Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
TECHNICALITIES
CAMDEN
Kevin is at my feet as I get my coffee, and I stop and scoop him up. I nuzzle his face, and he pants his little dog breath all over me. I know I’m supposed to think dogs stink because they do, but I like it.
Sue me.
“There’s the guy everyone’s talking about,” Grandma Donna says as she comes over to pat me on the arm.
Kevin wiggles to get out of my grasp, and when I set him down, he goes over to twirl by Grandma Donna’s feet. She gets out his food, and after he’s gotten his scratches from her, he digs in.
“Good gravy, I had no idea what we were walking into yesterday,” Grandma Nancy says. She comes over, holding up a large pan of baked French toast. “Here, have some breakfast.” She looks at the clock. “Okay, it’s almost lunchtime, but we were up late.”
“I’m supposed to meet Juju in just a few minutes.”
“Oh, have her stop by here, would ya?” Grandma Donna asks. “I didn’t get a chance to hug her yesterday. I want to welcome her into the family.”
I wave my phone and text Juju real quick to see if they could stop by here before we go out. Then I grin at Grandma Donna.
“Well, she’s always kinda been part of the family…” I say. “But she still isn’t technically yet…”
“Oh, fer crying out loud,” she says, her shoulders shaking with her laugh. “When are you gonna make an honest woman out of her?”
Grandma Nancy starts humming that Beyoncé song about shoulda put a ring on it, and the two of them giggle. Okay, they’re not the only two.
“She says they can stop by. Jackson and Dove will be with her.”
Grandma Nancy’s eyes go wide. “I do not know what got into that boy. If I’d been there when he socked you, I would’ve gone over there and boxed his ears!”
“She’s not the only one!” Grandma Donna pipes up. “I know I’m all for peace and love and whatnot, but that was out of hand.” Her eyes brighten. “See if they wanna stay and eat!”
“What’s all the commotion in here?” Dad walks in, smiling.
He comes over and hugs me, jabbing me in the side where he knows I’m ticklish.
“Had to hear it from the town Facebook page about my son,” he says, shaking his head.
“Sounded like you heard it from the source herself,” I say.
He laughs. “If you could’ve seen her face when she realized I was standing behind her.” A loud laugh bursts out of him, and my grandmas cackle.
I swipe my hand down my face and try to hold in the laugh, but it’s pointless.
“What exactly did you hear?” I ask once we’ve calmed down.
“Oh, something about Camden Whitman’s dirty mouth and you wanting her all to yourself.” Dad holds up his finger. “Oh…and the best part…she said if you were there, she’d pull you into the walk-in cooler and teach you a lesson.”
“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” I jump in.
My grandmas trill like little birds.
“Oo-hoo-hoo,” Grandma Donna says, wiping her eyes as she laughs.
“Good gravy, that sounds hot to trot!” Grandma Nancy adds.
I shake my head. “No. I can’t. I cannot,” I say, covering my ears. “My sweet, innocent grandmothers…”
That just makes them laugh harder.
“We are gonna have so much fun with our little Cammie and Juju being lovebirds,” Grandma Donna says. “I’ll have to knit you matching sweaters. With cute mittens and scarves…I can’t wait. When will she be here? I’ll measure her. I think I know her size pretty well without, but…”
“We’ve had kids. We know all about being lovebirds,” Grandma Nancy says. “And the way you two are in the kitchen…oh!” She points at me. “And the way the two of you used to bicker something fierce.” She waggles that finger. “Watch out, chemistry. It is going to be sizzling hot.”
“Grandma!” I groan. “Uh. I––” I look at my watch helplessly, and Dad puts his arm around my shoulder.
“Don’t worry. We’ll settle down eventually. Give us time to celebrate, and we’ll slow our roll,” he says.
I smile at him. “It’s okay. I’m pretty excited about all of this too.”
“If we’d had the energy to stay up after you got off work last night, we would’ve,” he says. “We tried, but since we couldn’t, you’re getting it all this morning.”
“There’s that lover boy!” Goldie sings as she comes dancing across the kitchen.
“See what I mean?” Dad chuckles.
“Everyone’s so…cheery today,” I say.
“Don’t act like you’re not,” Goldie says, smirking as she points at my face.
“Couldn’t if I tried,” I say.
“What did I miss?” Milo asks when he walks into the room. “I miss one day at Kitty-Corner.” He holds up his finger and frowns at me. “One. Day.”
Goldie snorts. “Maybe you could’ve saved my brother from getting punched in the jaw.” She steps closer and studies my face. “You look fine.”
“I am fine. It was nothing.” I wave her back.
“I heard you staggered back into the tables and knocked down three shakes and two cups of coffee. It went everywhere,” Erin says as she walks in.
“Hi, fam. Your favorite child has arrived!” She holds her arms out and embraces my grandmas with huge fanfare.
“I heard we’re celebrating Camden losing his virginity. ”
I cover my eyes with my hand. “I did not knock down any food or drinks,” I say grumpily. I sip some coffee because it looks like I’m gonna need an IV drip of it to get through this interrogation. “And my virginity wasn’t in question,” I say quietly but pointedly to Erin.
“Oooo,” she sings. “Let’s hope not, for our Juju’s sake. You gotta know what you’re doing to please our girl.”
“Oh, this boy knows what he’s doing, don’t you worry,” Grandma Nancy tells Erin. “When a man can slap dough around like he can, a woman can tell these things.”
“Grandma!” I yelp.
Dad’s laughing so hard he has to wipe his eyes.
“Did you lose any teeth?” Grandma Donna asks, moving around everyone to come look me over.
“No, no, all the teeth are intact.”
“If I’d known you fell down in the middle of all those hot and cold beverages, I would’ve hustled right over to your side when I came into the cafe,” she says.
“You couldn’t have known,” I say, giving up.
“Bosco had to help him to his feet,” Erin says, winking at me. “And the two of them nearly went flying into Beverly’s pancakes with maple syrup and all the whipped cream. You know how that woman likes her whipped cream.”
The grandmas hum in agreement. Even I know how Beverly appreciates a little pancake with all her whipped cream.
“But fortunately, Miss Idella ran across the room and held Camden up with everything she had in her.” Erin shakes her head. “Honestly, I didn’t know she had that kind of brute strength.”
I grumble under my breath, which makes Erin and Goldie crack up. I glare at Goldie and see that she has tears running down her face.
“Miss Idella and her brute strength,” she wheezes.
“Well, I’m just glad you’re okay. I’m going to have a word with that boy when I see him. He’s not too old for me to give him a tongue lashing,” Grandma Donna says.
“That’s what she said,” Grandma Nancy says tartly.
“I cannot,” I mumble, putting my head in my hand.
For all their talk about putting Jackson in his place, all he has to do is come in and say, “Grandma Nancy, look at you, looking sexier than Dolly Parton with a new wig. And you, Grandma Donna…mmm, mmm, mmm, you get more divine every time I see you. Meet my wife, Dove Fair. Baby, these two beautiful women are who all women should aspire to be like,” he says, kissing their hands one by one.
“Yeah, you knew you had to do some major ass-kissing to get in this kitchen, didn’t you, Jackson Fair,” Erin says under her breath.
“Every now and then I’m smarter than I look,” he says with a wink when my grandmas rush to get the extra plates on the table.