19. LANE
LANE
My mind flips through the last ten minutes as I drive to the lake. The close call. The risk.
I don’t get it. No one has ever had this sort of influence over me.
Definitely not a girl. I may be twenty-two, but my list of girlfriends is short and mostly from high school.
Nothing was ever serious and all the girls who chased me after hockey practice, or games, or whatever party we were at, knew it.
When I pull into the parking lot, it’s not hard to find the guys as they’re sitting at a picnic table out on the beach.
The air is sharp and cuts through my hoodie, but makes my lungs feel cleaner when I breathe in. Honestly, it’s similar to the feeling of a hockey rink. When I open the door, Leo hollers, “Lane! You made it!”
I slide into an open spot on the bench. Troy slides a beer toward me and asks, “Cora all good?”
“Yeah. She’s good. Just making sure she’s not choking on her own vomit now.” I wave my phone at them. I texted her when I got here. I’m not even sure why.
I crack the beer, breaking my one beer rule, and everyone sits quietly for probably the first time ever. Not sure if I’ve ever heard Leo be this silent for this long.
The sounds of the water crashing is calming but louder than I thought it’d be. I was thinking this would be more of a little inland lake, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Wind whips and whistles through the trees.
“Do you know the first time I brought Leo here, it took me at least five minutes to convince him this wasn’t an ocean?” Troy shares, bringing the beer can to his lips.
“Hey, there were like actual waves. And I couldn’t see the other side. Felt very ocean like.” Leo tries to defend himself and everyone’s shoulders shake with a laugh, even mine.
I kind of want to bring up Cora, but I’ve already had Leo and Matty corner me to remind me that she’s off-limits. But I don’t have to because Leo does instead
“Cora seems to be going through it.”
The guys nod along to the statement and Leo continues. “First off, she’s way too good for fucking Freddy. I don’t care about his basketball skill set. He’s like a lump of potatoes. Unsalted. Bland.”
“You have to stop watching cooking shows before you go to bed,” Troy jokes.
“Fuck off. You know what I mean,” Leo defends.
I make sure to be careful with this next part. If I’m going to press, or get any other details, I need to keep myself under control. Can’t fucking lose it out here in front of the guys.
“What’s the deal there? We ran into him during the scavenger hunt.”
Matty is the one who sighs out a breath before getting into it. “High school sweethearts. Kind of inseparable. Not that Cora has much free time. I know they were supposed to get an apartment together—he told her not to move in with Brinn because they would move in together.”
“Between this group of guys—and it doesn’t leave this picnic table—but that fucking loser took her to look at rings. Like engagement rings. Strung her along… and then dumped her.” The entire table looks at Leo, clearly processing new information. “Brinn told me.”
I’m guessing that Brinn is one of Cora’s friends. And she must be friends with some of the guys, too. I wonder if Cora told Brinn about our night together.
“Wow. That makes the apartment thing even worse,” Matty reflects.
Leo nods. “Pretty sure he told her that she was boring. That’s how he dumped her after eight years.”
Low whistles surround the table. Fuck, that’s awful.
“Cora does a ton of shit. She’s fucking smart and can literally talk about any sport like she’s played it her whole life. I heard she might intern with ESPN the summer after graduation, with their analytics department.” Noah defends her, and if I didn’t like him before, I definitely like him now.
It’s refreshing for them to band behind their coach. Their family. It speaks to why the team is so oriented on collaboration.
“Yeah, that’s pretty fucked up.” I contribute an acceptable line to the conversation, but inside, I’m thinking much more.
What a piece of shit. I’m kind of glad I didn’t know about how terrible of a guy Freddy was at the bonfire; it would’ve made not hitting him much harder. I thought he was just a dumb college guy. But taking someone to look at a ring? And dumping them? That’s diabolical.
Part of me softens—one of the edges I’ve kept sharp in the hopes of not letting Cora infiltrate me anymore.
I can feel it, cell by cell. And things start making a little more sense.
Anger settles low in my stomach, thinking of how he’s still texting her, trying to meet up—sounds like he’s trying to keep his hooks just deep enough.
I’ve known guys like this my whole life. The ones who can only position themselves as the main priority, can’t think of others, and don’t care what they take from people to get ahead.
Fuck that guy.
“Also, the thought of getting engaged while you’re in college kind of makes my stomach hurt,” Troy adds, breaking through the silence.
Leo’s hands slap the table. “I’ll throw up if I think about it for too long.”
“No one has girlfriends here?” I ask.
“Not ones we see more than once,” Leo winks and Troy punches his shoulder. “Hey! There’s nothing wrong with casual, safe, consensual sex.” Leo lifts a beer and we all clink our cans together.
We fall into easy conversation. I chime in when I can, though I’m still at the transfer disadvantage. Still, I feel like I’m part of the group. When I came out tonight, I was beating myself up about missing out on extra training, but this is the perfect reason to miss.
Part of me feels like I might belong. It brings a blanket of panic with it. Because if you’re part of something, have a seat at the table, it’s just another thing that you can lose.