Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
COULD BE BETTER
CAMDEN
I was excited to be home from school. I loved New York City, but I’d never want to live there. I missed the tranquility of St. Paul too much. And my family.
But fuck me, I kept getting knocked sideways by seeing Juju. She’d always been beautiful, but during my time away, she’d grown up. It shouldn’t have been any surprise that she was stunning, but it was like a body slam from Bigfoot every time we ran into each other.
Today I was in some kind of fresh hell, because I was walking out of my bedroom and I ran into her…literally.
“Oof,” she said.
When she looked up at me, her mouth dropped and we stared at each other for at least a minute.
“Didn’t know you were here,” I finally said.
Lame opener, for sure, but it had been a while since I’d seen her, and fuck me, I could swear her eyes were greener, and her hair was even more vibrant than I remembered.
Her chest rising and falling drew my eyes down, and despite what I’d said to her as a kid about her small tits, I thought they were the perfect handfuls.
Her long legs were on display in her short shorts, and I took in a quick breath, forcing my eyes back to hers.
Hard to do because I wanted to investigate every inch of her.
She motioned to Goldie’s room. “I’m getting ready with Goldie. Prom,” she added.
“Ah. Right. Well, I’ll get out of your way.”
“Yeah, you’re good at that. Until you’re not.”
I frowned. “What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing. Just that you’re good at running, hiding, etcetera…until, say…I kiss a boy you don’t approve of.” She leaned in, and I inhaled her berry shampoo.
My eyes closed when I smelled her. God, I’d missed her. Even though we hadn’t talked in a long time, not really, it helped just to see her. I didn’t have that luxury anymore, living in New York City.
“Do me a favor,” she said, and I tried to focus. “Don’t punch Eric while we’re getting prom pictures taken.”
I scowled. “Who the hell is Eric?”
“Is that all you heard from what I said?”
“No. But why do you say that? Does he need punching?”
“No,” she snapped. “But neither did Mitch, and that didn’t stop you!” Her hand went flying out when she said Mitch’s name, and I took a step closer to her.
Her breath hitched, and I freaking loved that sound.
“Mitch was Jackson’s friend, and he knew you were off-limits. Plus, he was a dick to girls.”
“Do you hear yourself? First of all, I’m not off-limits to anyone just because they’re Jackson’s friend.” She gave my chest a shove, but I didn’t budge. “And second of all, it’s none of your business who I kiss or do anything else with.”
My eyes widened. “What, you’re having sex now?” My chest pinched. I was too, so I didn’t know why it pained me to think of her having sex.
“Yes, Camden. Not that I owe you an answer about something else that is not your business, but yes.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ve been dating Eric for nine months.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to fuck him. Are you sure you were ready for that? You’re only––”
“So help me, if you say I’m only eighteen, I will gut you.” She was on her tiptoes now, so she wouldn’t be so short, and I lowered my head until we were eye to eye.
“Just because you’re eighteen doesn’t mean you’re ready…did he pressure you? He better not have because––”
“Ugh!” she yelled. “Get out of my way, you big baboon! You lost the right to have any say in my life a long time ago. I don’t know why you think your words make any difference to me. It’s not like you’re even my friend.”
We’d never fought. Not like this. We’d kept our distance and had edgy snippets of conversation occasionally, but the air between us was electric and raw. I couldn’t shake the way my heart twisted when I looked at her now. I hated it. I hated that I felt it and I hated that she seemed fine.
“You’re right.” I took a step back and held out my arm for her to pass. “Just because I’m trying to stop you from making stupid mistakes…it doesn’t mean anything.”
“No, it doesn’t,” she said softly.
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
She walked past me, opened Goldie’s door, and slammed it behind her.
I was by the lake, minding my own business, thank you very much, when Goldie and her date Ross came out, and behind them were Juju and Eric.
I could tell he was a twat by the way he didn’t help Juju when they walked toward the water.
She was wearing heels and a long dress, looking incredibly beautiful, but she also moved a bit like a baby fawn trying to make her way down to the sand.
All the parents were out there, snapping pictures, while I stood on the sidelines wishing Eric would take his fucking hands off of Juju.
I had to get out of there, so I went to Jackson’s house. It felt safe there since Juju was at my house, but not even fifteen minutes after I got there, they all showed up to take pictures in the Fairs’ yard too. Fuck my life.
When I went home later that night, I went into the kitchen to make a snack. I hadn’t had much of an appetite all day. My mom turned from the pantry and smiled.
“Hey, you hungry?” she asked.
“A little bit.”
She grinned and waved a box of crackers that we both loved from Trader Joe’s.
“I have the perfect cheese to go with these,” she said.
I nodded. “Yep, that’s what I need.”
“Yay.” She did a little dance as she moved to the island. “I was actually hoping I’d see you before I went to bed. I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She spread the crackers out on a plate while I cut thin slices of cheese and lined them next to the crackers.
She went to the fridge and pulled out two chilled bottles of Coke, holding them up for me to see. “Do you want?”
“Do you even have to ask?” I said, grabbing them and putting them on the island.
She laughed, and we sat on the barstools.
“Can we talk about Juju?” she said.
I sputtered on the sip of Coke I’d just taken. “I guess so? Wasn’t expecting you to say that,” I added.
“Well, it’s something I should’ve said a long time ago.
I guess I was just waiting to see if…” She turned to look at me and put her hand on my arm.
“I’ve seen the way you look at her. The way you’ve always looked at her.
And I’ve talked to you about how sad I am that you’re not friends anymore, but I’ve never said what I’m about to… ”
My heart thumped out of my chest.
“For you to still be thinking about her the way I know you must be, given your starry eyes whenever she’s close…”
I rolled my eyes, and she laughed.
“Hear me out,” she said. “I think it’s the real thing.
That might not be something you want to hear, but I think you need to…
because I’ve seen the way she looks at you too.
” She leaned in and squeezed my arm. “Be patient, my love. Let her soar in college. Let her experience life a little bit. She’ll come back, and if it’s meant to be, when the timing is right, you’ll be together. ”
“Wow. I had no idea…no idea you knew any of this. I try not to even––” I cleared my throat.
“I’ve tried to will it away. The feelings, you know?
I haven’t even wanted to admit it to myself most of the time.
Jackson was always so mad about how close we were, and he and I promised each other we wouldn’t go there with the sisters.
And…and I thought going 1,200 miles away would take care of it.
I’ve dated, I’ve tried to stop thinking about her… ”
“Honey, you care about her. You really do.” She leaned in. “Dare I say that you might even love her.”
My eyes bulged, and I swallowed hard. Shit. I knew I loved Juju like I loved my family and Jackson, but she was also different. Mom was talking about love love, and I couldn’t believe I’d never come to this conclusion on my own. Because when she said it, everything clicked into place.
I loved Juju.
My phone buzzed on the countertop, and since it was face up, I saw that it was Juju. I grabbed it and showed Mom. Her eyes widened.
“Answer it!” she whispered.
“Hello, Juju?” I said.
“Camden,” she said, her voice breaking. “I…would you…I didn’t know who else to call. Can you come get me?”
I was already standing up and grabbing my keys. “Where are you? I’ll be right there.”
I motioned to my mom that I was going to get her, and she nodded, blowing me a kiss.
“I’m at the St. Paul Hotel.” She sniffed, and the sound tugged at my chest.
I reached my car and got in. “Okay, I’m on my way. Already backing out. It’ll take about twenty minutes, at most. Are you safe? Do you want to stay on the phone with me until I get there?”
“Yes, please,” she said. “I’m safe, but I’d feel better talking.”
“Okay, I’m right here.”
I made it in fifteen minutes, and during that time, we talked about nonsense.
I told her about the crackers my mom and I liked.
That I hadn’t played broomball since last Christmas, but that Tully had insisted we try a version of it this summer, which made her laugh.
I asked him why we couldn’t just play hockey like normal people.
By the time I got there, she sounded lighter, and when I pulled up and saw her standing at the door of the lobby, my heart dipped in relief.
I got out and jogged over to help her to the car.
“Thank you,” she said after I’d closed the door behind her.
I ran around, and when I got in the driver’s seat and looked at her, she was glancing down at her hands, her eyes glassy and her hands shaky.
“Juju,” I whispered. “What can I do?”
She glanced at me, and a tear dripped down her cheek. “You’ve already done enough by coming to get me.”
“Can I ask what happened?”
A little sob came out, and she shook her head slightly, touching the back of her hand to her mouth.
“I’m okay. I’m being ridiculous.” She took a shuddering sigh.
“I lied when I said Eric and I were having sex. We didn’t have sex until tonight, and it was…
okay, but…after…” She wiped the tears that were falling freely now.
“Afterward, someone came to the door. He stepped out and I went to the bathroom, and I heard him bragging about it to his friend. But then he talked about me not being as good of a lay as Jerica Adams. I don’t even know who Jerica Adams is!
And it was my first time! I’ll get better.
” A whole slew of tears came, which just about did me in.
“Son of a bitch,” I muttered. “What a fucking slimeball. You deserve so much better than that, Juju.”
“Anyway. We’re done. He got mad when I broke up with him and refused to bring me home.
He paid so much for the room and all that.
” She waved her hand dismissively. “I couldn’t stay in there another second.
” Her face crumbled again. “I didn’t want to ruin Goldie’s night, and I really didn’t want Jackson to know about this.
” Her eyes widened. “You can’t tell him, Camden. Promise me you won’t.”
“I won’t, I promise.”
She drew in a long inhale and relaxed against the seat. When we pulled into her driveway, I came around and helped her as she was getting out of the car. We were quiet as I walked her to the door.
“You look really beautiful tonight, Juju. I hope you know that.”
She sighed. “Thanks, Camden. I know we’re not friends anymore, but it was really great of you to come get me tonight.”
“Anytime I can help, I’m here,” I said. “We may not be as close as we once were, but I care about you. I’m always here if you need me.”
She gave me one last look before going inside.
And my heart whispered I love you, I love you, I love you the whole time.