Chapter 6
Care to touch my elf?
Candy
My existence with Nick was quiet. We were together but not connected.
It had been that way for a while now.
It had grown on me, like mold did cheese.
But Nick was messing with the balance of everything. What was he thinking taking me to this pub? Introducing me to his boss and his boss’s family?
I made a deal with him, not knowing I’d made a deal with the devil. I wanted this Christmas with him, but that was it…I thought. All I wanted was for him to hit the brakes, but he got it confused and kept driving, slamming into the car in front of us and destroying everything.
So, it seemed like fair turnabout for him to be wildly uncomfortable for once.
“The rules are simple,” Jack announced, trying to get everyone’s attention as they got comfortable, taking a seat at the now-joined tables in the center of the establishment.
“Did you hear that?” I jokingly questioned, nudging my elbow into Nick’s side as he stood next to me like a bodyguard. “It’s simple, so you can’t mess it up.” Unlike the deal we made. Nowhere in there was it that you were to make my heart pound in my chest when your breath hit the shell of my ear.
“It’s only insulting if the jackass on the receiving end believes there’s truth behind the insult.
” Leaning in, he brought the back of his hand to my cheek and ran it down the column of my neck.
I swallowed as he whispered, the husky sound reverberating throughout my body and sending chills down my spine. “They’re only words to me.”
Nick dropped his hand when Jack whistled, getting everyone’s attention. “Hey, I’m talking. When you hear this bell”—he held up a hand with a bell and shook it—“you need to switch and move on to the next person. That’s it. It’s time to swing, Santas.”
I cringed. None of this sat well with me, but it made it a bit more enjoyable knowing that Nick was clenching his jaw, muttering what I could only assume was a string of profanities under his breath at the situation.
“Try not to pick up a natural blonde. It’d be in poor taste if she looks just like me.
” I was yanking his chain at this point, but I didn’t want to stop.
I liked getting a rise out of him. It had been a while since we’d shown each other any sort of emotion.
He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. “Don’t worry. It’s not blondes I’m attracted to. I seem to be drawn to women with icicles on their hearts.”
“Who are these women? Sounds like we should be friends.”
He raised a brow while I hitched a shoulder and took my coat off. “Let me take that for you,” he insisted, hardly giving me a chance to pass it to him before snatching it from my hand, leaving my fingers empty again. “Wouldn’t want to miss a second of this swingers crap.”
Not if I intended on making his brows furrow.
Jack rang the first bell, and I didn’t think twice, only sat down in an empty seat I saw across from a decent-looking man.
He was no Nick, that was for sure. Brown eyes.
A beard and bushy head of light-brown hair under a Santa hat, and a ring on almost every finger.
Did I say decent? I meant not my type in the least bit.
I liked a man who looked like they could run the world, not change the oil in the cars of the people who ran the world.
“I’m new to this,” I blurted out, not sure how else to start.
“My name is Scott,” he said, giving me a warm smile.
Honestly, it was on the border of warm and creepy, considering he kept staring into my eyes.
They didn’t have the map to a treasure chest if that was what he was searching for.
“Take my hand. It’ll calm the nerves,” he explained, placing a hand in the middle of us on the table.
I chuckled nervously. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
My eyes darted to my side and connected with Nick’s smoldering gaze.
Jeez, if he could have lunged across the table and attacked Scott, he would have.
Poor Scott. Poor me actually because butterflies erupted in my stomach at the way he was looking over here, watching me and Scott, not even giving a second glance to the woman opposite of him.
He did know that if we got divorced, we’d eventually date other people, right?
Not that I didn’t find picking a hangnail to be less painful.
“No, thank you,” I finally replied, and he slowly pulled his hand back to his lap. Creepily.
“You know, you have quite the boom-boom body. I like that in women. My wife is over there.” He pointed to a woman across the room who was my opposite in every meaning of the word.
My eyes grew wide as my gaze came back to him. “It’s the clothes.”
“And your hair.” He winked at me. “You have Hollywood hair, like an actress.”
Running my hands through my hair, I suddenly wished I had scissors so I could chop it off. Unless he’d take the cut pieces and scurry away with them. Okay, my imagination might have been running away from me. “I grow it myself,” I remarked lamely because that was about all I could come up with.
Thankfully, Jack rang the bell, and we had to switch.
“Call me,” Scott said and set his card down on the table. Exactly where it’d stay.
My next fellow was a short, stout man. He wore a plaid shirt and too tight pants.
As soon as he sat down, he smiled, showing off all of his…
missing teeth. “Name’s Willie. My wife and I go soft and full with our swaps.
We’ve been all around the country but came to these parts for a white Christmas. She has cousins in the area.”
Lucky for her.
Meanwhile, I couldn’t help but wonder what in the world a soft or full swap was. Actually, that was wrong, I really didn’t want to know, so I wasn’t genuinely wondering anything. But the words did keep playing on repeat in my mind.
Willie kept talking, and I straightened my back, exhaling. Boy, Willie could talk. He looked like a cartoon character who wouldn’t quit yapping. Silence is golden, Willie. Didn’t anyone ever teach you that?
Shooting a finger in the air at a wickedly fast rate, he leaned sideways as one of his hands disappeared for a minute before a loud grunt came from him.
All right, what was he doing? Actually, never mind.
I didn’t need to know. The less I knew about these men, the better off I’d be. “Care to touch my elf?” he inquired.
Excuse me? I gasped, sucking in a little too much air in the process, and slapped a hand on my chest. “You—”
“Oh, no,” he exclaimed, lightly laughing as he placed his hand back on the table along with a stuffed thing while waving his other one in the space between us.
I only wished there was an ocean between us.
Maybe a continent. Or a galaxy. Yeah, that would be good.
“This is the elf I was referring to.” He pointed to the little guy he had situated on the table.
“I bring him everywhere with me. My wife likes to pet him.”
I tried my best to look everywhere but at him. Maybe if I didn’t make eye contact, he’d just go away. Somehow. It wasn’t a foolproof plan, but it was the best I had.
“Guess not,” Willie said, talking to himself at this point right before another ring sounded through the pub.
I wasn’t entirely sure if we were supposed to be switching this much, but it was fine by me.
In fact, I was grateful to Jack and that bell of his.
I would have rung it myself if I could’ve.
The truth was that I didn’t care much for any of this.
I was never going to have sex with any of these men.
I was never even going to have horny dreams about any of these men.
They were mediocre.
They were plain.
They were kimchi—an acquired taste.
They all had the same problem…they weren’t Nick.
And, when Nick left me in January, there would never be another Nick.
Oh.
My.
Goodness.
There would never be another Nick. How could there be? Nick was…well…Nick. He was my husband, and no one could so much as hold a candle to him.
My stomach rumbled but not from hunger. These thoughts terrified me more than the prospect of being poor.
“Have your fun?”
I didn’t need to look in front of me to know what my heart already knew—that the man sitting across from me was Nick. Speak of the devil…
My heart skipped faster as I turned and locked eyes with him.
Even though he was wearing a scowl, his eyes narrowed, it still felt like all of the oxygen in this place had been consumed.
I cleared my throat and pursed my lips. “What are you doing?” I asked in a hushed tone, leaning forward slightly.
Now him I didn’t mind being close to. Anyone else in this place and it seemed hazardous.
“I’m about done with this, Candy. I’m leaving, and you can come with me, or you can go with one of these imbeciles,” he informed me in a clipped tone.
“You’re getting ahead of yourself. Shouldn’t you try your hand at wooing me before assuming I’d swing with you?” I had no idea what half of what just came out of my mouth meant. It sounded accurate. The trouble was that I’d said it.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine, stay here.” He pushed his seat out and started to get up. “Try not to leave with a murderer. I detest funerals.”
“Don’t be absurd.” I got up and fixed the long sleeves on my pantsuit.
Sitting was the kiss of death for most fabrics, but especially designer clothes.
They weren’t like regular cotton clothes people balled up, tossed in the laundry basket, and pulled out when they needed something the next day.
They needed to be treated with care. “I wouldn’t even touch that man’s elf. ”
“What?” he asked, practically shouting.