Chapter Seventeen Callum #4
"I'm so scared, Callum," Sophie says suddenly, and I freeze, cold rushing through my veins.
"I had all these plans. They were solid and within my grasp.
I was almost there, almost to the start of them.
Everything was going well... and then I found the lump.
Then my fiancé cheated on me—just like that—like he had been just waiting for the chance to do so.
It was so easy for him to throw away everything.
Like I'm nothing. Worthless, and undeserving of basic fucking decency to just break up with me first.. ."
A storm builds inside of me at her painful words, and I don't get angry easily. I'm levelheaded. I think about the consequences of my words and actions before I speak or act.
My mom always cautions me to be patient in all things, and I'm good at it.
But my restraint is nonexistent right now.
Paul, you pathetic worm, I snarl in my mind.
I'm so pissed, so angry, so goddamn furious at Paul.
How dare he? I never even felt this angry back then, during the Lauren incident, when my heart was ripped out of my chest and spat on publicly.
But this? This vicious cruelty to Sophie of all people?
As the fury surges through me, my fists tighten, nails biting into my palms and giving me some outlet to the fire running through my veins.
I don't even know if I would be able to be reasoned with if I saw him at this moment.
I'd beat the shit out of him.
And I wouldn't stop.
Because he hurt Sophie.
My Sophie.
My sweet girl.
This selfish asshole had the privilege to be loved by her, and he just stomped on it.
What the hell is wrong with him?
Sophie's voice is angry now, shaking as she continues.
"And now, I have cancer, and my hair's falling out," she knocks the hood off her head, the spot a pale sliver against the dark of her hair.
She points it out to me as I'm going to run screaming out the door.
There isn't a force on this Earth strong enough to get me to move from this couch next to her.
"I'm sick, and I'm tired, and I'm so, so scared. I'm terrified of the unknown, and everything is so uncertain, and I don't have a plan anymore..."
She runs out of steam and seems to deflate.
I'm silent for a full minute, absorbing her words, before I clear my throat.
"I don't think that's a bad thing, though," I start, and she turns to me with a frown, making me realize what I said, and I wince.
"No, no—not the cancer or the hair. That's awful, and I hate.
.. I hate that you're going through this.
No one deserves this—least of all, you. You're so good and kind, it's so unfair. .."
The tightness on her face softens at my words. "Callum..."
"I meant that sometimes our plans change because it's for the best," I shrug, trying to make sure I express myself correctly. "Or it's a way for you to restart and make a whole new, better path."
"I could have done that without the cancer,” she snorts.
"Yeah," I murmur, voice low. "Me too."
She inhales slowly, the sound a little choppy, before releasing it. Her shoulders drop, tension bleeding from her. I guess since the words are finally out in the open, it's a weight off her shoulders.
"It's just hard because I feel like I'm mourning," Sophie says, her voice cracking on the edges. "The person I was, the life I was leading. I planned everything. And now... I don't even know if I'll survive this..."
Those words hit me like a sucker punch, momentarily knocking the wind out of me. I have to take a couple of deep breaths and clear my throat to be able to speak.
"Well, I really like the Sophie I met when she walked into my bookshop, the kind and sweet and brave and funny Sophie," I tell her, keeping my voice gentle. "In fact, she's one of my favorite people in the world."
She doesn't say anything immediately to that, and for a moment, I worry that I overstepped or came on too strong, until she reaches her hand out to me. She slips her small, cool hand into mine, and I envelop it in both of my hands, squeezing gently and willing warmth to flood into her body.
She looks up at me, her eyes shimmering with something raw, and then suddenly, she's in my lap, in my arms. I close them around her without a second thought, pulling her in, tucking her head beneath my chin.
She's trembling, just a little, and I tighten my hold, one arm braced across her back, the other coming up to cradle the back of her head.
My eyes fall shut as I bury my face in her hair, breathing her in, and I let myself feel all of it. Her warm weight against me, her quiet trust in the way she snuggles in closer, and how the ache in my chest eases instantly with her in my embrace. Joy thrums through me like a pulse.
"At least I got to meet you from all of this. Like some weird butterfly effect from Paul cheating on me. It oddly makes it worth it... because you're my favorite too, Callum," she says, and I feel those words bury themselves right in my heart.
"Sweet girl," I murmur, placing a kiss on her forehead. I feel her smile against my chest.
"I like that," she whispers.
"Good," I squeeze her once in my arms. "Because it's what you are."
She lifts her head to meet my eyes, and the bright, happy look on her face unmakes me.
It looks like sunshine. It feels like warmth.
It's home.
"Will you stay a little longer?" she asks, barely more than a whisper.
"Of course," I reply immediately, and she looks relieved, before laying her head back down on my shoulder. Being brave, I kiss her forehead once more, leaning my head against hers.
I'll stay forever, if you let me...
Time seems to slow down, allowing me to truly appreciate this moment. All I can feel is Sophie, safe in my arms. All I can hear is the sound of her breathing, steady and slow.
Eventually, I feel Sophie drift off to sleep, still in my arms, anchored firmly to me. I’m staying.
And as I drift off to sleep, my last thought is a promise to her.
Always.