Chapter - 3
ELOISE
I don’t know what happened.
I blinked and rubbed my eyes, wondering how I got here.
It was like I was sucked into a black hole.
I checked the time on my phone, which flashed four a.m. on the screen.
Thank goodness it was Saturday, and that I didn’t have to wake up for work soon. I could sleep in as much as I wanted with little to no repercussions.
I only had a couple of chapters left. I was ninety percent of the way through the book, and I had made it this far, so I figured I might as well see it through.
How did I get so absorbed in this story? Well, what little story there is. I had a glass of wine that I kept topping off with a bottle I had resting on my nightstand as I read the alien erotica, and even though I was definitely buzzed from drinking nothing but wine the last five hours, I was still aware enough to want to keep reading.
The woman and the alien man had done the deed half a dozen times already, and I was still desperate to see the story through.
Did the author find a way to put crack into her stories? Why was I so invested? Why was I willingly choosing to ignore most of the features the author used to describe the alien man. Horns? Pass. Tail? Pass. The skin texture she kept describing every second she could? Ick.
Everything else? Smash.
I’d smash this alien so hard.
I opened my phone to send a voice memo to my friends, the brightness from my phone screen made my eyes squint and blurred my vision before I found the group chat they had been messaging on earlier while I was reading.
Adam: Logan, you alright man?
Court: Yeah, it looked like you had a busted lip after.
Josh: Need me to ice it better for ya, big guy? (;
Logan: I’m flattered, but the swelling has already gone down.
Beck: Are you in trouble for the fight?
Blah. Who gave a shit. I didn’t participate in the group chat but instead went to tap on either Josh or Beck’s contact information. I was too tired and lazy to make extra taps on the screen that would result in a smaller group chat with the two of them, and I figured I would tell them both in detail my experience with their recommendation at some point. I just wanted to treat them to some live reactions I had thus far. Because my fingers felt a little tingly from the excess wine, I decided to go with a voice message.
“First of all,” I started, hearing my own smile and tipsiness in my voice, “The communication barrier? Hot. The protectiveness? Hot. I get it now. Holy hell. I am so blown away by all of this.” I sent that first, figuring that was a good place to start. I read a couple more sentences before the alien made another grand gesture for his lady friend, making my lady parts warm and my heart melt.
I held my phone up again as I started another voice message. “The things I would let him do to me. I’m so glad I charged my vibrator recently. Hot. Damn!” I laughed a little before I cut off the message and sent that one too. I knew I was intoxicated, and I knew that Beck or Josh would absolutely roast me for staying up late and getting tipsy and reading alien erotica, but they created this monster, so it was fine.
I read a few more lines, my heart rate picking up yet again when it looked like the couple was about to do the deed another fucking time in their little cave. This story had very little plot, but I didn’t care. It was enough plot to justify all the sex for me.
I picked up my phone again for one last voice message. “I’m ruined. I can’t come back from this. Am I into grunting, pushy men with communication barriers now? I’m feeling the feminism leave my body little by little.” I sent that one too, giggling to myself before I finally put my phone down and continued the story.
How the author could balance the line between feminism and possessive instincts was fascinating. I understood that this was clearly fiction and that in reality, I would probably punch a guy in the face who acted like this. However, books were meant to be enjoyed. And I sure as hell was enjoying the shit out of this.
An hour and a half later, I finally finished. I plugged in my e-reader and phone on my nightstand before I simply crawled under the covers and passed out. I had filthy dreams of alien men with weird skin and phenomenal genitalia designed specifically for the female orgasm, for seven hours.
***
My phone buzzing woke me up. Not the sunlight peeping through my blinds. I was a little hungover, but not enough to where I couldn’t slap my hand around and find my buzzing phone. My head was just a little sore, so I stayed lying down as I squinted my eyes at the screen.
Beck was calling me.
I also noticed that it was about twelve thirty, I needed to get up and say hello to Susan and thank her again for letting me move in.
“Beck, how did this happen?” I answered the FaceTime call, snuggling a little more under the covers until they were tucked close to my chin. She was sitting on Adam’s black leather couch, clearly having been awake for a few hours at this point on her Saturday. She gave me a confused look, making me giggle like a crazy person.
“How did what happen?” Beck asked. I pulled my face free from the covers a little bit more so that she could see my lips move. Beck was hard of hearing, and even though her hearing aids happened to pull a lot of weight for her ears, it was still best for her to see the lips of whoever was speaking to her just in case.
“This!” I reached over and grabbed my e-reader, pulling up the cover image of the book I had burned through last night. Beck squinted at her phone screen and then her face lit up.
“Oh my god, you read it already?” Beck asked, giggles escaping her. Adam walked behind the couch in the background, stopping to plant a peck on the crown of her head before he continued past.
“Yes! Did you not get my voice messages last night?” I asked. Beck’s brow furrowed and she shook her head.
“Huh, I must have just sent them to Josh,” I shrugged. “I’m so invested. I’m going to download the other books today.”
“I knew you’d love it,” Beck smiled, “I was just calling to see if you need help unpacking anything today. I know you hired movers, but I figured you still had stuff to unpack.”
“Beck,” I sighed, pretending to sound irritated with her. “Why are you the sweetest?”
She rolled her eyes at me in response, I crossed my eyes back at her.
“Sorry for breathing,” Beck spoke, a smile on her lips.
“I’m fine actually, but I’m down to hang out today if you want to come say hi to Susan.”
“I was going to stop by anyway, just to see if she needed any errands run.” Beck really was the sweetest. Last I heard, she had no contact with her parents. As a result, she poured all her love and energy into the only other family member she was friendly with, her grandmother. Who was now my roommate. Which reminded me, I really needed to wake up and get my day started. How rude was I to move in and then sleep in past noon?
“Cool, I’ll see you soon, then,” I saluted her, she saluted me back, and we hung up the call. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and slowly sat up in bed, aware of the minor ache in my head as I changed positions. Eventually, I put on sweatpants and a tank top before heading downstairs in search of ibuprofen. I clearly had too much wine last night.
I had just made it downstairs when I was greeted by my other roommate, Courtney, who I thought was staying the night at Josh’s last night.
“Hey! Did you sleep here last night?” I asked, finger-combing my hair out of my face as I stepped out of her way so she could ascend the stairs.
“What? No. Josh and I just got here.” Courtney gave me a funny look and trotted upstairs to her bedroom. I shrugged and walked over to the kitchen, where Josh and Susan were sitting at the kitchen table with two mugs of tea.
“Morning, sleepyhead.” Susan greeted me with a very pointed look at her cell phone, checking the time with raised eyebrows.
“I know, I’m so sorry. I usually don’t do this.” I smiled sheepishly as I made my way over to the coffee maker.
“You just woke up?” Josh asked, disbelief on his expression as he sipped his tea.
“Yeah, I stayed up all night finishing the book you recommended,” I replied, getting a clean mug from the cupboard, and putting it under the drip of the coffee maker.
“What? Really?” I lifted my eyebrows at Josh’s surprised tone.
“Didn’t you listen to my voice messages?” I asked him, an embarrassed blush heating my cheeks.
“You sent me voice messages?” Josh asked, leaning to his side so he could pull his phone out of his pocket to check. I nodded and waited patiently while he pulled them up. I was preparing for what I sounded like on the recordings since I was still a little foggy on what exactly I said. I tried to remember, but I only remembered feeling silly and horny. Hopefully, Courtney wouldn’t be weirded out by the messages I sent her fiancé at four a.m.
“I don’t have any voice messages from you.” Josh frowned a little, his thumb swiping as he scrolled through his screen.
“Really? Beck didn’t have any either. I thought I sent them to one of you.” I frowned too, pulling my own phone out of my sweatpants to double-check.
“Maybe you sent them to someone else?” Susan suggested, slurping loudly from her mug as soon as she saw Courtney come back down the stairs.
“Ugh, Susan, if you want me to move out, just say so.” Courtney came over and took Susan’s empty tea mug from her hands and promptly set it in the sink so that the older woman would cease her loud slurping. I giggled before glancing back down at my phone.
Huh, the most recent message thread I had was unread messages from the group chat.
Directly underneath that was Logan.
Why did I have a message thread with Logan? We never texted each other—
“Oh no,” I mumbled, my heart sinking into my gut as I tapped on the conversation with Logan to see three voice messages from me, “Oh, no, no, no.”
“What?” Courtney asked, walking over to stand by me and look over my shoulder.
“I sent them to Logan by accident,” I wheezed. God, this was so embarrassing. Now Logan was going to know I read alien erotica at four a.m. like a crazy person. “He’s going to tease me so bad for reading this.”
“What did the voice messages say?” Josh asked, his eyes bouncing between his fiancée and me.
“I can’t remember, but I know I was tipsy and now he has yet another reason to make fun of me.” I pinched the bridge of my nose in irritation with myself.
“Play them. If you were tipsy, you probably just didn’t make sense. Which would explain why he hasn’t responded to them yet.” Courtney shrugged with a nod of her chin towards my phone. I tapped on the first recording I sent him.
“First of all, the communication barrier? Hot. The protectiveness? Hot. Holy hell. I am so blown away by all of this.”
Oh dear god.
The kitchen was silent.
“Um,” Josh nodded, his eyes wide as he tried to make it not weird, “That’s fine, what was the next one?”
My blood was running colder than normal, so I tapped on the second message.
“The things I would let him do to me. I’m so glad I charged my vibrator recently. Hot. Damn!”
Oh fuck. I tapped on the last one while everyone sat in silence absorbing that message.
“I’m ruined. I can’t come back from this. Am I into grunting, pushy men with communication barriers now? I’m feeling the feminism leave my body little by little.”
Fuck. I knew that this was worse, but my sleepy brain couldn’t quite fathom why yet. All I knew was that my heart was racing and I wanted to hide in a hole for the rest of my life. I slowly slid down the cupboards until I was sitting on the kitchen floor, my own eyes wide as I stared at the message thread with Logan.
I assumed my face conveyed the horror I felt.
“Oh my god!” Josh started laughing, and soon Courtney and Susan joined him. I didn’t care. They could laugh as much as they wanted, but that didn’t change how mortified I was, “This is my favorite day!” Josh cried as he covered his eyes with one of his hands.
“Screw you all, this is humiliating!” I flipped the room off, my eyes still glued to my phone. It was like if I stared at it long enough, it would magically disappear and cease to exist.
Nope. The voice messages still sat there on my screen.
“Logan thinks you want him now,” Courtney giggled, sliding down next to me on the floor. “This is amazing.”
“What?” I was blinking rapidly at her, my mind racing with her words. “Why would he think that?”
“Because!” Courtney pointed directly at my phone with a grin she couldn’t hide, “You’re talking about how hot you are for quiet, grunting men with communication barriers. Getting into fights and defending your honor. Why wouldn’t he think that, after getting into a fight during the game just last night? No man would listen to that and assume you were talking about erotica.”
“It’s true,” Josh was still laughing as he spoke, his face buried in both of his hands as his elbows rested on the kitchen table. “If I was Logan, I would one hundred percent assume you were into me. Regardless of how buzzed you sound in those recordings.”
No, no, no.
This was horrible.
Logan and I had gotten into it in the past due to my inability to understand ASL as well as everyone else in the group. In fact, I had specifically smushed pie all over him because he had teased me for the inappropriate signs I accidentally used.
Logan was going to think I was making a pass at him.
Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.
Just then, I glanced at my phone and saw three dots start to bounce at the bottom of the message thread. Oh shit, he was responding!
“Fuck!” I cried, fumbling my phone out of my hands. Courtney was trying to control her laughter as she retrieved my phone from the kitchen floor and held it up. I could see that hismessage had come through, but not what it said until she grinned like the Cheshire cat and turned the phone to show me after reading it herself.
Logan: We should probably talk.
“I told you!” Courtney pulled my phone away from me and clutched it to her chest, pointing a finger at me as she jumped off of the kitchen floor and cackled. She then hopped over to Josh and Susan to show them the message, making them both laugh some more.
“Help! Help!” I started flapping my hands like a bird, unable to make a movement with my body that made sense. Anxiety was taking over my muscles.
“With what?” Courtney asked, setting the phone down on the table before she plopped herself down on Josh’s lap. He wrapped both of his arms around her waist before resting his forehead against her shoulder, his own shoulders still shaking with silent laughter.
“How do I explain this?!” I cried, rubbing my palms on my cheeks in stress. Josh lifted his head from Courtney’s shoulder to smirk at me.
“You say, ‘Don’t worry, Logan, I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about this big hunky alien in my book that I masturbated to last night.’” I sarcastically laughed at Josh’s summary of the situation, pulling open a kitchen drawer next to me, and wadding a hand towel into a ball before chucking it at him.
He dodged the ball easily. To be fair, it was a bad throw.
“I can’t say that! Then he’ll know I read alien erotica!” I explained with angst.
“So?” Courtney lifted a shoulder, her smile becoming a little more confused.
“So, I don’t want him to tease me for what I read!” Courtney shook her head at my explanation as if she was struggling to come up with another solution to the problem.
“Well, you could always pretend you’re into him and just allow him to let you down easy.” Courtney quirked her lips to the side. “Actually, that’s not a bad idea. If you pretend you want to sleep with him and he turns you down, he probably won’t make fun of you for anything anymore. He’d be too embarrassed to be anything other than cordial with you.”
“Hold up.” Josh kept his arms around Courtney, but leaned back to get a better look at her. “What makes you think Logan wants to turn her down?”
“He responded with, ‘We should probably talk,’ which never means a good talk.” Courtney lifted her eyebrows at Josh as if her explanation was obvious.
“You don’t know that. You’re assuming a lot, love.” Josh nipped once at Courtney’s ear, making her shoulders scrunch and playfully shove him away.
“You’re telling me you would respond with ‘we should probably talk’ if you were all for what you heard in those voice memos from Lo?” Courtney countered, staring her fiancé down. It was his turn to quirk his lips to the side.
“Courtney,” Josh’s voice dropped, “If you had sent me those voice memos when we were unofficially dating, I would have called you immediately to initiate some sort of phone sex with you.”
“And that,” she tapped her fiancé on the nose with her index finger, “Is exactly my point.”
Josh frowned at this.
So did I.
Was I into Logan? No. I mean, he was physically attractive, but that didn’t mean I wanted to give him a ride of any sort. Even though the mental image Josh had painted for me may have lingered in my mind. Perhaps that mental image was why I started reading the alien erotica in the first place last night, just so I’d stop fantasizing about a panting Logan above me.
I was a warm-blooded woman after all.
However, why the fuck wouldn’t Logan be into me? I was a good-looking woman. I was a fucking underwear model at one point, goddammit.
…Probably for the same mysterious reason he was so rude to you when you first met, my mind answered for me. I frowned a little.
Courtney’s idea made a huge dent in my pride, but she had a point. Which was more embarrassing, getting turned down by Logan, or Logan knowing about my alien erotica and using that as ammunition to tease me for however long he wanted?
“Or,” I responded, coming to a standing position, and retrieving my coffee mug before it cooled off too fast, “I could just ignore him and the messages and pretend none of this happened.”
“That’s the more childish way to go about this, yes,” Susan spoke up with a nod of her head. I nibbled on my bottom lip and shrugged.
“I’ll figure something out, but for now I’m ignoring this whole thing. I can’t handle acknowledging this.” I took my phone back from where Courtney rested it on the kitchen table, turned on the lock screen, and shoved it in my sweatpants pocket.
“You do you, Lo.” Josh encouraged me with a pump of his fist. Courtney just smiled at her fiancé before planting a loud smack of a kiss on his cheek. Soon, they were making googly eyes at each other, and I took that as my cue to retreat back to my new room to finish unpacking.
I was spiraling.
Do I want Logan to make fun of me for my reading material? Or feel pity for me because he has to turn me down? It was a lose-lose situation for me. I hated that I was torn between these two options. For now, I was hoping that maybe he wouldn’t think too much about the messages and would probably move on from the whole thing as well.
Maybe, if I was super lucky, we could both move forward and pretend that I never sent those voice messages in the first place. I leaned into this fantasy of mine as I organized my new closet, determined to get rid of the butterflies wreaking havoc in my stomach through tried-and-true denial.