29. Digger
29
DIGGER
“Wake up, baby.” I whisper the words against Rae’s ear, my hand resting on her hip.
She opens her eyes, blinking into focus as she stares at the back of Maddie’s head and releases a gentle sigh.
“Need you to get up.” Hand tracing the dip of her waist, I slide it up to her ribs and give a slight squeeze. “Real quiet, okay?”
Her head lolls back on the pillow, and she stares at me with soulful eyes. "She's still in there, Dig."
I nod at her whisper, gaze sliding over to my niece, who sleeps soundly, Tyke's pillow clutched to her chest. "Glad to hear it."
And I fucking am. With the warning message I got from Minion, I’m assuming my brother is on his way back here in a ball of fucking fury. Finding his daughter still under the effects of the man he’s just laid to rest would have been gasoline on the fire.
“Come on.” I press a kiss to Rae’s temple. “Got things I need you to do.”
She glances at Maddie again and then nods. Slow and methodical, Rae slides her arm from Maddie's hip, easing her body weight onto her back as she rolls away. I offer her my hand, helping her transition off the bed, and follow Rae to the other side of the bed, toward the door.
She hesitates, leaning down to check Maddie's face for any sign she disturbed her.
Our joint concern continues to breathe deeply; lips parted a fraction as she finds peace in another faraway world. My chest aches. I fucking know what it is to wish for the oblivion of sleep to escape your troubles, but then I also know what it is to wake and find the same shit waiting for you as though all you did was hit pause on the rambling thoughts that made drifting off the night before so damn hard.
Our girl will need a while to get her head straight, and the best we can do is be her rock—something sturdy to lean on when the going gets tough.
Rae catches my eye and then turns away, padding carefully across the floor until we're well into the hallway. Her hips relax as she walks, feet falling heavier on the floorboards. I'm snared in the fucking roll of her ass as she moves, the curves that my palms itch to caress a little more.
We all have a special something that brings us relief, and for some of us, that something is someone .
“Give me a second?”
I nod, allowing Rae to dart across the living room to where Jamie plays cards with Toes—a former member who lost his right to ride three years back when age made him legally blind. He may struggle with most pedestrian tasks, but there's one thing the old coot is still as sharp as a tack on: duping the younger members out of their hard-earned cash.
My woman leans low, whispering in Jamie's ear. Minion's daughter glances up at whatever Rae says, her gaze connecting with mine and then shifting left to stare at the walls that divide us from Tyke's quarters. She gives a tight nod and a placating smile to Toes before taking half the cash on the table and then moving my way.
I step aside when she approaches, giving the girl a nod as she passes by.
“She’ll keep an eye on her,” Rae says quietly, moving to stand tight at my side. “I’m worried Maddie might freak out if she wakes up alone. I don’t want her to go through that.” The peak to her brows spells her concern for her best friend.
“I’m sure Jamie will have it under control.”
"Yeah." Rae's head dips, and she spears me with a no-nonsense stare. "What do you need me for?"
“Tyke’s on his way back.” I nod toward the yard. “Should be rollin’ in any moment.”
Her eyes close briefly, relief washing through her at the news that he's okay. That Fox didn't win.
“Gonna need you to sit in on this one, baby girl.”
"This one, what?" Rae turns, gaze roaming the room. She seems to count the officers, all in residence except Hammer and Minion, who ride with Tyke. "What's happened?" Her eyes are wide when she swings back my way.
I set a hand to her jaw and rub my thumb along the base of her cheek. "It's okay. They found Fox and took care of the situation," I quickly add when she edges back. "But we need to discuss what comes next."
“I don’t need to be there for that, though.” I feel her withdraw from me, mentally more than physically. “Surely.”
“It involves you, baby girl.” I drop the hand from her face, sliding it along hers at her side to link our fingers. “I think it’s fair that you continue to sit in on decisions that affect your life.”
“My life hasn’t been mine to control for a while now.” Rae swallows, gaze dropping to our hands. “I trust whatever you decide, Digger.”
She tries to appease me like I'm a fucking idiot, but the resignation in her tone doesn't sit right with me. I watched this woman arrive here, intimidated and defeated, and I saw her reclaim her worth under our careful watch. The fact she damn well goes backward has me rearing to throw fists to let out the frustration.
“What’s happening in here?” I ask instead, tapping the side of her head with my finger.
She presses her lips tight, nostrils flaring as she fights back whatever threatens to take her over. “I’m just tired, Digger.” It’s all I can do not to fall to my knees as she lifts that gorgeous face and sets dead eyes on me. “I can’t keep doing this.”
“You can.”
“I don’t want to.”
“It ain’t about what you want,” I snap a little too forcefully, squeezing her hand a little too tight. “Shit.” I drop the connection and back away. “I’m sorry.”
"No. It's okay." Arms hugged to herself, Rae takes a step back then leans against the frame of the open doorway. Her gaze shifts, studious attention on the people in the room who either blatantly stare at our discussion or try not to look as though they do. "It gets to be too much, you know?" She reaffixes her focus on me as I match her stance, shoulders against the opposite side of the door. "Thinking about it all. When I get to this part of my month, when my head's full of so much noise already…" She expels a laden breath. "I've only got so much energy in a day, and right now, I'm using most of it just to stay alive."
Fuck me. It’s no way to live. I get it—I feel it on a goddamn spiritual level. Molecular. Whatever the fuck runs deeper.
I close the gap, wind an arm behind the woman, and pull her against me, peppering kisses to the top of her head. "I wish I knew how to fix you."
"Me too," she says, sighing against my chest. "Me too, Dig."
“Until then,” I promise, weaving my fingers in her hair and holding her fucking tight enough against me to imagine that maybe, just maybe, I could take it from her—the sadness, the pain. “I’m gonna love you when you can’t. You hear me?”
She has no immediate words, only the gentle sweep of her head where it rests over my heart. “I’m sorry.” Her broken whisper clenches my hands tighter. “I’m sorry you have to put up with me like this.”
Fuckin’ hell. “We ain’t putting up with shit, Rae.” I pull her away, hands framing her face to make sure she fucking looks me in the eye when I say it. “If this is how you are, then I’ll take it. And you know why?”
Her chin crumples.
"Because I fuckin' love you—all of you. Don't ask me why," I say. "I just know that I feel it in here." I slam a fist to my heart. "And that feelin' doesn't go away, even when you're sad. Even when the light leaves your eyes. It fuckin' grows, Rae. It gets stronger because that's when I know you need me most."
Her hand lifts to my face, and her eyes shimmer with unshed tears. "You're a beautiful soul, Digger. Has anyone ever told you that before?"
I shrug. “Honestly can’t recall.”
Rae’s palm slides to my neck. “Well, you are. And I’m so fucking grateful I met you.”
"Ain't no gettin' rid of me now," I tease with a slight laugh.
Her brow pulls into a soft frown. "Don't brush it off, babe. Be proud of who you are because I know that for a lot of people, you mean so much. For me, you mean the world."
Goddamnit. I did not see this moment coming. Otherwise, I may have made sure we had it somewhere more private than the fucking archway through to the back hall. Fuck it all. She wears my name; what else do these fuckers pretending they notice jack shit need for me to prove it's true?
I lean down and capture Rae’s mouth, soft and sweet, just like she is for me.
I don’t give a fuck if life dealt her a shit hand. She has a right to be sad. She has a right to feel what she does.
She was abused, neglected, and forced to accept that her family didn’t love her enough to make her the priority. Alone and beaten down, she made her way here to Red River, and the fucking cycle repeated all over again. And yeah, maybe it could be argued that her choices got her there, but shit, when she pulls my bottom lip between hers and lets it go to dot a kiss on the tip of my nose, I can’t help but be thankful for that shit, because if she didn’t live it then maybe fate never would have brought her to me.
Maybe we never would have met.
And maybe that life would be the worse one to live.