Chapter 6 #2
“Are you all right, Lottie?” Ms. Clark asked when she saw me still by my easel.
“Yeah. Just not in the mood to deal with the crowd,” I lied as I closed my bag and hung its strap on my uninjured shoulder.
She nodded with understanding as she went around her classroom, pushing stools closer to easels and collecting left-out supplies. “Have you been thinking about what to draw for your final?”
“I think I have an idea.” Another lie.
She paused from cleaning up when she made it to me.
“That’s good. I’m going to be giving you guys time in class to work on your final pieces soon,” she said as she fiddled with her crystal necklace.
It was a simple silver chain with a single inch-long oval pendant.
The crystal was very dark green, almost black, and all throughout it were these thick waves of red.
She caught me staring at it. “Do you like crystals?” she asked as she unclasped her necklace and held it out to me.
I took it and looked over the pendant. The red waves appeared as if the earth had used a paintbrush to create them. It reminded me of an abstract painting. “I don’t know much about them, but they’re beautiful.”
“That crystal is called bloodstone. It’s believed to instill courage and can be used for protection from physical and spiritual danger.”
I stared at her incredulously. “Do you really believe that?”
Grinning, she shrugged.
I went to hand the necklace back to her, but she refused to take it. “Keep it,” she said, and she went back to tidying up the room.
I stared down at the pendant. “I shouldn’t.”
“Because you think it’s overly generous or because you’re not allowed?”
I tried not to look taken aback. Allowed? I guessed that confirmed that she had heard Mother’s rude comment about her nearly three years ago.
Both was the honest answer to her question. Mother would rip it from my neck if she ever saw it on me. “It’s generous.”
“I want you to have it.” She paused what she was doing again to look at me. “Maybe it might help you one day.”
I clutched the pendant in my hand. “Thank you, Ms. Clark.”
She smiled. “Of course, Lottie.”
I said goodbye, and as I made my way out of the school, I put on the bloodstone pendant. I didn’t believe it had any power. It was a rock. A very pretty rock, but still just a rock. The only reason I was putting it on was because I wanted to wear it.
I rubbed the smoothed pendant between my fingers.
Courage and protection… It’d be nice to receive some of that.
When I went to hide my new necklace under my shirt, I noticed my button had come undone again. I refastened it.
The school parking lot had mostly cleared out. I didn’t run into Brandon, which was a huge relief. However, as I walked to my car, I saw someone waiting for me.
Roe was straddling his bike, parked in the spot right next to my G-Wagon. He watched as I approached. “You took your time leaving.”
I came to stand next to his motorcycle. “Were you waiting for me?”
“Do you like pool?” he asked, evading my question.
“The game with balls and sticks?”
He nodded with a smile.
“Never played,” I admitted.
“Would you like to?”
I was a little surprised, but didn’t let it show. “Right now?”
“Unless you got something better to do.”
I had to say no.
I had to.
The bruises on my body should have reminded me why I shouldn’t hesitate to tell him no.
But I did.
There hadn’t been anything I could have done to prevent last night. That was what had me in such a numb, messed-up state. Mother had just wanted to hurt me. It hadn’t been the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last.
Maybe I could have not gone into the kitchen. No. That would have just postponed the inevitable. She had gone looking for me to use me as an outlet for her anger before. I didn’t have any doubt that would have been the case again yesterday.
When I made a mistake, I could rationalize her hurting me as a punishment for that mistake.
In the back of my head, I knew it was still wrong even then, but I was in hell.
I couldn’t get out. To endure, I had to give my soul a reason for why bad things happened or it would shatter.
I found strength in telling myself that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.
I would do better. If I was perfect, there wouldn’t be any more pain.
So when she hurt me for no reason, I cracked. Like a broken mirror on the verge of crumbling. Right now, all I could do was stare at the brokenness, struggling to find the strength to start filling the cracks with glue so I could keep going.
I glanced back at the school. On the other side of it was the baseball field.
The fallout of Brandon finding out that I’d spent time with another guy…
Mother would kill me. I wished that was an exaggeration.
She really would. I didn’t want to die, but I was so fucked-up that there was a part of me that just wanted it all to be over.
Why not do something that I wanted for a change? The pain was never going to stop. I might as well do something to fucking earn it.
I mentally shook my head.
What am I thinking? I was having such rebellious, dangerous thoughts.
“If you’re worried about the boyfriend finding out, don’t be,” he said, drawing my gaze back to him. He held his hand out to me. “No one will recognize you where we’re going.”
My hand twitched at my side, wanting to take his. “You’re making it sound ominous.”
He looked like he was trying not to grin. “Maybe it is. I’ll bet you’ll have fun, though. Might melt that icy exterior and you’ll smile for once.”
I wanted to have fun. I craved it, even it if was short-lived. “I smile.”
“I’m talking about a real smile.”
There was no use arguing with him. It’d be a waste of energy.
Staring at the hand he was still holding out to me, I knew that to take it would be a huge risk. He alone was a risk.
Just this once.
I went to take his hand. Just as the tips of my fingers brushed his, I pulled them back. “I’m not getting on the back of your motorcycle.”
The corners of his mouth finally lifted, and I was gifted a beautiful smile. “Then follow me.”
I got into my G-Wagon and as soon as I turned it on, I took in a deep breath to calm my nervousness and exhaled as I shifted it into gear.