Chapter 36 #2
His eyes darted to Lorien, who lingered by the doorway. “Why is it that every time I let you out of my sight, you come back with more trouble in tow?”
I shrugged. “It’s habit at this point.”
He wrapped me in a loose embrace, planting a kiss on top of my head and then letting his chin rest there, taking a moment to collect himself.
“Eamon should be arriving shortly,” he informed me, pulling away. “I had some questions for him.” His gaze flicked again to Lorien. “And now I suspect we’ll all have quite a few more.”
While we waited for his arrival, my brother and Thalia filled me in on the aftermath of the battle. Zayn eventually managed to offer me a friendly, relieved greeting, but he continued to keep to himself after that.
“The number of dead could have been a lot higher, all things considered,” Thalia said quietly.
“The most concerning things at the moment are actually the borders of the palace and Tarnath. The protections that Calista erected centuries ago seem to be weakening. A side effect of Aleksander’s strange power, we think.”
Lorien tilted his head at the mention of Calista’s name, but he didn’t move from the spot he’d taken by the unlit fireplace. His expression remained carefully neutral.
“Those wards have stood for over five hundred years,” Thalia said. “I don’t think they’re going to fail overnight.”
“We don’t know what Aleks is capable of. If we don’t stop him soon—”
“I will.”
Bastian started to reply, only to press his lips together and take a deep breath through his nose.
“I’m going to stop him,” I said, quietly.
He and Thalia exchanged a soft, uncertain look, but they said nothing else until Eamon arrived.
Once we were all assembled in the smaller room, we took a moment to make sure the space was secure from eavesdroppers. Zayn finally joined us, and we all gathered around the rugged table in the corner, save for Lorien, who continued to brood by the cold hearth.
I wasted no time laying out my plan. “You took me to Calista’s grave not so long ago, during one of our trainings,” I said to Eamon.
His gaze darted uncertainly toward Lorien before looking back to me. “…I did.”
I didn’t look at Lorien myself, but I would have sworn I could feel the color draining from his face, the sudden tension radiating from him. Not surprising—and this was why I’d kept my plan close to my chest. I’d been afraid he wouldn’t follow me back here, otherwise.
Because, according to most stories, Calista’s grave lay in the same place where he’d killed her.
It was also the point from which her protective spells flowed. A sacred place of sacrifice and ancient power—and, hopefully, the resting spot of one final secret that I needed to unravel.
“My magic felt stronger there than it has anywhere else in this kingdom,” I told the others. “So we’re going to invite the Order to meet us there…and tell them it’s where we want to negotiate.”
My brother straightened. “Negotiate?”
“We’ll tell them they can have the last piece of Lorien’s cursed soul—his heart—in exchange for leaving this realm in peace. We’ll agree to stop pursuing the rebirth of the Vaeloran Cycle so long as the dome of protection that Calista created is allowed to endure.”
Thalia leaned forward. “You aren’t actually going to give it to them, are you?”
I met her skeptical gaze with a slight smile; she knew me well, at this point. “Of course not.”
“Good.”
“I’m going to give it to him,” I said, nodding toward Lorien.
The silence that followed this statement was thick enough to choke on.
Zayn shifted in his seat. “…Can we take a vote on this?”
“No,” I said, flatly. “It’s our only chance to keep things from spiraling completely out of control.
We have to trust that Lorien and I together—both of us at our full power—will be too much for Aleks to handle.
And once the threat of him is neutralized…
” My breath hitched. I hated this. Hated talking about Aleks like he was the enemy.
But I pushed through. “Once we can focus on…other things…then we can take out the Order members. Starting with Severin, hopefully.”
“And what happens if Aleks proves too strong to neutralize?” Zayn asked.
I had no answer for that.
Lorien finally spoke. “Then you still take out the Order members, while we have the full focus of their weapon on us.”
I nodded. “They’re controlling Aleks by using rune magic, we think. If we kill some of the more powerful spell casters among them, then it might help him break free of their hold.”
“Severin should be your main target,” Lorien told them. “But tell your soldiers to be on the lookout for anyone bearing rune marks. They likely won’t glow as bright as the one’s on Aleks, but you can still see them, if you’re paying attention.”
The others all turned to me for confirmation. I breathed in deep, nodding. “This is our best chance to end this without losing everything.”
A hush fell over the room.
A minute passed, then another, with everyone deep in thought. I rose from the table, unable to sit still any longer. There were few places to go in the small space; I ended up wandering to the wall next to the fireplace, where a banner featuring the silver tree of Rivenholt had been hung.
My brother soon came to stand beside me, his presence providing the usual calm air I’d come to depend on. But there was a tightness in his shoulders—and his voice—that betrayed his worry.
“You’re sure you know where the heart is?” he asked.
I kept my eyes on the tree, studying its sprawling, twisting limbs. They made me think of paths. Of choices we had to make, and all the ways they twisted together. “This ends at Calista’s grave. I’m certain of it.”
He was quiet for a long moment. I wondered if he could read the doubt lurking beneath my confidence. If he sensed my fear…and then decided to trust me anyway.
“I can do this, Bastian,” I assured him.
He nodded. “We’ll arrange a messenger, then.”
The hours ticked by with agonizing slowness. Thalia and Bastian left to oversee the preparations with the soldiers. The rest of us remained hidden in that back room, waiting for the messenger to return with the Order’s response.
We tried to rest. To eat and replenish our strength.
Nobody managed much of either of those things—except Zayn, who I was becoming convinced could sleep under any and all circumstances.
Eamon worked at the table, making notes on spare scraps of parchment and muttering occasionally to himself.
Lorien busied himself with building a fire, and then sat down before it and proceeded to ignore all of us.
I was trying to keep my distance from my counterpart. But the small room was dismally cold, and the warmth of the flames proved too enticing, so I eventually gave in and ended up sitting opposite of him on the faded rug in front of the fireplace.
His gaze was haunted again, lost in distant thought. I wondered if I could use that damnable bond of ours to listen to those thoughts. I didn’t try, but even without prying deeper something told me he was reliving one of his darkest memories—and it wasn’t hard to guess which one.
I’d avoided asking about his memories in Midna, but after a few minutes of sitting there beside him, I couldn’t help my curiosity. I felt like I’d already walked so much of their story at this point…I wanted to know more.
Especially since I would soon be walking upon the bloodiest part of their history.
I took a deep breath. “…Do you remember the day it happened?”
Lorien blinked. His tormented gaze turned hard and cold, his eyes taking on a look of polished stone. A muscle worked in his jaw, but he didn’t speak, didn’t acknowledge me for several moments.
I frowned, starting to turn my attention to the flames.
Then he said, “I forgot so many things after that curse broke me. They started flooding back after you recovered the mind shard. But that day…”
The fire popped and crackled in the silence.
“I never forgot that day.” The words were flat with practiced detachment.
He picked up a small piece of wood, adding it to the fire and watching the flames consume it entirely before he continued.
“My body only lasted a few hours after she cursed me. I was deteriorating in every possible way, but I used my last breaths to hunt her down. All these centuries later, and I’m still surprised I was able to find her and finish her off.
It was…it was almost like she wanted me to. ”
“Maybe she didn’t want to live with the weight of the curse she’d cast?” I suggested.
He huffed out a bitter, disbelieving laugh—an automatic reaction, maybe, after centuries of ruminating on their violent end. He didn’t refute what I’d said, though, and his gaze eventually turned thoughtful again.
“There might have been a practical reason she chose to die,” Eamon cut in. He was still sitting at the table, all the way across the room, but I wasn’t surprised he’d been listening in with his usual, insatiable inquisitiveness.
“A practical death?” Zayn said, yawning as he stirred from the restless nap he’d been taking in the corner. “That’s a new one.”
Eamon was insistent. “There’s a sacrificial element to the most powerful Vaeloran magic, isn’t there?
We see it in the Cycle itself—how the Vaelora were expected to ritualistically impale themselves after their part in the Turning was completed.
So it makes sense that Calista would have willingly given her life.
It might have granted her the power she needed to cast her protections over the palace and its surroundings. A shield that’s lasted ever since.”
Until now.
I pressed a hand to my chest, trying to breathe through the unsteady pounding of my heart.
We fell into silence again. Lorien didn’t seem to want to talk anymore, despite Eamon’s repeated attempts to engage him in theoretical discussion, so I got up and went to sit beside Zayn instead, because I was worried about him; he was clearly still not his normal self, his usual energy dampened by both his injury and Lorien’s presence.
“How’s the shoulder?” I asked—because that seemed the easier topic.
“I could use another drink.”
“It really helps to dull the pain, doesn’t it?”
“Not especially, no. I’d just prefer to be drunk for this next part of our adventure.”
I rolled my eyes but managed a weak smile.
He shifted slightly, wincing. “This rune magic…” he began after a moment. “I’ve heard of it in passing. Wicked stuff.”
“The spells can give the bearer immense power, Lorien said.” I paused, my throat tightening. “But they also take a lot of the user, apparently. Sacrifices of mind and body...of their entire self.” Just saying the words made me feel sick.
There was no doubt that the spells in Aleks’s body were fully active now. It was bad enough, the destruction he was causing to my realm. But what about the destruction he was doing to himself?
What was he losing?
I’d been replaying it with vivid clarity all day—the last time we’d faced one another on the battlefield. How he’d hardly seemed to recognize me.
I didn’t say it out loud, but Zayn seemed to pick up on my fear. He placed a comforting hand on mine. “I don’t think even the darkest magic could erase you from his mind.”
I wrapped myself around his arm and leaned against his uninjured shoulder with a sigh. “I hope you’re right,” I whispered.
He tilted his head back against the wall. He seemed to be drifting off again, until suddenly he spoke. “I’ve been thinking.”
“I didn’t know you were capable of that.”
He chuckled. “I make a point of not doing it unless I have to.”
“Well…what were you thinking about?”
A pause, and then: “How I should have fought harder to protect him when we were younger. I was there. I saw the Light Keepers pushing him out of sight, stealing him away for lessons, for supposedly routine training and disciplining. He never talked about what they did to him, but the signs were there, if I’d cared to see them. ”
“You weren’t fully yourself,” I reminded him.
“No. But I had moments of awareness. I was still me, sometimes, even with Lorien’s presence always coiled in the back of my mind. I could have tried harder. And when I finally broke free…”
I looked up, urging him to continue.
“I don’t remember a lot from those years.
But I don’t think it’s magic that stole those memories, in my case.
I think it’s my own mind, blocking out the truth of it.
Because I don’t want to think about how easily I went along with terrible exploitation.
How many people I let down, just so I could avoid difficult things.
Not just Aleks, but other family as well. ”
“…You have a younger sister, don’t you?” I recalled.
“Not that it matters. She won’t remember me; she was too young when I left.
And I doubt I’ll ever bother trying to meet her again.
Why would I force myself back into her life?
I hope I can see her one day, from afar, just to make sure she’s okay.
To see who she’s become. But I’m not going to subject her to all the darkness I’m guessing I’ll still be carrying with me. ”
I laid my head back on his shoulder, trying to come up with the right words to say.
“If I could go back in time, I’d like to think I could change something. That I could look closer at Aleks and see what they were doing to him. That I wouldn’t be such a coward, this time.”
“We do what we have to do to protect ourselves,” I said quietly. “You can’t save anyone when you’re drowning yourself.”
His body rose and fell with a deep sigh. “Well, I’m not drowning anymore.”
“So now we save him,” I said.
He let out another quiet laugh. “Easy as that, huh?”
“Easy as that.”
He didn’t seem convinced—and neither was I—but some of the tension did eventually slip from his body. We sat in silence, watching the shadows on the walls shift with the firelight. I’d started to doze off against him when the door opened, jolting me awake.
My brother stepped inside, armor damp from the rain that had started to fall outside. Without a word, he handed me a folded piece of parchment.
I scanned it quickly, feeling the eyes of everyone in the room fixed on me. I couldn’t meet anyone’s gaze as I lowered the letter. But I forced myself to lift my head, to don a mask of confidence.
Because Severin had agreed to meet me, and now all that remained was to see my plan through to the bitter end.