Chapter 9
Then
How is it that Taevin has been mine for eight weeks already? Time has flown by but nothing has ever felt so right. Every moment we spend getting to know each other, I swear is my favorite, only for the next day to roll around, taking over the top spot.
Right now being the perfect example. We’re nestled together in the bed of my truck, parked in a random field off a country road as we celebrate our two month anniversary—yes, I’m well aware I’m a complete sucker for this girl and celebrating a monthiversary may be cheesy as fuck, but I’m too far gone for her to even care.
There’s not a word in the English language strong enough to describe my fascination—my utter obsession—with Tae.
We’ve been nearly inseparable since the night of our first date, sneaking away at every opportunity to spend time together.
My friends are pissed I’ve ghosted them outside of school and hockey, and I know her father has to be suspicious of how much time Taevin is spending with “Ryan” lately.
In the matter of a couple months I’ve fallen fast and hard for the girl I’ve got wrapped in my arms. As I play with a strand of her long, inky waves, I say, “I feel crazy asking this, because I feel like it’s something I should already know but I’m gonna ask anyway.
Where are you planning to go to school in the fall? ”
“I got nearly a full ride to Berklee—” she starts, but I cut her off.
“As in Berklee College of Music?”
“The one and only,” she tells me as she turns onto her stomach and rests her chin on my chest.
Tucking my forearm behind my head as a pillow, I smile like a fool at her, and she quirks a brow in confusion at my expression. “Tae, that’s amazing. Wait, why haven’t you said anything? How am I only hearing about this now?”
“I’m still not sure if I’m going to go or not.” Her confession is hushed, full of uncertainty.
My face falls slightly. “What has you questioning it?”
“It’s not a full scholarship, and with out-of-state tuition and living expenses not covered, I’d graduate with a lot of debt I’m not sure is worth the risk when I’ll most likely end up a struggling artist after graduation. My dad doesn’t agree with me wanting to pursue a career in music.”
How can’t he see how incredibly talented she is? Even if he’s only ever heard her sing at church—which I can’t imagine is the case with how much joy she gets from singing—her dad should see how special she is.
“Some might call it fate that we could end up going to two separate colleges in the same city,” I suggest, but my stomach sinks at the thought of that reality potentially scaring Taevin.
I’ve come to the conclusion that now probably isn’t the best time to bring up the fact that she could live with me off campus after our freshman year to save on living expenses.
Hell, I’d ask her to move in with me freshman year if it weren’t for us both being required to stay in the dorms our first year.
“What are you talking about?” she asks, and it’s only now I realize I haven’t told her yet.
“I’m going to sign my National Letter of Intent tomorrow afternoon. My school is putting an assembly together for me, Carson, and a few of my other classmates.”
Her brows crease adorably in confusion. “Jax, you know me enough by now that I don’t have a clue what you’re saying. What is a National Letter of Intent?”
We haven’t discussed what we’re doing next year yet because our relationship is so new, and yet my chest squeezes in hopeful anticipation of what this could mean for us. My head is spinning with all of the plans I can envision us making together in Boston.
“Essentially, I’ll be signing my commitment to play hockey for Harvard next year. Which means if you do go to Berklee, we’d be like a fifteen minute drive away from each other.”
Taevin’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second before she quickly sits up and stares out at the field surrounding us. I follow her, wrapping my arm around her bent knee. When I chance a look at her, her bottom lip is pulled between her teeth, seemingly lost in thought.
“Care to share what’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours?”
She turns her gaze on me. “I’m not sure what to make of the thoughts that ran through my head just now.”
My stomach sinks with dread, and it must be written all over my face because Taevin is quick to add, “No, not like you’re thinking. They’re not bad thoughts—well, depending on how you look at it, I guess they could be.”
“T, you’re killing me right now,” I groan.
“I’m sorry, I’ll try to explain, it’s just, I’m not even sure how to process how I’m feeling at the moment,” she clarifies.
“Did I scare you?” I ask, playing invisible chords on her shin to distract me from the nerves I’m riddled with.
“The opposite, actually,” she admits sheepishly, and my head snaps in her direction so quickly, for a moment I think I’ve given myself whiplash.
“What does that mean, baby?”
Goosebumps erupt down her arms and shin at the term of endearment. She doesn’t need to admit it because I know she loves it when I call her baby.
“Like I said, I’m not sure what to make of it, but the moment you said we could potentially be fifteen minutes away from each other, all of these images ran through my head.” She hesitates a moment, so I give her leg a gentle squeeze of assurance.
“Like?”
“Like . . .” Tae sighs before continuing. “Like an image of me attending all of your home hockey games while I drown in a Harvard Hockey sweatshirt—”
I cut her off with a scoff. “Please, you’d definitely be wearing my jersey.”
Tae gives me a shy smile as an adorable blush heats her cheeks. “And images of the two of us grabbing lunch between classes. Or holding hands as we walk around Harvard Square.”
I nudge my shoulder into hers, nearly knocking her onto her side. “Keep ‘em coming. Matter of fact, think bigger, Tae. Wanna know what I see?”
She nods in response. “Tell me.”
Licking my lips, I gaze longingly into her eyes before I say, “I see the two of us experiencing our freshman orientations and then telling each other all about it over pizza afterward—we’re going to go to as many pizza places around Boston as we can until we decide on our go-to by our sophomore year.
” Pausing, I debate whether or not to go there, ultimately deciding: fuck it.
Taking a deep breath, I murmur, “Speaking of sophomore year, you’d graduate with a lot less debt if the two of us saved on rent and lived together. ”
A small gasp escapes Taevin as the words leave my mouth, but I don’t have it in me to regret them.
I know this is fast. I know I probably just put my foot in my mouth.
But I can’t find it in me to care. I want her to know how I feel about her.
This thing between us isn’t just a high school fling that’ll fizzle out after the summer.
We have a real shot at a future together.
Taevin Gray is my end game, and it’s about damn time she realizes it.
Taevin
Being in a relationship with Jackson is everything and more. But I think he may be certifiably insane—at least he’s talking that way right now.
What does he mean I could save money if we rented a place together my sophomore year?
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of the two of us going to college together in Boston and getting to see each other.
But the way he just suggested it—with so much confidence we’ll still be together a whole year from now—has me realizing I may be in a relationship with an actual crazy person.
Pretending as if he didn’t just suggest the most deranged thing I’ve ever heard, I roll my eyes and nudge his shoulder. “Tell me more about these pizza tastings we’d be having if I choose Berklee.”
Jax gives a small shake of his head. “It’s alright if you’re still a bit scared. We can circle back to discussing our living arrangements some time next year.”
“Over pizza?” I question.
“Obviously. Is there any other way?”
“Yes, but none as superior as discussing my boyfriend’s irrational thoughts over pizza.”
Jax decides to let my teasing comment go, instead shifting the conversation. “I got you a little something.”
With a quirk of my brow, I ask, “Did you?”
“I did,” he says before reaching to his side and handing me two long-stemmed red roses. “For you, my sweet Thorn.”
Inhaling them deeply, I sigh in contentment as the familiar scent floods my system. “Thank you, Bear. I love them.”
“And is that all you love?” he questions with a playful lilt to his tone.
Leaning over, I give him a quick peck and watch with rapt fascination as he slowly licks his lips and lets out a low groan. “God, I love that you taste like cinnamon and hazelnut.”
“And is that all you love?” I mock.
Before I can stop him, Jackson grabs one of the roses out of my hand and plucks a petal off. “She loves me.” Toss. Pluck. “She loves me not.” Toss. Pluck. “She loves me.” Toss. Pluck. “She loves me not.” Toss. Pluck. “She loves me.” Toss. Pluck.
Before he can grab another petal, I snatch it back and then drop the roses onto the truck bed and tug on Jackson’s coat to pull him on top of me.
He wraps his hand around my head before laying me on my back.
My breathing picks up speed as he hovers above me, perfectly content with staring into my eyes.
“I’m pretty sure I left off at ‘she loves me.’ Does that mean what I think it does?” he asks, a hopeful glint in his eyes.
“It does. I do. I’m not sure how you’ve managed to steal my heart in only a couple months’ time, but you did.”
“Say it,” he demands.
“I love you, Jackson.”
He hums in approval before brushing his nose against mine, but holds back on giving me the kiss I’m craving.
“Baby,” he whispers against my lips. “You make me so damn happy. I love you so fucking much, Taevin. I’ve never said those words to anyone outside of my family, but I needed to tell you. Just like I need to kiss you right now.”