thalia cleared her throat, jerking her head toward the room she’d left behind; several figures were now gathering in the doorway. Creeping closer, trying to hear our conversation—and not bothering to be subtle about it.
Looking to Thalia, my brother said, “Take her somewhere safe. We’ll talk later.”
Before I could argue, he turned on his heel and marched back toward his office.
I darted after him, but Thalia grabbed my hand and dragged me in the opposite direction. Phantom barked in warning, but Thalia’s hold remained relentless, yanking me around the corner and out of sight.
“ Let go of me ,” I hissed.
“Be quiet,” she shot back, gripping even tighter.
Desperation and anger brought shadows to the surface of my skin. They felt strange, muted and… dazed , almost, after my encounter with Lorien—which only made me angrier. I knew it was dangerous, but I let them rage recklessly for a moment, anyway, until the entire hallway was shrouded in cold energy that extinguished the lights in the wall sconces, wrapping us in darkness and filling the air with the scent of smoke.
Thalia was unfazed by my furious display. She shoved me against the wall, bringing her face close to mine as she snapped, “I am not your enemy, you fool.”
Phantom snarled, the sound vicious enough to shock me back to my senses. I continued fuming but held up a hand, forbidding him from coming closer to us.
With effort, I called my shadows back.
Casting a wary glance at Phantom, Thalia pulled me away from the wall and led me onward without another word.
I fell into step beside her, deciding not to make another scene. For now. But I was plotting my next move as we walked, preparing for the moment when I could slip away. But where could I go? How could I get Aleks out of whatever prison they’d thrown him into?
I was so lost in my own thoughts and plans that it took me several minutes to ask, “Where are you taking me?”
“Where do you think ?”
I was quiet for a few more minutes, curiosity overtaking me. Down, down, and farther down we went, past flickering torches casting long shadows on damp stone walls. Deeper than I had ever been before. The air turned heavier, thick with the stench of mold and iron. The steps underneath us became less polished, more uneven, more treacherous.
We were heading toward the dungeons, I realized.
“…Are you planning to lock me up alongside of him?”
Thalia laughed, the sound hollow and without any real humor, as she relaxed her grip on my arm. “Wouldn’t that be the easier thing,” she muttered.
“Does this mean you’re going against my brother’s orders?” I pulled the rest of the way from her grip, still eying her suspiciously. “I assumed you would always take his side.”
“I am taking your brother’s side—and the two of you are also on the same side, make no mistake. He tries too hard to keep the peace, sometimes, and it can make him seem…short-sighted. And stubborn.”
( That’s putting it mildly, ) Phantom interjected, a growl rumbling in his chest.
Thalia gave him another wary glance before continuing: “Surely you realize, though, that he can’t agree to release Aleksander when every other leader of Noctaris is calling for his head? And it wouldn’t be wise for you to release him, either. But I can let you see him, at least.”
My heart felt as if it might pound out of my chest as we quickly but carefully continued our descent down the weathered stone steps.
“You’ll need to be fast,” Thalia said. “Tell him what you need to tell him, and then figure out what your next move is. Our time is short. With Grimnor no longer at the center of our palace, I’m not sure the protections Calista laid upon our sanctuary are going to hold. There are already signs of it deteriorating.”
My breaths quickened at the thought. “That sword feels…far away. My connection to it is strained.”
“I feared that would be the case.” She looked troubled as she paused in the center of diverging hallways, taking a lantern from the wall and gathering her bearings for a moment before continuing straight onward. “Our search for the swords and the thief has led us only to dead ends; I fear he isn’t in this realm anymore.”
A horrible realization struck me. “He took both swords…the Nerithys Gate will yield to someone wielding them together, won’t it?”
“That was our thought, as well. So we visited that gate a few days ago.”
“And?”
“There were signs he’d been there. But it’s closed itself off, now, and…” She trailed off, her eyes full of uncertainties, questions she couldn’t seem to give a voice to.
But I didn’t need her to elaborate—I understood.
If he was inside the Nerithys Realm, could we even follow him?
Did we stand any chance at stopping his plans, whatever they were?
“Wait here a moment,” said Thalia, coming to a halt at the head of a small, narrow corridor. Peering down the dark passage, I saw two guards stationed at a set of double metal doors at the end, their armor glinting in the low-burning lanterns on either side of them.
Thalia walked straight to these guards, her uncertainty giving way to her usual confident stride. Her conversation with them was tense, but I couldn’t bring myself to focus on it. I was too busy picturing horrible images of the Nerithys Gate crumbling to dust, taking all of our hope with it. Of the realm beyond that gate filling with a cold, bright light that grew farther and farther away until a final death, a final darkness, fell upon Noctaris and its people.
Thalia’s sudden reappearance startled me. The guards she’d been arguing with filed past us a moment later, taking up a new position in the distance.
“The keys,” she said, offering them to me, along with the lantern she’d been carrying. “And those guards shouldn’t bother you. But keep your wits about you—with all the extra guests and turmoil filling this palace over these past days, there’s no telling what trouble you might run into.”
Phantom fixed his softly glowing eyes in the direction of the whispering guards. ( I’ll keep watch, ) he assured me.
“You focus on this,” Thalia said, nodding toward the metal doors, “and I’ll work on your brother, in the meantime.”
I took the keys and lantern from her, gripping them tightly, forcing my hands not to shake. “Thank you.”
She studied me for a moment. Slowly, her hand lifted and tapped twice over her heart.
Then she was gone, leaving me to face the darkness of Aleksander’s prison alone.