44. Rae
44
RAE
“Jesus.” I slam my head back on the cushion. “I can’t handle this shit.” Hand to my breastbone, I press against the thrashing organ behind. “How do you do this?”
Maddie sighs, spread-eagle on the sofa to my left, one arm over her forehead, shielding her eyes. “Got no choice, right?”
Harvey paces back and forth before the fire, Jamie’s keen gaze on him as he moves.
"You'll be okay." Digger lifts one of my feet, which rests on his muscular thighs, and massages the sole through my socks. "He'll be okay."
He stares vacantly into the dying fire as he says this, as though Harvey’s transient legs don’t exist.
He's been lost in his head since Minion refused to let him leave and find Tyke. The conflict is clear as day on his handsome face, highlighted in the knit of his brow and the darkness in his eyes. He wanted to be there to help, but he was ordered to stand down.
I feel responsible.
If I weren’t here, he’d be down that road already, wind thrashing him as he pushes his bike to the limit to catch up. But I am, so instead of standing at his brother's side, ensuring his safety, Digger is here—babysitting me.
I suck in a deep breath and push my insecurities aside. “Anything I can do?”
“Naw.” Digger slides his hand along my shin, gaze tracking the movement. “Just havin’ you close is enough.”
When it reaches my knee, I trap his hand beneath mine, threading my fingers between his.
He glances up, seemingly unsure, as he regards me from beneath his brow.
I’m trapped by his hunter’s eyes; the intensity of his bright irises hypnotizes me and renders me useless against his charm.
He’s not even trying.
Jamie clears her throat. “So…”
I break away from Digger mentally undressing me, and twist a little to look at her.
"Are we going to sit around all day like mothers waiting for their sons to return from war? Or are we gonna do something?"
“What do you suggest exactly?” Harvey stalls, shakes his head, then resumes his incessant pacing.
“Fucked if I know,” she exclaims with a toss of her hands. “Just, like, shouldn’t we prepare for what comes next… however this thing ends?”
She means what comes next if Tyke or Terry wins.
What comes next when one of them dies?
Fuck. Panic surges through me, the adrenalin scratching at my skin as it races toward my fingertips and toes. I can’t just sit here, reveling in Digger's attention, while Tyke battles for us.
For me.
"You're right." I pull my foot free and swivel to sit on the seat properly. "Let's think." Elbows to knees, I lean in and run my mental thumb over the index cards of my brain. "Maybe it's safer for us to be here right now, but there's got to be something we can do to support them. From here."
“Yeah.” Harvey stalls again, wagging a finger at me. “Like some sort of support crew.”
"I know what you're all gettin' at." Digger sighs. "But it ain't that simple."
"Why not?" I turn my head and frown.
He licks his lips, gaze fixed on mine. "Because you need to know what's happenin' there to be sure what you do here doesn't do more harm than good."
“Explain.” Jamie folds her arms high over her chest.
Harvey sighs, dropping onto the seat next to her.
"Like," Digger says. "Imagine they're covert on the property. Maybe Terry doesn't know they're there yet. And then we send in reinforcements, or the like, and blam .” He claps his hands. “Cover blown.”
“So, we don’t do anything obvious.”
“Babe.” He frowns. “Everything is obvious.”
My chest expands, life in my lungs at the sudden thought. “No, it’s not.” A slow grin spreads across my lips. “I know at least one person who could help without raising the alarm.”
Digger's face falls, eyes heavy-lidded as he snaps, "No."
“Yes.” I scoot forward, energized. “He can be our eyes and ears inside the place.”
“Still no.”
“What are you talking about?” Jamie asks.
“Connor.” I ignore Digger’s scathing glare and turn to face her. “He’ll help me. I know he will.”
“For a price,” Digger mutters.
“You’re not seriously worried about that, are you?” I spin back to him.
“ You were going off at us not so long ago about being used when we brought him in to find Maddie. What's changed?"
I bite my lip. Fuck. He’s right. What has changed? Oh, you know—I’m not as much of a hormonal wreck as I was. Not that I can explain that without it sounding lame. Shit.
“You want my old man dead or alive?” Harvey asks. “Because that’s what it comes down to, doesn’t it?”
I stare at Digger, widening my eyes a little. Please. He has to understand this isn't about my pride or who's right or wrong. It's to help his brother, their president.
My old man. Fuck. I've never thought of him like that, but doesn't the cut I have hanging in my room say as much?
“Let me help him,” I say quietly. “Please.”
Digger sighs, nose wrinkling. “I don’t like how Connor affects you, Rae. I hate how he leaves you a little less alive every time you see him.”
"I know." I hate it, too. "But this is the best starting point for figuring out what we can do before it's too late." I glance over his shoulder as Maddie enters the room. "Time's ticking."
“I get that.” He exhales heavily, sliding down the sofa to slouch against the back. “Fine. Get in touch with him, then.”
“Who?” Maddie asks, pausing before the fire.
"Connor." I swallow and study her reaction.
She frowns a little. A silent question passed between us. “Are you sure?” I nod in response, and she echoes the movement. “Try him,” she says. “Fuck knows, Deo won’t answer my messages and tell me what’s going on.”
I rise to my feet, charged and ready to sprint upstairs to get my phone, yet Digger’s avoidant stare halts my travels. Hand out, I wait, heart in my throat.
He glances up at me, runs a tattooed hand through that beautiful mess of hair, and sighs. Warm palm against mine, he takes my offered hand and gets to his feet.
“I’ll let you all know what I find out,” I call to the group as I coax Digger away with me. “Holler if you hear anything as well.”
We're met with a chorus of "Yep" and "Sure," but the only thing that matters is the broad man at my back and the possibility I can help before me.
These men, this club—they’ve all done so much for me.
It matters that I can return the favor.