Chapter 6
SIX
Nova
Itried to say his name.
Nothing but breath came out.
Once that breath escaped, I couldn’t draw it back. My chest felt as if it were cracking in two, my lungs collapsing into the chasm between the halves, and…how could I breathe? How was I supposed to fucking breathe—
He was here.
Just… here.
As if he’d never left me at all.
A candle burned in a tarnished silver holder on the desk.
In its soft, flickering light, he was every bit as beautiful as he was in every memory that had haunted me since we’d been separated.
But there was something else in the glow—something that didn’t belong.
Something sinister in his eyes. Something menacing in his movements.
I blinked, willing myself to focus, to access my magical ability to see the energy that surrounded all things.
As expected, his aura was different from the one I’d memorized. Darker. A reminder that this man before me was not Aleks.
Not entirely.
He tilted his head, regarding me from under long lashes. When he spoke, his voice was all wrong, all Lorien Blackvale and nothing of Aleks.
“Hello, Chaos.”
I inhaled sharply.
“I’ve missed you.”
“No,” I whispered. No. It was the only word I could think to say—a warning to myself. Aleks might have missed me, but Lorien had not. This was all a trick.
He pushed away from the desk and sauntered forward.
I swallowed hard. Held my ground. Managed a breath, and then a bit of movement, glancing to the door behind me.
My guards were not far beyond that door.
They were never far from me, no matter how often I tried to dismiss them—Bastian had made certain of that.
Calling them would have been the smart thing to do.
I was weaponless, exhausted, confused. Lorien had clearly been expecting me, hoping to get me alone.
Probably watching me for some time before now…
how else would he have known that I rarely allowed anyone else in this quiet sanctuary of mine?
I knew the kind of games Lorien liked to play.
I knew I was likely to lose if I didn’t forfeit now.
So why wasn’t I calling for help?
The man before me smirked as though reading my thoughts. “If you call for your guards, we won’t be able to have the talk we need to have.”
Aleksander’s voice.
He’d spoken in Aleksander’s voice, this time.
He closed the space between us.
Move, I ordered my trembling self. Move!
His hand fell over mine the instant I grabbed the doorknob. His fingers caged and squeezed, the strength of his grip so powerful I nearly cried out in pain.
I jerked away from his touch so hard I crashed into a small cart near the door, sending it toppling over. Piles of messages and other documents meant for me went flying in all directions.
Lorien smiled as I righted the cart and steadied myself against it. “What’s wrong, Nova?”
“Stop using his voice, thief.”
He didn’t stop. “Who says I’m a thief right now? Maybe this is him, desperately trying to talk to you once more.”
“Be quiet!”
“I thought you’d be happy to hear his voice after all these weeks.”
I sucked in a breath. In. Then out. I just had to keep breathing. Because of course I would have given anything to see him again, to hear him again—but not like this.
Not like this.
I scanned the room, noting everything I might be able to use as a weapon. There wasn’t much. I considered shouting for the guards once more.
“You don’t want to pretend?” he asked. “Not even for a moment?”
Fuck you. The words rose like a battle cry in my chest, but I couldn’t seem to get them out.
“Well?”
“I don’t want to pretend anything with you.”
“Oh, but I think you do.” His eyes flashed to an arresting shade of gold, like a sudden break of daylight amid clouds of smoke.
Aleksander’s gold.
I couldn’t help the small, distressed sound that escaped me as my chest tightened.
He chuckled. With a blink, his eyes shifted back to the burnt red shade I recognized as Lorien’s, even as his voice continued to sound like Aleksander’s.
“Your emotions are painfully obvious, Nova. You should work on that. A queen who wears her heart on her sleeve is just asking for it to be broken.”
I gripped the cart so tightly I began to lose the feeling in my fingers.
“It’s interesting, being here like this.
” He knelt and casually began picking up some of the papers that had flown from the cart.
“I wondered how Aleks would react to being in the same room with you again, and now I know; does it comfort you to know that his desire for you is still here, under the surface? It’s nearly bleeding through, almost overcoming the enormous amount of contempt I feel for you.
” He placed the stack back on the cart, watching me in a way that felt entirely too familiar—the same tilt of his head, the same slight smile that accentuated his dimples.
I guess it shouldn’t have been a surprise, how similar their movements were.
But it was still unsettling.
No...terrifying.
So terrifying, it rooted me in place for an instant. Ice filled my veins, and I could only shudder as he moved closer and brought his hand up to my cheek.
I wanted to disappear as he caressed my skin. To close my eyes and pretend that it really was Aleks standing before me, offering comfort. He’d been my refuge so often after my arrival in Rivenholt. A safe harbor amidst the stormy seas of dangerous politics and deadly enemies surrounding me.
I needed that now more than ever.
But I didn’t let his touch become my anchor, no matter how badly I wanted that.
Instead, I forced myself, again, to perceive the magical energy surrounding his stolen body. To peer through the lies, and then to knock his hand aside.
“Why are you here, Lorien?” I demanded.
He ignored the question at first, studying the hand I’d swatted as if he was truly surprised I’d struck him. Then he stepped away, circling the dimly-lit room, occasionally picking up books and trinkets and studying them, too.
Finally, he shifted his voice back to his own true sound—low, silken, serpentine—and he asked, “Did you really think our dealings were finished?”
“No. But ambushing me doesn’t seem like your style.”
“Well, I tried to send a cordial message to arrange a meeting. Twice, in fact. But they didn’t seem to reach you.”
Confusion and doubt twisted through me.
“A certain overprotective brother intervening, perhaps?”
My skin flushed. My mouth went dry. I didn’t want to believe he was telling the truth, but it sounded entirely too much like something Bastian would do in yet another misguided attempt to keep me safe.
Lorien let out a dark, quiet laugh, clearly believing he’d guessed right.
“They underestimate you in this realm, don’t they?
So strange, how you are the only one who could really save them—yet they doubt and question you at every turn.
The respect our kind once commanded has dropped very far indeed.
What are we to do about that, I wonder?”
“There is no we,” I hissed. “And what do you know about the respect I command in this realm?”
“Plenty.” He came closer again, his full attention settling on me with an intensity that made the hairs on the back of my neck lift.
“And I also know you’ve been visiting Midna these past weeks, desperately searching for answers about how to lead this poor, unfortunate realm forward.
” He circled me as he spoke, like a serpent trying to ensnare its prey.
I moved carefully, calmly out of his reach. “So what if I have?”
“Have you found anything interesting during your adventures?”
“Nothing I feel inclined to share with you.”
“That’s too bad.” He continued his attempt to trap me, backing me toward my desk.
I braced a hand against it, subtly noting how close my fingers were to the sharp letter opener in the center of the desk.
I’d foolishly left my dagger in my room; the letter opener was a poor substitute, but I could make do with it in a pinch.
If only the thought of actually piercing Aleksander’s body with it didn’t make me want to vomit.
Lorien licked his lips, as if tasting the fear rolling off me. Savoring it. “There’s so much we could accomplish together, you know. It would be easier than fighting me.”
“I’ve no interest in being together with you, in any sense of the word.”
“Unfortunately, I still need you either way.”
“That is unfortunate. Mostly for you.”
“Mm…but luckily I have a bargaining chip, don’t I?”
My heart slammed against my ribcage. I tried to speak in the same cool, collected tone he seemed to have mastered, but I’m not sure I managed it. “I don’t understand. Why do you need me?” The words of King Marius slithered through my mind—
For over a century, Lorien Blackvale managed to keep the balance of magic and power shining brightly over Soltaris. He had no help…
“You have Aleks, and his body and magic,” I said. “You have the magic you stole from me. You should be stronger than ever.”
For a brief moment, something like…uncertainty crossed his face. Or maybe it was regret?
But no—neither made sense.
Monsters weren’t capable of feeling either of those things.
“The answer to that question is difficult,” he said. “And delicate. A conversation meant for elsewhere; this room really doesn’t provide the stage I was hoping for. Which is why I wrote and tried to arrange another meeting place.”
I inched my hand closer to the letter opener, but I still didn’t grab it.
Part of me knew better than to play his games, yes.
But the other part was desperate to know what he was planning.
Quietly, I asked, “What were in the messages you allegedly sent?”
“Invitations.”
“To where?”
“The central throne room in the Palace of Midna. Meet me there tomorrow night, why don’t you? Come alone.”
“Alone?” I bit back a harsh laugh. “Why? So you can finish killing me?”
His smile sent a fresh shiver down my spine. “If only it were that simple.”
My fingers wrapped around the letter opener’s handle. I heard voices outside—the changing of my guards was underway, and they were swapping notes and orders. There would be no less than eight of them out there right now. Enough to overwhelm Lorien, maybe.
Or maybe not.
“Do I have your word?” he asked. “Or do I have to make him suffer a little more, until you’re willing to submit?” His voice was softer toward the end, almost to himself—or to Aleks, perhaps. “Make your choice, Nova.”
It was clear from his tone that he didn’t believe there was a choice. He thought he had me cornered, that I would simply cower and let him have his way.
“GUARDS!” The word tore like a sob from my throat, and the pounding of boots echoed through the hallway an instant later.
Lorien shook his head. “Your stubbornness is tiresome.”
He struck with no more warning than this, grabbing for my throat.
He missed.
I barely moved, yet his hand struck the wall just to my left. A strangled sound, something between a hiss of pain and a cry of confusion, ripped through the air as he jerked his hand away, flexing his fingers.
I looked up and saw that his eyes had changed again—back to a bright, burning gold. The color stayed longer this time. Not a flash of battered daylight, but a rising sun, determined to chase away the dark.
“…Aleks?”
His gaze took mine.
Time seemed to collapse into nothing.
Later, perhaps I would realize that only seconds had actually passed, but in that moment, we felt infinite as I stared at him, as I stumbled forward, reaching over and over until my swiping, desperate fingers finally managed to close around his wrist.
He pulled away.
I heard my voice as if I was far in the distance, only able to hear an echo of myself crying out— “No! WAIT!”
Light bled from Aleksander’s body, cocooning him. Fiery, hellish light. The floor trembled. The walls rattled. A painting fell, its gilded frame and glass face shattering as it landed.
The creature before me lifted his head, glaring at me. There was no trace of Aleks in his eyes any longer.
“I’ll be waiting,” he said. “You know where.”
Then he was gone, the broken painting the only evidence he’d been there at all.
Everything was blurry. My vision. My thoughts.
Nothing felt real. I dropped to my knees and felt my way through the pieces of shattered glass, picking one of them up, trying to convince myself of its solidness.
I clenched it tightly in one hand. With the other, I traced the scars that ran along the right side of my throat, following the branches of raised skin with unsteady fingers—another grounding exercise.
A memory flashed in my mind, brutally clear: The moment I’d gotten these scars, when I’d first realized the truth about Lorien and confronted him. He’d stolen so much from me that day. I’d felt so empty. So lost. So…broken.
But it was nothing compared to how I felt in this moment.
I had a strange desire to rip the scars open. To feel warm blood running over my skin, to see bright, puddling proof that I was alive among the wreckage, if nothing else.
And this was how my guards—followed swiftly by Thalia and Phantom—found me: With a blade of broken glass pressed to my neck.
Gasping, Thalia raced forward and knocked the sharpness away from my pounding pulse. “What the hell are you doing?”
I still clenched the shard in my fist; feeling it bite into the skin of my palm woke me up enough that I managed to flick my eyes toward hers.
I’m fine, I tried to tell her.
The lie wouldn’t leave my lips.
“Nova?”
I rose to my feet, and my voice was surprisingly steady, even though it felt like every other part of me was crumbling, as I said, “He was here.”