Session Fifteen
SESSION FIFTEEN
DESERT FLOWER THERAPY
“That’s how I ended up here, on your couch.” I pat the velvet cushion. Am I relieved to have concluded the tale? I don’t think so. ‘Listless’ might be the right word to describe how I feel.
Dr. Ruben nods. “That is quite the story.”
“I wish it weren’t mine.” I try to push away the lifelessness in my limbs, but they are leaden.
“Well, sure.” He leans forward. “Having already trained as a therapist and practiced as one for a few years, you know most of what I’m going to say to you. The trick now will be putting it all into practice.”
I have an idea what Dr. Ruben’s advice will be, but he’s surprised me a number of times since our sessions began. “What are you going to say to me?”
“You should have a conversation with your dad”—he lifts a hand because I’m opening my mouth to argue—“even though you don’t want to. Either confront him, or let it go. He caused you hurt after your mom died, and you’re hurting yourself now by holding on to that.”
“And Gabriel? I guess I need to let go of all that hurt, too?”
“Eventually. It’s still relatively fresh. You won’t move forward, if you hold it close.”
“Do I want to move forward?”
“Don’t you?”
“Honestly, I still can’t imagine a life that doesn’t include Gabriel.”
“I hate to break it to you, but you’re living one now.”
I smile wryly. “All his clothes hanging in our closet would beg to differ.”
“The untangling of intertwined lives isn’t pleasant, or pretty. But it’s necessary. One day, you’ll find yourself ready to begin that task.”
I fidget with a bracelet. “Is this goodbye, Dr. Ruben? Are you going to tell Joseph it’s safe to allow me back into the practice?”
Dr. Ruben cracks a smile. “I can if you want me to, but I don’t think that’s what is best for you.”
“What do you think is best for me?” I’d like a roadmap, a guide, something.
He opens his arms wide. “That’s up to you.”