CHAPTER 10 - GRILLED CHICKEN
grilled chicken
CHAPTER ten
David still felt butterflies in his stomach whenever he walked into Noah’s Los Angeles apartment, even though Noah didn’t live there right now. It smelled the same as the first time he’d stepped past the threshold as an overconfident teammate hellbent on convincing Noah to fall in love with him. David smiled at the memory of his hands shaking around a wine glass full of a red he thought tasted like spoiled fruit. Of course, he’d told Noah it tasted very flowery and sophisticated and made up stories about vineyard tastings. Noah had seen right through him but kept his mouth shut—all because David hadn’t been holding the stem of his glass and his sweaty hands had been unintentionally warming his drink.
Now Jacob lived in this apartment, leased to him from Noah after he left for Cobalt Racing. At the time, David had been immensely hurt by the move, but he should have seen it for the glimmer of hope it was. Noah never sold the place because he wanted to come back to it. He had hoped for a life where they didn’t avoid each other in the hallways.
“Hey, it’s me,” David announced.
David inhaled the familiar scent one more time as he stepped deeper into the entryway, twirling his spare key. Only some of Noah’s art and furniture remained—a few quirky pop-art paintings, and the most comfortable leather couch David had ever napped on. Noah taught him all about that leather—the thickness of real cow hide versus the veneer over fabric that most leather furniture had. David had been intensely focused on Noah’s lips while he talked about it, mesmerized each time he caught a glimpse of his smile. Noah had such a different style to David’s clean lines and neutral colors—everything in Noah’s house should have been ugly, but it somehow worked. Burnt orange and brown had never looked so good together in a living space.
David paused in the foyer mirror. He looked good—all sharp lines and lithe power. No more bulky shoulders and flabby arms. As of yesterday, he was down twenty pounds from when he’d come back from Milan.
“Coming!” Jacob called. “Caroline, David’s here.”
“I heard,” Caroline replied from the guest bedroom.
David caressed the kitchen countertop, smiling to himself at the memory of all the times he’d kissed Noah right here. Noah liked to sit on the countertop to feel taller, and David appreciated the angle—and the way Noah’s thighs wrapped higher up around his waist.
He heard the soft sounds of feet on hardwood and looked up just in time to see Caroline step from the bedroom. She had on light makeup and a fitted t-shirt that looked snug against her breasts—that were much bigger than he remembered.
David’s mouth dropped open. Surely Caroline hadn’t gotten a boob job during pregnancy. He was pretty sure that was not allowed.
Caroline paused mid-step, her cheeks flushing pink. “Seriously, David?”
David shut his mouth. “Sorry. But—did you—?”
Caroline leered at him as she crossed her arms. “Your boobs get bigger when you’re pregnant. Read some pregnancy books.”
“Can you stop talking about your boobs when I can hear you?” Jacob called, still muffled by his bedroom door.
Caroline cocked a brow at David. “Didn’t realize you were into boobs.”
David wanted to disappear. “I’m not, but I definitely notice when my ex-girlfriend suddenly has bigger boobs.”
Great. They hadn’t seen each other in weeks, and they were talking about breasts. Noah would be howling with laughter if he were here.
David stepped into the light of the dining area off the kitchen, and Caroline blinked in surprise. “Merde,” she cursed. “Are you sick?”
David cocked his head. “What? No, of course I’m not sick.”
“Then what happened? You’re stick-thin.”
He bristled. “I dropped weight. I’m healthier than ever right now, actually. I had way too much fat before.”
Caroline wrinkled her nose. “You’ve never been fat. You used fit that shirt, David. It’s huge on you now.”
She stepped closer, gently pulling at his sleeve. There was a lot more room in his clothing now, he was happy to admit.
“I worked really hard to get thinner,” David said proudly. “It’s been really tough, but I made weight. The car is much faster now.”
He didn’t dare to put a number to his weight loss, too scared that Caroline might not think it was enough. She dabbled in the modeling scene, and David remembered her talking about how a few centimeters added to her waist could be the deciding factor on whether or not she was hired for a job.
Caroline’s gray eyes trailed over his body. “What does Noah think?”
David eyed her cautiously. He didn’t like the way she’d asked the question—she had an impressive way of hiding emotion when she spoke. David hadn’t suspected her pregnancy announcement at all when she called him to talk on that fateful day a few months ago. He’d thought she wanted to finalize their breakup.
“He hasn’t seen yet,” David finally replied. “I’m going to surprise him when he gets here.”
“He’s not here yet?” Caroline asked, resting her hand on her stomach. It bulged out more than in the last photo she’d sent him. David kind of wanted to touch her belly to see what it felt like, but that was weird. Talking about her breasts was enough of a personal invasion for one morning.
David shook his head. “He has a special project in Milan. I told him to stay a bit longer. He’ll be here for the race, though.”
Jacob burst out of his bedroom, already dressed in his Oxbow polo and cap. “Breakfast is in the lobby. I’ll let you two catch up while I go grab it, yeah?”
David shrugged. “Sure.” He gestured toward the table and pulled out a chair for Caroline, while Jacob left for the elevator. His mom always taught him to open doors and pull out chairs for women he respected.
“I’m starting to feel a lot more,” Caroline said, gently rubbing her stomach as she took her seat. “It’s kind of scary. Scary and strange. I can feel everything stretching, and sitting too long gets uncomfortable. Maman said it will only get worse the bigger I get.”
“Does it hurt?” David asked.
Pregnancy terrified him enough on the fatherhood side. He couldn’t imagine what it felt like to actually carry a growing person inside him. Looking at the diagrams online only made him more thankful he wasn’t a girl.
Caroline shook her head. “Just strange. I think the pain comes last. Like a trick—you already love the baby, then it starts to hurt, so you can’t be angry at it.”
David didn’t know what he was supposed to feel in this situation. If he and Caroline were still together, he would never leave her side and would protect his unborn child with every imaginable security. Part of him itched to dive into the research for caring for a pregnant woman, to support Caroline while she supported their child. Too much of what he’d read only focused on the baby, not the person carrying it.
But they weren’t together. Touch was rare between them beyond friendly support. David could already hear his father telling him how unnatural their relationship was, and he would use it as a reason why being gay was a sin against God, though his dad only went to mass on Christmas and Easter.
Caroline smiled at him. “Do you want to say hello?”
David blinked. “Can it hear me?”
Caroline shook her head, causing a curtain of dark hair to slide over her shoulder. “Not yet, but I think it knows when someone is speaking. I think it would like to hear your voice—the vibration.”
David swallowed hard. “You don’t have to let me do that just because I’m the father.”
Caroline laughed. “David, if I didn’t want you to, I wouldn’t ask. It’s okay, really. Even though we aren’t together, we’re still doing this together. You deserve a relationship with the baby the same as I do.”
She tugged up her shirt, revealing a noticeable mound on her belly. David didn’t know why he’d expected a pregnant belly to look more flabby, but hers was smooth, and the skin stretched tight. Caroline shifted on the chair to face him as he crouched to the baby’s level. He tried to imagine the avocado-sized baby in there and carefully pressed the flat of his palm to Caroline’s abdomen.
“This is weird,” David said with a frown.
Caroline snorted. “Yes. Try carrying around your ex’s baby.”
David looked up at her. They hadn’t been this close since the end of last season, when Caroline first told him she was pregnant. He’d touched her stomach, terrified and awed. Back then, he still remembered what it felt like to spend evenings with her, convincing himself she was the right path. Now, he couldn’t imagine life with anyone other than Noah.
Caroline’s eyes dimmed as if she were remembering the same thing. “I want the baby to know your voice. Just say hello and tell it who you are. Preferably before my cousin gets back to make us both feel weird about it.”
David laughed. “Okay, okay.” He cleared his throat, then rested his nose on Caroline’s stomach. Putting his lips on her skin would be a bit too far, in his opinion. He decided to close his eyes, as if that would somehow connect him better to his child.
“Hello,” he said, a little louder than his normal voice. “I’m David. I’m your dad, and I love you.”
Oh god, this was weird. Saying “dad” out loud made his skin turn to gooseflesh.
“Oh,” Caroline said with a gasp. “It’s moving! It feels like… like bubbles.” Her accent tumbled over the word.
“Bubbles?” David asked, staring at her stomach as if he might be able to see a shift, but he knew the baby was too small for that.
Caroline shifted her hips. “Woah, that was so strange. I didn’t think there would be a reaction.”
David pulled his hands away when he realized he was still holding Caroline’s stomach. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay,” Caroline assured him, staring down at her belly. “Your hands are warm. Maybe the baby was reacting to that, but I think it was your voice.”
David stood up again, slightly embarrassed, both for the words he’d chosen to say and for holding Caroline’s belly without asking. Thankfully, Caroline didn’t seem to think anything of it. She pulled her shirt back down nonchalantly and David took a seat at the table across from her.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” David admitted, still uncomfortable. “I always imagined that if I had a baby, it would be with my wife.”
“Well, I definitely wanted to be a single mother hanging out with my cousin and my ex-boyfriend,” Caroline said sarcastically as she inspected her nails. Great. He’d said the wrong thing again.
David saw the fear in her eyes. His heart twinged in sympathy for her—she didn’t deserve this. She would bear the brunt of the social media mess when people inevitably found out, and she’d have to deal with all of the physical consequences of pregnancy as well. People would make fun of her for having a baby with a gay man. David knew he should be thinking about the other insults people would hurl at her, but only that one made him ashamed.
“Tipping culture is out of hand,” Jacob said as he barged back into the apartment. “That guy was upset with me for tipping him ten bucks.”
David stood from his chair. “I’ll help you set up.”
He needed to busy his hands. If he wasn’t thinking about calories, he was thinking about Noah, his father, or his baby. He had to add Caroline to that mix now. Her family was supporting her, but David was the father of her child. He had to be better.
“Here you go,” David said, setting down Caroline’s oatmeal bowl in front of her. His mouth watered at the scent of yogurt and fruit, but he ignored it as he passed out utensils.
“Here’s yours,” Jacob said, and he placed a bowl of rice, grilled chicken, and eggs at David’s spot on the table. Eight hundred calories of pure bliss that he’d been fighting for since returning to Los Angeles.
He sat down in his chair and stared at the cuts of juicy chicken and the steaming rice with egg mixed in. This breakfast would be his first full meal since starting his diet and his reward for losing twenty pounds. It would be his fuel, too—he needed a calorie boost to take on the media frenzy of practice day at Oxbow’s home track.
Jacob stabbed a piece of chicken on his plate and forked it into his mouth. David watched in horror as Jacob chewed at least twenty precious calories and swallowed.
“Damn, that’s good chicken,” Jacob said, pointing at David’s plate with his fork. “I’m getting that next time.”
“Stop eating other people’s food,” Caroline scolded.
“We’re teammates; we share everything,” Jacob replied with his mouth full.
Twenty calories. David needed those twenty calories. He fucking needed them.
Stop. He just saved you from being a complete pig.
David stabbed as much chicken as he could fit on his fork and his stomach growled in anticipation.
“Hungry, Jochmann?” Jacob asked. “I heard that.”
Heat rose to David’s cheeks as he stuffed the chicken into his mouth. “I guess I am.”
Flavor exploded on his tongue, followed by a sense of relief. He chewed each bite as long as he could manage before he swallowed—a trick he’d learned to make sure his stomach registered every calorie so that he didn’t feel hungry when he was supposed to feel full.
Caroline watched him from across the table as she spooned up some yogurt. It reminded David of the way his mother used to look at him after Klaus gave him a black eye, like she expected him to mention it. His mother never talked about his abuse—she preferred to leave the vicinity whenever Klaus’s anger appeared.
“We have the venue for the baby shower in Paris,” Caroline said, breaking the silence. “If we find out the baby’s gender next week, we could announce it at the shower.”
“You guys are doing a shower and a gender reveal?” Jacob let out a snort. “Even I’m not that American.”
“It’s not a reveal; it’s an announcement,” Caroline said. “So we can tell our families. This whole thing is very unconventional.”
Pain welled in David’s throat. All the positive moments he could have imagined coming from an unexpected pregnancy didn’t apply to him. His mother would be ashamed of him when she found out, his father would be a threat, and his sister didn’t even care enough to call him for Christmas, so he doubted he’d even hear from her about it.
“I want to talk to Noah about his family coming,” David said. “I want them to be there.”
Caroline frowned. “Have you met them?”
“Over the phone,” David said, and he realized how stupid it sounded. Noah didn’t even want to be involved with this stuff, let alone his parents. “Actually, never mind. That’s a good point.”
“Wouldn’t hurt to invite them,” Jacob said around a mouthful of omelet. “I think it’s the nice thing to do.”
“I don’t think they even have passports,” David said with a shrug, moving his chicken around on his plate.
“Well, get their address from Noah, and we can send them an invite,” Caroline said. “Do you think your mother—”
“No,” David said. “She won’t come.”
Jacob stopped chewing. “Really? Your mom, too?”
Great. Now his teammate knew how deep the family wounds really went.
“She’s a busy woman,” David said flatly. She’s busy being a socialite with a pariah for a son.
Caroline silenced Jacob’s follow-up question with a glare. “Let’s focus on practice, yes? A good race this Sunday is more important than a baby shower.”
Jacob smirked at him. “Hear that, Jochmann? I think she’s saying I’m gonna win.”
David forced a laugh and set down his fork. Roughly half of his meal was still on his plate, but he wasn’t hungry anymore.
Good. That meant his training was working.