31. Alana
ALANA
The bikini was killing me on the inside, but in the past fifteen minutes, Eden hadn’t once looked at me like he was disgusted or anything. In fact, it almost seemed as if he couldn’t tear his eyes away from me.
I wasn’t exactly sure if that was worse or better.
But there was one thing even stranger than the way Eden was looking at me. The heated water from the jacuzzi wasn’t the only thing making my skin feel like it was on fire anymore.
Eden sat on the opposite side of me, his gaze locked on me with an intensity that made my heart race. His eyes moved over every inch of me, and suddenly, I was really glad most of my body was underwater and almost impossible to see due to the jets.
The bikini did a terrible job covering up my breasts, and though half of my upper body wasn’t in the water, I hadn’t once caught him staring at that part of me.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to look or not. It would’ve made me so much more self-conscious, I knew that, but deep inside me, something wanted Eden to see me. Touch me.
Though, luckily for me, before I could’ve done anything stupid, Eden ruined it.
“Kaan said Austin’s roommate is throwing a party next weekend.”
Really? I didn’t know.
I knew of a party in the past, but I hadn’t heard a single person talk about next weekend. But that wasn’t technically Austin’s party, was it?
“Okay?” I spoke quietly, though I was sure Eden couldn’t even hear it.
“I’m getting back from my game on Saturday morning, so we could go if you want,” he said. Something in his voice told me he didn’t want us to go. I didn’t want to go either, but there was no way I could’ve told him.
Parties weren’t my thing, that he knew, but Eden was still convinced I wanted to get with Austin.
I should’ve told him what happened while he was gone for a game, and it probably changed my mind about Austin.
Seriously, I couldn’t deny that it was rude to say what he did.
And just the thought that my potential boyfriend ever willingly got with someone who he knew was in a relationship was… wrong.
If he did it once, he’d do it again.
Eden and I weren’t even really together and he refused to look at someone else.
I deserved more than what Austin wanted to give me. But it would’ve been weird had I told Eden I no longer wanted him, so I had to play along.
“We don’t have to. You’ll be super exhausted, I’m sure.” Maybe playing along didn’t work out all that well.
But I suppose my excuse made sense. I imagined hockey being exhausting. Besides, weren’t the playoffs just around the corner? I was sure those were important. And wasn’t the Frozen Four this huge thing in the college hockey community?
Eden cocked his head at me. “I’m always down for a party, Ally-Bear.” His gaze lingered on my lips for a second before moving up to my eyes. “Plus it gives me a chance to show you off.”
“Well, okay then. If you want to go, we can go.” I nodded slowly, but I was so over talking about parties and Austin that I decided to change the subject entirely. “Do you want to do this whole ice hockey thing professionally?”
After having listened to his family talk back and forth about how awesome and awful the NHL life was, I’d been wondering how Eden felt about it. I mean, his dad didn’t play for the NHL, but surely he saw what it did to everyone else?
Guess my question must’ve really caught him off guard because his eyes widened slightly. His lips parted in either shock or surprise and he was hesitating to reply.
Maybe he thought that he had no other choice, or he never really thought about it before. Either way, his expression looked odd. If he truly loved hockey as much as everyone else did at the table, shouldn’t he have been sure about what his answer to this very question would’ve been?
“I uh… I don’t know,” he admitted eventually, almost looking guilty as the words left his mouth.
“What’s your other option?”
A slim smile formed on his lips. “Taking over my dad’s restaurants.”
Hm. The smile, although slim, looked far more like that was what he wanted. “What if your siblings want to do that?”
“They don’t,” he answered, and confidently so. “I mean, Brooke’s happy with coaching. Elliot breathes hockey. And Nova… honestly, I’d be surprised if she wanted to be a chef for a living. She’s far more into fashion and modelling than cooking. Besides, I guess we could split them. Dad has a few.”
“So, what’s your relationship with hockey then?” I always thought he loved the game and that he loved being a goalie. There wasn’t a single time I’d heard him complain about any aspect of it. Not even when it was just the two of us.
But then again, I loved photography, yet I could always find some things to complain about.
Once again, his eyes filled with guilt. His gaze fell on the water, his slim smile disappearing immediately.
I just wanted to go over to him and hug him so tightly that all his worries would melt away. But I couldn’t.
Eden took a deep breath, his shoulders tensing. “I love hockey, I do. But sometimes… it just feels more like a chore rather than something I want to do.”
He paused, his gaze lifting to mine. “It’s not the game itself, you know? I love the adrenaline rush, the teamwork, the competition. But it’s everything that comes with it. The pressure, the expectations, the sacrifices…” His voice trailed off, a hint of frustration in his tone.
“Sacrifices? You mean, being away from your family all the time?” I asked to clarify. I guess it was the most annoying fault I heard his family talk about.
He nodded, then shook his head. “Yeah, but also my privacy. I mean, it’s not like NHL players are these huge names that everyone knows.
But I’ve seen what happened to Grey. He was probably one of the first openly queer guys in the industry, and it must’ve been horrible for him in the beginning.
I was still a baby then, so I don’t remember much.
What I do remember—because I was a little older now so it had been years—is him being so on edge every time a new article dropped.
He couldn’t even be seen with his husband without it being talked about online.
And Colin and Reece? God, the amount of shit they got for playing for the Rangers is insane.
All because their dad used to be the head coach of the team once upon a time.
People were even sending death threats to Sofia when Aaron announced their first kid being born and the Rangers congratulated them publicly. ”
That did sound horrible.
“And like…” He let out a frustrated sigh. “While I do tend to be very unlucky when it comes to love and stuff, I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship but at the same time barely being at home with her, you know? I get super clingy—though if you tell anyone I said that, I will deny it.”
I chuckled. “I’ll post about it right now. Where’s my phone?”
His eyes sparkled with amusement, but he still looked a little sad.
All this time, I thought the hockey life was easy. That it was glamorous and the players got paid so fucking much for barely doing anything. To be fair, I never paid hockey any attention either, so the fuck did I know?
Point is, I really didn’t think about how much these players and their spouses were sacrificing for one silly dream.
“I can’t imagine going through anything remotely close to what they did,” he added.
Fuck it.
I moved over to Eden, and though I was partly convinced he was going to push me away, his hands instantly laid on my waist, and he pulled me down on his lap.
I was going to complain and move off him because I was a little scared he’d realize how heavy I was, but Eden’s grip on me was so tight, I couldn’t have moved if I tried.
Guess he already knew I was going to move.
Eden held me close, his grip firm yet gentle, as if he was afraid I would disappear if he didn’t hold on tight enough. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, his breath warm against my icy skin.
“I don’t even have an agent,” he admitted. “My friends think I do.”
While I wasn’t exactly sure what that meant or what an agent did for players, I still nuzzled closer to him, offering what I hoped was comfort. “Do your parents expect you to continue with hockey?”
Eden shook his head immediately. “They would never.” He looked up, his green eyes meeting mine. “All my parents want is for me to be happy. Seriously, that’s all they care about. It’s all they ever cared about.”
“Then what are you afraid of, Eden? Nobody’s forcing you or should ever be able to force you to go pro,” I spoke, cupping his face with my hands.
“Would you still like me if I didn’t play hockey?” he asked, and he sounded almost bored by his own question. God, did he really think everyone only liked him because he was a hockey player?
That was awful.
“Of course I’d still like you,” I replied. “But I was being serious, Eden. What are you afraid of?”
His gaze softened, and his lips tugged up into a tender smile.
But as he replied, his whole face drained of that softness.
“Disappointing everyone. My family. My friends. But more importantly myself,” he answered.
“Hockey is all I’ve ever known. I’m good at it.
I know, if I continue, I will be successful with it.
But if I walk away from it, what do I have? ”
I felt a pang in my chest at his words, realizing the weight of expectation that burdened him. But more than that, I saw the vulnerability in his eyes, the fear of stepping into the unknown.
I knew that feeling all too well. He didn’t know, couldn’t have known either… but if I managed to step into the unknown a while ago and survive, I was more than sure that he could do it, too.
“You just said you would want to take over the restaurants for your dad,” I said. “You always say that my weight doesn’t define me. So, Sir Eden King, let me be the one to tell you that hockey doesn’t define who you are.”
Eden held my gaze for a moment, not speaking, probably not even breathing, until his lips slowly curved into a smile, and he leaned in to press a gentle kiss to my forehead. “So you do listen when I talk.”
“Sometimes,” I replied, caressing his cheek with my fingers. “You sure talk a lot.”
“You love it.” Eden brought his hands to my neck, grasping me gently as he held me in place.
Before I knew it, his lips met mine in a tender, hesitant kiss. It was soft and sweet, but my body responded to it immediately, arching toward him as I parted my lips, inviting him to deepen the kiss.
Eden didn’t hesitate, his tongue slipping into my mouth with a hungry groan.
His tongue swept over mine in a rhythm that sent shivers down my spine, and I could feel the heat building between us. It was such an unfamiliar feeling, yet somehow, I couldn’t get enough of it.
I moaned into his mouth as my hands roamed over his chest, feeling his muscles, carefully at first as if to ensure Eden was okay with my touch. He didn’t seem to mind it at all.
He broke the kiss first, panting as he looked into my eyes. “Fuck.”
“Sorry, I—” I was about to move off him when Eden gripped my hips tighter, forcing me to stay.
“You’re killing me, baby.”
Before I could reply at all, Eden claimed my mouth once again. His hands moved to my waist, pulling me even tighter against him as he ground his hips into mine.
I gasped—or tried to anyway—when I realized that I could feel the hardness of his erection press against me. “Eden,” I said, breaking the kiss to look at him.
“Do you want me to stop?”
I should’ve said yes, I knew that. It would’ve only blurred our whole deal if we crossed any more lines.
And yet, what came out of me was, “I’ve never done this before.”
Eden smiled at me, leaned in, and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be gentle.”
“Okay.”
“You tell me if you want me to stop, okay?” he said as his lips pressed to my neck, moving along my jaw, and his hand snuck between our bodies. His fingers traced the lines of my bikini bottoms, sending a shiver down my spine. “Promise you’ll tell me.”
“I promise, Eden.”