CHAPTER 5 - SPAGHETTI
spaghetti
CHAPTER five
David felt calm and cool as he stood in the elevator beside Hugh. He inspected his knuckles and was disappointed to find that they were fine, which meant he hadn’t punched the guy hard enough. Hugh spoke on the phone with someone from legal as he led the way to his office, past bewildered engineers, mechanics, and corporate types. Word spread fast, apparently.
Hugh showed him inside with a pointed look to one of the chairs across from his desk, and David took a seat. Hugh stepped back outside and shut the door, leaving David alone with his model car collection and framed memorabilia.
Not that long ago, David had sat in this same office while Hugh explained that Noah wanted him off the team, and David had watched his fairytale future with Noah disappear right before his eyes. He’d been so quick to believe that Noah was just pulling a con on him, even though his heart melted every time Noah looked at him.
Of course, everything Hugh had said that day was a lie, but David learned that way too late.
He pulled out his phone and decided to text Caroline back to avoid thinking about it.
you look great. are you ready for the appointment tomorrow?
Caroline replied immediately. i think so. i’ll try to call when i’m there so you can join.
David sent her a smiley face and pocketed his phone again. Caroline’s mother had mentioned that after this appointment, the risk for a miscarriage would be much lower. David didn’t like to think about the statistics of losing a child, but he knew there was a risk. He wished he could ask his mother or his sister about it, but instead he had to look it up on the internet and read cold, unnerving articles that made his child sound like nothing more than a clump of cells.
He supposed that made sense for a baby the size of a bean, but to him, it wasn’t. If anything happened to Caroline or the baby, he didn’t know what he’d do. It was strange to feel so protective of a person who didn’t exist yet, but even stranger to feel protective of a woman whose heart he’d broken.
“Well,” Hugh said, pulling him from his thoughts as he stepped back into the office. “Nice to see you still have fight. I thought Caparelli sucked it all out of you.”
David bristled at the innuendo. Coming out was never his plan, but doing so made him realize all the ways Oxbow had been helping him behind the scenes. Especially now that they didn’t do them anymore.
Engineers kept changing, Hugh kept going on about legal troubles, and everyone had to mention Firefly dropping their sponsorship at least once per phone call over the break. Nobody talked about how David had secured four major sponsors to replace them or that since coming out, he’d brought in more money than any Oxbow driver ever had.
No, everyone had to make a point of talking around his sexuality instead.
“I’ll punch you, too,” David muttered, and he meant every word.
Hugh grinned and plopped back in his seat. The office chair groaned loudly under his weight. “I believe you. Now, let’s discuss you flying off the handle, hm?”
David straightened in his chair, stiff-backed and ready to lunge.
Hugh’s grin vanished. “What you did this morning will make rounds. I think you’ve proved your point.”
“They were talking about Noah,” David said. “They were saying awful things about him.”
“Yes. You’re very lucky Mark made a sworn statement to our legal team that the engineer in question was making homophobic remarks toward your significant other, or you could be in a much worse situation.”
“Partner,” David corrected.
“Boyfriend,” Hugh countered. “Partner has a business connotation, and we’re not in business with Noah anymore.”
Hugh had personally paid for Noah’s wrist surgery, all but admitting fault for causing more damage when he’d attacked Noah at the hospital a few months ago. Klaus fed him a story about Noah being an abusive boyfriend, one that Hugh had been all too eager to believe. As if Noah would ever harm David.
“You’re on probation, Jochmann,” Hugh said. “Do you know what that means?”
David gritted his teeth, flipping through his mental rolodex of English words and definitions, but that one didn’t come to mind. “Can I still race?”
“It means you’re in trouble, but you’re too important to be fired,” Hugh said, steamrolling his question.
He’d rather watch Oxbow burn than let anyone talk about Noah so vulgarly without consequences. With Noah injured, Formula America had no driver on the grid who would win a championship against Finlay Black except him. Jacob would fold under that kind of pressure, and everyone at Oxbow knew it.
“That’s a yes, then.”
“Yes. Lucky for you, if this engineer tries to press charges, we have plenty to counter with. We’re not anticipating any legal trouble here, but this can’t happen again,” Hugh said. “I know you’re angry about coming back early, but you need to move on. And maybe sleep—you look terrible.”
“Thanks,” David snapped, but relief washed over him. If Hugh was going to do something, he would be screaming by now.
“We have a new personal trainer starting with you tomorrow,” Hugh continued, folding his hands over his belly. “He comes highly regarded, and he’s very eager to work with you. His work in Formula 1 has been impressive.”
David nodded once. He didn’t give a shit about who trained him. Noah’s old trainer, a man who used to be his friend, had basically ghosted Noah since finding out he was bi. Noah said it didn’t matter, but David knew it hurt him.
“Does the trainer know I’m gay?” David asked.
Hugh grimaced. “Yes, I believe he reads the news.”
“Good. If he says anything about it, I’m firing him.”
Hugh narrowed his eyes. “You understand that you could have been fired for this incident? You assaulted someone. That’s a criminal offense.”
“I’d love to see the cops arrest me when they won’t even arrest my dad for nearly killing me.”
“You chose not to bring charges, David,” Hugh said, his voice softening.
David turned his face away. Hugh was right, of course, but it wasn’t that simple. David didn’t want to deal with it at the time, and he still didn’t. A criminal trial in the States would put his career on hold—which would be a win for Klaus, who would make sure it interfered with his schedule as much as possible.
“We’re going to protect you this time,” Hugh said, “but if you punch people every time someone says something bad about Noah Caparelli, we have to take stronger measures. So, no more incidents, understand?”
“I’m not letting people say shit like that about Noah,” David argued. “I’m not going to stand there and let them.”
“If you hear something, make note of who said it, and we’ll report it to HR and have them reprimanded or fired. You have my word.”
David swallowed hard. He didn’t believe a word out of Hugh’s mouth, not after his lies about Noah wanting him off the team. Besides, Oxbow would take more measures to prevent a lawsuit over wrongful termination than they would comments on a driver’s sexuality.
Violence actually solved problems, though no one liked to admit it. A corporate reprimand would never have shut that engineer up.
“Fine, but if nothing happens, I’m dealing with it my way,” David said.
As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized how much he was acting like his father. He’d punched someone and was trying to justify it. No, he’d assaulted someone, and he was trying to justify it.
Worse, he felt it was worth justifying. Someone hurt Noah, even if it was only verbally.
“I’m sorry,” David said before Hugh could speak. “I should apologize to him, and I shouldn’t have punched him.”
Hugh’s eyes flashed. “I’m going to advise against an apology in this case. Our legal team informed me that it may be seen as admitting fault.”
David dragged a hand through his hair. “I think his bloody nose is proof it was my fault.”
“Well, do what you want, but that’s legal’s perspective.” Hugh narrowed his eyes. “And I advise not punching any more engineers. You don’t have the same options as our American drivers if things go south, Jochmann.”
David tensed. Without a job, he would have to go back to Europe and would only be able to see Noah on a tourist visa that would last less than three months. Even if they married to get him a green card, David wasn’t completely sure he wanted to give up his German citizenship.
God, they hadn’t even talked about that part. No wonder Noah didn’t want to rush marriage.
“I think I need a minute outside,” David said, suddenly woozy.
“Too bad, it’s time for the technology briefing,” Hugh said, standing up with a huff. “Mistakes have consequences, David. Time to learn.”
As if he didn’t already know.
******
The technology briefing proved to be the distraction David needed. He shut off his emotional side whenever he started talking about racing, so it was easy to ignore the incident with the engineer when he could talk about weight transfer and tire wear in the simulator.
“The fact of the matter is, our car is too heavy,” Benjamin, their lead development engineer, said. “We have to strip weight however we can. Taking off areas of paint will help us lose a bit, but we need more. Every ounce will help us gain speed. We need to go back to the drawing board for every aspect of the car and see how we can shave things down—literally.”
David chewed on the end of his pen. They didn’t have time for a complete overhaul this close to the first race. In a little over a month, they would be on the Los Angeles circuit for first practice, and they only had one shakedown before that at Laguna Seca to see how the car drove outside of the simulator.
“I’m happy to jump in the sim for testing whenever needed,” David said, conscious of the unfriendly eyes on him—only from the newer engineers. His core team knew that what happened earlier was the result of serious shit. “I’m here for the team.”
“Thanks, David,” Benjamin said. “Jacob will be here in a few days to assist as well. Until then, let’s utilize what we have. The more time we spend figuring this out now, the less we’ll have to pull late nights during the season.”
David glanced at the empty seat beside him. Long ago, Noah used to sit in that seat, charming everyone in the room with his jokes and good feedback. David swore he could still feel his body heat where their knees used to touch under the table.
Instead, the chair was empty, and Jacob was still running around Paris, eating caviar with his friends. David had extra responsibility as the first seat driver, but it irked him to think that Jacob didn’t care enough to come back early on his own free will. It wasn’t like his contract prohibited it.
Hypocrite.
A few engineers patted his shoulder on their way past to get out of the meeting room, but no one stopped to chat. David didn’t blame them.
“I think that’s all we need from you today, David,” Hugh said as he grabbed his paperwork and headed for the door. “Unless you wanted to continue our talk?”
David shook his head but didn’t stand up. “Just thinking. I’ll head home in a bit. Thanks, Hugh.”
The thought of going home was more terrifying than apologizing to that engineer. Taking the stairs up to his apartment gave plenty of places for Klaus to ambush him, but so did the elevator. His breezeway was the scariest part—he couldn’t stop imagining Klaus standing at his door with that bat.
David pulled out his phone and took it off Do Not Disturb to find an overload of texts from Noah. David called him before he even read the texts.
“Oh good, you’re alive,” Noah answered, his voice clipped. “What the fuck, David? You punched someone?”
David glanced around the meeting room, but Benjamin had already left. He was alone with the monitors and abandoned headsets. “Who told you?”
“Who told me? Does it matter? You punched an engineer!”
“I was in the briefing; sorry that I didn’t answer before,” David said, deciding to start there. He’d been hoping to avoid this conversation. He didn’t want to snap at his boyfriend again.
“David.”
“I know it was wrong, Noah. Don’t lecture me. Hugh already yelled at me, legal is saving my ass—I fucking get it, okay?”
So much for that plan.
He heard Noah sigh. “I wasn’t going to lecture you. I’m fucking worried. What happened?”
David swallowed hard. Noah still had so many good memories of Oxbow. David didn’t want to ruin them.
“Talk to me, Jochmann,” Noah said, the anger now gone from his voice. “It’s hard enough being a world away from you where I can’t kiss you better.”
David snorted. He closed his eyes, briefly imagining what those kisses would taste like. “I overheard that engineer and another guy talking about us. About you. He said horrible things about you, so I punched him. It wasn’t right, but I don’t really regret it. I know I should, though. I offered to apologize, but Hugh said that would be admitting fault.”
There. Honesty.
“Of course he did,” Noah muttered. “What did the engineer say about me?”
“It was stupid and not worth repeating,” David said. “I took care of it.”
“You almost got fired. You hurt someone.”
“I’m not my dad, so don’t even say it,” David warned. A lump formed in his throat, terrified that Noah would even think that about him.
“I would never say that,” Noah soothed. “You were protecting me. It was wrong, but I get it. I’d probably do the same thing if I heard someone talk shit about you.”
“No, you wouldn’t.”
He’d seen Noah angry enough to attack his father, but that situation was different. The engineer wasn’t an abusive father; he was just some idiot.
“Don’t test me,” Noah teased. “When it comes to you, I’d do pretty much anything.”
David smiled, drawing circles on a nearby notepad with his chewed-up pen. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for bed?”
“I’m not that old,” Noah replied. “But yeah, soon. I’ll be awake when you’re ready to sleep, though. Call me Watchdog.”
“Is that your codename now?”
“Woof, woof.”
David laughed. “I’m actually headed home in a few minutes.”
“Great. I’ll stay on the phone with you until you get inside your place.”
David blinked. Noah always seemed to know exactly what he needed.David never wanted to burden him with this stuff, but Noah always made it sound like it was totally normal to virtually escort your boyfriend home.
“Thanks,” David said quietly. He suddenly wanted to cry.
“Are you okay?” Noah asked. “That engineer didn’t get a swing at you or anything, right?”
David shook his head, even though Noah couldn’t see it. “He has a bloody nose, but not broken. I’m fine.”
“Well, good on both fronts, then,” Noah said cheerfully.
“Thanks for not yelling at me.”
Noah made a soft noise. “Babe, I’m not approving of what you did, but I know you’re under a lot of stress right now. I was more worried that you got hurt or, like, you were having a mental breakdown.”
David chewed the inside of his cheek and thought of his child. If everything went right, in a few short months, he’d be holding a real baby in his arms. Someday, that baby would look at him as an example, the way he used to look at his own father. He remembered how happy he used to feel when his dad looked down at him and smiled his approval.
Now those same eyes stared at him with nothing but cold-blooded hatred.
“I’m not going to end up like my dad, right?” David asked, setting down his pen. “If I punched this random guy who pissed me off, what if I do it to—”
“You will never end up like your dad,” Noah said firmly. “Today was a product of a lot of things, and the difference between you and your dad is that you regret hurting that guy, and you don’t want to do it again. We’re going to work on it.”
David took a shaky breath. “I feel horrible, Noah. I feel like I have a disease or something.”
“You don’t have a disease,” Noah said gently. David wished he could be in his arms again—he always felt safer there. “You’re still recovering from some major trauma, David. Major trauma. I hate that staying in your place is the safest option right now. I hate that I can’t be there.”
“You have to focus on your stuff,” David said. He didn’t want Noah to come back early for his sake. Milan loved him, and Noah loved Milan. He needed to stay there until it was the right time to come home.
“You’re my focus, always,” Noah said.
David swallowed hard and finally got to his feet. “I’m going to stay on the phone with you whileI get my stuff. Is that okay?”
“Only if you’re prepared to hear my ‘I’m cooking spaghetti’ song,” Noah teased.
David clutched his phone tighter, soothing himself with the image of Noah in his tiny kitchen in Milan. “Give me a second, then I’ll be ready.”
“M’kay,” Noah said, and David heard a clatter of pots and pans. “Well, I just dumped the contents of my cabinets, so I need a second, too.”
David laughed as he gathered his paperwork and stuffed it in his backpack. He set down his phone to heft the bag onto his shoulders, then he tucked it between his cheek and shoulder as he exited the meeting room, greeted by a podium photo of Noah and Finlay dousing each other with champagne. Noah looked really fucking good—so good it was hard to believe he was dating that guy.
“Okay, I’m ready when you are,” David said, smiling. “Bombs away.”