Chapter 22 #2
But then, there was a distinct sensation, like finding a key that fits into a lock perfectly. And his fist slid deeper in, slowly, carefully, but effortlessly.
“And ... there, that’s it.”
The feeling of him inside was foreign and deeply, brutally invasive, though no longer painful as such, just uncomfortable on a visceral level. I began shaking.
“You’re alright, babydoll, just breathe, you’re doing so well.”
His soothing voice crept towards me through my barricades of panic and intense, though painless torment.
And as he moved his hand, gently and languidly, I became aware of being filled in ways I never had been before, of being touched in places no one had ever touched me, above the bulge of my cervix and the soft walls high up around it.
And not just that, but I was being touched and stimulated in all those places at the same time, the friction firm and unyielding.
I moaned, the sound suffused with relief and budding pleasure.
“That’s my brave darling,” Einar praised me, his grin audible in his voice. “I told you you’d love it.”
And I did. Not just because the fist was wider and larger yet than the familiar, already generously oversized hardness of his erection, but it was also suppler, capable of rubbing my walls with deft, little flicks of the wrist, of stroking my cervix the way he would my clit with his fingers.
Prohibited from speaking, I hummed and I sighed appreciatively to let him know just how right he was.
“Fuck symphonies and operas,” Einar reacted to my sounds of pleasure, his voice husky. “I don’t miss any of that. Hearing you like this is the best music there ever was.”
My universe-shattering joy wasn’t just a result of the physical sensation.
Being caressed from the inside, having Einar’s hand and lower arm up in my body gave me a sense of ultimate, all-encompassing, complete submission, of giving up all control.
Of being owned. Not owned to be used, but rather to be treasured.
The pressure increased and increased as I spasmed with ecstasy. My whole body relaxed first in that limp, ragdoll way of blissful surrender. And then it seized, convulsed, exploded as I was obliterated just as the timer went off, ringing in unison with my yell.
“Fuck! Oh god! Fuuuuuuck!”
I was suddenly aware of every single cell of my body, every atom, because each particle of me tingled and vibrated with the imminent split of separation.
I fell apart, the euphoria too strong to withstand, and I felt something rush and spray out of me that I was certain was my blood, because it was not possible to enter heaven and hold on to earthly life at the same time.
I had come unravelled.
“Well, just look at that ...”
Einar’s fingers brushed my forehead as he yanked the scarf off.
His face came into view, his eyes liquid with lust like molten metal, and his skin shining with a sheen of accomplished excitement.
He was looking at me with undiluted wonder, even though I was a complete mess, my hair ruffled and my face covered with wet streaks of tears and snot.
The only reason I didn’t feel self-conscious was that I was panting hard, still descending from those incredible heights of a land unfit for mortals.
“You have to see this, babydoll.”
Finding me in no state to lift my head on my own, or even to comprehend what he was saying, Einar reached my nape to help me.
My eyes immediately landed on the slick, swollen flesh of my intimate area. And on Einar’s arm, buried inside me halfway up to his elbow. His fine hairs were drenched, and so was the sheet below, its black hue a shade darker yet.
An embarrassed blush flooded my face because I thought at first that I had peed myself. But it was soon replaced with a grin of perverse pride when I realised that no, no that was not what had happened at all. There was absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
Some time later, breathless and not quite capable of coherent speech, I stretched luxuriously, pulled the covers over myself, and closed my eyes. I sensed a movement next to me, though, and opened them again almost instantly.
Einar was already dressing himself.
“I’m sorry, love, but I can’t stay any longer,” he said, reaching his hand down and pushing a stray strand of hair off my forehead.
“You can’t?”
I noted that he looked troubled, almost anxious.
“No. I’ll have to gather some men to deal with the bodies and to hide their bikes.”
“Oh. Of course!” I sat up so abruptly that stars briefly appeared before my eyes, and my head swam. “I’ll come and help,” I said as soon as the world stabilised around me.
“No, don’t worry about it,” he protested. “It’ll be hard work, digging graves and carrying them and whatnot. Quicker if men do it. Don’t feel bad, that’s what we’re here for.” He looked directly at me and made me feel, not for the first time, as if he could read my thoughts.
It was a shame I could not read his to pinpoint the exact cause behind the tight creases of concern around his eyes.
“Einar, what exactly are you worried about?”
“Ah.” He waved his hand in a dismissive gesture.
“Tell me.”
“It’s just ... what happened today may have dire consequences,” he said quietly and then, noting my perhaps not altogether comprehending expression, he elaborated: “These arseholes told you they belonged to a colony of fifty armed men. And they have bikes. Albert and I heard the motors, that’s what made me go looking for you.
” He inhaled deeply while fastening his belt.
“What if those two thugs told the others at Bonifacio where they were headed? When they don’t come back—”
“Other men with guns might come looking for them,” I gasped, and shivers ran through me. “How did I not think of that? Oh, Einar, I’m so sorry you had to kill them because of me.”
“I’m not. No one threatens you and gets to talk about it. No one. My only regret is that I had to kill them so fast.”
Something dark and lethal flashed through his eyes, like the slashing of a knife in the night.
A powerful tremor ran through me. As if in a trance, I knelt close to the edge of the bed, in a sudden, overpowering desire to get nearer to him, have him touch me.
Intuiting this, he ran his hand along the side of my face, rough and gentle at the same time.
“I get a thrill out of killing. Having that kind of power over someone, holding their life in my hands, taking it from them ... You know that about me, don’t you, my girl?”
Looking up at him, I swallowed and nodded.
“I do. And I like that about you. It excites me that you’re willing to take that power.”
He nodded imperceptibly, his face severe, but the shine of a smile lingered in his eyes for a heartbeat before the look in them hardened again.
“Well, killing those two was ecstasy like I’ve never known.
The primal kind. They tried to steal you from me.
There’s no bigger offence against me than that.
I don’t care about the Ten Commandments and the extinct laws of our extinct society.
My right to end them for what they wanted to do to you is sacred. ”
He ran his fingers along my nape and into my hair, before closing his fist around it, forcing me to tilt my head backwards. With his other hand, he traced his thumb across my lips.
“Still, you should be angry at me, too. I never should have gotten myself in a situation where you had to do that. Look at what I’ve caused!”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself all the time.
” He shook his head and sat back beside me, pulling me onto his lap.
“Not bringing your bow was a mistake. But you wouldn’t have stood a chance against their rifles even if you had.
It was just bad luck. They likely saw you leave the settlement and went after you.
I’m not upset with you,” he assured me with a tense smile.
“Einar, what will we do?” I groaned, resting my forehead on his shoulder. “If as few as five of them arrive here with firearms, we won’t be a match for them. Not without heavy losses.”
It felt completely surreal even to contemplate such a scenario. The sunlight didn’t reach our east-facing bedroom window in the advancing afternoon, and the room was dim and shadowy. The black satin covers looked dull as I hitched them higher up my body, suddenly feeling cold.
“We must not face them. Not when they have guns and we have bows. The way I see it is there’s only one thing to do ... We must move. All of us. And we must do it fast.” Einar squared his shoulders resolutely. “The only question is what will be fast enough.”