Chapter 18
CHAPTER 18
AVERY
Camryn called twice during my two weeks in Sugar Creek, but I didn’t answer. She texted me after the second call, saying everything was fine and she only wanted to see how things were going. Three days later, after I didn’t respond to her message, she sent a follow up requesting proof of life. I sent her a picture of my foot.
My guess is the foot picture is the reason she’s frowning right now.
Camryn makes certain to hold the frown for another beat, then steps back from her front door. “Come in. I’ll go grab your mail.”
I follow her into her house, Ruby at my feet. I’m shocked Cam didn’t immediately point out my puffy eyes. I’d done my best to keep from crying when I said goodbye to Gabriel. The moment I pulled onto the interstate the floodgates opened and I cried the first hour of my drive. It might not have been goodbye forever, but it was goodbye for now. An open-ended farewell, a sentence ending in ellipses.
Camryn talks as she walks. “We tried to change the chalkboard, but the handwriting was not half as good as yours.”
“Who did it?”
“Dani.” Camryn shoots a warning look over her shoulder. “Don’t tell her I said that. I love that woman, but a calligrapher she is not.”
My sister’s teasing tone is the familiarity I need. Her voice feels like the hug I could really use right now.
“It’s good to hear your voice.” I blink through the moisture forming in my eyes yet again.
“I have been told I sound like a symphony,” Camryn jokes. She opens the back door and Ruby bounds outside.
Cam grabs a tall stack of what is largely junk mail and spins around. Her eyes bulge. “Why are you crying? Please don’t tell me you loved Sugar Creek and didn’t want to come home. I get that it’s a cute town and all, but it’s a hike to get there and I don’t like driving.”
Her rambling forces a smile into my upset. “That’s not why I’m crying.”
She hands off the mail to me and crosses her arms over her chest. “You saw Gabriel, didn’t you?”
I nod.
“You banged him, didn’t you?”
I give her a withering look.
She returns it. “Make love,” she says, adding air quotes.
I snort a laugh. “I missed you.”
“So? Is that what happened?”
I nod again. I open my mouth but she holds up a warning hand. “I don’t want details.”
“I wasn’t going to give them to you.”
“Good. What were you going to say?”
“That it was amazing. Just like before. Maybe better.”
“The sex? Or everything?”
I sigh, glancing down at the small mountain of mail in my arms. “Everything.”
“Are you screwed? Figuratively, I mean. I already know about literally.”
I shake my head. “I left. I mean, I chose to leave.” I couldn’t sound more conflicted if I tried. “I left.”
“You said that already.”
I frown at her. “Don’t challenge me.”
She holds up her hands. “I’m not challenging you.”
“Yes, you are. You’re pointing out I’m repeating myself.”
“Not a challenge.”
“Coming from you it is.”
She wraps an arm around my shoulders and directs me to the kitchen table. “I can’t decide if I like how well you know me, or if it’s a colossal inconvenience.”
“The former.” I lay the mail on the table and it tips over, scattering. “You could’ve thrown away the junk.”
She shrugs. “How am I supposed to know what constitutes junk for you?” She holds up a bill. “I happen to think this is junk.”
I stare at her, and she laughs. “Ok, you’re right. I was being lazy.” She takes the seat beside me. “I knew you’d get together with Gabriel up there.”
I groan loudly. “You should’ve dragged me home with you the day you left.”
Her head cocks sideways. “Why?”
My legs cross under the table and bump into Cam. She allows me space to bring my legs up onto the chair, tucking them into my body and resting my chin on my knees. “Because now I’m wondering if it would’ve been easier to never see him again.” My poor, mangled heart. We were doing ok before Sugar Creek. Not great, and maybe we were still muddling our way through, but we were ok.
“Why?”
“Because he broke me, and I don’t think I should go backwards. I should go forward.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what I’m supposed to do.”
“Why?”
Her repetitive question is grating on my nerves. “Because it is.”
“Why?”
“Say something else!”
“Why do you believe you should go forward? Why do you believe by being with Gabriel you are going backward?”
I sit back, considering Camryn’s questions. “When I think of Gabriel, it’s hard to see a future, because he consumes all of my past.”
“Not all of it.”
I squint at her. “More, please.”
“You were twenty-three when you met Gabriel?”
I nod.
“You lived twenty-two years without him. Not just without him, you didn’t even know he existed. You had other boyfriends, you weathered Mom’s passing, you practically raised me, took care of the house and Dad. You got yourself to college, you graduated and went on to earn your Master’s. Gabriel doesn’t own those things. He does not consume all of your past. Just a piece of it. An admittedly huge part,” she allows, “but not all of it.”
Even if I understand everything Cam is saying, I have a hard time believing it. “Gabriel’s portion weighs more.”
“Fair.” She nods. “But he’s not all of it. Just remember that. You were Avery Burke long before you were Avery Woodruff.”
“I’m still Avery Burke.”
She completes a half eye-roll. “You know what I mean.”
“Jill wants me to use what happened in Sugar Creek in my story.”
Cam frowns. “You told Jill before you told me?”
“Timing,” I explain. “I happened to talk to her before you.”
“Because you didn’t answer my calls. Because you didn’t want to talk to me and tell me what you were really getting up to.”
I shrug.
Cam smiles smugly. She knows she’s right. “Is Gabriel ok with you using it?”
“He’s fine. I’ve already written it. My time in Sugar Creek was productive?—”
“In between the banging.”
I lightly punch her in the boob. She laughs. “Speaking of Jill, did you see she RSVP’d for the shower?”
“I haven’t looked recently.” Planning Camryn and Dani’s bridal shower was supposed to be the other task I completed in Sugar Creek, but then Gabriel showed up, and, well…
Cam looks unhappy. “Start looking. The shower is in one month and you’re hosting it. I did my part. I sent the invites.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to host it somewhere other than Gem?”
Her eyes narrow. “Why?”
“You’re getting married there, too.”
“It’s free,” Cam reminds me. “So please shut that mouth of yours and start planning.”
I sit up straight. “I’m on it. I promise. Notebook is brimming with…notes. You’re going to love everything I have planned.”
Her frown deepens. She knows I’m bullshitting. “Tell me if I should ask Dani’s friends from dental school. They’ve offered to help already.”
I wave her off. “I’m good. Lara volunteered to help if I need it.”
Cam doesn’t look convinced. If anything, she looks concerned.
“Don’t worry about your shower. I promise, everything will be fine.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about.”
My eyebrows lift and I hold my hands out to the side, silently asking her to explain.
“What is going on with you and Gabriel?”
I groan. “I’m not sure, Cam. It’s messy, and confusing.”
“How did you leave things?”
“We both agreed we can’t do long distance, and?—”
“You’d consider taking him back?” Astonishment widens her eyes. “After everything?”
I bristle. “Don’t judge me.”
Cam holds her hands in front of her chest, palms out. “Not judging. Just surprised. Riding the bang train to closure town is one thing, forgiving him and taking him back is another.”
“It’s not that simple, Cam. It’s not a snap of the fingers, or, like, an epiphany.” I mime the brain-exploding emoji.
“I know, Avery. It’s just…he hurt you. Badly.”
“We both made mistakes.”
“He made more.”
I nod. “Is this your way of telling me you don’t think I should ever give Gabriel another chance?”
“Nope.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“I’m neutral. I only want you to be happy and healthy. Whatever that means for you.”
“Chickenshit.”
She barks a laugh. “Not usually, but maybe a little in this case.”
I gather the mail and stand. Cam brings Ruby inside and walks us to the front door. “Be happy Hudson removed himself from the equation. Otherwise, this would be messier than it already is.” Cam lightly presses a hand to my arm, her forehead creased with concern. “What do you plan to do about it all?”
My shoulders curl inward, and my head is heavy as it swings back and forth. “The only thing I know to do. I’m going to bury my head in my computer, write my little heart out, and throw you the best bridal shower you’ve ever seen.” I lift my drooping head to deliver a kiss to her cheek. “And copy the next Spill The Beans on the board.”
“Tomorrow,” she says, mouthing the word please.
“I’ll swing by Gem in the morning.”
“And be ready to see Dad and Lara this weekend. They want to have dinner.”
I frown as my head fills with a fleeting vision of me providing my dad and Lara with a sanitized summary of my trip to Sugar Creek.
Cam sees my expression and asks, “Are you going to tell Dad about Gabriel? I think his heart was as broken as yours when everything happened.”
“No. I don’t know.” I sigh. “Not yet, at least.” What, exactly, is there to tell? I don’t want to rope him into my angst.
Cam pretends to zip her lips.
I go home. I unpack. I float through my routine, my movements on autopilot. When I take a shower, I wash my hair with body wash instead of shampoo. To Ruby’s delight, I feed her three cups of food instead of two. I spend an hour on the internet looking at cute matching shirts to force Camryn and Dani to wear at their shower, then forget to order them.
My mind is approximately one hundred and seventy-eight miles away.