Chapter 27 - Jackson
Now
Taevin and I are just leaving her six-week post-op appointment where Dr. Prescott went over Tae’s treatment plans for getting her port placed tomorrow and then her first round of chemotherapy will be administered right after they ensure the port’s placement looks good.
Dr. Prescott told us Taevin will be doing a chemotherapy regimen administered at the cancer center every three weeks for the next four months.
After opening the clinic door for her, I take her hand in mine and bring our joined hands to my lips. “You’re amazing, you know that?” I ask her as we make our way out to my truck.
Taevin smiles sadly at me, and I know it has everything to do with the news she received yesterday when I was unfortunately at practice instead of being beside her like I should’ve been.
Two embryos.
We have two little fighters.
And she was told the news about the future of our family alone.
I should’ve been there.
Which is exactly why as soon as she cried herself to sleep on my chest last night, I crawled out of bed and called Scarlett to inform her I’d be taking a leave of absence for each of Taevin’s chemotherapy treatments.
She told me to take all the time I need and to call her after Tae’s appointment today to let her know the frequency and duration of Tae’s chemo sessions.
“What do you say to getting some ice cream?” I suggest, not even having to ask her where she’d like to go, but saying it anyway.
“The Sprinkled Cone?” we question in unison, causing us to both fall into each other in a fit of laughter.
“Is that even a question?” she finally asks moments later.
“It is, but not a very good one,” I point out as I open the passenger door of my truck for her.
“I can’t believe the place hasn’t changed a bit since we were here last,” Tae says in awe minutes later while we wait by the pickup counter for our cones.
When her gaze lands on me, I shoot her a playful wink. “You and I were both sporting new rings on our fingers the last time we were both here.”
Taevin lifts her hand and frowns down at her bare left ring finger.
Clasping our hands together, I bring her left hand to my mouth and place delicate kisses on the back of it. “Don’t be sad, baby. That was one of the best days of my life.”
“I’m pouting because not only do I miss that version of us—so young, carefree, and in love—but I also miss the heck outta that ring. Whatever happened to it?”
I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her against my chest. “We’re still in love and fairly young, just a lot less carefree than we were back then. As for the rings, I’ve still got them in my safe back at the house.”
She looks up at me with her brows raised in surprise. “Really?”
“Oh, please. Don’t look so shocked. You already know I never moved on and that I’m sentimental as hell when it comes to you. Of course I held onto our wedding rings. Hell, if our marriage wasn’t a secret from everyone in my life, I would’ve worn the ring on my finger all these years.”
“Yeah, instead you just secretly stayed married to me and then got thorns tattooed on your ring finger. When did you get your sleeve?”
I rub my free hand through my scruff, hesitating for a moment as I struggle to compose my thoughts.
“Well when college me learned the hard way that kissing a bunch of girls wouldn’t numb the pain after you left, I needed some other way to fill the void in my heart.
And the one tattoo I had on my body was a reminder of the best day of my life, so I figured I could pass the time without you by inking your memory all over my skin.
I started with my left arm sleeve, which took nearly two years to complete because I didn’t have the time.
Then I got my chest piece and my side tattoo.
My right leg has taken the longest—almost four years in total, I think.
My plan was just to tattoo every surface available until you came back to me. ”
“Glad I got to you before they touched your pretty face,” she taunts as she bops me on the nose.
Our orders are called and I grab them before following Taevin outside to a bench I’ve always considered ours even through all these years apart.
Tae takes the first big lick of her monster cookie ice cream and sighs in content. “I’ve missed late September days in Minnesota.”
“They’re hard to beat,” I agree.
“I love the brisk mornings where we need sweatshirts but then we get afternoons like this where we can be in T-shirts and eating ice cream. And nothing beats the maple trees we have here. The bright oranges, yellows, and reds of their leaves are like the perfect kaleidoscope of color.” She looks so beautifully peaceful and at ease in this moment.
Taking her free hand in mine, I tell her, “I planted five maples about three years ago toward the back edge of the property. They’re not very mature yet, but their leaves should start changing in the next week or two.
I was thinking of building a hot tub and sauna out there so it was tucked away from the house. ”
“Will you take me out there when we get home?” she questions.
I smile at the way she so easily refers to it as our home now. “Of course.”
“Oh! And can we maybe stop at an apple orchard on the way home? I was thinking of baking my apple muffins before my appointment tomorrow so you can have them for your game day just like old times.”
How could I say no to that? My mouth waters just at the mention of her apple cinnamon muffins. What she doesn’t realize yet is I have no intention of playing in my game tomorrow, but I’m not bringing that up right now.
Swallowing down a bite of my cone, I clear my throat and tell her, “Yeah, there’s actually one a few miles down the road from our house. Could this be considered our second first date?”
I shoot her a playful wink when her cheeks heat an adorable shade of pink.
“We may have gone about things in a round about way considering we’re already married.”
“Griffin was just telling me he and Kenna read an article that said it’s important to always date your spouse,” I tell her, thinking back to what Griff and Kenna were talking about when we were on the way home from the bar the other week.
The details are a bit fuzzy, but I think I got the gist of it.
Taevin’s small smile at the mention of my best friends warms my chest. “I’ll be sure to ask Kenna for all the marital advice she can give us. They seem like relationship goals from what I’ve seen.”
“Yeah, I mean in their second act for sure. But they’ve had to work for it. After Katie died, Griff went a bit off the rails. He cut everyone out of his life, even Kenna. G didn’t even know about Cadence until she was eighteen months old.”
“Wait, really? I didn’t realize that,” she admits.
“Yeah, he actually found out he had a daughter after his game against Carson in Minnesota when Kenna happened to be there with Cadence.”
Taevin shifts, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “Grief changes people and affects everyone differently.”
I nod in agreement. “It does. And Griffin lost himself for a bit there after he lost Katie. But together Cadence and Kenna brought him back and breathed life into him again. Now the life they’ve built together is beautiful, but it didn’t come without sacrifice and hard work to get where they are now. ”
“Then they one hundred percent are relationship goals. Life is messy, overly complicated, and often catches us off guard. Being able to find your person to share in the good times and hold onto throughout the chaos is the ultimate goal.”
“Couldn’t have put it better myself. I’m holding on and I’m not letting go, Tae.”
“I’m going to hold you to that,” she whispers, fidgeting with her cone and worrying her lip before looking up at me with teary eyes. “I thought about coming back home for the funeral, but I wasn’t sure you’d want me there.”
Pain slices through my chest at her admission. I rest my hand on her thigh and give it a gentle squeeze. “I would’ve wanted you there. In fact, I kept looking around the gymnasium where they held the memorial service for you.”
“If I could go back in time and change how I went about things, I would in a heartbeat.”
Licking my lips, I hesitate before saying, “What I still can’t wrap my head around is why you left the way you did. I mean, I get that you were presented with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity at eighteen, but we were so solid leading up to that.”
She bites the inside of her cheek. “Do you remember when you brought me turkey hunting with you in the spring right before graduation?”
I give her a small smirk, remembering exactly what we did in the woods. “Yeah. How could I forget?”
Tae doesn’t smile back. In fact, she winces. “Well there were, um, pictures of what we did. In a compromising position.”
Confusion must be written all over my face because without waiting for me to respond, she continues. “There were trail cameras.”
My stomach sinks and nausea takes over. “But those cameras were on our land,” I stammer.
She nods once.
“What does that have to do with you leaving, T?”
Wiping a stray tear, her eyes search mine, bouncing back and forth like she’s begging me to find the answer hidden in her gaze so she doesn’t have to say it out loud.
Finally she murmurs, “Your father approached me the day I met with Kyle for the first time. I was leaving the meeting thinking I’d turn Kyle down, or at the very least, that I’d consider the record deal only if I got to continue with my plans to attend school in Boston.
” She pauses, licking her lips and it gives me a moment to put the pieces together.
“Taevin, did my father blackmail you with pictures of us?”
Her lip quivers as she nods her head.
Holy shit. I didn’t see that coming. At all.
“He said if I didn’t break up with you, he’d release the pictures to the media and both of our futures would be ruined.
Apparently he even had footage of us from the cameras.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, Jax.
I was sick about it for weeks. You have to know, I never wanted to break us, but I didn’t see any other way.
I signed with Kyle and took the record deal because I didn’t see any other way.
But then when I found out I was pregnant, I knew I couldn’t keep it from you.
Even if it meant your father ruined our futures.
So I sought you out when I was in Boston.
I had planned to tell you about the baby and, well, you know the rest.” She buries her head into my chest, and I rub my hand up and down her back in an attempt to soothe her while my world feels like it’s crumbling around me.
How could he do this to his own son?
I’ve come to realize over the years just how controlling and manipulative my father is, but even knowing that, I never thought he’d do something this vile.
Blackmailing his own son with revenge porn? I feel like I’m going to be sick. Especially when I grasp that all the time I lost with Taevin was because my father stole it from us.
I’ll never forgive him.
The urge to call my mother and tell her about what he’s done subsides slightly when I feel Taevin’s shoulders tremble against my chest.
As much as I wish she would’ve come to me about this then, there’s nothing we can do to change the past. She must’ve been so scared. And felt so alone.
Taevin lifts her head and looks at me with tear-filled eyes. “I’m so sorry, Jackson.”
Shaking my head, I take her hands in mine. “Don’t be. You have nothing to apologize for.”
She closes in on herself and looks down, avoiding my gaze. “I should’ve come to you. We could’ve tried to come up with a solution together.”
Lifting her chin, I stare into her eyes so she can see how sincere I am. “We can’t do the whole could’ve should’ve would’ve thing. We decided we’re moving forward together, and I meant that. This changes nothing aside from the fact that my father is cut out of our lives for good.”
I pull her into my arms and she lets out a heavy sigh against my chest. We stay like that—silently soaking in the afternoon sun—for I don’t even know how long until I finally suggest, “We should get going to the apple orchard before it closes.”
Taking her hand in mine, we make our way to my truck. Even though what she just admitted was hard to talk through, it’s like a heavy weight has been lifted off her shoulders.
The apple orchard lifts both our spirits, and each time a soft smile lights up her face, I can’t stop myself from kissing her cheek or tugging her under my arm.
I love this woman with everything I am, and I refuse to let skeletons from our past cast shadows on what we have. Letting go of what lies behind allows for brighter days ahead.