Chapter 42 Sydney - Things Fall Apart
Chapter 42
Sydney - Things Fall Apart
T oday’s writing session started off badly. Only twenty minutes in, we hit a wall with the rough draft of a song we were testing. I couldn’t get the wording right on the chorus despite several attempts. I stared at the words in my notebook, tapping my pencil on the piano lid and willing the words to rearrange themselves into a rhyme. No luck. Austin sat on the piano bench, mindlessly playing chord progressions, zoned out in his own little world.
I could smell booze on his breath. The room was small enough that there were no secrets in here.
He fumbled a progression and started again.
Seriously? He was drunk at work?
I couldn’t take it anymore. Austin had avoided me long enough, and now that I had the opportunity to speak my mind, I was going to take it. I climbed down off my stool and stood next to the keyboard, facing him.
“I’m tired of you thinking I’m an idiot.” I practically spat it.
“Come again?” He stopped playing and eyeballed me. “I don’t have the foggiest idea what you’re talking about, Sydney.”
“I’m going to say it. I can tell you’re drinking again. Or maybe you never stopped. And don’t bother trying to lie to me. I’ve known you too long to listen to your stammering excuses.” I held his gaze and waited for a response. He glared at me but didn’t speak. “That’s fine, Austin. Your silence speaks loud and clear.”
“You said you didn’t want me to lie.” He crossed his arms and let out a slow sigh. “I’m not sure what you expect me to say. I like to drink. The way it makes me feel. I don’t have to think because it numbs the voices in my head.”
I had too many things I wanted to say, but I remained silent. As much as I wanted to go off on him, I wanted to hear how he would justify this.
He continued. “I will play whatever charades I have to, but I have no intention of stopping. No amount of rehab or AA meetings will change my feeling about that or deter me.” He paused. “I’m not afraid of Venus either. Her idle threats won’t have any long-lasting effects on me. I’m rather good at what I do, whether I’m drinking or not.”
I shook my head in disgust. “I knew you wouldn’t last sober. You gave such a touching speech at dinner last month. How you wanted to do better for the people who love you.” I placed my hand to my chest in mock sincerity. “You’re all about self-sabotage, aren’t you?”
He didn’t respond. I continued, my voice rising as I waved my arms around and pointed at him. “Do you have any idea how much I clean up after you? How much I cover for you when you’re too drunk to make an appearance somewhere? Lying to Venus, the hive, and Bryce to cover your ass.” I could feel the head of steam building, but there was no way to avoid it. I was straight-up furious with him. “You are the most exhausting person I know. We’re supposed to be friends and partners, but I’m sick and tired of babysitting you. You’re drunk now. In the middle of the day! What is wrong with you? Grow up, jackass!” I hollered. Then I covered my mouth with my hand.
He stood up and folded his arms across his chest, scowling at me. “Is that all, sweetheart? Could you be more of a self-righteous bitch? I am done catering to you. Lots of people can come up with decent lyrics. Did you ever think that maybe I had a couple of ideas worth pursuing? Nope. I can count on one hand the times you have asked me for input on lyrics.” He held up his open hand and counted off his fingers, lowering one at a time. “Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nothing.”
He held up his fist for a moment before dropping it to his side. “I’ve watched you with other songwriters, how cooperative and accommodating you are. But never in all the time we’ve worked together have you asked me what I thought. I’m just the dumb flunky who plunks out the melody. By the way, that’s what people are humming when they’ve forgotten your all-important words, sweet cheeks.” He sneered at me.
“I might have asked you occasionally if I could understand your slurred words and miniscule brain capacity. Thank God we have computers recording every chord you plunk. Otherwise, we’d never be able to duplicate your half-assed efforts at composing an actual score.” I pressed my hands against the top of the piano. “Imagine if you had to pick up a pencil and write something.”
“That’s rich. Especially coming from someone who is afraid of having an actual, real-life relationship. You write about them all the time in your lyrics. What’s the matter, Sydney? Scared you might feel something if you went out on a date?”
“Oh my god! You are too much! I have a boyfriend. His name is Marcus. Too drunk to remember? Here’s a challenge for you, buddy. Name one skirt you’ve gone out with for over a month. And by ‘go out’ I mean leaving your bedroom together. Tick, tick, tick. I bet you don’t even remember half of their names. All you care about is finding your zipper fast enough.” I threw my hands in the air. “Here’s a newsflash for you: Find someone else to take care of you. I’m done!”
“Fine by me! This drunk is leaving the building. Good luck finding the melody on your own.” He snatched his cowboy hat off the top of the piano and stomped out of the studio, slamming the door behind him.
I plopped on the piano bench and spoke to Samson, who lounged on the couch nearby. “I guess we had a brief session today. Want to go to the dog park and terrorize the chihuahuas?” He perked up his ears in expectation. “You don’t think Austin meant that, do you? I’m not afraid of love. I wish I could give up on him. It would make my life much easier in the grand scheme of things.”
My rage fumed as I sat there. He had some nerve! What a bunch of malarkey! I heard the door squeak open and looked towards it, thinking it might be Austin, coming back to apologize. Instead, I saw Jason strutting through the door with his usual swagger. I didn’t want to be around him, or anyone, right now.
“Hey, Sydney. How’s it going?”
“Fine. What’s up, Jason? ”
“Where’s your cowboy sidekick?”
“He left just a minute ago. Coffee run.” I didn’t want him to think that I’d be alone for long. Austin’s warning about him when we first started working here had never quite left me. And my own “creep” meter pinged whenever Jason was around.
He approached me, his athletic pants swishing. “I have a couple of demos that need recorded, but I need a baritone, not a soprano. My tough luck.”
“I’ll tell Austin you need to see him.” I hoped he would leave. Instead, he sat down next to me on the bench, but with his feet facing out instead of underneath the piano. Samson perked up his head and focused on Jason.
“I heard you’re seeing Marcus. How long has that been going on?” His voice sounded strange, and I couldn’t figure out what his tone meant.
“Yes, I am. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months.”
“I see. What kind of a relationship do you have?”
“I don’t understand. What do you mean by that?”
He shrugged. “Oh, you know. People have different ideas about what constitutes a relationship.”
Where was he going with this? “Can you elaborate?”
“Some people have open relationships where they aren’t exclusive. Monogamy rhymes with monotony.”
His swagger was looking a bit slimy now. “One relationship is enough for me.”
He put his hand on my knee and squeezed it. “Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it. You might decide you like it.”
Samson growled and sat up on the couch. Jason removed his hand from my leg.
“I think you need to leave now.” I stood up, waiting for him.
He rose from the bench and stood a few inches from me, too close for comfort. He leaned into my face and hissed, “I know how to show a woman a fun time. Think about what you’re missing by limiting yourself.”
Samson hopped down from the couch and stood in front of my legs, growling. One word from me and Jason would be on his back with Samson’s teeth on his throat.
“I’m not interested. I think you should leave now.”
He backed away and walked out of the room without another word. But I had a feeling he wasn’t finished. His unwelcome advance rattled me. I grabbed my purse and fished around for my keys. “All right, buddy. Let’s go enjoy our surprise day off.”
Later that evening, Venus, Tori, Daisy, and I met up for dinner. The four of us together formed a surrogate family that landed as a hybrid between The Golden Girls and the foursome from Sex and the City . We each had our unique personalities and philosophies, but our friendships worked.
We got together once a week to catch up with each other and enjoy a girls’ night on the town. I always looked forward to our evenings together. They served as the equivalent of poker night for Austin and his buddies. It made missing Abby and Meghan hurt a little less.
While we waited for our meals to arrive, I mentioned my little encounter with Jason. “It’s more than his actual hitting on me. I can’t put my finger on it, but he gives me the creeps. Samson growled at him and stood between us. He’s definitely not a fan.”
“I don’t work with him often, but he’s not my favorite person. He’s one of those guys that doesn’t hear or understand the word ‘no’,” Venus agreed.
Tori jumped in. “I’ve heard things about him, but I haven’t had that experience. He treats me more like a little sister. That has its own challenges when I’m supposed to be his equal. But I don’t have any brilliant insights into his twisted mind.”
Daisy shook her head. “Dogs have way better instincts than humans. I would listen to Samson and steer clear.”
I raised my wine glass, and they all joined me. “To Samson, the greatest furry BFF a gal could have.” I made a mental note to stop for a chicken taco on the way home.
Journal Entry
Today was a five-star drama day, and not in a good way. I finally confronted Austin about his continued drinking. That did not go well, and he ended up storming out of the studio in the middle of a work session. I had hoped that his outpatient rehab program would motivate him to stay sober. But it has not deterred him from continuing in his self-destructive ways. It makes me sad and angry at the same time. It hurts my heart to watch him drown himself in alcohol like this. The worst part is that I can’t do anything to help him when he won’t help himself.
Then I had to ward off unwanted attention from Jason. He makes my skin crawl. I’m glad Samson was with me. He doesn’t like Jason. He growled and stepped in between us. I’ve never seen him act that way before. Dogs are way better at reading people than people are. I trust his instincts. He’s probably the only reason Jason backed off from his slimy advances. I know I wouldn’t want a hundred-plus-pound dog jumping on me and tackling me to the ground. Samson got a rare treat from Del Taco when I came home from dinner.
Having dinner with my girls was absolutely the medicine I needed. They always know the right things to say, and it helped ease my mind to get confirmation of my feelings about Jason. It’s times like these when I miss Abby and Meghan the most. They would fit into our little foursome seamlessly.
I think I’m going to take a soak in my tub before bed. And hope tomorrow is a little lighter on the drama.