Chapter 33
the fire that burned between us
CANDY
I surveyed my stuff. It was the lightest I’d ever packed in my life. Not that I was going far. Just to the hotel here on Fifth Avenue. Far enough to get out of the house, away from Nick and his toxic mother.
I always promised myself I would never back down when it came to Virginia Crane. She was so hell-bent on breaking us up, though, on seeing to it that Nick got the divorce he had asked me for. For those reasons, I could no longer keep that promise.
To think that she tried to set him up with another woman when we were still married.
It made my stomach churn every time I replayed that goose’s words in my head, which was no less than fifty.
The whole drive home, every time I’d seen a man in a car next to me, or I’d heard a romantic song come on the radio, or the driver had stopped at a light on the city streets, my thoughts went there.
She knows that we’re meant to be… If you thought about it, you might agree.
And Goose. What a ridiculous name. Or nickname. Either way, it was absurd.
“Cici,” Eloise called, breaking into my thoughts like the blessing she was during this time, agreeing to go to the hotel with me. “I’m packed, and the driver is waiting for us downstairs, but are you sure you want to do this?”
Was I sure? No, no I wasn’t, but I also felt like this was for the best. The same way it was for the best I had canceled our holiday party, which was supposed to be tonight.
Talk about irony. Now instead of having a lovely Christmas Eve with my husband like we had planned when we’d canceled the party, I’d be curled up in a king-sized bed with my sister, eating room service and watching a movie.
I had just the movie in mind too, and it wasn’t a Christmas one. It was a horror film because that felt most appropriate for my life.
Finally answering Eloise, I pulled on the handle of my suitcase and rolled it to the door. “It’ll be nice. Don’t you think? Good old sister bonding time.”
Tittering, she covered her mouth. “You just want to get in my pants.”
Where does she come up with these things? I was terrible, I knew, but I actually held back a slight cringe while I forced a smile. “You got me.”
She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. “Don’t worry, I’m only kidding. But you know what? This is going to be fun. I just hope you know what you’re doing with Nick and Mama Bear.”
I nodded. “I do.” I lifted the overnight case that held my beauty products and laid it on top of the suitcase. With one final look over my shoulder at the bedroom I shared with Nick, I shut the lights off and followed Eloise out.
She already had her stuff together by the stairs and was making strides in getting it together to take downstairs.
Watching her and myself move, it felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. Like I had sprouted wings and become a Christmas angel, only I didn’t feel as elegant or angelic as I imagined I should’ve.
I wasn’t wearing a beautiful white dress or shimmering with hope. I wasn’t aglow with wisdom and joy. I felt weighed down by a million mistakes, a million missed opportunities, and a million other things that I let get in the way of my marriage with Nick.
In a word, I was a fool. That fact alone cut deeper than any Asscher cut diamond could ever be cut. Keenly aware of how I was every bit the fool I never wanted to be, I closed my eyes to hold back the tears that sprang to life.
Then I thought about Nick’s blue eyes and how I should’ve cherished them more, soaking up his every stare, every intense gaze.
It was a shame really because when I thought about it, I believed that somewhere along the way his eyes had dulled, and I wondered if that was because of me.
Unless I’d just stopped noticing them. But lately…
since we’d…reconnected, they were vibrant and bright blue again. More full of life. Much like I’d felt.
As I reached the living room, passing by Nick’s Christmas tree…
our Christmas tree…I stopped to look at it for just a second.
It was ironic because I was so worried that this tree would be the thing that ruined our Christmas, our holiday cards, our party…
everything. It turned out to not be as bad as I thought it’d be, and the only thing that ruined all of that and then some was us.
Or probably more accurately, me.
How wrong I’d been about so many things. Except one.
Except asking Nick to wait to divorce me.
On that one, I had been right. I just had no idea it wouldn’t be because of what our friends would think, but because it had given us the opportunity to rekindle the fire that burned between us.
Obviously not enough to stop the divorce altogether, but enough to remind me one more time what it felt like to be truly loved by Nick Crane.
As I rounded the corner to the foyer, just an arm’s length away from the door, I heard Nick’s voice again.
But I didn’t care to stick around and listen to his words, especially if he was talking to his beloved mother as I expected he was.
As far as I was concerned, Virginia got her Christmas wish, so she should be happy.
Hopefully, Nick would be happy too. He deserved that and so much more.
Before I could get very far outside of the penthouse, Eloise, who had been waiting for me, held up a finger. “I forgot something. Be back in a jiffy,” she declared before she ran back inside.
I, however, could only move in one direction, and that was forward.