Chapter 44 Sydney - Losing My Voice
Chapter 44
Sydney - Losing My Voice
I don’t normally work on Wednesdays, but Jason asked me to sing for a demo. I did this all the time for our hive songs, as long as I wasn’t singing for an audience. I hoped it wouldn’t take all day for him to get the reels he needed.
I knew I wouldn’t be gone long, so I left Samson dozing in the sun on the couch. I stopped at the recording studio, but the soundboard sat empty. Figuring I might find Jason in his office, I took the elevator to the third floor. He stood behind his desk, talking on the phone. He waved me in and gestured at the chairs facing his desk. I picked the left one and sat. He finished his call and sat down. I could smell his cologne from across the desk, making me think he had spritzed himself right before I arrived.
“There you are.” He picked up a piece of paper from his desk and handed it to me. “Here are the lyrics. It’s last minute, I know. But we must keep the bosses upstairs happy, right?”
“I hear you. Are you flying solo today? I’m so used to seeing you with Tori that it seems strange for her not to be here.”
He chuckled. “I know. She’s around here somewhere. We’ve developed quite a reputation, as if we were Siamese twins. We work well together. I used to have a different partner, and we spent so much time arguing over the soundboard that they finally split us up. We were making the artists uncomfortable. Tori and I have a much more cohesive methodology. We still butt heads occasionally, but that’s expected with creatives. I’m sure you and Austin argue.” He stared at me, and I felt uncomfortable under his intense gaze.
“I write the lyrics, and he puts the music to it. We’ve never argued about the tone or direction of a song.”
He nodded. “See? That’s a rare combination. Being involved with your creative partner is just a bonus.” He clasped his hands behind his head, leaning back in his chair.
I wrinkled my nose. “Do you think Austin and I are a couple?”
“It seems obvious. That’s the word around here.”
I chuckled as I stood up. “You couldn’t be more wrong. We’re good friends, and we share a townhouse, but that’s as far as it goes.” I started for the door. “You know I’m involved with Marcus. Can we get started? Samson doesn’t like me being gone.”
Jason stood up. “Sure can. Go ahead down to the booth. I need to drop something off for Venus, and then I’ll join you.”
I returned to the sound booth and sat down on a stool, facing the massive window that framed the room with the soundboard. The door opened, but before I could turn around, I was knocked off the stool and I ended up face down on the floor. I didn’t have a chance to react. A knee dug into the small of my back, and a hand pressed my head into the carpet.
“Don’t bother screaming. No one will hear you in this soundproof room,” a voice rasped into my ear. From the scent of his cologne, I recognized Jason. I wriggled around, trying to get away from him. He spent a lot of time at the gym, and I couldn’t overpower him.
I attempted to reason with him. “Jason, please let me go.” I tried to remain as calm as possible, but I could hear the fear in my voice. “You’re a great guy. You could have any woman you want.”
“Shut up, bitch!” he screamed into my ear. “You think you’re so smart, teasing me all the time? Now I have what I want.” He pressed his body on top of me. “I’m going to show you what a real man feels like. Then maybe you’ll stop giving that pretty nigger your pussy for free.”
He flipped me over and straddled across my torso to keep me captive. His hands ripped my tank top off and popped my bra up towards my chin, exposing my breasts. He leaned towards me and licked first one nipple and then the other. I felt nauseated.
“Jason, please. I don’t like this. I don’t want to have sex. No. No. No. Please stop!”
He slapped me across the mouth. “I said SHUT UP!” His face contorted in rage, and he slapped me again.
I stopped talking at that point. I knew I couldn’t overpower him. What other options did I have? If I laid there, he would do what he wanted and then go away, right? Then I wondered if he’d kill me after he raped me. I became terrified. And paralyzed.
He grabbed my hair with one hand and unzipped my shorts with the other. He had trouble getting my shorts off with one hand. This is one of the few times I felt glad to be fat. I hoped to the heavens that someone would find me before he got much further.
I heard the doorknob rattle, and the door burst open.
“Get off of her, you creep,” a loud, booming voice shouted from behind me.
Over my shoulder, I saw Tori dive towards Jason. She tackled him and knocked him off me. She grabbed his ear and screamed into it. “You asshole! You don’t treat women that way!”
Stunned, I lay there, watching the scene unfold. Tori reached into her back pocket and tossed her phone at me. “Call security! We need handcuffs in here. ”
I numbly sat up against the carpeted wall and made the call as she kept him pinned. He tried to wriggle out of her grasp, screaming expletives at us the whole time. Tori yanked tighter on his ear every time he moved. Time seemed to move in slow motion, but within seconds, three of the building security officers arrived to take Jason away. They struggled to get the cuffs on him before leading him out of the sound booth,
I tried to pull myself together, physically and emotionally. Tori sat down against the wall with me and gently touched my knee. She pulled my bra back down to cover me. I hadn’t even realized it was still out of place. My favorite OneRepublic tank top was torn beyond repair. “We need to get you a t-shirt. Do you want me to call an ambulance?”
My brain and body were in shock. I shook my head. “ I don’t need an ambulance. You burst in right on time. Thank you, Tori.” I sobbed involuntarily. She put her arm around me and let me rest my head on her shoulder. While I wiped my tears onto my torn tank top, Venus burst into the room.
“Oh my god! Sydney, are you okay? I heard about what happened. Tori, are you okay?” She knelt in front of us. “I’m so sorry this happened. I never in a million years would have thought Jason would do something like this.” She reached out and stroked my hair. “What can I do to help?”
I shook my head and wiped at my tears. “I’m fine. Tori saved me.”
She reached out a hand to Tori. “You are a hero, you know? Thank you. Sydney, I’m going to get you a t-shirt.” She stood and turned to leave but stopped in the doorway. “I’m going to need both of you to give a statement to the police. Jason Cooper no longer works here, effective immediately. We have a zero-tolerance policy for workplace harassment. All of us deserve to feel safe here, and clearly that no longer includes Jason.”
Venus came back with a Maroon 5 t-shirt. I pulled the shirt over my head. “Why are all concert t-shirts black? Like, there isn’t any other color in the rainbow.” I picked myself up off the carpet.
Tori and I gave statements to the police. It seemed like they asked me the same questions repeatedly. Their tone made me feel like I committed a crime or did something to provoke Jason, which made me angry. Why was it always the woman’s fault? I left with a bad taste in my mouth for those detectives.
Tori and I met in the hallway after being interrogated. “Hey, I don’t want to be alone. Can we hang out for a while?”
“Sure, that would be nice. Do you want to go to the beach and relax? I haven’t been there recently. Can I ask Venus if she wants to join us?”
“I’d like that.”
We made our way to Venus’s office. “Tori and I are blowing off the rest of the day at the beach. You’re coming with us, and I won’t take no for an answer.”
Venus chuckled. “Then I guess I’m going to the beach.
Once we laid out our towels, spread on a layer of sunscreen, and positioned ourselves for maximum Vitamin D exposure, Tori reflected on today’s events. “I’ve worked with Jason for five years, and I would have never guessed he could do something like that. I’ve spent a lot of time with him in those soundproof rooms. Venus, I’m glad you fired him.”
“It wasn’t my call to make. But Jason’s boss agreed with me. It’s a done deal. I knew he rubbed people the wrong way, but I chalked it up to his arrogant nature.”
I nodded. “I totally understand. That is a scary thought. Jason would never have attacked me if Samson had been there. He would have been the one on the ground with Samson’s teeth in his throat. Speaking of Samson, can I ask Daisy to join us here with him?”
“Of course! We should have thought of inviting Daisy.” Venus picked up her phone and texted Daisy to meet us here with Samson.
“At least you have someone around to protect you, Sydney.” Tori’s voice wavered a little.
“Samson is an excellent security system. Although, I’ve caught him sleeping on the job a time or two.” I chuckled. “I spoil him. It’s my fault.”
Tori corrected me. “That’s not who I meant. Austin. He’s your protector.”
“You’re hilarious. Austin could sleep through a level-seven earthquake.”
She shook her head. “Since I don’t waste time talking, I’ve become good at reading body language. I’ve seen you and Austin together. He’s like a second Samson. He would take a bullet for you. If he had been with you today, Jason would not have had a chance to get near you.”
“She’s right.” Venus concurred. “He would beat Jason to a pulp if he knew about this.”
I grew quiet, processing this. I thought I took care of Austin . Between his drunken episodes, problems with needy women, and general immaturity, I felt more like his mother than his friend most of the time. No wonder I hadn’t noticed his proclivity towards protecting me.
Tori continued. “You’re totally sprung on him, too. You don’t make decisions without him. You cover for him when he’s drunk. I won’t get into the codependent part of all of this. But it’s there. You two haven’t figured it out, and things have stagnated a bit.”
“Austin is my friend. I’m seeing Marcus. He’s a great guy and treats me like a queen. Besides, no way I could compete with his gorgeous harem of bed bunnies, and I wouldn’t want to try.”
Venus clucked her tongue at me. “Sydney. Seriously. I’m going to concede that Marcus is dreamy. And yes, he does like you. There could be potential there if you weren’t already taken. You and Austin are more than friends, even if neither of you will admit it. Trust me. He’s the one.”
“But Marcus is good to me,” I mused.
Venus interjected. “That may be, but the heart wants what the heart wants. If you’re not careful, Marcus will figure it out, too. That could be disastrous for ‘the vibe of the hive’. Being the one to say things first makes you vulnerable, but once it’s said, the pieces will fall into place. Trust me.”
At that moment, I didn’t want to overthink it. I had a Welcome Home party to organize, and conflicted feelings to sort out in my heart.
No one wanted to leave me alone, which I appreciated to the depths of my heart, and the four of us ended up back at the townhouse for pizza and a movie. While we were popping popcorn and making margaritas, Austin called. I took the phone downstairs to talk to him.
“Hi, Cowboy! How was your day?” I attempted to sound upbeat even though I didn’t feel it. Austin called my bluff right away.
“Your voice sounds funny. What’s wrong?”
“I’m fine. Only tired. Samson and I went to the beach this afternoon and I got too much sun.”
“I’m not buying it. Unless you’re going to sell me an ocean view property in Kansas City. Now spill.”
“I don’t want to talk about my problems right now.”
“Sydney. I realize I’m the one in rehab, but we’re friends. Friends share their problems. Lay it on me. I promise I can take it.”
I sighed. “Only if you promise not to go apeshit on anyone. I mean it.” Austin had enough legal issues without adding aggravated assault to his list of potential felonies.
“Cross my heart and hope to die.”
I told him about Jason attacking me today. I could feel him seething through the phone. “Nothing happened. Venus fired him on the spot. She’s been supportive. Tori and Daisy have, too. They’re all upstairs trying to keep me busy and distracted. They don’t want to leave me alone. Which is super sweet, but I have to admit it’s starting to get a bit smothering. I’m surprised at least one of them didn’t follow me down here.”
Austin lowered his voice. “Listen to me. My gun is in my nightstand, and the clips are in the sock drawer of my chest of drawers. Load it and put it under your pillow. I’ll be home in a few days, and we can get a security system then. Samson will be your best bet for now, but this is a reliable backup. Shoot first and ask questions later. I mean it. I don’t want anything to happen to you while I’m away.” His voice sounded unsteady. This side of him was new. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
“I knew I shouldn’t have told you. I will do my best to stay alive until you return.” I tried to make light of the situation. “I better go before the margarita mamas make their way down here. Don’t worry about me. I’m surrounded with protection.”
“I will still feel better once I’m home. Sweet dreams, Sydney.”
After the movie, Daisy went home to take care of her brood of furry friends. Tori and Venus insisted on staying. I put them together in the guest bedroom. Samson and I crawled into bed, and I called Abby to fill her in on the events of the day.
“I could wring that asshole’s neck. Do you want me to come and stay with you? I’m looking up flights right now—”
“Abby, no. Please don’t. I always want to see you, of course, but I think I will be okay. I’m kind of starting to feel a bit swamped. Everyone loves me and wants me to be safe, but, I don’t know—I feel like I need a few minutes to just breathe on my own. Austin is coming home in a few days, and I have Samson. It’s fine. Jason isn’t stupid enough to bother me, not with the microscope he’s under now with the police. That would only lead to more trouble for him.”
“Fine. I hear you. But I can be there for you in an instant. Just say the word.”
“Thanks, Abby. I know you have my back.” I paused. “I had an interesting conversation with the gals today. They seem to think that Austin loves me as more than a friend. Then they told me that I love him too. What do you think?”
“What do I think? What I think is irrelevant. The question is what do you think ? ”
“I thought I had everything figured out. I’m seeing Marcus, and he’s good to me. I love being with him, and I don’t want to ruin that. Austin had plenty of time to tell me about his feelings before I started dating Marcus. Anyway, Austin has never been a viable option because he spends so much time putting another notch in his belt. I can’t compete with his beautiful bed bunnies, and I don’t want to get hurt when he rejects me.” Again, I thought. But Abby didn’t need to know about that.
“You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what again?”
“Sydney, are you going to take a leap of faith, or are you going to play it safe? Nobody can make that decision for you.”
“There’s one other problem.”
“What’s that?”
“I’ve … been having doubts. About all this—living in L.A., the job. I’ve neglected my own dreams for over two years now. I forgot I even had dreams. This life has been an eye-opening experience for me, but I don’t see myself doing this for thirty or forty years. I want to keep myself grounded, and that won’t happen here. But I don’t want to disappoint Austin.”
Abby sighed. “You have a lot of thinking to do. My advice is to follow your heart and do what’s right for you.” The conversation was getting that wind-down feeling, and we both recognized it. “I didn’t realize how late it is here in New York. I’m going to bed. Call me any time, Sissy. I love you.”
“Love you, too.” Talking to Abby always made me feel better. I had big decisions to make before Austin came home.
Journal Entry
Today scared me. Bad. Jason caught me completely off guard, and I’m sure that worked in his favor. His physical strength outweighed mine by a million to one. I couldn’t have escaped from him on my own. I’ll spend the rest of my life being grateful to Tori for acting fast and helping me get away from him. No wonder Samson growled at him like he did. I won’t be going anywhere without Samson again for a long time.
My girls came to my aid today—Tori, Venus, and Daisy—each of them wonderful and kind. I don’t know what I would have done without them being there to keep me company. Talking to Austin and Abby made me feel better to some degree, but having my girls here for me was invaluable.
I thought that talking to Abby about Austin would clear things up in my head. It didn’t. In fact, it only made things more complicated. That time he kissed me at the shooting range—I’ve never forgotten it. I know Austin felt something because I felt it too. But then he pushed me away. Now that I’m with Marcus, that window of opportunity is closed.
When I came out to L.A., I didn’t give myself a fixed deadline or timeframe to decide whether I wanted to stay here. I like my job and my coworkers. Austin and I live comfortably, and I made lifelong friends here. I don’t want to disappoint the people who are now important parts of my life. Yet a part of me aches to go home. A big part.
I still want to be a teacher, and that tugs at my heartstrings. I didn’t give that dream a chance before coming out here. Things happened fast after Showcase, and in the blink of an eye, two years have slipped through my fingers. Maybe it’s time for me to stop looking out for Austin and follow my own dreams. I could put it off, but we don’t always have the time we think we do. Today is making me think about that—no one knows what’s going to happen on any given day.
Not deciding is making a decision, too. I need to stop playing the “what if” card and pick a direction. Decisions, decisions...