Chapter 32 Jackson
Now
Settling back into the bed beside Taevin, I pull the covers over me and slide my arm around her waist.
The late morning sunlight filters through a crack in the curtains and I’m paralyzed by my captivation for my sleeping wife.
And it’s not even because she’s the most gorgeous woman to have ever walked the planet.
Beyond her looks and god-given talent, she’s a genuinely good person who is beautiful inside and out.
I’ve been doing my research, trying to get caught up in all things Tae since we’d parted ways.
She amazes me with everything she’s managed to build—she’s more than just a singer and songwriter.
In only ten years in the industry, she’s become a household name and crossed several genres with her music.
A few weeks ago, we were in the studio and she was showing me how to use some of the equipment so we could mess around with testing out the sound quality.
Getting to watch Tae in her element was unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.
She’s become a far better guitar player than I ever was, in fact she showed me a thing or two, which turned me on far more than it should’ve.
There’s just something so innately sexy watching her come alive behind a piano or with a guitar in her hands.
Beyond her talent, I’m amazed at how much she’s flourished in our time apart despite living under the spotlight and now knowing the loss she was healing from.
You never know how people will manage having that much fame and fortune—some people let it get to their heads and they think they’re holier than thou.
Not Taevin. Not only has she started a foundation to provide financial assistance to young women battling cancer like her mother did, and now she has the same fate, but she also sponsors several college scholarships for teens who’ve lost a parent to cancer.
Beyond that, she is generous to her team, band, producers, and fans.
Pride like I’ve never felt swells in my chest, and the fact that I get to call this enigmatic woman mine is beyond comprehension. It’s not lost on me that I’m the most fortunate man alive.
Today is Tae’s birthday and I’d give anything to be able to spend the entire day with her uninterrupted, but unfortunately I have practice this afternoon. Thankfully the girls planned their bookclub meet-up during the same time, so I don’t feel quite as guilty leaving her.
I’ve just put the finishing touches on a surprise set up in the kitchen with a few decorations, her gifts, and a small breakfast spread for the two of us.
But knowing how tired she’s been, I don’t want to wake her up.
Instead, I hold her close and preoccupy myself with counting the number of breaths she takes and studying the details of her tattoos.
I’m so absorbed in memorizing each line etched across her skin, I don’t notice her stir awake at first.
She rolls onto her back and smiles up at me. Pitched up onto my one elbow, I cup her face and bring her in for a slow kiss that starts out innocent but turns carnal pretty quickly.
I break the kiss, getting lost in her coffee-colored eyes. “Happy twenty-ninth birthday, baby.”
A radiant smile eclipses her face. “Thank you!”
“This is the first birthday of yours I get to spend with you. Isn’t that crazy?”
“It is. Especially because I remember your birthday we spent together like it was yesterday.”
“Is that so? If I remember correctly, I believe it began a little something like this,” I muse, tugging her waist to bring her closer.
Chest to chest, we kiss again. I’m not sure anything beats a lazy morning makeout session with the person you love.
Our tongues swirl sensually until we’re both panting for air and I’m thoroughly worked up.
“I made breakfast. Do you want to eat in bed or in the kitchen?” I ask breathlessly.
“Mmm. What do you prefer?” she asks, her eyes hazy with lust.
I smile down at her and bite town on my bottom lip to stop myself from kissing her again before she’s eaten her birthday breakfast. “Doesn’t matter. It’s your birthday, love.”
Tucking a stray piece of her hair behind her ear, every muscle in my body locks in place when I pull my hand back and see several strands of Taevin’s raven hair tangled between my fingers.
Her brows pinch in confusion. “What is it?”
I make a fist and do my best to hide the evidence before she can see it but I’m unfortunately not quick enough because Tae catches sight of them out of the corner of her eye.
She startles and shoots out of bed to flee into the bathroom, and that’s when I see her white pillowcase littered with several long, black locks.
Flying out of bed, I hurry after her but stop dead in my tracks when I find her sitting on her vanity bench in our bathroom with her head in her hands as muffled sobs wrack her body. Inching closer, I see another clump of her hair on the vanity table in front of her.
Without hesitation, I straddle the little space left of the bench seat and pull her into my lap, running my hands up and down her spine to try to comfort her.
Ideas of what to say race through my brain, but I can’t seem to land on anything worth saying to her when she breaks the silence.
“I knew this was more than just a possibility. I mean, I’ve noticed increased hair loss for the past week or so just when showering or brushing my hair.
But I still held out hope that maybe the cool capping would prolong it. ”
I bury my head in her neck and breathe her in, attempting to not only comfort her but also calm my racing heart. “I’m so sorry, T.”
“It’s not even so much that I’m losing my hair as it is the fact that cancer has stolen so much from me already.
” Her voice breaks and my chest cracks right down the center at the despair evident in what she’s just said.
I wish for nothing more than to make this better—to be able to turn back the clock and eradicate the very first cancer cell in her body before it ever started multiplying.
“I already look in the mirror and hardly recognize my reflection,” she adds.
Tae has lost a lot of weight from the treatments combined with her nausea and lack of appetite.
I’ve found myself up late at night staring at the ceiling as I hold her withering body in my arms, questioning why this is happening.
Why her? Why now when she’s so young? Why curse her with the same fate her mother had?
I then find myself feeling immense guilt and anxiously wondering if my dwindling faith has made God mad and this is my punishment for my sins.
I rub my hands up and down her back in an attempt to soothe her.
“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met—inside and out.
Right now, nothing and no one else matters outside of you getting better.
I can’t imagine how hard this is for you, but as far as the fans are concerned or the label, their opinions don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. ”
Tae pulls back just enough to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Yeah, you’re right. I think Kyle just got in my head even more when he demanded I do that performance next month.”
“Wait, what?” I question, taken off guard by what she just said.
Tae starts to wring her hands together so I clasp them in mine and rub my thumbs along the backs of her knuckles. She searches my eyes, for what, I’m not sure. I give her a nod of encouragement, hoping it’ll help spur her on.
“Kyle called me right before Walker came over to watch your game the other day. He said the label was demanding I be a part of their Country Gives Back Concert happening in Nashville the week before Thanksgiving. Apparently almost all of the other big country artists from the label are performing.”
I bite my cheek to stop myself from telling her what I’ve come to think of Kyle after spending more time together and hearing more and more stories of what he’s said over the past several months. The guy seems like a manipulative, controlling asshole. Shocking to no one, I don’t like him at all.
Instead of telling her how I really feel, I roll my lips together as I mull over how to react to this. “How many songs do they expect you to perform?”
She bites her lip in contemplation. “I told Kyle I’d only perform one song of my choosing.”
My brows pinch in confusion. “This concert is such a big deal that they’d have you fly to Nashville while receiving cancer treatments just for one song?”
“Apparently so. The label is one of the main sponsors who has helped put this concert together, and my participation is strongly advised.”
“When is the concert?”
“It’s actually the day after your game in Nashville. Saturday, November 18th. Do you think maybe you could ask Scar if you could stay back instead of flying with the team to MN?”
I take a moment to think of logistics then let out a curse when I realize that Saturday is when Scar had planned for our team to have our mom’s weekend where the players bring their moms on an away trip.
“Shit, I’ll double check with Scar, but I’m pretty sure that’s the mom’s trip. I believe we’ll still be in Nashville, but the itinerary has us scheduled for dinner and then a concert at the Grand Ole Opry.”
“I love the Opry,” Tae sighs wistfully, a brief reprieve from the anxiety that comes roaring back. Her face crumbles, her bottom lip quivering. “What if I’m completely unrecognizable by then?”
I kiss her forehead again. “Have you considered sharing your story? Telling your fans about your diagnosis? It might alleviate some of your anxiety around keeping it a secret.”
“I’ve mulled it over hundreds of times—questioning whether keeping it under wraps is the right thing to do. I just don’t want the pitying looks everywhere I go.”
My brows pinch. “Is that how you feel about me and our friends here?”