Chapter Eight Nate #3
My eyebrows pull together slightly, and I’m not sure what to say next. All I can do is stare at the patterned carpet because I can’t seem to meet my father’s gaze.
Then I realize that this has always been his boundless talent. He holds back love and doles out anger and displeasure. Then he throws you a crumb of praise, and you feel grateful for it. More than grateful. A kind word from him is like being touched by the hand of God. It’s enough to make you weep.
My father is a master of manipulation.
And screw him for bringing Mom into this.
I lift my gaze. “I can’t do it, Dad. I’m sorry. I don’t want to be a lawyer.”
He lowers his hands to his sides. For a few seconds, he watches me, wordlessly but with a scorching intensity that makes me want to flee the room. It’s all I can do to take a breath and wait for him to respond.
“You’ll regret this.” His voice is low and threatening. “One day, and probably sooner than you think, you’ll realize this was the biggest mistake of your life. When that day comes, don’t come crying to me.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t.”
The silence between us becomes unbearable, so I begin to back away.
He strides forward and points his finger at me. “The minute you walk out that door,” he bellows, “you won’t get anything from me! Good luck paying rent on that swanky apartment your mother picked out for you. You’ll be on your own!”
“That’s exactly the way I want it.”
Freedom. I need freedom to live my own life.
I can’t keep existing to please him, and I can’t compete with Arthur.
Arthur is everything I’m not, and I don’t want to be like him anyway.
I want to cook and create. I don’t care about a big house or a fancy car.
I want to see where things go with Sienna.
I want to belong to a family that loves and supports one another.
I walk out of Dad’s office, and he slams the door shut behind me.
The brunch table, when I return, is empty.
Everyone has gone, except for Jane, who is clearing away the dishes.
She doesn’t look at me, and I feel like I’ve become invisible.
Then I feel a vibration. Thunder from the floor beneath my feet.
I look down and realize it’s the bass speakers in the theater room downstairs.
My body is wound tight with stress, every muscle coiled like a spring on the verge of snapping. It’s a stark contrast to the lightness I’ve known over the past month with Sienna.
I need to call her right away and tell her it’s time to come and get me. I move quickly to the telephone in the kitchen and dial her number. She answers after the first ring. “Hello?”
“Hi, it’s me. Can you come now?”
“Sure. But what happened? I didn’t expect to hear from you for at least another hour. I just got here and ordered a coffee.”
“I didn’t waste any time,” I explain. “My dad’s in his office, frothing at the mouth, so I should get out of here before he decides to cook me for dinner.”
“I’ll be right there,” she replies.
We say goodbye, and I dash down the wide, curving staircase to the entertainment room. I pass by the pool table to the home theater beyond, walk through the double doors, and find everyone seated, fully engrossed in the opening scene of Monsters, Inc.
My mother sits between the twins in the front row with an arm around each of them. Alex sits in the back row, filing her nails. I don’t know where Arthur has gone.
“Hey guys,” I say. “I have to get going.”
Mom looks up. “But we haven’t had your birthday cake yet.”
I rub the back of my neck. “I’m sorry. Go ahead and enjoy it without me. Light the candles, and let the kids blow them out. Make a wish for me.”
She frowns, and I suspect she knows what just happened.
Alex looks up from her nail filing. “You’re going? But you don’t have a car.”
“Sienna’s picking me up,” I explain. “She’s at the coffee shop down the road.”
As I wave goodbye to Andy and the twins, I’m thankful that no one questions Sienna’s convenient proximity, ten minutes away. They don’t know that I came prepared for getting kicked out of the house before the cake was served.
The rain outside softens. Its pounding rhythm slows to a gentle patter on the long, tree-lined drive.
I walk with my hood up, my head down, the tension in my chest slowly dissipating, leaving behind a strange emptiness.
I’d expected to feel relieved—triumphant, even—but instead, all I feel is a hollow ache where the bond with my father should have been but never was. Still, there’s no turning back now.
I look up and see Sienna’s Audi Q7 pull into the driveway from the main road. Relief pours through me, and I start to jog toward her, my boots splashing through puddles. She stops and unlocks the passenger-side door for me. I quickly get in and lower the hood of my rain jacket.
We turn to each other, and our gazes lock. “How did it go?” she asks.
I lean back against the leather seat, close my eyes, and let the reality sink in. “Not great. But I haven’t changed my mind. I’m quitting law school.”
Sienna’s voice becomes quiet. “How did he take it?”
My heart steadies as I look at her caring expression and feel her belief in me. “Exactly as I thought he would. First, he tried to intimidate me. Then he tried to make me feel worthy of his love if I caved. When that didn’t work, he exploded. Textbook Dad.”
Sienna lays her hand on my thigh. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m used to it, and now I can do what I want. I don’t have to worry about being good enough for him. It doesn’t matter anymore, what he thinks.”
She shifts into reverse and backs out of the driveway. I fasten my seat belt, and when we pick up speed on the road, I watch the windshield wipers whip back and forth. It starts to hit me that I’m on my own now. No more monthly allowance.
“I’ll need to get a job,” I say as I consider the logistics of my future. “Something to keep me going until I can start cooking school.” She takes hold of my hand across the console. “I can’t imagine where I’d be right now if I hadn’t met you. I’d still be drowning. Suffocating.”
“I just hope you don’t regret your decision later,” she replies, “and resent me for the rest of your life.”
“Never.” I lift her hand to my lips and kiss the back of it. “The only thing I’ll regret is not doing this sooner. I wasted a lot of time preparing for the LSAT when I could have been starting cooking school.”
“But if things were different,” she says, “you and I might never have met.”
I lean my head back against the seat. “You’re right, so I shouldn’t regret anything. Life is unfolding as it should. Which means I’m going to have to figure out how to get out of my lease. There’s no way I can afford that apartment and save up for school at the same time.”
We pass cozy houses along the rocky coastline and sailboats moored in the bay, bobbing up and down on heavy swells from the storm. I turn to Sienna and admire her profile as she keeps her eyes on the narrow, winding road.
“You should move in with me,” I say before I consider the full ramifications of the suggestion.
Is Sienna even ready for a step like that?
I know she’s crazy about me. We’ve spent every waking moment together over the past month.
I’m head over heels in love with this girl, and I can’t imagine what I’d do if I lost her now. But it’s been only a month.
Sienna grins and gives me a sidelong glance. “Easy now. You’ve had a rough day. Maybe now’s not the time to be making big decisions.”
I turn in the seat to face her. “Yeah, but when you know, you know, and this is the real thing between you and me. Right?”
She smiles again, and I feel a burst of excitement that seems absurd after the argument I just had with my father. He just cut me off financially and disowned me. He’ll probably call his lawyer in the morning and remove me from his will. I’ll be dead to him.
Nevertheless, my heart is galloping with gusto into the future. Not only culinary school, but a possible life with Sienna.
“Just think about it,” I say. “We could split the rent, and our dogs could be roomies . . . keep each other company when we’re working.”
Sienna keeps driving as she considers it. “It’s a gorgeous apartment. A lot nicer than mine.”
“We’ve practically been living together anyway. You sleep at my place every night, and your apartment’s just sitting there empty. It’s money out the window.”
She laughs. “This is crazy, Nate! We only met last month!”
I face forward in the seat, tip my head back, and blink up at the roof of the car.
“You’re right. But I’m feeling wild, like somebody just cut shackles off my ankles, and all I want to do is run.
” I turn my head to look at her again. “I just want to be happy and stop worrying about what others think about my choices. And I want to wake up with you every morning and hear you talk about your work. I want to spend time with your family, who I love, by the way. And I want to cook for you. Every night.”
She gives me a dazzling smile. “That sounds tempting. But I don’t know if I can handle any more big changes right now, especially with all the extra workload. With those two new decorators I just hired, I might have to look for a new space to expand.”
“Maybe living with me would help with all that.” I face her more squarely. “Because we’re good together. You know we are.”
“I do, and it shocks the hell out of me because I never thought I’d ever want to be with someone again after . . .”
She doesn’t finish the thought, but she doesn’t have to. I know what she was about to say.
“But I do want to be with you,” she adds.
I slant her a look and raise an eyebrow. “Is that a yes? Will you move in with me?”
She carefully considers it, then slowly nods her head. “I think I should.”
And there it is. The start of something.
I take hold of her hand, raise it to my lips, and kiss it over and over until she starts laughing.
“This is going to be amazing,” I tell her. And for the first time, I feel like I’m finally stepping into the life I’m meant to live, with the woman who woke me up to everything that truly matters.
As for my dad?
I don’t care if I ever talk to him again. I don’t need him or his money. I can do this on my own. He can go kick rocks.