Chapter 37
we caused a spectacle
Candy
I was grossly disinterested in…everything.
It was Christmas, one of my favorite holidays of the year for so many reasons. The charm. The fashion. The gift-giving. The food.
Yet, none of it tugged at the corners of my lips.
For instance, much to my shock and horror, I’d stared at my selection of clothes this morning and couldn’t find a single thing worthy of wearing. Most of the articles reminded me of Nick. Frankly, not much didn’t remind me of him.
I’d either worn it around him, at an event with him, or he’d purchased it for me.
That was exactly why I’d chosen a modest pair of dark jeans, a white turtleneck sweater with matching white gloves, and a red wrap coat. It was alpaca and wool with a wide collar. I looked chic and should have felt the same, but instead, I felt dead inside.
Sitting at a table in the far corner of the shop, I played with the spoon, scraping it against my frozen hot chocolate, waiting for it to melt enough so I could turn to the straw.
For some reason that was unknown to me at the moment, I’d thought it would be a wise idea to come to one of my favorite places and enjoy a delectable treat.
Unfortunately, all I could think about was the last time I had been here, with Nick.
Something told me he hadn’t felt festive drinking the beverage and would have rather been anywhere else, but he’d gone for me and stayed for the same reason.
How many people could say that about their significant others?
From what I knew, it wasn’t necessarily common practice for people to go out of their way for someone else.
Even if they were in love, it was asking a lot.
I could only speak for myself, but I could be selfish at times.
Sure, it wasn’t the most desirable or attractive trait, but it was who I was, and it worked because Nick could be that way at times too.
Just then, a couple walked in, the woman staring at her ring finger as the man helped her out of her coat before taking off her scarf as well.
“It’s perfect,” she cooed, her eyes practically sparkling as bright as the diamond on her finger.
The closer she got to me, the better look I had of it.
The engagement ring didn’t have anything on mine, but her fiancé clearly had decent taste in jewelry.
Maybe just not a bank account with enough zeros to buy something more exquisite.
But it didn’t seem to matter to her, the woman appeared happy just the same.
Her glowing smile could put the sun out of business.
“I’m sorry your folks couldn’t make it,” he told her, nuzzling her neck before leaving her to sit, taking the seat across from her.
I couldn’t see her face anymore, but I was sure she was still grinning radiantly. A smile like that didn’t go away easily. It would likely be there for as long as they continued to love and be present with each other.
It wasn’t something to be taken for granted, and I wished I had realized that sooner.
Then again, I’d never been one to go down the road most taken.
I tended to do things my own way and struggle to find my way back when I messed up.
This was one of those times. What saddened me about it was that I had to lose the only person I feared I’d ever love with my whole heart.
My poor heart… In a lot of ways, he held it. I would never ask for it back, though. For all I cared, Nick could keep my heart. I didn’t want it back. The truth was he’d had it for so long that I wouldn’t know how to keep it safe the same way he did.
I glanced down at my hand that mindlessly moved the spoon around.
I fully tuned into the soft Christmas music playing in the establishment.
Eloise had declined coming, insisting that she couldn’t think of a worse way to spend the holiday.
That seemed melodramatic to me, but I also understood and silently wanted the alone time.
I’d have the rest of the day to spend with her, but right now, it was nice to be in my own head, hear my own thoughts.
God knew that was the last thing I needed, since it only seemed to be making me more upset, but regardless, I was leaning into those feelings.
What is the point in crying, though, if you can’t cry headfirst into Nick’s chest? Even if I didn’t put my arms around him or clutch his shirt, he’d hold me to him, that much I knew with certainty.
Sitting up straight, I arched my back and tried to brush it off. All of it.
It’s Christmas, the merriest, jolliest time of—
Yeah, that wasn’t working.
Instead, I switched from the spoon to the straw now that I had sufficiently made the treat into slush.
I brought the bottom of the straw covered in chocolate to my mouth, closing my lips around it and allowing the flavors to swirl around on my tongue.
I shut my eyes to really appreciate it. It was cold, yes, but it was also keeping me warm inside.
It was filling my cup in a way I didn’t think anything else could right now.
“Watch out. You might need your tongue.”
That decadent, rough voice I’d know anywhere.
It was thick with emotion as he spoke, and I was afraid, so very fearful, that if I opened my eyes I’d have realized I was imagining it.
That it was nothing more than a dream. A beautiful, peaceful dream that I had been privy to for a moment in time. Was that my Christmas gift?
If it was, then at least I’d enjoyed it while it lasted. That was something I was learning to do more and more lately.
Opening my eyes carefully, slowly, I also lifted my head. It wasn’t a dream, and if it was, then I hadn’t woken up, and I didn’t ever want to. I’d gladly stay stuck in this one for the rest of my life. Spending all eternity with Nick Crane grinning down at me.
I blinked up at him with wonder, and he cocked a brow. “Ice got your tongue?”
More frozen hot chocolate jokes. I moved at warp speed, getting up and eating the distance between us. Then I slowed down a bit, having to make sure. “What are you doing here?” I asked cautiously, my eyes scanning him.
He was wearing dark jeans, a sweater, a scarf, and a jacket.
His suave demeanor and charming flair weren’t things that could be left unnoticed.
He had one hand in his pocket, his thumb sticking out, coolly.
I allowed my gaze to meet his face. He was sporting a handsome and confident grin that said he came here to get what was his.
My heart sank, hoping that was the case and not wishful thinking on my part.
Even his blue eyes were burning bright. So bright that I may have benefited from sunglasses.
“Eloise told me where I could find you,” he finally answered. His gruff tone mixed with the way the lighting accentuated his unmatched features made me feel lightheaded.
I bit down on the corner of my lower lip. “Did she?” I owed her one. Or a hundred.
He nodded, sweeping strands of hair from my face and tucking them behind my ear comfortably. “You wore your hair down.”
I shrugged, trying to make it out to be no big deal. I saw the appeal to it, that was all.
His expression turned serious, and he stiffened. “It’s not for the best.” What? “When you left that note, I thought it was for the best for you, so I let it be. I was going to walk away from all of this, from you, so that you could find happiness, even if that happiness wasn’t with me any longer.”
“No, I could never be happy.” I reached up and placed a hand on his cheek, needing to feel his warmth. “Not without you. Don’t you understand, Nick? You, you’re my happiness. Being with you makes me happy.” Our eyes met and we connected like he was a bridge, and I was a heart-shaped lock.
“Why did you come to the pub?”
“Nick—”
“I need to know.”
“I didn’t have a valid reason other than wanting to see you.”
“That sounds pretty damn valid to me.”
I sighed, licking my lips as I decided to be completely vulnerable with him.
It was what he deserved and what we needed.
At this point, I had nothing left to lose.
“I wanted you to know that I support you in whatever you choose to do, however you decide to spend your time. I’m in your corner, Nick, always. ”
“I know that.” His eyes glowed with sincerity. “I’ve always known that.”
I rested my hand on his chest, resisting the urge to clutch his shirt in a desperate attempt to hold on to him in case he rethought things and wanted to turn around. “Then why—”
“The divorce?” He tilted my face up, his thumb and forefinger sending unsolicited jolts of electricity through my body. If I wasn’t careful, I might start a fire with the intensity of it. “I made a mistake, Candy. A terrible mistake, and I’d like to remedy it, if that’s okay with you.”
My lips trembled. I wanted that. He had no idea just how badly, to be honest. I only had one question, and I hated myself for even asking it. But I couldn’t handle having him one minute and losing him the next. It would be too much. “How? We’ve been through so much. I saw you with Goose—”
Shaking his head repeatedly, he insisted, “That was nothing more than my mother’s lame attempt at trying to set me up with a woman who couldn’t be more wrong for me.
” We were a breath away from one another, and my eyes involuntarily fell to his lips.
“She means nothing to me. I didn’t even remember her until she jogged my memory. You have to believe me.”
That had my gaze snapping back to his. “Of course I believe you.”
He dropped his hand and didn’t hesitate in making his next move.
He lowered to one knee and shoved his hand in the front pocket of his jeans, seconds later pulling out two rings.
My rings. “These belong on your finger, and I don’t want to see them come off ever again.
” He narrowed his eyes, but a smile was dancing on his lips. “Do you understand me?”
I suppressed my own grin, nodding like my life depended on it. In some ways, it did. Because Nick was the best part of my life. “I’ll never take them off,” I assured him, holding out my hand for him to slip them back on.
When he did, my pulse quickened at the light touch. He ignited something in me that had been dormant for a while. I didn’t want to allow that to happen again. I mean, how could I when I had a man like him who cared for me?
I didn’t wait for him to stand up, decidedly getting down on one knee too so we were both kneeling in my new official favorite place on earth.
My heart rioted as he cupped either side of my face and claimed my lips with his.
He tasted like cinnamon and…bourbon. It was a lethal combination when we were speaking in terms of Nick, though, because I didn’t think I’d ever have my fill of my husband.
A mere taste would never be enough. But it would have to do. For now…
When we broke apart, he was grinning, and I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me.
I had never felt more comfortable or more at peace than I did now.
With every breath I took, it was as though I could feel my heart exploding, like it had been stuck in a gilded cage for too long, and it was finally free.
To love.
To cherish.
And to be with Nick Crane.
Fully and completely.
Never holding anything back.
Forever.
And ever.
An eternity didn’t seem long enough, but it would have to do.
“I think we caused a spectacle,” he said, laughing with me as he looked around at all the eyes on us.
I felt their gazes, but my eyes never once left him as I shook my head and raked my teeth over my lower lip. “I hadn’t even noticed.” People didn’t matter. What they thought no longer mattered. Nothing mattered, and nothing probably ever had, even though I’d taken a while to realize that.
This right here was what mattered. Nick and the moment we were sharing.
Just as it should be. Just as it always would be.