23. Chapter 23
Chapter 23
BERNIE
F uck, she was beautiful.
And she was it for me. No matter what happened now, she had total power over me. She absolutely owned me, and I knew at that moment, I’d stop at nothing to make her mine. It may destroy me, but she would be mine.
No matter what the cost.
But a price I would earn, not something easily handed to me because I’d shoved Wyatt out of the way. Despite all of that shit, I would work my ass off to earn it.
Quiet gasps left her lips as I slowly slid out of her, coming down from the high of ecstasy given by her. Her thick lashes fluttered open, sun-kissed cheeks blooming pink from exertion and a small amount of bashfulness. I leaned forward and gently pecked her lips, carefully untangling my hand from her hair.
“Let me go get a towel to help clean you up. Just a sec,” I quietly said.
Fingers snapped around my wrist. She shook her head, her gaze remaining locked onto mine. But she said nothing. For a moment she simply looked at me and then her touch slipped away from my skin.
“Thank you for letting me be your first,” I whispered.
“If only you could be my last,” she replied, barely audible.
Let me.
I wanted to scream out, cry out, beg for her to let me. I wanted no one else, desired nothing else. Every craving of mine for the rest of my life would be her.
Let me be yours.
Her brows twitched, pulling together. “What?” she asked.
“I didn’t say anything,” I hesitantly said, a modicum of confusion bubbling within the haze of oxytocin.
“Yes, you did. You said, ‘Let me be yours,’” she stated, and my eyes widened.
“Shit. Fuck.” I slapped the back of my hand against my mouth and pushed back, sitting against my heels. “That wasn’t supposed to be out loud. I don’t want you to think that just because we—Sex is—If you want—Fucking hell, Benjamin,” I finally finished, hissing at myself.
She slowly slid her legs out from either side of me as I stared at the wall above her head.
“Kat, I was high on sex, so—”
“So, you didn’t mean it?” she immediately inserted, her voice breaking.
Glancing down at her, my heart shredded. She attempted to wrap her arms around her body, hiding herself away. Hiding everything I already wanted to lap up again .
“No, I meant it,” I bluntly admitted, studying her eyes as they misted over. I wasn’t going to play some shitty game anymore. I wanted her. And I was going to fucking get what I wanted. Even if it tore me apart. As I’d told her before, she was in control.
Her tears not quite tipping over the dam, slowly dried up. “Wait, what?”
Swallowing stiffly, I slid away from her and draped my legs over the side of the bed. “Let’s get cleaned up and then I think we need to talk.”
“Okay,” she whispered, tugging the disheveled sheets across her body.
Rising from the edge of the bed, I stooped down and snatched my sweats and compression boxers from the floor. As quickly as I could, I disappeared from the room to bring her what she needed. Within five minutes, we were both cleaned up and sitting awkwardly on the mattress.
Her dress was back on, and somehow, during the time she’d been in the bathroom, she’d fixed her hair, and other than smelling like me and sex, there was no evidence of what we’d just done upon her anymore.
“Bernie, I don’t even know what to say,” she muttered and picked at a fraying string on my white sheet.
“I didn’t mean to ruin things. I just…”
“I liked hearing you say that.”
Rubbing a hand over my face, I closed my eyes. “I fucking ruined—” Pausing mid-sentence, I snapped open my eyelids and locked onto her as she darted her gaze to the bed. “You liked it?”
She nodded and chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. “I feel like a bit of an idiot though.”
“Why? ”
“Because I convinced myself I was actively ‘fighting’ this stupid thing with Wyatt, when all I’ve done is refuse to date him. I’ve just been idly sitting by, accepting that at some point he and I will get married. All because it’s what my father asked. And I don’t want to hurt my dad, but I’m also the one who has to live the rest of her life with whatever I let happen. So, why haven’t I fought harder? Or just said ‘fuck it’ and done whatever the hell I wanted to do.” She lifted her beautiful eyes from the sheet twisting between her fingers and met mine.
Shifting so she was sitting cross-legged across from me, she gave me a small smile. “Despite all of the reasons you had to leave, you didn’t. So, yes, I liked hearing you say that you wanted me to let you be mine.”
My heart skipped a beat, excited, but still cautious. “Except your dad and his opinion—”
“I love my dad, Bernie. But I’ve let him decide what he wants for me for too long. I will always love him, but I deserve his respect too. I deserve for him to trust my choices for myself.” She leaned forward and crawled toward me. “I’ve been scared you’d finally see me, all of me, and change your mind. And yeah, we haven’t known each other that long, but I’d like to at least have a chance.”
Pulling my legs up onto the mattress, I met her across the comforter and stopped in front of her. Sliding a hand around the back of her neck, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against the tip of her button nose. “I will eventually leave. That doesn’t change, you know that right?”
Her skin brushed against my lips up and down. “Yes, I know. But I’ll be here, waiting. Okay? ”
I dropped my hand from her skin and looked away. “Don’t make that promise, Kat. Every single person makes that promise, and every single one fucking breaks it. I never cared before, but with you…” Nodding to myself, I inhaled deeply. “I don’t think I could handle that coming from you.”
Gentle hands, roughened from work I still knew so little about, planted against both sides of my face. Pressure forced my gaze back to hers. “I won’t break it. And if, for whatever reason, I have to be the one to come find you, I will. Everyone deserves that. Even you.” She eased my head toward her, laying me down in her lap. Soft fingers threaded through my hair, dancing across my skin, tracing along the lines of my jaw.
“Especially you,” she whispered.
I had no idea what this was, but I had no fight in me to protest it. Only because it was Kat. Settling on my side, I sank into her touch.
The steady tick of a clock hummed in the background as I lay there, curled up on the bed with her slowly stroking my hair. I was the one who should’ve given her the aftercare. The snuggling and gentle caresses. But here we were, with her holding me. With her fingers in my hair.
I slithered my arms around her hips, pressing my hands against her ass, and pulled her closer to me. She didn’t actually move, but I just needed her to know that this was something I hadn’t realized my soul longed for.
Something I’d really needed.
“We should talk about whatever you found out at some point.” She broke the silence, but with a voice as warm and sweet as hers was, I didn’t mind.
“I need you to eventually look at the drawing of that spider tattoo on my dresser and tell me if you recognize it or not. And I’m just waiting for Griffin to call back with information on what law enforcement might know about this gang. If they’re even willing to say something. The more I know about them, the better I can protect you,” I lazily replied.
She inhaled deeply. “You haven’t even told me what you and Sawyer talked about.”
“Oh, shit. Right,” I muttered. And through the quiet and tender bliss, I explained to her everything I learned and what I’d pieced together about these local drug dealers and, most importantly, how it affected her.
Her fingers slowed, faltering in their massage. “Am I going to get hurt?”
Shooting up, every nerve firing within my body, the entire ambience changed. “I won’t let anything fucking happen, you hear me.”
“But you can’t let Sawyer get hurt either. He’s my brother.”
“I didn’t promise him that. I promised I’d keep you safe. And I will, no matter the cost.”
“Bernie, for me. Please,” she quietly said, and I leaned back against the pillows.
Refusing her request was something I couldn’t bring myself to do. Even if it created another layer of stickiness to the already convoluted situation. She deserved everything.
And I would give her everything.
“All right, I make no guarantees because he still needs to tell your parents, but I’ll do my best,” I replied.
“Good, now give me a second.” She swung her legs around and slid off the bed. Padding barefoot over to the dresser, I watched her hips sway and didn’t hold back the smirk from my face. Propping an arm back behind my head, I gave her a shrill whistle .
“Damn, that ass,” I said.
She didn’t even look at me as she flipped me the middle finger.
Clutching my stomach, I boomed with laughter. There was the spunk, the fire that had captured me in the first place.
“Did you draw this?” she asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Dom helped me fine-tune it, but yeah. Why?”
“This is really good.” Silence filled the room, and I studied the back of her body, doing everything to memorize each curve, each ripple in her figure.
Eventually, she exhaled. “No, I don’t—” She tipped her head, closing her mouth mid-sentence. “Wait, no. I’ve seen this before.”
Swirling around, her eyes slid sideways, the wheels clearly spinning in her mind. “It was only once, I think. A year or so ago, right before my dad and Wyatt’s parents met to make some agreement about money when Wyatt and I get married.”
“Kat, Sawyer mentioned Wyatt doesn’t get his inheritance until he’s married. Is it specifically to you ?” I asked, leaning forward.
Her gaze finally met mine. “Yes, it’s not just marriage in general, but marriage to me. Sawyer isn’t aware of that specific detail, but yeah. Shit, I totally forgot about that.”
“Kat, you do realize that would’ve been nice to know from the beginning.”
“Why?”
“Motivation, Kit Kat. Now, not only would Wyatt be jealous if he found out we actually are fucking, but he’s also got a lot of money at stake if he loses you. Greed, power, jealousy, or revenge. The main things that drive every stupid fucking decision everyone makes, and he has a temper to go with.”
She raised a taunting brow. “Ah, so jealousy is what got you to make half of yours since meeting me. I get it now.”
I grinned. “I’m not jealous of Wyatt.”
“No?”
“He’s been begging you for three years to just kiss him, you asked me to fuck you within a month. There is no competition here,” I replied.
She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes. “And I just made your already massive ego even bigger.”
“Kit Kat, you’ve done nothing but feed my ego this entire time.”
“Says the guy who was begging me to let you come like thirty minutes ago.” She tipped her head. “‘Please, Kat. Please,’” she moaned as I had.
I let the grin fall from my face. “I thought you were a virgin, damn.”
She giggled and took a step toward me. “I have four brothers and grew up on a ranch, Bernie. I knew what sex was before you got your first girlfriend.”
I shot her a wink. “Baby, I think you’ve forgotten how much older I am than you.”
“So, what? You had a girlfriend at nine years old?” She shoved a hand on her hip.
“I had my first kiss in like fourth grade, so yeah.”
Her mouth fell open. “I don’t think that’s normal. ”
“Nah, it wasn’t. And I got an ass whooping when I got home from my father. Plus, the ‘talk.’” I crossed my arms as she walked back over and crawled onto the bed.
“When did you…start going through puberty?” she cautiously asked.
I inhaled deeply as she cuddled up against my side. Wrapping my arm around her body, I began sliding a hand up and down her back. “I think I was ten, so by the end of that same fourth grade.”
“Then why aren’t you taller?” she quipped with speed, and I jabbed a finger into her side.
“Says the girl who’s barely five fucking feet.”
“I didn’t go through puberty at ten, asshole.”
“No? Well, damn. You’ve got some amazing genetics then.”
She draped a leg over my hips. “Why do you say that?”
“Them boobs…” I wiggled my brows and quickly reached over, giving one a massive squeeze.
She swatted at my hand. “Says the guy who clearly needed extra time to grow his dick.”
“Yet, my innocent little Kit Kat, you were moaning about how big it was just a moment ago. About how it might just not fit.” I slipped my arm back behind my head and smiled in triumph at the ceiling.
“I—That is—” She humphed and pushed her bottom lip out in a pouty face. “This is not fair.”
“Baby, you can try all you want, but I’ve spent the past seven years firing shit like this with five other grown-ass men who put your ranch hands to shame.” I leaned sideways and quickly kissed her forehead .
“They don’t know how much of a softy you are at heart, do they,” she muttered, snuggling in closer.
With a heavy sigh, I pulled a tight smile onto my face. “You are the only one with that privilege, Kit Kat.”
And a shrill ringing from my phone seared through our blissful escape, jolting me back to the looming disaster hurdling our way.