35. No Ice Cream for You
Chapter 35
No Ice Cream for You
I ’ve never been to Tyler’s house before; he and Callum always came to Sam’s anytime they hung out. I must admit, I’m surprised at the light brown siding and blooming flower beds with dark mulch. Tyler is far from a grown-up, yet this is a grown-up’s house. I pull in behind his truck, parked beneath a metal carport, and walk up the sidewalk to knock on his white door.
He answers it with a wide grin, and I walk into his open arms and close my eyes.
“Thank you for letting me come. I promise it will only be for tonight.”
He pulls back, placing his hands on my shoulders. “I know I’ve said this before, but I don’t care if it’s three a.m. and you ask me to drive across the country just to give you a hug. I will do it.”
And for the first time, I believe him. He’s always been Sam’s friend, not mine. But maybe I’m worthy of his friendship too.
“And you can sleep in the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch. Please stay as long as you need.” He turns to walk away, but I can’t take his bed. Not only is that rude, but who knows who else has been in there?
“I get the couch, or no deal.”
He looks back at me and rolls his eyes. “Fine. Maybe if you stay long enough, I’ll clean out the spare bedroom and put a bed in there. I just want to say though, I was right.” He smirks. “I always said that one of these days, you’d leave him for me.”
For the first time in—I have no idea how many—days, I laugh. I was right too. Tyler is the person I need right now.
* * *
A fter Tyler makes dinner for us, homemade pizza because we can eat stuff like that at Tyler’s without judging comments, someone starts banging on the door.
“Open up, Tyler Borseth!”
I look over at him. “Is that Hailey ?”
“Sounds like it, but I’m not sure what I’ve done this time.” This time? And how does she know where he lives when I only found out today? He sets his plate down on the coffee table and goes to open the door. I set my plate down as well and sit up straight.
Hailey marches right up to him, pointing her finger in his face. “You should have called me the minute she showed up at your door.” Then her eyes meet mine, softening as she walks over to me. She takes Tyler’s spot on his loveseat and gathers my hands in hers.
Tyler leans over and says next to Hailey’s ear, “That’s fine, I’ll just sit on the floor.”
But she waves him off. “Why didn’t you call me?” she asks.
“I wasn’t sure you’d answer.”
Her eyes well up and her lip trembles. “God, I’ve been the absolute worst, haven’t I?”
“No.” I shake my head, adamant that she not blame herself. “You were right. This whole thing has been so pathetic. I was accepting less for myself because I didn’t think I deserved better. I understand you not wanting to be there to watch.”
She shakes her head, the tears falling fast. “No, that’s no excuse. I never should have shut you out. I just haven’t really been myself lately and it’s just been a lot and I didn’t handle it well-” She sobs and I scoot closer to her as Tyler moves to the armrest, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder.
“Tell her, Hailey,” he whispers.
His face gives nothing away, so I look at hers. “Tell me what?”
Her green eyes shimmer with tears. “It’s nothing. I want to talk about you and how you’re doing now that you’re away from him.”
I remember then about something she wanted to tell me at Nick’s birthday party, but we were interrupted because Sam hurt his hand. Then, she started to tell me again at my apartment, but Sam showed up with coffee and flowers to ask me to move in. And I feel awful. I didn’t make the time to listen to whatever she was trying to say.
“No, tell me. Is this what you were trying to discuss at Nick’s party?”
She looks down and nods. “My parents. They’ve been fighting a lot, Dad’s been sleeping on my couch most nights and driving me crazy. They’re in therapy, but I don’t know if it’s going to help.”
“Oh, Hailey.” I pull her to me. Hailey’s parents were the parents I’d dreamed about. Always present, always cheering her on, always putting her first before their own emotions. But they’re still people with problems and complex feelings.
“But I don’t want to make this about me. I’ve been a bad enough friend.”
“The last few months have been about me. I’ve been the bad friend. Talk to me.”
Tyler stands and walks to his room, giving us privacy as she talks. But Hailey admits that he already knows everything because she turned to him when she and I weren’t speaking. He went through his parents’ divorce as a kid and can relate to some of it, although it’s different as an adult. Not worse, not better, just different.
“I still hate his guts, though.”
I smile and nod, although I’m not sure it’s true.
“Wait, how did you know I was here?”
“Oh, so Tyler texted Sage, so that she wouldn’t worry, and Sage told me. She also said your parents are pretty pissed at you, which I don’t understand.” I don’t understand it either. I know I was rude and disrespectful, but isn’t it justified? At what point am I allowed to stand up for myself without it biting me in my ass?
“So, what’s the plan now?” she asks.
“I don’t know. I’m just happy you’re here.”
She agrees and grabs Tyler’s plate, digging in while we brainstorm my next move.
* * *
S am is relentless in his pestering. He calls every hour and texts every half hour, begging me to let him explain. I’m not ready to speak to him because I’m so humiliated by the whole ordeal and don’t know what to say.
The one person I want to hear from doesn’t call. I know he texts Tyler often for updates about me, but he knows that I need time. Which only makes me want him here with me more because he seems to know me better than I know myself. He’s caring, while Sam only cares about Sam.
Case in point, Sam shows up at Tyler’s after a couple of days with bloodshot eyes and hair sticking up in every direction. Tyler’s in the shower, so I’m unlucky enough to be the one who answers the door.
“Hey,” he says, his voice weak and gravelly.
I cross my arms and lean against the door frame. “How did you know I was here?”
“Your mom.”
Sighing, I pinch the bridge of my nose.
“Can I come in?” When I shake my head, he adds, “Please, just let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain.”
“Don’t you want to know the details? It wasn’t just a meaningless affair. I mean… it-it didn’t mean anything, but it was with someone sort of- look, it was Kenna. I was there for her when Nick ignored her, and she was there when you were…” He gestures towards my head. “Well, whatever the hell was going on with you. It was just a friend who comforted me. And it went too far.”
“It was her car that was in the accident, right?” I already know, but I’m curious if he’ll be completely honest.
“I was hurting, Cori. I just needed someone. You weren’t there for me the way I needed you to be. With the accident, and with work-”
“How was I not there for you? I haven’t been anywhere else. One time I didn’t answer the damn phone. And I already knew it was Kenna.”
“How?” he asks, surely to improve his stealth the next time he strays.
“Wait.” Something hit me then. “Were you with her when we were all in the waiting room? Is that why the nurses didn’t know where you were, because you weren’t actually admitted?”
The way his shoulders deflate and his hesitation in answering tell me all I need to know.
“So, were you actually on your way home, then? Or did you forget?”
I barely hear his admission. “I forgot.”
I don’t allow myself to feel the weight of that statement. There’s more to uncover here. “Why did you invite her to the beach house? And Erin? Are you involved with her too?”
“No, Erin is just a friend. And I invited my friends to the beach house, Kenna is included in that.”
“Then why did I not hear of her existence until Nick’s party? Did you just reconnect then? Or were you using Nick’s birthday as an excuse to bring her around?”
He swallows as his eyes fall to the ground. “We reconnected at the party.”
“So, it’s been going on since then?”
He nods. “But there was someone else before her.” And something Grandma said, years ago when Sam and I were kids, comes back to me. “ That boy is too big for his britches. Nothing ever satisfies him.”
My gut was right on the day of Grandma’s funeral. When Sam came back into my life and my family told me I was crazy for not immediately telling him yes. I hesitated because my insecurities told me to, proof I need to learn how to trust myself.
“Like I said, you were detached, depressed, I needed someone. And, from the sounds of it, you were quite busy yourself. With Nick .” He emphasizes Nick’s name, almost mockingly.
“I wasn’t busy with him. He distracted me from your absence. And when you were around, you doubted me, you drew a wedge between me and my best friend, and you acted like my father.”
This is usually the time that I give up my fight. The time that I assume all guilt. But I deserve better than this.
“You know, it’s impressive. Impressive that you even noticed that I was detached. Impressive how you always come out on top. Impressive how you’ve managed to fool so many people. You’re an ass. No, I wasn’t perfect. But neither are you. And your need to manipulate everyone into thinking you are is why I want nothing to do with you. Have a nice life, Samuel.” I manage to get the door shut just as the tears begin to fall.
Tyler stands just out of sight of the door, and comes to wrap me in his arms as Sam shouts from outside, “You have two days to get your shit out of my apartment, or I’m burning every book you own.”
“Don’t worry about him, I’ll gather the guys and get your stuff for you.”
“Thank you.” I’m not sure if he understood through my sobbing, but his arms tighten.
I pull away to curl up on the couch and stare mindlessly at the TV playing a sitcom.
“We were all worried about you because we didn’t know where you were, and Nick said you were pissed at him when he left after he told you about what Kenna said.” The cushions shift with his weight. “Talk to me about it.”
I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to cry anymore, I want to smile and laugh, the whole reason I came to Tyler’s. But I remind myself that I’m not supposed to be afraid of the pain anymore.
“Nick has become my safe place, but I don’t know why he’s been so nice and supportive. Is it because he does have feelings for me, like he said? Or because he wanted to get back at Sam?”
“If you saw him when he got back to Callum’s, you’d know the answer without a doubt. He was a wreck. He was snapping at everyone, couldn’t sit still, and not because you were upset with him, but because he didn’t know if you were safe. And he didn’t like that you were alone after having found out everything you did. And after Sage told us what happened at the diner, he was murderous.”
It’s nice to hear but still doesn’t confirm anything. After some time passes, without the Sam and Kenna factors, we’ll see what happens.
After a few moments, I say, “Sam was right. I wasn’t good to him.”
Tyler walks to the kitchen and takes out two pints of ice cream from the freezer.
I hold my hand out for one when he returns, but he shakes his head. “Both of these are mine. No ice cream for you until you correct what you just said. You won’t listen to reason, so we’re trying a new method.”
“Okay, sure, I went through the motions of being a good girlfriend, at least until the end. I put up with a lot. But emotionally, I was barely there. And when I was, I didn’t really want to be. Most of the time, I only did things to shut him up.”
“Even so…” he gives me a pointed look, urging me to continue.
“Even so, he wasn’t there for me when I needed him to be. And he said and did things to me that he shouldn’t have.”
He nods and hands me the ice cream. “Good enough for now.”
“See? Right there. I didn’t really want to say that, but I did so I’d get the ice cream.”
He snatches it back. “Then no ice cream for you.”
“Fine. I don’t deserve it anyway.”
“I don’t think you were wrong, by the way. Turning to Nick for the comfort and support Sam wasn’t giving you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You and I both know Sam doesn’t give a shit that you grew close to Nick. It probably made him happy because he had something to throw back at you. I’m not saying he never cared about you, but Sam’s definition of love seems to be different than most people's. And if you didn’t have Nick, who knows where you might be right now?”
I can’t excuse my behavior. It was wrong. There’s no way around it. But my relationship with Sam wasn’t healthy, and maybe I can choose not to feel guilt over an emotional affair because I’ve done the right thing by ending it with Sam. Maybe, instead of dwelling on things like I typically do, I can choose to just … drop it. Maybe I can choose to forgive myself and move on.
When I fake right for Tyler’s ice cream container, he moves it out of reach, leaving the one between his knees open for the taking. I take a bite before saying with a mouthful, “You know, if I wanted deep conversation and meaningful advice, I would have gone to Callum’s.”
“No, you wouldn’t have. Nick was there. He’s not anymore, though. He moved into his apartment yesterday. I have the address if you want it.”
“The timing is wrong.”
“Didn’t we just go over this? Who cares? Sam doesn’t. Set your own rules for life, instead of doing things or not doing things because someone might consider it wrong.”
Tyler consumes the entire pint, throwing me back in time to the night I met Nick. Then I put mine back in the freezer and go after what I want.