26. She’s Not Cori
Chapter 26
She’s Not Cori
A fter we finish eating, Cori grabs her book, and I continue watching the baseball game. Neither the bullpens, nor defense, for either team do what they need to, and too many runners land on base.
I steal a glance at Cori when the station cuts to a commercial, her hair tied into a messy ponytail and her socked feet curled beneath her. Her lips twitch at something on the page.
“What are you reading?”
She shows me the cover depicting a ship and bubbles beneath the water, as if someone is drowning. I ask what it’s about and she gives a seven-minute speech about the main plotline. A simple, “Pirates,” would have sufficed, but I’m glad she took me on the scenic route. I drink up every word, every smile, every animated gesture as she talks with her hands.
“Does that answer your question?” she asks after she’s done explaining.
“That answered questions I didn’t even ask.”
She grins and returns to her reading. But as interesting as the game is, it becomes increasingly harder to look away from her. Based on the slight shifts in her expression, I can almost read the words from the page on her face.
The crease in her forehead, the quickening of her breath and eyes racing across the page, the tiniest lift of her brows in concern. I can’t pry my eyes away, and I find myself desperate to read the same words as her. To know what it is that makes her bite her bottom lip and shift in her seat. To know what makes her breaths shallow, the rapid rise and fall of her chest that I pray is bare underneath my sweatshirt.
I still haven’t told her it’s mine, although now I want to so she’ll think of me every time she puts it on.
As if a bucket of ice water falls on me, I jerk my head back to the TV. What the hell is wrong with me, and where did these thoughts come from? This is another man’s girlfriend. Sam’s girlfriend. Sam, one of my best friends from college. Although, I’m not sure that means much anymore.
It’s been a while since I’ve had sex, that’s all it is. Erin and I have texted quite a bit and set a date for tomorrow night. I don’t know where it will lead, but hopefully towards a bed. If I can stomach it.
I grip my gut now, the food settling like a stone at the thought of tomorrow night. Nervousness about starting something with Erin after being friends throughout college? Or dread because it’s the wrong direction to go in?
I also haven’t told Cori about what Kenna implied. I don’t know if it’s even something she needs to know, or if I’d be telling her because I want her to act on the news. I’m at a standstill, searching for the right thing, but with no clue where the right thing lies or what it even looks like. Typical.
As for Sam, I haven’t seen him much over the past week and a half. I don’t know how he’d react if I confronted him, but more importantly, I don’t know what I’d say. It was years ago, yet the news is fresh, and by confronting him about it, I’ll be crashing through the dam holding back my emotions.
I won’t mention my current suspicions about his late nights.
When Sam does get home, tired and hair mussed like he’d run a hand through it too many times, he roughly asks Cori if she is going to spend the remainder of the evening with him or his roommate. She rolls her eyes and stands, following him to their bedroom and leaving her book behind.
I pick it up and flip to where her bookmark lies, going backward and skimming pages until I find it.
His hands, calloused and strong from wielding his sword, rolled the stockings down my legs. He had a gentleness about him, a softness unlike any of the other men here. His hair was shorter than the long, wild manes worn by his people. I ran my fingers through it, the dark, feather-soft locks a welcome contrast to the rough stubble scratching my legs as his lips trailed upwards.
He bypassed the area that craved his touch, leaving kisses along my belly until they reached my breasts. He took one peak into his mouth, the other between his thumb and finger, and my back involuntarily arched, my center searching for the friction I so desperately needed. He reached up and slammed his mouth onto mine, his tongue greedily taking what it wanted.
Finally, he grabbed my thighs, pulling them up around his waist, and I could feel his eagerness through his trousers. Reaching down to free himself, he ran his knuckles along my seam before meeting my eyes and licking my wetness off his hand.
I clawed at his hips, not opposed to begging him, until he complied and lined himself up to enter. Slowly, he slid in, filling me completely, thrust-
“Whatcha readin’?”
My head snaps up finding Cori leaning a shoulder against the wall, arms crossed and a sly smile tugging at her lips.
“Uhh…” Guiltily, I toss the book back onto the coffee table.
She laughs and walks to the kitchen to get a cup of water and I do the same, needing something to do with my hands.
“I just, you know. Figured I’d see what all the fuss was about. You seemed to be enjoying it so much earlier.”
She takes a sip of water then meets my eyes. “I was.” Grinning again, she turns to leave and says, “Good night, Nick.”
I stare at the space she just vacated for an amount of time I’m unaware of, pinned in place by her words and the ornery gleam in her eye. When I gain control over my body again, I take my water to my room and brush my teeth. I lay down in bed, staring at the ceiling before caving and reaching for my phone to purchase the ebook version. I want to finish that scene, and maybe read the rest of it in case there are more scenes like it.
* * *
“S o? What’d you think?” Jonah asks. We walk outside where the sun slaps us with its awful heat.
I look up at the sign above the door, Aviation Institute of Mechanics. We’d just completed the tour, and now came the hard part: deciding. The next semester didn’t start until January, though, so I had time.
Admittedly, nothing felt so right as when I walked through the facility. Except football. We saw the classrooms and discussed tuition payments. Then we walk through the hangar where the students work on real airplanes.
“I think I might do it,” I answer.
“I’m glad,” he says, slapping me on the back. “Look, I want to pay your tuition.”
“No, there’s no need. Especially if I can pay monthly. You helped me and Mom enough when I was a kid.”
“But you don’t stop bein’ a parent just ’cause the kid grows up. You said you’d always wished I was your real dad. Well, I always thought of you as my real kid.” He shakes my shoulder before opening his arms. It’s more of a bro hug, as little touching as possible, but with all the emotion and healing of a parent enveloping you in their arms. “And your mom requests your presence for dinner next weekend, or whenever you have time.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, she just wants to discuss what to do with the house.”
The house? I study his face and his unreadable expression slowly slips into one of joy. “Is she moving in with you?”
“Yeah.” We hug again, slapping each other on the back harder than necessary. “It’s about time. She’s over there most of the time anyway.”
“Well, just tell her to burn the house. I don’t want it.”
He sighs. “I know you’ve always hated it, but you hated it ’cause you assumed your mom hated it and she didn’t. She loves that house. That’s why she’s held onto it all this time. You know, she bought it herself. Well, with help from her parents. It may not have been fancy, but it was hers. I don’t think she’ll mind if you want to sell it, but she wants you to have the money from the sale at least. Or, you could keep the lot and build a house on it.”
When I think of that mobile home, I think of it as a prison. One where Mom was abandoned and stuck living a life she hadn’t planned on. One where I was stuck after being thrown out of school. But Mom has never acted as if she hated her life. She smiles more than anyone I know, more than people like Sam who have everything and have reached every goal they’ve ever set. Maybe she didn’t live the life she planned, maybe she didn’t get everything I thought she deserved, but maybe happiness can be found anyway.
“Think on it,” Jonah says, getting his keys from his jeans pocket and unlocking his truck. “And I’ll get you the check for tuition.”
“I don’t need it,” I call after him.
“Too damn bad. At least let me pay for half. It was my idea after all.” He climbed in his truck and drove away as I got in mine, eager to share the events of the day with Cori. But my head falls back on the headrest when I remember I have that date with Erin tonight.
* * *
E rin sits before me in a low-cut black dress with spaghetti straps, her cat-like eyes, glittering forth from her glowing skin. Her lips, red and plump are every man’s dream as are the long, thick eyelashes she bats my way. Several heads turn toward us as we follow the hostess to our table, eyes filled with envy of me. And it does feel good to be walking with her, to be the reason for the sneers from some of the other guests.
We spend most of the meal discussing normal first date topics: family, work, hobbies, etc. We know most of these things already, but we’re getting to know each other as more than friends. We reminisce on moments from college, share a few laughs, and try each other’s meals; she has the salmon, I have the tenderloin.
When the server asks if we want dessert, I almost order some to-go to share with Cori. But ordering dessert for one woman while on a date with another is probably inappropriate.
Because, while Erin is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever laid eyes on, she’s not Cori. And while this date has gone about as well as a date can, I’ve waited anxiously for the end, so I can get home and spend a measly five minutes in Cori’s presence, simply to ask her how her day was.
I don’t know when it happened, or even how I allowed myself to fall for my roommate’s girlfriend. But I did, and I can’t deny it any longer. I fell so hard that not even the goddess in front of me has any effect on me, physically or otherwise.
She has nothing on Cori’s stormy eyes that give away her every emotion, now that I’ve learned her tells. Nothing on her smile when I’m treated with a rare genuine expression of joy. Nothing on the way she demands my every thought and concern, like what she’s doing at any given moment, or how the day is treating her, or when I’ll see her next.
Except I do know when it happened—slowly over the last few months. And I do know how—she opened herself up to me. She bared her soul, her wonderful soul that not many people get to see. Like a rare artifact discovered by a starving archeologist so close to giving up, I found her, my reason to keep digging, to keep hoping, to keep fighting. Only those most worthy get to know the treasure that is her being. Like how animated she gets watching game shows, shouting the answer as if she’s a contestant herself. How fast and high-pitched the words come out when she’s sharing her strong opinions on certain topics. How she almost always sits criss-cross even when sitting at the dining room table. How she hates bare feet and always wears the thickest socks she can find.
When we reach Erin’s car at the end of the date, I give her a side hug instead of meeting the kiss she offers, and the air turns cold.
“Are you not into me?” she asks bluntly.
Closing my eyes, I prepare myself for the truth. I can’t be a coward now. “I’m really sorry. It’s not you, you’re amazing and beautiful. I just don’t think I was ready for this.”
She bites her bottom lip. “Is there someone else? Or is it the fact that we know each other?”
I don’t know how to answer that. Rubbing the back of my neck, I sigh. “I sort of realized I have feelings for someone, but I can’t be with them.”
“Someone you dated back home?”
I don’t confirm, or deny.
Nodding, she consolingly touches my elbow. “I understand. I sort of still have feelings for my ex, but I was hoping I’d start to feel differently if I forced myself to move on.”
“It’s not Sam, is it?” I ask, praying they haven’t started something behind Cori’s back.
“God, no. The guy I broke up with a few months ago.”
“Is there any hope for a relationship with him?”
She thinks about it for a moment, before answering. “There might be, but I’m prideful. I’m not sure how to ask him without embarrassing myself.”
“Life is short. You’ll forget embarrassment, but you won’t forget regret.”
“What about you? You said you can’t be with this person, but is there any hope for the future? A year from now? Two years from now?”
“I’m not sure. She’s with someone now. I can’t see it lasting, but I have no idea how she feels about me.” I leave out that It would probably ruin a few friendships, but they might already be ruined anyway.
“How about I make you a deal? I’ll try with my ex, and you don’t lose hope for being with this person.”
It’s a deal not unlike the one I made with Cori when we both said we’d try harder at doing something for ourselves and our careers. But the things we promised to do were sort of inevitable. This one has much more risk. “I’m not sure I can make that deal.”
“Well, then I’ll leave you with this: Life is short. You’ll forget embarrassment, but you won’t forget regret.” A chuckle escapes me as she smiles and slides in the door I hold open for her. As I push to close it, she reaches out her arm to stop it.
Narrowing her eyes, they dart around my face, searching. “It’s not Cori, is it?”
My non-answer is answer enough as I look to the ground.
“Whoa.” She sits back in her seat and looks out her windshield, eyes unfocused. “Okay. So… your best friend’s girlfriend.”
“I mean, best friend is a stretch. But, yeah.”
“Okay, so I’ll leave you with this then: tread very carefully and don’t do anything stupid. She’ll need to come to the decision to leave on her own. But I agree with you, I don’t see it lasting. Sam is… well, he’s an ass.” She closes her door, but opens the window and adds, “And I’m always here if you need to talk.”
When I get back to Sam’s, the apartment is quiet and dark, except for the light above the stove. As I pass by Sam and Cori’s bedroom, I don’t hear any noise, thankfully, but the thought occurs to me that I can’t stay here. Once I lay in bed, I pull up an apartment search online. But how am I supposed to leave Cori here alone? Because she will be if I’m not here to keep her company.