Chapter 10 #2
I expected him to say no, but then he quietly recited, “Mind carved into one realm, heart into the next, body to drift where gods forget…”
He must have felt the shiver that went through me, because his hold grew even tighter, as though he could protect me from whatever came next.
“There’s more, I know.” His lips rested against my hair, his words vibrating over my ear, causing an altogether different kind of shiver.
“I can’t make sense of it all,” he said, “but those words have been haunting him for a very long time. And the desperation that overtook him whenever he thought of them…”
“I know. I saw the memory playing out, the moment Calista laid that curse over him, his desperation, and…well, it almost made me feel…bad for him.”
“Hm.”
“Almost,” I emphasized.
He didn’t reply.
I tilted my face so I could see his. “So, what do we do about this curse?”
His chest rose and fell with a deep breath. “I don’t know.”
With a sigh, I settled more fully against him. The morning sun grew brighter, warmer, but even with that—and even combined with the heat of Aleks—I still felt as if I were sitting at the bottom of a cold, dark pit with all the answers I needed impossibly high above me.
I sat in that pit for several more minutes before I found the strength to try and climb my way out.
“I’m going to go talk to my brother,” I told Aleks. “You should just rest for now.”
He caught my hand as I tried to stand.
He said nothing at first. He only held me with a steady, assured grip, the sunrise washing over his face and making his eyes gleam like polished gold.
I gave him a bemused look. “What is it?”
“I love you.”
I went perfectly still.
“I tried to tell you in Midna last night,” he said. “And I should have said it much sooner than that.”
Slowly, I relaxed, warmth melting through me and coaxing my lips into a small smile. “For what it’s worth, I think that love was implied when you took multiple blades for me a few weeks ago. And that wasn’t even the first time you’d saved me.”
He shook his head. “That isn’t enough. And now isn’t the time, maybe, but I just needed you to actually hear those words. I need you to hear them over and over again until you can’t possibly forget them, no matter what happens next.”
I twisted more fully around, straddling his lap and looking him directly in the eyes.
It hit me in a rush that left me dizzy: All the times I’d rehearsed this conversation in my head, waiting for him to say those three words to me.
How many times I’d thought them myself. How I’d fallen in love with every part of him—the good, the bad, the messy—and how desperately I didn’t want to lose any of it.
No matter what happens next.
I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his. He pushed his hands through my hair, weaving his fingers into a tighter grip against the back of my head, pulling me more fully to him.
For several minutes, we were lost in a sea of soft kisses and sunlight, in waves of warmth that carried us far away from the horrors and questions of the night we’d just fought our way through.
It was the sound of a familiar, distant horn that eventually brought us back to reality—guards at the gatehouse announcing visitors. Likely a sign of a long day to come, and a reminder that I needed to speak with my brother before he got swept up in more meetings.
I closed my eyes against the thought. When I opened them again, Aleks still held on to me, his hands resting on my sides with a possessive grip. But he was staring out the window.
And maybe it was merely a shift in the light—the morning sun moving on—but his gaze seemed darker.
Another horn sounded from the gatehouse, jolting me into action.
I planted one last soft kiss on Aleksander’s cheek, whispering as I pulled away: “I love you, too.”
I ran into Phantom after leaving my room. He was sitting in the middle of the hallway as though he’d just been waiting for an opportunity to fix me with one of his judgmental stares.
Typical.
“What?” I demanded.
(How long do you really think you can hide him?)
“I’m not hiding him, I just…”
He snorted.
Noticing a group of servants coming our way, I ducked into the next room I came to—one of several small studies evenly spaced along the hall. Phantom followed closely behind, settling down and stretching and kneading his paws in and out of the plush velvet carpet.
“If you’re so concerned about this latest development, you could go guard my bedroom door,” I said, “and make sure no one bothers him. You know, if you wanted to be helpful for once.”
(I am always helpful.)
“Always is a generous word choice,” I replied, scratching him between the ears.
Something shifted in the corner of the room, and I realized we weren’t alone.
“Still doing the weird talking to your dog thing, I see,” Zayn said. He was reclining in a worn armchair, his feet propped up on an equally threadbare ottoman.
Maybe it was the warm glow of the fireplace beside him, but I thought he looked much healthier. Much more…alive.
Phantom stalked toward him, cautiously sniffing at his boots.
“He’s still starting conversations with me.” I shrugged. “It seems rude not to answer him.”
Zayn smiled a bit at this, sitting up and holding out his hand for Phantom to smell.
Phantom’s fur bristled, but he finished his inspection and then ultimately relaxed, allowing Zayn to stroke the white patch of fur on his forehead; he wasn’t one to turn down head scratches, regardless of who was giving them.
“He seems anxious,” Zayn commented. “And so do you, for that matter.”
“It’s been an eventful night.”
“So I’ve gathered, based on the bit of gossip I’ve overheard.”
“That didn’t take long to spread.”
“It never does.” His voice dropped slightly as he studied me and asked, “So…what have you done this time, Princess?”
“Most are calling me Queen now, actually.” I fixed a twist of hair that had loosed itself from the crown of braids I wore. “Though there’s been no official coronation yet.”
“Duly noted.” He cocked his head. “But we’re changing the subject, aren’t we?”
“What if I am?”
“It makes me all the more curious about what you’re hiding, that’s all.”
Phantom gave another knowing little snort, as if to say I told you so.
With a sigh, I sank into the chair opposite of Zayn, hesitating only a moment before telling him about nearly everything that had happened.
Maybe it was foolish, being so open with him. After all, I still didn’t know how much of him was…well, him. But it was that connection to Lorien that made me so eager to talk, too—because I wanted to know everything he could possibly tell me.
And trust had to go both ways.
He didn’t seem surprised to learn that the rumors about Aleks being back were true.
“I thought I’d felt a surge of Light magic,” he said.
Aleksander’s, or Lorien’s?
I was afraid to ask who it had felt like.
Could he tell the difference?
“Aleks said something that’s been bothering me all morning,” I told Zayn. “That he feels hollowed out, as if Lorien took pieces with him when he left.” I forced my gaze not to waver, my voice not to shake. “Is that how you feel, too?”
Zayn considered the question for a moment. “Kind of the opposite, really. It’s more like I’ve been suddenly flooded with all the things I lost during the time he had a hold over me. The heaviness of an entire lost life, hitting all at once, and now I’m trying to learn how to carry it all again.”
Hollow, heavy…I didn’t know which was a worse sign.
All I knew was that both felt like a threat to the very ground beneath our feet, and I didn’t know how to fix either of them.
“Speaking of heavy things we carry…” Zayn’s gaze fell to my wrist, to the mark Lorien had left. “What, pray tell, is that about?”
Running my hand over the mark, I lowered my voice and more fully explained the deal Lorien and I had made.
I was hoping he would have some insight into the curse, and all the cryptic words accompanying it. When I’d finished speaking, though, Zayn only stared at me, shaking his head in disbelief. “You willingly chose to strike a deal with him.”
“I didn’t have much of a choice.”
“Right. Of course. And this was obviously the best path to take.”
I arched a brow.
“Yes, I’d say there’s no way it could end poorly.” He coughed. It sounded like he was trying to cover up a laugh.
“It isn’t funny,” I said.
“Not in a haha kind of way, no. But in an oh wow, we are so fucked kind of way, it is.”
“We’ll be fine,” I insisted, stubbornly.
“Your optimism is admirable. Stupid, but admirable.”
“I think I liked you better when you were unconscious,” I mumbled.
“Honestly, so did I,” he said, yawning.
“I was joking.”
“I wasn’t. Do you know how easy it was, being in a coma?”
“I’ll admit, it’s tempting to try it myself.”
“But you won’t.”
“Won’t I?”
“No. Because you have a foolish, valiant streak in you. Aleks does too. Yet another reason you morons are perfect for one another.”
I wasn’t sure whether to take his words as an insult or a compliment. Either way, they reminded me of the Zayn I wanted back, so my tone was a bit warmer as I said, “You should go talk to him. He’ll be glad to know you’re safe and recovering.”
He stiffened. It was barely noticeable, but I still picked up on it. The silence that followed was thick enough to suffocate.
I cleared my throat. “…It won’t be an easy conversation, I’m guessing.”
His reply was perfectly deadpanned. “Though likely easier than the one you need to have with your brother regarding the cursed, immortal demon that’s bound himself to you.”
I grimaced. “Thanks for reminding me.”
His grin returned, wider than earlier. “Shall we place bets on which one of us finds the courage to speak first?”
I cut him a sideways glance. “What are we wagering?”
He pretended to be deep in thought for a moment. “Loser dances naked through the main courtyard of the palace.”
I huffed out a laugh. “All of my detractors would love that. It would help their arguments that I’m unstable and unfit to rule any part of this realm.”
“…Something less potentially damning, then,” he conceded, lifting a shoulder and letting it drop. “Loser buys the other drinks.”
“Challenge accepted.” I held out my hand, which he shook with all the seriousness of a king agreeing to a major trade deal. “After you talk, try to get him to actually rest.”
“No promises. I couldn’t get him to listen to me when I had the manipulative powers of the aforementioned cursed demon on my side. Doubt I’ll manage to persuade him of anything on my own.”
“Well, just give it your all.”
“I’ll give it my some,” he replied, getting to his feet and cracking his knuckles.
I rolled my eyes, but truthfully, I was grateful for his humor; it felt good to laugh about something again, even if our jokes were grim.
But that laughter was a distant memory by the time I made my way to my brother’s office and knocked on his door.