9. Maggie #4
I laugh softly. “You don't have to decide tomorrow either.”
Her shoulders relax, and some of the worry she's been holding finally seems to let go. Seeing that feels like a victory all by itself.
She wraps both arms around my waist and hugs me tightly.
I hug her back, emotion clogging my throat as I hold her. Lord help me, I already love this child. Not because she's Alexei's daughter. Because she's Ivy. Funny, stubborn, sweet, and brave.
Dinner comes and goes in a whirl of conversation, homework, and Winston begging shamelessly for scraps, but Alexei still hasn't come home.
He texted earlier to say a meeting ran late.
Part of me is relieved. The rest of me isn't because as long as he's gone, I'm left alone with my thoughts, and lately that hasn't exactly been a pleasant place to be.
Eventually, Agatha offers to help Ivy get ready for bed while I take a shower. Ivy agrees, but only after making me promise I'll still come read to her afterward.
I carry my purse into the guest suite and set it on the bed. I’m finally alone. My pulse starts racing.
“Well, here goes nothin’,” I mutter to myself.
I grab the bag before I can lose my nerve and carry it into the bathroom.
The door clicks shut behind me, and I lock it.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror and seriously consider walking right back out.
Maybe tomorrow. Or the next day. Or after I’ve had more time to think.
Then I laugh at myself as if more time has ever made anything easier.
I open the box, read the instructions twice, then read them again because apparently panic has damaged my reading comprehension. Several minutes later, the test rests on the bathroom counter while I pace across the room, trying not to stare at it.
The minutes crawl by. I sit. Stand again. Check the clock. Pace another lap. Sit.
Every possible future seems determined to parade through my head at once. A baby. Alexei. Ivy. The threats. The danger. The shelter. The possibility of bringing a child into a world that currently feels uncertain in ways I never imagined.
Finally, I can't take it anymore. I look. Two pink lines stare back at me.
Positive.
The answer is right there, simple and impossible all at once. My breath leaves in a rush while I stare at the test sitting on the counter, and suddenly, the room feels strangely distant. Like my mind is struggling to catch up to what my eyes already know.
I'm pregnant.
Tears fill my eyes before I even realize they're coming.
A baby.
Mine and Alexei's.
The truth hits me hard enough that I that I brace both hands against the sink.
Joy rushes in first, swift and overwhelming, with fear right behind it.
I can't separate the two. I'm excited. Terrified.
Hopeful. Completely overwhelmed. An hour ago, my future felt complicated.
Now it feels bigger than I know what to do with.
My legs finally give out. I slide down the side of the vanity until I'm sitting on the bathroom floor with the positive test still resting on the counter above me.
Tears spill down my cheeks before I can stop them. Not because I'm unhappy and not because I regret any part of this, but because every emotion I possess seems to arrive at once. Everything collides together until I can't tell where one feeling ends and another begins.
I reach for my phone. Right now, I need my best friend.
Jules answers before the first ring finishes. “Maggie?”
That alone almost starts me crying again. “You were waitin’ for my call?”
“Honey, I've been waitin’ for hours.”
A watery laugh escapes me.
“What happened?” he asks gently.
I look toward the counter. The test remains exactly where I left it.
“It's positive.” The words crack apart on the way out.
Jules doesn't answer right away. He isn't shocked. He isn't upset. He's just giving me room to breathe.
Then he says, “Okay.”
Fresh tears spill down my cheeks. The simple acceptance undoes me completely. “I don't know what to do.”
“Yes, you do.”
I shake my head even though he can't see me. “No.”
“Mags, you've got me. That's enough to start with.”
I laugh through the tears. “I never meant for this to happen.”
“That's generally how babies work.”
A startled laugh bursts out of me before another sob follows behind it. “I love him.” The confession is out before I can stop it. “I love him so much, Jules.”
“I know, honey.”
The certainty in his voice makes me cry harder. “I don't know how he's gonna react.”
“Maggie.”
“I don't,” I argue.
“Alexei Agapov would commit felonies for you before breakfast.”
That makes me laugh again. “That's not helpin’.”
“It absolutely is,” he insists.
I wipe at my face. “What if this isn't fair?”
His voice softens. “What do you mean?”
I look toward the test again. “What if bringin’ a baby into all this isn't fair?”
The question hangs between us, tangled up with the danger, the uncertainty, and the fear that has become a constant part of my life.
Jules lets me say it all. He listens as every worry I've been holding pours out, never interrupting or trying to fix it. When I finally fall silent, he waits another minute before answering.
“Maggie. That man loves Ivy more than life itself.”
I draw in a shaky breath.
“You know that's true,” he says.
“I do.”
“And he loves you too.”
New tears sting my eyes.
“And if you think Alexei wouldn't love this baby with the exact same intensity, you're out of your ever-lovin’ mind.”
A weak laugh escapes me. Deep down, I already know he's right.
“You don't have to solve the next twenty years tonight,” Jules continues. “You just found out.”
The words sink in deep because that's exactly what I've been trying to do. Solve everything. Fix everything. Protect everybody. All at once.
“Okay?”
“Okay,” I answer.
Neither of us says anything for a while. This time, the silence feels comforting instead of heavy.
Eventually, Jules speaks again. “You have to tell him.”
I close my eyes, and the full truth of it finally takes hold.
Alexei is going to be a father again. Alexei…
the man I love. The thought sends my heart into another tailspin because sooner or later, we're going to have that conversation, and I have no idea how to tell him that our lives just changed forever.
“I know.”
After we hang up, I remain sitting on the bathroom floor for a long time, staring at the positive test and trying to wrap my head around it all.
Then my phone lights up. My breath catches when I see the screen.
Alexei. Incoming Call.
I stare at his name while my pulse thunders in my ears. And I freeze.