Chapter Thirty-Nine Sophie #4
"I'm glad you realized that you committed an.
.. enormous, egregious, disgusting betrayal," I grit out through clenched teeth.
I'm angry, not for the Sophie I am now, but the Sophie I was then.
The hopeful Sophie, who was terrified of the fight ahead, but had faith that at least she had Paul.
She deserved better. And, well, she got it.
Paul flinches like I just slapped him, but I'm not done. "You almost destroyed me, Paul. Right before I had to battle cancer. You told me that losing my breasts was a problem for you."
Something slams in the direction of the office, Paul's eyes going wide and his body tensing for a moment like he's bracing.
I smile, knowing that Callum is listening in, and feel my spine straighten as I look back at Paul, my gaze cold.
"I don't even think you can comprehend what a horrible thing that is to say to anyone. You tied my worth to my breasts."
"Sophie, I—"
"No, Paul, I gave you your time to talk; it's my turn now."
He snaps his mouth shut and nods his head.
"You talked to Elise about your fears. You didn't even talk to me, after everything we've been through together, after all that you know about my parents and about me. All my hopes and fears that I trusted you with. And you couldn't do the same to me, apparently."
It's all bubbling out of me, months of dormant emotions flowing out of me like an open faucet.
And it feels good to let it out. To just let it all go.
"Months of talking to her, growing closer to her," I scoff a laugh, "And then fucking her."
His eyes close, and a tear tracks down his cheek. I ignore it.
"Imagine me doing the same to you, Paul. Imagine if I had met Callum. Sharing secrets and jokes, sneaking around with him here, confiding in him, kissing him. Imagine me fucking him behind your back and then coming home and rejecting you. Put yourself in my shoes."
"I can't."
"Why?"
His face is pure misery, "Because you wouldn't, Sophie. You couldn't."
"Exactly!" I snarl, pointing at him. "I would never—ever—do that to you!
Or to anyone. Because what you did is so cruel.
You used Elise as a vehicle to jump ship," I shake my head, remembering Amal's words she told me at the gala.
"If it weren't cancer, it probably would have been something else.
The second I wasn't useful to you anymore, you would have cast me aside. "
I realize I'm breathing heavy, too heavy, my heart slamming in my chest. I'm not the confrontational sister, Tess is, so this is causing my adrenaline to spike up.
My hands shake in my lap, and I take a couple of deep breaths, hearing my sister's voice in my head coaching me—in through my nose, out through my mouth.
Paul looks like he wants to get up, to come over and comfort me, but I shake my head and glare at him.
"I want to say that it's not true," Paul chokes out, harshly wiping away tears. "But... you're right. You're right, Sophie, I am so, so sorry. I'm so sorry."
I shrug, because his apology can't roll back time, and I don't want it to. I'm not going to tell him that, though. I'm not going to absolve him by letting him think that cheating on me gave me a better path, no matter how true that actually is.
"I'm in therapy. I think it's helping. I've learned that I have some—" he winces, rolling his head slightly side to side "—avoidance tendencies. I'm trying to work through them."
"I'm glad you're getting help," I say, my voice hoarse and wrecked. I clear my throat. "I'm glad you at least recognized what you did."
"Me too..." he whispers.
"I..." I take a deep breath and close my eyes, reaching into my pocket to touch the tiger's eye.
The anger is slowly bleeding out of me. I can picture it dripping to the floor, being washed away, and never to return.
Letting go of the anger so that I'm not bound to it anymore, to him anymore.
The past is gone. There's no way to move forward without letting go of everything that tethers me to it.
Opening my eyes once more, I meet his eyes head-on. "I accept your apology, Paul. And I forgive you."
The knot in my chest loosens, and I instantly feel lighter.
Paul's eyes grow wide for a second before the blue turns glassy and a tear spills over. He closes his eyes in what looks like relief and breathes heavily. "Thank you..." Paul sighs in relief. "Thank you, Sophie."
"If..." he laughs and shakes his head, his face twisting like he's in pain. "I'm going to hate myself for asking this, but I'll hate myself more if I don't... Sophie, if there's even a part of you that thinks we could—"
"No."
My answer is instant and firm.
"Paul, when you cheated on me, you shattered all the trust that I had and will ever have in you. And now that I have Callum?" I shake my head and watch as his eyes dim. "He's everything to me. I love him, more than I've ever loved anyone."
His face twists into an expression that looks like he's in pain, but there's also something else there. Acceptance, maybe. Like maybe he's letting go of something too...
"Even if I didn't have Callum," I continue, "I would never be able to trust you again. I'd question you every time you were out of my sight. We'd both end up resenting each other. It would be a prison we built ourselves. We're just... incompatible now."
Paul sniffles behind his mask and reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose, breathing deeply to keep himself from falling apart.
Paul only cried a handful of times when we were together, and this was the routine he usually went through.
Trying so hard to push back his sadness, his tears, instead of actually feeling them.
I sit back and glance over to the door that Callum is behind. Even in another room, I still feel his presence as if he were right next to me, filling me with strength, with love.
Paul takes one last deep breath, then looks up at me. "I figured," he says with a small, self-deprecating chuckle. "I just had to know."
I nod, not saying anything else.
"I'm leaving," he says suddenly, and my eyebrows lift. "I got a job offer in Connecticut. I need a fresh start. I... I need to see who I am outside of this town."
"That's good," I nod, my tone a little more gentle because I mean it. "I'm happy for you."
He laughs softly and shakes his head. "It's a little funny, isn't it? I brought you here—this place that used to be my home. Now it's yours, and I'm the one leaving."
"This became my home," I shrug, smiling as I look around the store that became my safe haven. "I'm exactly where I'm meant to be."
Paul nods before standing, and I stand with him, quite relieved that this conversation is over. For a second, he looks like he wants to hug me, then seems to think better of it. His arms hang uselessly at his sides.
"I wish you nothing but the best, Sophie," his voice breaks a little on my name, and while I don't feel myself softening toward him, I give him a small smile.
"I wish the same for you," I reply softly. "Goodbye, Paul. Good luck."
"Goodbye, Sophie," he says, his eyes lingering on me for a long moment before he turns and walks toward the front door. The repaired bell announces his departure—out of the store, out of my life.
Heavy-booted footsteps behind me smile as arms wrap around me, pulling me back into a solid chest. His voice is a low rumble in my ear, "Okay, baby?"
"Yeah," I smile and turn my head to kiss his cheek. "I'm okay."