27. Eden
EDEN
Ally-Bear
Are you awake?
Ihad to blink a couple of times to make sure I read that right. There was no way Alana just reached out to me four hours after she ran off all mad at me.
Actually, I was sure I’d never hear from her again. Except maybe a quick, “Sorry, not coming with you tomorrow.”
Eden
Yeah. What’s up?
Ally-Bear
Nothing
Eden
It’s almost three in the morning, Alana… I don’t believe you just hit me up for nothing.
I couldn’t sleep because I was too busy waiting for Reece to call me back. Also, my head refused to stop thinking about Alana.
It was a curse.
She must’ve put something witchy into one of her pastries the other day, because there was no other logical explanation as to why she was occupying my every thought these days.
Ally-Bear
You’re right
Did you go find someone else?
Find someone else?
She didn’t seriously think I was that awful, did she?
Eden
What for?
Ally-Bear
Did you have sex with someone tonight?
I squinted at the screen, unsure of what to think as I stared at her message.
A nauseating feeling crept up on me the longer I kept rereading her text, and my heart started to race. Part of me wanted to believe she was joking, that she didn’t actually think I went out and found someone to fuck after she ran off. Another part of me was sure she really thought I did.
I took a deep breath, trying to think rationally about how to respond. It wasn’t anything like Alana to be so blunt, especially about a topic she was pretty uncomfortable with.
We never said we couldn’t sleep with other people while we were helping each other out with our deal. Sure, I assumed Alana wouldn’t find someone to fuck because that just wasn’t like her… but I wasn’t interested in a fling with anyone either.
Whether Alana agreed or not, we were technically in a relationship. And I couldn’t stand cheaters. I certainly wasn’t going to turn into one.
Eden
What kind of question is that?
Ally-Bear
Sheer curiosity. So, did you get laid or not?
For just a moment I wanted to lie, wanted to tell her I was still in bed with someone as we spoke… but I couldn’t. It wasn’t like me to lie like that, especially to Alana.
Eden
No, I didn’t. I spent the past hours thinking about how stupid I am for thinking you’d ever understand how attracted I am to you.
Ally-Bear
Do you mean that? Like… really mean it?
I hesitated for another second, my head spinning with confusion.
Perhaps I wasn’t being as obvious as I thought I was, but before I could type out a very clear response, my phone chimed with another message.
Ally-Bear
Can you open the door?
I’m outside your apartment… maybe we can talk in person?
Eden
Sure.
I jumped off the sofa—I figured watching TV was better than lying in a dark room all night—and jogged right over to the door, opening it.
Alana stood there, a small, awkward smile pulling on her lips. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears, uncertainty in them. She looked like she’d been walking around the block for the past couple of hours, yet so beautiful as she stood under the dim light.
“Hi,” she whispered, her gaze fixed on the ground.
The urge to reach out and cup her face, make her look at me, was so strong, but I held back just to give her the space I was sure she needed.
“Hi,” I replied, trying to smile at her. “Come in.”
As she stepped into the entryway, I could tell she was nervous. The following conversation wasn’t something I was looking forward to either, but it was very much necessary.
I couldn’t lose her as my friend over something this stupid.
We walked to the living room, and I settled onto the sofa, leaving space for her to sit next to me. Alana hesitated though, her eyes flickering between me and the sofa.
Finally, she sat down, farther away than I would’ve liked, but at least she was near me. I tried not to read too much into it, but the distance between us felt like an entire ocean.
Alana shifted uncomfortably, opening her mouth as if she was about to say something important, but then she didn’t speak at all.
I let us sit in silence for a while. Sure, I could’ve apologized for earlier, but she was the one who ran off, and she was the one who came back. I would apologize for how it went down soon, just not right at this moment. First, I wanted to hear what she had to say.
When she looked at me, I noticed the fear and determination etched into her features, but I didn’t dare comment on them.
“Eden,” she started, her voice shaking slightly. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I overreacted earlier, and I shouldn’t have. I was just… overwhelmed?”
I couldn’t reply as I didn’t know what to say.
She was overwhelmed? By what? So she touched my dick and found out I had a boner because of her, wasn’t that a good thing?
Alana always believed nobody could ever find her hot, but I did and she felt it, yet she still refused to believe it. How could that overwhelm anyone?
I kept my thoughts to myself though, not wanting to stir up more drama. I simply nodded and said, “It’s okay. I understand. Let’s just forget about tonight and start fresh tomorrow.”
She let out a shaky breath, and I could see some of the tension in her body easing from her shoulders. “I appreciate that, but I don’t think we should forget about it.”
“No?”
Her head shook. “I’m really trying to be more open and trusting, but… it’s hard.”
I reached out and placed a hand on her knee. For a moment I thought she was going to push me away, but instead, she covered my hand with her own.
“I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m not one to talk about myself a lot. I don’t trust a lot of people, and I don’t really open up to anyone ever. And perhaps I really do have trouble believing you. But I’m trying.”
“I know it’s hard. It takes time, and I’m here to support you. We’ll work through this together,” I said.
“It’s something I have to work on without you, Eden. You can’t teach me how to trust someone, and you can’t force me to be more open.” She might’ve been right about that. “Also, I’m sorry for asking whether you got laid or not. That was rude.”
“It’s okay.”
“You know…” She blew out a breath, stalling.
“I don’t even know why I cared. But the thought of you having been with someone while I was gone was unbearable.
I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and so I had no other choice but to ask.
And I know we’re not actually together, you can do whatever you want, but… I don’t know.”
I don’t know described it very well.
I, too, had no idea what was happening or what we were doing.
Ever since those stupid kisses, I couldn’t get her out of my head. It had only been two weeks, to be fair, but I never had this problem before.
Even in my previous relationships, I was never obsessing over a kiss before.
This was getting out of control, and I couldn’t even do anything about it because I barely understood what was going on.
“I get it,” I replied, my heart beating faster at my lie. “I wouldn’t really want you sleeping with Austin either. At least not as long as this… deal is still going on.”
Alana immediately pulled her hand away, adjusting her position on my sofa as she cleared her throat. Her expression strained as if she was in physical pain. “Oh, right. I-I wouldn’t have… well…”
She was hiding something, or perhaps the whole Austin topic just made her uncomfortable, though I didn’t know why.
Alana was still interested in Austin, wasn’t she? She would’ve told me if she wasn’t, right? And I mean, there was no reason for her to suddenly no longer want him.
Well, I thought Austin was the worst person to exist—on campus anyway. But as far as I knew, Alana thought the complete opposite, so her change of heart was impossible.
“It’s okay,” I said, offering her a soft smile. “We don’t have to talk about it. Honestly, I’d rather we never, ever talk about Austin.”
She looked almost relieved as I said it. “Thank you.”