What If It’s Us Excerpt
LEDGER
“Did you guys get blue balls yet?”
I, along with the rest of the guys, turn in Ella’s direction. Each of us appearing just as shocked as the next. August nearly chokes on his beer but laughs as he watches his wife take her seat at the reception table.
“What did you say?”
She picks up a blue cake pop from her dessert plate and raises it for all of us to see before tossing it into her mouth, her eyes rolling back in her head as she moans over the delightful taste.
“The blue cake balls. Did you have one yet?”
“Oh.” August chuckles. “Nope not yet.”
“Well don’t eat them,” she warns. “They’re poisonous. I’ll take one for the team.”
“Do they taste like cinnamon rolls, Ella?” I ask her, remembering her penchant for cinnamon rolls. “Is that why you think they’re so good?” Really, she only eats them when she’s nervous. It’s her tick for lack of a better word, but all of us like to tease her about her sweet tooth induced nervous habit.
“Nope. It’s this heavenly almond flavor on the inside.” She sucks the tip of her fingers before grabbing her napkin. “They’re just coated with blue colored chocolate but oh, my God, so good.”
“Oh, my gosh, are we talking about blue balls?” Corrigan asks, taking a seat next to Ella.
Ella’s eyes bulge and she exclaims, “Yes! Aren’t they delicious?”
Corrigan nods. “Legit one of the best balls I’ve ever put in my mouth.”
“Aht-aht-aht-aht-aht.” Bodhi raises his hand, effectively stopping Corrigan. “Let’s not go too far, Lady Roche.”
Corrigan pats Bodhi’s leg. “Don’t worry honey. Your balls will always be top of the list.”
“Fucking right they will.”
The rest of us at the table have a good chuckle when Corrigan points to the blue cake ball on her plate and performs a chef’s kiss.
Oliver and Scarlett’s wedding went off without a hitch. Or maybe I should say it went off with a hitch since the couple did, indeed, get hitched. It’s been a long time coming, but after a busy hockey season, they had a beautiful ceremony at Generations Hall in New Orleans, Louisiana. They met in New Orleans a few years ago when I encouraged Oliver to take my cousin, Scarlett, on her honeymoon after being left at the altar by her then fiancé. By some grace of God, Oliver took me up on my deal and ended up falling in love with Scarlett. Now today, after their beautiful wedding ceremony, I can brag that I’m finally related to Oliver Magallan.
Not that I haven’t thought of him as a brother since the day we met.
But now we’re officially related. Cousins through marriage, and that makes me happy.
Because Oliver’s sister is married to Milo Landric who plays for the Chicago Red Tails, they’re all here too. It’s a huge party hosted by Scarlett’s parents, though I know Oliver helped pay for a good deal of it so they wouldn’t have to.
“Hey!” Layken scurries over to the table, lowering herself in a chair next to Griffin who is sitting next to me. “Did you guys try the blue balls yet?”
Corrigan and Ella laugh, nodding, and then Ella says, “To die for, am I right?”
“Hell yes. I ate two on the way over here from the dessert table.”
“Did you leave some for the rest of us?” I tease.
“Actually, I brought a little something sweet just for you, Ledge,” Layken tells me, wagging her brows.
“Oh, my very own blue balls you mean. Because I’m certain I’ve got a case of those for myself, thanks.”
How long has it been since I’ve gotten laid?
The season has been over for a solid month and a half and even before the end of the season I hadn’t gotten laid in a month or two. So yeah, it’s been a long fucking time.
“Nope. But now that you mention it, perhaps what I have to tell you might perk those blue balls of yours right up.”
“Ooh…” Griffin rubs his hands together. “Tell me you have some Marlee Remington news without telling me you have Marlee Remington news.”
Layken leans over and kisses Griffin’s cheek. “I do, indeed, have Marlee news. How ever did you know?”
Marlee Remington is the team’s Events and Operations Manager. She’s been working for the organization for the last four years or so and since the day I met her, I’ve had a massive crush on her. I find her beguiling in every sense of the word. She’s hard-working and always seems busy, but she’s approachable and kind and very down-to-earth. She seems confident in everything she does and appreciates the humor in certain situations. She’s never been afraid to chat with any of us on the team and on top of that, I find her to be drop dead gorgeous.
She’s a normal height. Probably five and a half feet tall or so. When it’s not up in a ponytail, her maple brown hair hangs a little past her shoulders. Her eyes are this enchanting blue-gray color that I want to stare at every time I’m in front of her. The color seems to change depending on the light she’s standing in but they’re mesmerizing either way.
Marlee’s body is fire.
She’s not stick thin. She’s got curves in all the right places and tits I dream of getting lost in. She’s literal perfection.
She’s so fucking perfect but she’s also the one person in this entire universe who sets my insides on fire whenever she’s around. I’ve talked to her many times over the years, but if we’re ever alone in conversation my stomach ties in knots and I’m pretty sure I stop breathing until she walks away.
If only I could get the nerve to tell her how I feel.
She brings the middle school boy right out of me.
“I swear to God, Layken, if you’re about to tell me she’s seeing someone else now…”
Layken shakes her head. “Nope. That’s not it.”
“What then? Does she have a twin?”
She chuckles. “Ooh double the crush, double the fun, eh, Ledge?”
I let out a breath. “Alright just tell me.”
Lowering her voice, Layken leans across Griffin so she can be closer to me. “I was just asking about her summer and she said she’s thinking very seriously about trying to have a baby.”
Wait.
A baby?
But she’s…
Bodhi leans across the table having heard what Layken just told me. “So, she is seeing someone again? Or did she get back together with the last guy?”
Layken shakes her head. “Neither. She’s thinking about going alone and having a baby on her own.”
“Why would she do that?” I ask with morbid curiosity.
I have no doubt Marlee Remington will make an excellent mother to any child, but why on earth is she trying to go it alone? Surely she has a line of guys waiting to take her out.
“I think she’s over trying to find the right guy.” Layken shrugs her shoulder. “Her biological clock is ticking, you know?”
“What does that even mean?” I ask.
Corrigan joins in. “It means she’s in her thirties and for women past the age of thirty, for some weird reason, the medical people say it’s considered risky to have a baby. There could be complications or abnormalities, things like that.”
“That’s crazy,” I say, frowning. “Thirty isn’t even that old.”
Corrigan shakes her head. “Nope, but would you believe pregnancies in women over thirty-five are actually categorized as geriatric pregnancies?”
“Geriatric?” I scoff. “That’s fucked up. Who decided that?”
She shrugs, popping another cake ball into her mouth. “Probably some old man who liked his women young and bouncy and not so experienced. I don’t know. It just is what it is. But it could also be that once we hit our late thirties or early forties some of us start to experience symptoms of perimenopause and that could create issues for us as well. I’m not saying women can’t have babies when they’re past forty. Certainly, lots of women do. It’s just riskier is all.”
“At any rate,” Layken chimes back in. “Marlee’s considering it. So maybe you should make your move, Ledge. We’re at a wedding. It’s beautiful here in New Orleans and everything around us is so romantic.” She gestures with her head. “You should go sweep her off her feet.”
“And what am I supposed to say, exactly? Hey Marlee, heard you want to knock yourself up. Care if I join in?”
Ella slaps her hand on the table, her eyes bulging as she glances at Corrigan and Layken. “Oh. My. Gosh. Ledger! You could totally father her baby!”
What?
I rear back. “I’m sorry, what in the holy fuck did you just say?”
“Bro!” she says with a giddy grin. “Be the baby daddy. Donate the juice. Jizz in a cup and serve it up! Whatever you’ve got to do. This could be epic!”
Corrigan coos beside her. “Oh, my Gosh that would be adorable!”
My brows practically shoot off my face. “You think I’m going to walk over to Marlee Remington and offer her a cup of jizz? What, like it’s the soup of the day?”
Everyone laughs softly. Even Bear who is sitting quietly at the end of the table chatting with Zeke Miller, the Red Tails’ Goalie.
“Well, maybe don’t say it like that,” Ella advises. “But she knows you’re a good guy.” Her eyes move up and down what she can see of me from where we’re sitting. “There’s no questioning you’re hot.”
“Watch it Mrs. Blackstone,” August chides next to her.
She cocks her head and rolls her eyes at her husband. “What? It’s true. We all know it.” She gestures to me with her hand. “Ledger is a gorgeous human being. He’d make pretty babies.”
There’s silence around the group for about ten seconds and then everyone nods.
“She’s right,” Corrigan says.
Layken nods. “Yep.”
“You guys, don’t be so ridiculous.” I roll my eyes. “I mean you’ve come up with some far out there ideas over the years but offering my spooge to Marlee Remington and fathering her child takes the cake.”
Griffin shrugs in response. “Well, you could just hook up with her and have a one-night-stand kind of thing and give it to her the old-fashioned way.”
“You guys! I am not fucking Marlee Remington,” I very nearly shout but I rein in my emotions so as not to make a scene. “I am not knocking her up and I am certainly not fathering her children,” I say, finally laying down the law.
Though I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince. Them or me.
“Okay, okay,” Layken concedes. “But you could at least go ask her to dance.”
“What?”
The DJ here tonight starts up the music and announces the happy couple’s first dance. As Oliver and Scarlett are spinning around the dance floor, the DJ asks the entire wedding party to join them. That means all of us who were groomsman, like me, who didn’t come with a date, need to find a dancing partner fast.
Shit.
“Don’t worry,” Bear finally says, rising from his seat and fixing his tie. “I’ll ask Marlee to?—”
“The fuck you will,” I say, finally growing a pair of balls. “If anyone is asking her to dance tonight, it’ll be me.”
“Oh. Darn,” he says flatly. “Alright then.” He shrugs and gestures for me to go ahead of him, a knowing smirk on his face.
Can’t believe I fell for that.
Making my way across the lawn, I spot Marlee sipping her wine and watching the newlyweds dance. She looks happy and relaxed. I want to say her demeanor makes it easier for me to approach her and ask her to dance, but it doesn’t.
She makes me nervous.
Every. Single. Time.
“Marlee,” I say probably a bit too softly. Luckily for me, she at least notices my presence and smiles at me.
“Hey Ledger. Enjoying yourself?”
“Yeah. But it’s more fun out there on the dance floor.” I gesture with a nod of my head. “Would you like to join me?”
“Whoa!” she says, impressed. “You dance too? Is there anything you can’t do?”
If you only knew.
“Well, it’s kind of my job as one of Magallan’s groomsmen so…”
She chuckles. “I see. Well, we can’t have you failing at your groomsman responsibilities, can we?”
Thank God.
Is that a yes?
Marlee sets her glass down on the table and I offer her my hand as she lifts from her seat.
Whoa. That was easier than I thought it would be.
Her soft hand in mine, I lead her to the dance floor and then wrap my other arm around her waist, pulling her into me. She feels wonderful in my grasp. A sweet floral scent wafts into my nose and I know it has to be the beautiful woman in my arms. Dressed in a floor-length blue dress, she’s the image of an angel.
“You look beautiful tonight,” I tell her, forcing myself to make eye contact no matter how dry my mouth is or how fluttery the inside of my chest feels.
Her smile widens. “Thank you very much, Ledger. You clean up pretty well yourself.”
“Nah. You’re just used to seeing me in suits. We wear them all the time, but it’s not everyday I see you in a dress.”
“Don’t sell yourself short Mr. Dayne,” she says. “And you’re not wearing your suit jacket now. You look much more comfortable than coming and going to and from the arena on a game day. The look suits you…pun unintended of course.”
My cheeks are heating.
Thank God it’s almost dusk.
“Thanks.”
“How are you enjoying your summer?” she asks me as we sway back and forth in slow circles. “I’m sure it’s nice to be off the ice for a while.”
I’d like my summer a whole lot more if you were a part of it.
“Well, I’m helping Harrison with his youth league so I’m not really off the ice for too long. But yeah, the break is nice. Hopefully we can get to a few baseball games before preseason workouts start back up.”
“Oh, so you like baseball?”
“Yeah, you?”
“Love it! I was just chatting with Ada, Zeke Miller’s wife?”
“Oh yeah.” I nod relaxing a bit at the comfortable conversation. “Her brother, Carter, plays for the Indianapolis Racers.”
“Yeah! Now I totally have to catch a game the next time they’re in Anaheim.”
“I’ve got season tickets,” I mention. “I mean, I give them away a lot when I’ve got hockey responsibilities but I’d be happy to take you the next time they’re in town.”
Oh fuck. Did I just ask her out?
Did I even do it right?
She beams and I smile back at her because damn, it feels good being able to make her smile. “That sounds like a blast.”
“Hey Marlee,” Layken sings as she and Griffin sway next to us.
“Hey Layken.” Marlee eyes the happy couple. “You two are the cutest.”
“Thank you.” Layken winks at her. She glances at me and then says, “You know, I was thinking about what we talked about earlier. You know your bundle of joy plan.”
For the first time in a while, I actually see Marlee’s cheeks redden. “Oh. Yeah?”
“Yeah. And I’m just saying,” Layken nods her head toward me, “Ledger could make a great dad. He’s a good guy. Not bad to look at either.”
Oh, for the love of Christ.
“Layken…” I start. I laugh nervously finding myself stuck between wanting to tell Layken to shut the fuck up and not wanting to make Marlee any more uncomfortable than she undoubtedly is.
“Oh.” Marlee giggles nervously. “Um…” Her brows furrow as she glances at me.
Yeah. See Layken?
She thinks it’s a terrible idea.
“You know about?—”
“Layken mentioned it,” I confess.
“Oh.”
“She likes to tease me because I’m single,” I lie. Well, sort of.
Layken shrugs with a knowing smirk. “I mean, I’m just saying. He’s single. You’re single. You want to have a baby so…two birds, one stone, know what I mean?” She wags her brows like she’s a fucking genius.
She’s not, by the way.
“It would be like the team’s very first pure-bred Anaheim Star!” She beams at Marlee and me like we’re about to give her a fucking high five and thank her for her generous offer.
Her offer of my dick.
Because that’s what’s happening here.
Layken Ollenberg is offering the contents of my explosive dick to Marlee Remington, the woman I’ve been crushing on for years.
Fuck my life.
Griffin spins his wife and they wave heading in the opposite direction from us.
“Wow that’s…” Marlee starts, looking a bit taken aback.
“Sorry about that.” I shake my head, more than a little perturbed with Layken. “You don’t have to say a word. She’s just messing around.”
“Right. Yeah.”
“But for what it’s worth, I think it’s great that you want to be a mother. You’ll be a great mom.”
She shrugs her shoulder. “Yeah. I don’t know. It was just an idea. I mean, yeah, I want to be a mom. It’s just…I know it can be a lot. I’m still thinking about it.”
“Definitely a life-changing decision. I get it.”
“Yeah.”
We continue dancing through the rest of the song though admittedly now my mind is reeling.
Offering to sperm it up for Marlee wasn’t exactly on my life’s Bingo card.
But, if anyone is going to offer themselves up and help make a baby inside of her, I’ll be devastated if it’s anyone else but me.