Chapter 22
SCOTTIE
Icouldn’t look at him. Not without fear of simultaneous heartbreak, guilt, and shame. I’d let myself get carried away. Yet everything in me begged for more of him. My own heart screamed at my head to let it happen again, to give in to the most insane, soul-binding pleasure that was at his fingertips.
Emotionally, he felt…safe. Something I’d never experienced before. He saw me as more than just whatever mask I put on for everyone else. He saw me as more than the girl whose life had been forever entangled in the boys’ club. Growing up with seven foster brothers led me to a world of military brothers. More men, but not in the way that deep down, I knew I craved.
For a brief second, I’d felt like a creature worthy of protection. Desired by someone who would risk the jaws of hell itself to defend—not because I was incapable of that myself, but because he simply wanted to.
And for a brief second, I considered letting him.
I couldn’t understand why it was so difficult to casually walk away from him like it had been with every other man in my past. I couldn’t wrap my head around why, even now, the thought of his fingertips brushing against me set my entire body on fire.
Now, the team talked in a jumbled set of voices around me, explaining how the rest of the squad headed back to the outpost once the storm broke and they set off to come find us. Mikey explained at one point that we tried to radio but found out they broke during the fight somehow and then the world turned silent, absolutely still as his ocean eyes locked onto our bogey.
A tall man, with thinning hair and wiry but powerful muscling beneath his ragged clothing. He looked extremely capable when the situation called for it, yet much calmer than he had the moment we rescued him. His skin was tanned and a little gaunt; beady brown eyes darted across the group as he finally stepped into the semi-circle.
Momentary distraction clawed at the cords binding me so tightly to Mikey. A distraction caused by the still-nameless man.
But as my eyes finally chanced a glance at Mikey, I found recognition in his gaze. A gaze that was locked onto our bogey.
A grin slid across the very lips that had just a moment ago made mine so swollen and then he crashed forward in step with the nameless man.
“Well, I’ll be damned,” the man spoke. His voice was hoarse, as if sand coated his windpipes, and it sounded like it hadn’t been used in a long time.
“Jacob!” Mikey exclaimed in glee and wrapped his arms around the man. Any sort of need to put on some masculine show flew out the window. He was a young boy in the bogey’s arms, despite being broader than this “Jacob.”
“It’s good to see you, kid.” His thin fingers tightened around Mikey’s broad back.
“So, this is where you disappeared to and grew a fucking beard. Shit all makes sense now,” Mikey mumbled against his chest.
A soft chuckle left Jacob, and he pried Mikey away, giving him more of a fatherly grin than I’d experienced myself. “I heard rumors during one of my leaves that you’d gone and joined up yourself. Though no one mentioned that you were a fucking SEAL. I’m not surprised, considering you could best even me by the time you were seventeen.”
“Eh, I’m pretty sure you let me.” Mikey grinned even wider.
“Man, you’ve grown,” Jacob’s voice softened, his hands falling from Mikey, and a pass of shame washed briefly across aged features. His longer hair billowed against his sweaty forehead. “I’m sorry, kid,” he whispered.
Mikey’s smile faltered briefly before disappearing behind joy. “Nothing to be sorry about.”
“I should’ve at least told you I decided to change my career path instead of just up and disappearing.”
“This is a far cry from recruiting, that’s for sure.” Mikey chuckled and stepped away, falling in line with the team once more, and tossed a thumb at Jacob. “He used to train me back in the day. Jacob Thompson was the best fighter, taught me most of what I know.”
Wrinkles creased in Dom’s forehead. “So, you’re the motherfucker that turned Mikey into the feral shithead he is.”
Thompson threw his head back and bellowed. “Nah, I helped tame a little of that. Though, I bet it’s come in handy out here.”
“You have no idea,” Bernie quipped, grinning from ear to ear.
“So, since we’re out here, why don’t we swing by and snatch up the Black Box and bring it home as a surprise for the colonel.” Dom redirected the greetings before they could go any further down a terribly irrelevant path. We could share war stories later, the priority was returning to base safely, considering we were already behind schedule after the sandstorm.
Thompson inhaled, his face falling. “Sorry to disappoint, but I have no fucking clue where it is. It disappeared the moment that they figured out who Powell really was.”
My stomach plummeted to the dune floor below us. As night crept its dark tendrils closer toward us, the heaviness of gloom replaced the flicker of hope that Thompson’s presence had provided.
“You’re saying that the only person who knows where that damn thing is, is a man back in the US, in a hospital, in a fucking coma?” Dom growled. “I feel like we’ve been nothing but one fucking step behind this whole damn time!”
There it was.
Not a word was spoken from anyone else. Dom voiced exactly what we’d all been thinking for a while now—he definitely said what I’d been tossing around in my head.
Thompson clamped a hand on Dom’s shoulder. “You’re making Karim al-Jabari panic, though. He’s lost a lot of shit thanks to you guys, and he also doesn’t know where his Black Box is. So, there’s that.”
Mikey shook his head, looking down at the ground as he crossed his arms over his rifle. “What the hell is on this Black Box anyway that’s so important to the guy?”
Thompson sighed. “From what I gathered, not only is there a map to his compound, but he records all of his business transactions on there. Meaning everyone and anyone he’s done business with, what that business was, all of it, is on there. Which is information I need to get back to the higher ups, including some classified shit that I wish I could share with you but can’t.”
Ford exhaled loudly, kicking at the sand. “We know Powell’s identity was compromised, but was yours?”
“They were getting suspicious of me. If you hadn’t shown up when you did, I would’ve been dead within a week for sure.”
“Let’s get you back before someone else shows up and ruins our first successful mission,” Mikey stated.
“Hold up,” Dom quickly said, raising his palm to us. Pressing a finger to his ear, he stepped away from the group for a moment.
This lull in my perfectly timed distraction snapped every emotion back into my body like a rubber band. I glanced to the right of Thompson at Mikey, his blue eyes swirling with thoughts that I didn’t think were of me. He wasn’t looking at me. His buddy said something that seemed far away, and Mikey smiled, chuckling in response.
Yet the words and banter that flooded the dunes as we waited for Dom were a foreign language to me. Not an intonation was recognizable. I couldn’t shake my absolute consuming desire to simply wrap myself back up in Mikey’s arms.
None of this failure, none of this impending possible danger and death existed within his embrace. Every violent turmoil boiling within me had settled like a hot tea kettle removed from the stove. Peace unlike I’d experienced before waited within his gentle yet fierce hold on me. I didn’t feel the need to hide, to be anything but alive when he was around.
He wasn’t supposed to have been that way. He wasn’t supposed to have been the freedom, the person to shatter the stone wall surrounding my heart.
And I hated that it left me more confused than ever before. Until now, I had been in control. I had found power and strength in solitude and closing myself off to any sort of romance. Love was weakness, and I couldn’t afford to be weak.
Except now… I felt more fragile keeping him at bay.
My bottom lip, still swollen from his aggressive kiss, now turned sore between my teeth as I frantically chewed, mindlessly fighting a war within my own mind. I shouldn’t even be toying with the idea of letting him back in, in accepting more advances from him. But the importance of my reputation was quickly flitting away.
“Alright,” Dom’s commanding voice sliced through the most debilitating thoughts weaseling through my mind. He inserted himself back into the group, silencing the casual banter. The final rays from the sun disappeared behind the tops of the dune, blanketing us in unexpected and sudden darkness. But there was a sense of reassurance and peace in the black surroundings. Maybe because I much more preferred being a crow of the night, blending in with the background than standing point in the day.
Dom’s eyes briefly met mine, a flash of curiosity breaking across his face before it washed away and he spoke. “That was a message from the colonel. Looks like we are taking a brief detour on our ride back home.” He tipped his head toward Thompson. “Hope you’re good with that, Lieutenant?”
Jacob smiled. “It’d be my pleasure to help out.”
“Good, ’cause intel relayed that Karim al-Jabari’s right-hand man was sighted in a town just twenty klicks from here. And al-Jabari goes almost nowhere without him. The colonel wants us to go in and take care of things.” Dom adjusted his bulletproof vest.
Duncan’s eyes widened. “Are you saying we might get our first sighting of Karimy-boy himself?”
“Yes. The assumption is that where Rashid al-Farouk is, our true target will be too.” Dom grinned. “I know al-Farouk’s name was in the file we scanned earlier, but he hasn’t been our priority until now. This is our first real update since the Black Box went missing. So even if we just find him, I think we can count that as a success.”
“Is this a capture or kill kind of mission?” Ford asked, scratching at the stubble coating his chin.
“Capture unless we get a confirmed sighting of good ole Karimy, then kill,” Dom relayed. “I know we’re going in fairly blind. We don’t have the layout of the town, but this is what we do best.”
“Fuck yes,” Bernie shouted, pent up aggression thundering from his words.
“Thompson. I know you’re a phenomenal soldier, you’ve got to be to have survived as long as you did. However, if they even catch a glimpse of you, you’re as good as dead. The safest place for you will be with Scottie, away from our given set of coordinates.” Dom raised his chin toward me. “Besides, we’re going in extremely blind, and having you there to watch our sniper’s back will be reassuring for me as team lead.”
I clenched my jaw, doing everything possible to remind myself of Mikey’s words that Dom trusted me. He wasn’t sending Thompson with me because he didn’t trust me, but because he wanted me alive.
“Also, Ford. Trade comms with Scottie. She needs a working one. Duncan, you’re to stick with Mikey, and Ford pairs with Bernie. Do we copy?” Dom finished laying out the very minimal ground rules for the last-minute mission with few details given to us.
But hope sparked once again between the team. I could see the glint in everyone’s eyes. A sparkle that had all but disappeared just a few moments ago. Our first real chance at getting the big man himself.
And the only thing I wished was that it would be Mikey with me.
Blanketed in the cocooning comfort of night, I lay still, flat against my belly. Another cement building, long since abandoned, served as my fortress for the evening. While violence was about to be abundant, I much preferred the camouflage that darkness offered me. Twisted into a small corner on the third floor, I waited, my sights trained on the small, two-story home the team would be breaching soon.
Footsteps, barely audible, neared me. As I glanced away from my scope, Thompson slithered into the room at a crouch and then sat down beside me, facing the only entrance in or out of this hole-in-the-wall room. “Everything’s clear,” he whispered.
Now, it was a matter of waiting. Waiting for the rest of the team to finish as much scouting and recon as they could without revealing that we were here. Waiting for them to gather whatever intel they could on the location of our target to hopefully have as successful of a mission as possible.
Waiting.
“So,” Thompson spoke quietly again, but this time to solely me. “How long?”
Settling in tighter against the sniper rifle, I leaned my cheek against the metal, watching the building that held zero movement. “How long for what?” I asked.
“How long have you and Mikey been together?”
“Excuse me?” I squeaked, grateful that this conversation was not happening over comms. “We are not together. He’s my teammate.”
He chuckled lowly. “So, just fuck buddies?”
“That’s not any better,” I hissed.
“Then explain to me why you stared at him the entire time we were waiting for your team leader to return with this mission?”
“I wasn’t staring.” I tightened my grip on the gun, scanning the completely still house again.
Thompson inhaled deeply. “I don’t get how you’re comfortable all scrunched up like a contortionist in your corner.”
It wasn’t really that comfortable, but it was safe and kept me hidden. Not wanting to engage in more conversation with him, I simply kept my mouth shut.
But it seemed he had other ideas. “Are you afraid of him? Mikey’s a really good guy. Trust me, I’ve known that kid for a long time.”
Still my mouth remained shut.
“Even after all the shit that he’s been through, he’s loyal and kind and caring. Yeah, he’s got some issues and thrives in violence, but still, I’d want a guy like him on my side.”
Would this dude not give it up?
“Besides, it wasn’t just you staring. He looked at you differently than I’ve seen him look at anyone else. You challenge him.”
The team needed to get into position to breach, and now. I wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk about something that left me confused and uncertain.
“You don’t get it,” I finally grumbled.
“Ah, so no denial of feelings for him. Then explain what I don’t get. He deserves love, too, so why not just see where things will go?”
“Because that’s not possible.” I clenched my jaw, sliding my left hand beneath the gun and rested it against my right shoulder. Propping the rifle up on my forearm to aid in stability, my eyes zeroed in through the scope on the wooden door waiting to be breached.
“You worried about the higher ups or something? They aren’t gonna give two shits,” Thompson replied, shifting his shoulders with a small crack.
“Maybe not for Mikey. But they would for me. I’m a woman, there’s a lot more ramifications for getting involved with someone for me than there would be for him,” I snarled.
“Only if the rest of the team doesn’t approve.”
“No, even if they approve. The moment it gets out to everyone else that I may possibly be involved with Mikey, my entire reputation in the military will blow up. It will be a living hell for me,” I explained. Though, I knew it wouldn’t do that much good.
“Why are you so concerned with everyone else? I see what you’re saying, but clearly you already have feelings for him and he for you, and it’s not affected either of your two’s abilities to do your job. The only approval you need is your team’s.”
“You’re forgetting one thing, though.” A flash of movement caught my eye, and I swiveled the scope down the road to the left.
“What’s that?” he asked softly. I tracked five shadows that didn’t exist along walls of the adjoining structures. Shadows that if I wasn’t looking for them, I wouldn’t have noticed they were there.
“The fraternization policy. Technically, I’m just a temporary member of this team,” I whispered.
Another slow chuckle that grated through the still air met my ear. “I don’t think you’re going to be temporary. Why else would you have been allowed to be here alone unless they didn’t trust you? They put me up here with you to get me out of the way, not for your safety,” Thompson explained.
My blood ran cold as it hit me. Mikey had tried to explain that once before, but of course it only dawned on me now, as the rest of the team approached their breach point. It only really sunk in as I was watching those five men prepare to enter what could result in their death, how much they did trust me. And from the beginning.
“They’ve arrived,” I whispered to Thompson, alerting him to the next stage of our mission.
“Let it begin,” Thompson eagerly said.