Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
HARPER
I’m already anxious before I even open the door.
My palms are damp. My chest feels tight. And for the millionth time since seeing Harrison in that arena, I wish I could rewind the last eleven years and do it all differently.
Braver, smarter, with far less fear.
But time doesn’t work that way.
And tonight, everything will change.
Harrison’s truck idles at the curb along the street, headlights glowing across the sidewalk as I walk toward him. He looks too big for the driver’s seat, broad shoulders tense under his black T-shirt, jaw tight like he’s physically restraining emotion.
God. He looks older, sharper, more worn-in by life and pressure, but still devastatingly handsome. Still the same man who once loved me so thoroughly it rewired my heart.
When he sees me coming he steps out and rounds his truck to open my door for me.
“Hey,” he says gently.
“Hey.” My voice wobbles and I silently curse myself as I slide into the seat.
Pathetic start.
“Connor’s good?” he asks softly.
“Yeah. He’s with a friend.”
Translation: We have time, even if I have no idea how to use it.
Harrison nods once and pulls away from the curb without another word.
The silence is thick, electric and painfully intimate.
Like we’re circling something neither of us is ready to touch yet.
He stays along the coast as we drive in silence, the city falling away behind us.
I have no idea where we’re going but a few minutes later, he pulls into a quiet cliffside spot that overlooks the ocean.
It reminds me of the kind of place he would escape to when he needed to breathe.
When he trusted me enough to show me the places that grounded him.
It also reminds me of the quintessential make-out spot.
My throat tightens. Some part of me—foolish or hopeful or both—likes that he brought me here. He parks, engine ticking softly as it cools. The ocean stretches out ahead of us, the sky darkening beneath the moonlight. It’s peaceful. Too peaceful for the mess of emotions inside me.
He turns off the ignition. “I promise I didn’t bring you here to make out.”
I force a chuckle. “Reassuring. Thank you.” I stare out the window focusing on the last tiny sliver of sunset over the water. “It’s very pretty out here.”
“Yeah.”
Another beat of silence.
Then so soft I almost don’t hear him, “Why didn’t you tell me, Harper?”
The words slice clean through the fragile calm. I flinch, staring down at my hands twisting in my lap like they belong to someone else. I’ve dreaded this question for ten years, replayed every version of this conversation in every mood, every fear, every guilty daydream.
But nothing prepares me for hearing it out loud.
“I knew you’d ask that,” I say quietly.
“It’s the only thing I can think about,” he replies, voice low, hurting. “I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me and I don’t understand why you’re telling me now.”
I swallow hard. “I was scared, Harrison. Terrified, if I’m being honest. I was a college senior and pregnant and you were weeks away from the draft combine.
Your whole future was about to begin.” My throat tightens.
“I didn’t want to be a distraction for you.
I didn’t want you to throw your dreams away all because we made a mistake. ”
Harrison’s body snaps rigid, as if I’ve knocked the air from his lungs. He whips around, eyes glassy, jaw clenched, pain etched in every feature of his face. “A mistake…”
“We were so young, H.”
H…the nickname I always used for him.
I was the only one who ever called him that.
“I know,” he manages, his head falling forward. “But you shouldn’t have—”
“I know that now,” I whisper, tears pricking my eyes. “I just…didn’t back then.”
The truth stings more coming out than it ever did sitting unspoken in my chest.
He lifts his head slowly and I can already see that he’s shattered. His voice cracks. “You could’ve told me, Harper. I would’ve shown up. For you. For him. For everything.” His hand hovers over his heart, as if trying to hold it together. “I would’ve—”
The words splinter inside me. I shake my head, voice trembling.
“I didn’t want your life decided by a committee,” I say.
“Agents. Team execs. The whole damn league telling you what to do with a baby. With me.” My voice cracks again.
“I didn’t want Connor to be a PR problem before he was even born.
I wasn’t strong enough back then to handle the repercussions of that. ”
He turns fully toward me, eyes blazing with hurt, shoulders trembling. The pain in his eyes almost unbearable. “You think I would’ve seen him like that? A PR problem?”
“No,” I choke. “But everyone around you would have. They already controlled your schedule, your workouts, what you ate, where you went. How much time we could spend together. I couldn’t let them control this too.”
He exhales sharply, scrubbing an unsteady hand across his jaw like he needs a second to steady himself. “When did you know?”
“I took a pregnancy test a couple weeks before we…” I don’t need to finish my sentence. The knowledge hangs between us, thick and suffocating.
He groans, half sobbing. “Fuck,” he rasps, his eyes squeezed shut.
When he opens them, they’re flooded with grief and pierce my soul.
“Ten years, Harper. Ten years I’ve missed.
” His palm slams against his chest—once, twice, three times—each strike echoing like a pistol shot.
He trembles violently. “I have a son, and I wasn’t there for his first ten years.
Do you understand what that does to me? Do you know how it feels to lose every laugh, every scraped knee, every step he took without me? ”
“I know.”
He buries his face in his hands and then pushes them through his hair.
“Fuck, Harper, you’ve made me no better than my own father,” he cries, his voice raw and ragged and filled with more emotion than I’ve ever heard from him.
“You made me into a deadbeat dad as if I had any choice in the matter. Hell, I don’t even know if I have the right to be angry about that, but it hurts. This fucking hurts.”
My eyes sting bearing witness to his pain. “I know. I know, and…and, I am so, so sorry.”
“Goddammit! Fuck!” he shouts, shaking his head, the pain in his eyes gutting me.
“And you know what the worst part is? I’m not even angry at you,” he tells me.
“Wait…yes I am. Jesus Christ, I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now.
I’m just…fucking angry! I’m angry at the timing.
I’m angry at every stupid thing that kept us apart!
I’m angry that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me you were pregnant.
God, Harper. I did that to you!” He pounds on his chest again.
“Me. That was my fucking fault. I caused you to have to go through life for the last ten years alone and that doesn’t make me feel good at all. I feel like a piece of shit, Harp!”
“You couldn’t have known, H.” Tears spill before I have time to stop them. “You didn’t know.”
“Why now? Do you need money? Is that it? Did you bring him here so I would give you—”
“No.” I shake my head, tears streaming down my face. “No, H. I don’t need your money.”
“Then why? Why are you doing this now?”
“Because I…”
The truth.
Just tell him the whole truth.
“Because the agency I work for expanded from coast to coast so when I was given the opportunity to move to Anaheim I—”
“Agency? What agency? What is it you even do here?”
I swallow back my nerves and continue. “I’m an agent, H. I’m the lead sports agent out of the Anaheim office for The Next Play Agency.”
“An agent?” he repeats, dumbfounded and completely caught off guard. “When did you—”
“You knew I was a sports management major. After you left I was hired by Next Play as an intern. They paid for me to go to grad school and get my business degree. I worked full time and took classes at night. Mom moved with me to New York and helped with Connor so I could build a life for us.”
His head practically spins. “Your mother knew?”
“Of course she did. I couldn’t do everything alone. I knew I was going to need…”
“Help?” he answers when my voice trails off. “You were going to need fucking help, Harper! And I could have been that for you!”
Tears roll down my cheeks. “I…I’m sorry, Harrison.
I thought I was doing what was best for you.
I was giving you an out. I didn’t want to trap you.
And I…I thought it might be good for Connor.
Good for me.” I shrug. “I admit, I didn’t think things through, but I promise you this wasn’t some premeditated tactic to…
to…to take your money or win you back or anything like that.
I promise I make plenty of money. I’m doing just fine.
But I saw an opportunity and took it assuming I would work out the particulars later.
That’s all. I wanted to figure out the best way to tell you about Connor. ”
He chuckles but I sense the sarcasm. “Well, you did a bang-up job there, babe.”
“I’m sorry,” I cry. “I’m so sorry.”
He reaches out, gently wrapping his warm hand over my cold, shaking one like he used to do when I was overwhelmed.
The feeling is familiar yet devastating at the same time.
“You gave me a son,” he murmurs. “And I didn’t even know it.
You didn’t give me the chance to know.” He squeezes my hand.
“I would’ve gone to the ends of the earth for you and our child, Harper.
” The edge to his voice is gone, replaced by heartache and sadness.
“I would’ve done anything for you. Anything for our son.
I loved you so goddamn much and you walked away from me, and I don’t know how to feel about that. ”
I press my free hand to my mouth to keep from dissolving completely.
“He’s a good kid,” I manage, voice barely there.