9. Tyke
9
TYKE
I hold the small leather vest, weighing its supple construction between my roughened palms. “Do you think she’ll like it?”
Digger licks the paper of his joint and slides the stick between his forefingers and thumbs. “Honestly?”
“Always.”
He pops the smoke into a small tin for later and pockets it. “I have no fuckin’ idea.”
My arms drop, the ladies’ cut hanging at my side. “Fat load of fuckin’ use you are.”
“Can I ask you something?” He narrows his gaze in a critical stare.
“Sure.”
“You doin’ this now to distract from the real problem?”
“You think I want to forget my fuckin’ daughter is held hostage by her uncle?” I growl.
He lifts both hands, palms toward me. "It's a fair question. We've done all we can for now: you've got men heading all four fuckin' directions gathering information, lookin' for clues." His lips flatten. "Aside from talkin' to Terry to garner his possible association to all this shit, you've done all you can."
He doesn’t need to say it. He thinks I risk Maddie’s life by delaying Terry’s involvement. A part of me has to question that. Do I hesitate due to nothing other than ego? Do I still refuse to call him because I don’t want him to recognize my weakness and desperation?
I lift the stitched property patch and run my thumb over the coarse design: same as the club insignia, but with crimson roses interwoven around the reaper. A suggestion the ladies brought forward in my father's time. One that was instated when the gavel became mine.
“I know what he’ll want,” I utter, still staring at the image that’ll either cement Rae as ours or scare her off for good. “He’ll ask for her in exchange.”
"And if he does?" Digger presses the tips of his fingers together, shoulders hunched in as he leans closer, waiting for my answer.
"I can't do that." I lift my free hand and rub absently beneath my eye. "I can't turn her over knowin' what he'll do to her. But I can't ignore it, knowin' what Fox could be doin' to Maddie. Fuck." I bring both hands to my head, the leather in my left cloaking my distress.
“Let her choose.”
“The fuck?” I drop my hands and stare at my fucking brother. Has he lost his goddamn mind?
“We head upstairs now, show Rae what’s hers.” He gestures to the cut. “And we explain the fuckin’ crossroads we’re at.”
I'm sure he's fucking fried his brain with that shit he smokes. "She came to us for protection."
“And we give her that,” Digger argues. He hesitates, screwing his face up as he presses the heel of one hand to his temple. “But she’s also had people tellin’ her what to do her whole goddamn life, Tyke. It’s why she came to Red River—to escape. To start over. So, give her that respect.” He stands, taking a step toward me. “Our protection remains, but give the girl the choice to step out from under that umbrella if she wants.”
“She doesn’t stand a chance against them.”
He shrugs. “She made it this far. Perhaps this time, with us behind her, she’ll do better.”
"Fuck." He has merit in his goddamn words. A point I want to avoid admitting is right.
We can’t dictate her life forever. It’s exactly that— her life. She must have some say in it.
Maddie’s her best friend. She’ll want to be involved in her recovery.
“Fine.” I clutch the property vest in my fist. “Lead the way.”
Digger nods and then heads for the stairs, bounding them two at a go. By the time I reach the landing, he's already outside her door, hand raised in a fist against the wood. He glances toward me and back as the door cracks open, Rae in the slim slip.
“Hey.” She pulls the door wider, noticing me as she does. “Do you have news?”
“Nah, baby girl,” Digger says softly.
“But we need to talk.” I arrive at his side.
She ducks her chin and steps back, welcoming us into the room.
"You left pretty quick," I note, surveying the space. Everything seems in order, with no signs of distress on her behalf. "I apologize if seein’ me like that scared you. I just…” What? Lost my composure? Acted like the agonized parent I am? A fucking human being?
“No.” She folds her arms over herself. “Honestly, it didn’t. I just…”
“What?” Digger stops before her, hand gentle against her cheek.
My palm itches as though it’s my touch that offers her that comfort.
“I felt frustrated,” she admits. “I feel frustrated that I can’t do more. That what I did didn’t help.”
He turns and meets my eye as though to say, “See? Told you so.”
“It did, and you can.” Rae’s head jerks up at my words. “But first, take a seat.”
She looks to Digger for confirmation and then shifts to the edge of the bed. Hands between her knees, she watches us expectantly.
The weight of that settles heavily on my shoulders. "We had a discussion with the officers," I state, nodding toward Digger as I do. "Asked them the question."
Her gaze drops to the vest in my hand as though noticing it for the first time.
“They agreed.”
The silence is fucking torture. Say something. Jesus. She could yell at me, cry, or laugh. Just something to fucking give me guidance on how she feels about this.
“What’s got you quiet?” Digger asks, moving to sit at her side.
She accepts his hand, studying his rough fingers against her slender own. “I’m grateful. I really am, I just…” Rae expels a laden breath. “I don’t know how to be what you need. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m scared that I’ll fuck it up and, worse, embarrass you both.”
"Let you in on a secret—nobody knows what they're doin', baby girl." I move toward her, holding out the vest so she can see the patch. The words declaring her as ours. "It's not fully ready yet," I explain. "Sweetie will add the bottom rockers with our names as soon as she's got them stitched, but I wanted you to try it. See how it feels."
“I’m sure it’ll fit.” She rises off the bed and takes the vest from my hands.
“I meant in here,” I say, hand to my heart. “How does it feel in here when you wear it.”
Her gaze lifts to mine, and she parts her lips a fraction to peek her tongue out and wet them. "Okay." With a trembling hand, Rae swings the cut behind her and loops her arms. She pulls the sides straight and moves to stand before the mirror.
I position myself behind her to read the emotions that cross her face through the reflection.
“What’s in your brain?” Digger asks, still seated on the bed.
“I’m thinking…” Rae starts carefully. “I like how it feels. The weight of it on me.”
“Why?” I need to hear it. I need her reasons for wanting our name on her back.
“Because…” She chews her bottom lip, twisting one way and then the other to get glimpses at the reaper on her back, the top rocker in place that says, 'Property of.' "I don't want to say I feel like I belong because that's not it. I don't. Not yet. I feel… Well…" She sighs, fighting for the words I need to hear so desperately. "As though I'm welcome here." A smile teases at the corner of her lips. "As though I'm wanted. As though you both want me.”
“Because we do.” Digger echoes the words in my mind.
"It's so sudden, though," she says, spinning to face me with her head tilted back to meet my eye. "Won't people question that?"
“Are you?” I ask.
She shakes her head and then screws up one side of her mouth before uttering, "I mean, maybe. A little."
"Why?" Digger leans back on his palms, a slight frown in place. "Where does your doubt lie?"
Rae’s gaze drifts across the both of us before falling to the floor. “I guess I’m letting my fears win.”
“Fear of what?” I inch closer, ducking my head to try and meet her eye.
"Of the future." She lifts her head, piercing me with her stare. "There's so much you both don't know about me. So many things we've yet to share, to explore, to learn. What if…" She shrugs. "What if those things make you change your mind? What if we all wake up one day with the heavy realization that we resent this thing? That you regret making this choice?” She lifts the hem of the vest, indicating our decision to mark her as ours.
"You got big walls to get past, don't you, baby girl?" I smile, tucking my fingers beneath her chin and stroking the soft flesh beneath her mouth with my thumb. “You gonna give us a chance? Or you gonna spend all day in that head of yours addin’ more bricks?”
Her mouth quirks up on one side. “It’s second nature to.”
“And I get it.” Fuck—with her history, do I get it. “ We get it." Lord knows, my goddamn brother is as plagued by a troubled mind as the rest of us combined. "But you got two choices in life, Rae." She studies me, the slightest crinkle on the bridge of her nose. "One, you can spend your days analyzing the fuck out of everything and do your goddamn best not to get hurt. Or two, you can set that fear aside and follow your heart. One of those options leads to a life full of missed opportunities and regret. The other doesn’t promise no pain, but it does bring you more joy to temper that ache.” I slide the hand from her chin along the slope of her jaw and thread my fingers through her hair. “You know which road you gonna pick?”
Her gaze slides to Digger, and she swallows. “You make it pretty obvious which one I should.”
“Which one do you want?" he stresses. "You've gotta make the decision from your heart, Rae, not ours."
She fingers the lapels of the cut again, then gently slides it from her shoulders to hold the leather before her, studying the design. “I want to try this.” Her shining eyes find ours. “I want this with you both.”
“Then it don’t matter what anyone else thinks, do it?” Who gives a fuck what others feel about how fast and hard I fell for this little woman. Don’t give a fuck if they have opinions about how I choose to share her with Digger. None of that matters shit when I know how I feel.
When I see how he feels.
When I hear how she does.
Rae drops her chin, brow pulled taut in a little furrow as she nods, as though cementing something within herself. "Tell me then." She looks to each of us in turn. "What can I do to help bring Maddie home?"