CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER eighteen
Each exam room they passed was a different color, all pastels. A few doors were shut and the sounds of women’s voices traveled through them, but everything in the clinic was tranquil and unhurried—far from the breakneck pace of the medical areas at races and the doctor’s offices David had been to with Noah for wrist checkups.
“Right in here,” the nurse said, showing them to a lavender exam room. “Are there any scents that are bothering you right now, Caroline?”
Caroline shook her head. “Nothing so far.”
“Good. I always ask because we have air fresheners that make some people sensitive. Some women really hate the scent.”
“It smells fine to me,” Caroline said. “Thank you for asking.”
David couldn’t imagine the strength it took to go to these appointments alone. Caroline’s mother had gone with her to most of her appointments so far, but she went to some of them by herself. David was nervous, and he wasn’t even being examined.
“The doctor will be in momentarily,” the nurse said. “You can lie down and get comfortable. We just need to access your abdomen, so there’s no need to change into a gown unless you’d rather.”
“Thank you,” Caroline said, gently sitting on the edge of the exam chair. It had weird attachments for each of Caroline’s legs that could spread—which made sense, David supposed, but it looked like some kind of torture device.
“Don’t worry, Dad. She’s in good hands,” the nurse said with a wink.
The door had already closed behind her before David realized he was Dad.
Caroline let out a sigh, clasping her hands over her abdomen. David pulled up a chair—a plastic one clearly meant for the guest to sit on. He reached out and took Caroline’s hand, squeezing once.
“Nervous?” he asked.
Caroline nodded quickly as she exhaled. Her hand trembled in his. “We’re at twenty weeks. This is the appointment where we find out if anything is wrong.”
“I’m sure everything is fine,” David assured her, suddenly feeling guilty for not thinking about the potential bad news they might get. He’d been too focused on finding out the gender.
“But what if it’s not? What if I did something wrong?” Caroline asked, and David caught the quiver in her bottom lip before she bit down on it.
“I know you,” David soothed. “You didn’t do anything wrong. This baby’s had the best care any baby has ever had. If anything is wrong, it isn’t your fault, okay?”
Caroline squeezed his hand tight. “Whose fault is it, then? I’m the only one carrying it around. If anything is wrong, it’s because of me.”
The first time he met Caroline was last season, during prep. Jacob brought her to the unofficial Oxbow season kickoff party that David had missed this year to be in Milan with Noah. Caroline had walked right up to him and introduced herself. Then she asked for his number, and the rest was history.
Well, kind of. She made it very obvious that she wanted him, so much so that even Klaus had noticed. His father loved Caroline—he thought she was the best woman David was ever going to get. Technically true.
She had a lot of confidence, but she was still only twenty-two and unprepared for this.
“Caroline, if you had any choice in it, this baby would be healthy, yes?” David asked, thumbing the side of her palm.
She nodded, her eyes still closed.
“So then it isn’t your fault. You’re doing the best you can—and your best is very good. I honestly don’t know how you do it.”
Caroline blinked the tears out of her eyes and looked at him. “I have help.”
David smiled, though he didn’t think his contribution had been nearly enough. He needed to make changes.
A knock sounded at the door, and an Asian woman with glowing skin and darker pink scrubs stepped into the room. She beamed at Caroline as she pulled a machine in behind her that David recognized as the ultrasound machine.
“Hi Caroline. I’m Dr. Chen, and I’m going to be performing your ultrasound today. How are you feeling?”
Caroline squeezed David’s hand and swallowed. “I’m a little nervous.”
Dr. Chen pulled up a rolling stool and sat down on it. She didn’t look to be in a hurry, like the doctors who dealt with Noah. “It’s okay to be nervous. Do you mind telling me what’s making you nervous? Maybe I can help.”
Caroline’s lower lip trembled.
“She’s nervous that she did something wrong, and something’s wrong with the baby,” David answered for her. “I’m David, by the way. I’m the father.”
Dr. Chen nodded. “It’s very natural to feel that way, especially as a first-time mom. Are you feeling anything that gives you concern?”
Caroline shook her head.
“Have you felt any kicks?” Dr. Chen asked, and then she scrunched her nose humorously. “Or maybe punches?”
David flinched without meaning to, but passed it off as a cough. Neither of the women noticed, thank god.
“Nothing,” Caroline said quietly. “Is that bad?”
“It’s perfectly normal not to have felt anything yet,” Dr. Chen said. “Soon, you’ll be feeling baby all the time.”
“I’ve felt it moving before,” Caroline said in a slightly stronger voice. “Just little movements sometimes.”
“Very good.” Dr. Chen had one of the most soothing voices David had ever heard. She’d certainly picked the right profession. “So, today we’re going to make sure baby is growing well and that everything in your womb is normal. If there are any abnormalities, don’t worry. Many women have abnormalities. We’ll talk through anything that comes up. And, of course, we’re going to find out if you’re having a boy or girl—assuming baby cooperates. Ready?”
Caroline hesitated. David gave her hand a squeeze. She finally nodded.
“Great. Now, lie back, and if you can show me your belly, we’ll get some jelly on there and get started.”
David waited until Caroline pulled her hand away to let go of her. He focused on watching Dr. Chen while Caroline tugged up her shirt and then pushed her skirt down below her hips. Dr. Chen helped her adjust, then pulled out a tube of clear liquid.
Caroline was definitely showing now. It was harder to tell when she had her shirt on, but her stomach looked firm and swollen in a way that made it obvious she was pregnant.
David watched Caroline’s face as Dr. Chen applied the jelly to her abdomen. Caroline shivered once the jelly touched her skin, and goosebumps flushed up her arms.
“Do you want me to get a jacket for you?” David asked.
Caroline shook her head.
Dr. Chen looked at David and cocked her head slightly. “Feel free not to answer if it makes you uncomfortable, but may I ask what the relationship is between you two? I don’t want to make any assumptions.”
“We used to be together,” David said before Caroline could respond. “The baby wasn’t planned, but I’m completely with her for all of this.”
“He’s gay,” Caroline added with a hint of a smile. “His boyfriend is the handsome one in the lobby. My cousin is the one trying to date your receptionist. Sorry about him.”
Dr. Chen laughed. “I see. Well, your cousin is a bit young for her, I must say. And I’m not sure her husband would enjoy him taking her out—but I’ve seen crazier things happen in Los Angeles.”
David smiled faintly at the joke, but his mind kept turning over ‘the handsome one.’ Noah was the most handsome man in the world to David—and to a lot of people on this planet—but something about the way Caroline said it made it seem like she thought Noah was the only handsome one. Which was fine, of course. Caroline was probably still pissed at him for breaking up with her the way he did, which was perfectly valid, but… did she think he wasn’t handsome anymore?
If Caroline didn’t think so and she was carrying his baby, then Noah definitely didn’t. Or he wouldn’t be far behind.
“This may feel a little cold,” Dr. Chen said, pulling up a wand attached to the ultrasound machine. “Ready to see baby?”
Caroline nodded, and they both looked at the little TV screen mounted to the ultrasound machine. Dr. Chen pressed some buttons, and suddenly a grainy black-and-white image appeared on the screen. It looked like a bunch of random shapes and blobs as Dr. Chen moved the wand around.
“Oh, that’s perfect,” Dr. Chen said, and suddenly a baby appeared on screen.
David had expected it to look like an alien-like blob, but it was a real baby. He could see the shape of its head, the curve of its spine—even the little arms and legs. His mouth fell open in awe, watching as the shape warped with the movement of Dr. Chen’s wrist.
“Oh my god,” Caroline whispered, equally stunned.
The baby’s arm moved, and David saw little finger nubs.
“Hi there, baby,” Dr. Chen cooed. “He’s waving at us.”
“He?” David squeaked out.
Dr. Chen beamed at him. “Congratulations—you’re having a little boy.” She pointed at a little blob on the ultrasound. “That’s a baby penis. Have to know what you’re looking for.”
Caroline laughed. Happy tears spilled from her eyes, and she quickly wiped away. “A little boy,” she repeated.
“And there’s his face, his spine—everything looks really healthy. Nice, strong heartbeat. You did good, Mom.”
David’s heart swelled in his chest with a feeling he didn’t have a name for. He watched his son move in Caroline’s belly, moving his tiny feet and hands, unaware that his parents were watching. He wasn’t an avocado anymore—he was a real, human baby. David’s baby. David’s son .
David wanted to hold him. He wanted to tell him stories and play with him and snuggle him. In a few months, they would meet him, and David had no idea how he was supposed to spend any time away from him.
He stopped listening to Dr. Chen as he watched his baby move, and within a few minutes, the ultrasound was over. Dr. Chen assured him they would have plenty of pictures to take home to share with family.
Family. David’s tongue turned to sandpaper as Caroline thanked her and wiped the rest of the jelly from her stomach with a towel. He couldn’t imagine how this had gone in Germany when his mother was pregnant with him. Klaus had always wanted a son. David had been the favorite before he was even born—probably another reason his sister Kristin didn’t want to speak to him anymore.
“David?” Caroline asked, gently touching his arm.
David snapped his head up from where he’d been staring at a fold in the sheets. He had no family members to share this with except Noah. He had to keep his baby—his son—a secret from his own family.
Caroline gently scratched his arm. “Would you like to bring Noah back here to tell him?”
He blinked. “Really? Is that allowed?”
“As long as Caroline says it’s okay, anyone can come back here,” Dr. Chen said.
David looked at Caroline. “I’d really like to tell him back here, if that’s okay with you.”
Caroline nodded. “That’s okay.” She looked at Dr. Chen. “Noah is the one with the tattoos. Jacob can stay out there until we’re ready.”
“Great.” Dr. Chen finished cleaning the ultrasound wand and set it back on the stand. “I’ll grab him and get these photos printed out for you. How many copies would you like?”
“Five, please,” Caroline said, and Dr. Chen left the exam room, rolling the ultrasound machine behind her.
Agreeing to let Noah come back here wasn’t a big gesture, but it meant the world to David. Noah was finally being included, and now he’d be able to see the first pictures of their son at the same time they did.
“Why five?” David asked.
“One for you, one for me, one for Noah, and copies for our parents. Or Noah’s parents,” Caroline said, taking his hand again. “Thanks for… everything, really. I didn’t mean to get emotional.”
“You didn’t?” David cracked a smile. “Well, I’m emotional. We’re having a son. He’s real, and he’s…” He trailed off when Caroline moved his hand to her stomach. That little baby was just beneath his fingertips, moving his hands and feet.
“It finally feels real,” David murmured, gently rubbing her swollen belly.
“Yes,” Caroline agreed in a whisper. Both of them stared down at their unborn son, and David started to understand how parents became obsessed with their children. He had to figure out what baby things they still needed to buy and research the safest, best products for everything.
A knock sounded at the door before it swung open. Noah hurried inside, his eyes glazed with fear. He immediately looked at David’s hand on Caroline’s belly, but David didn’t pull it away. He wanted his son to feel the warmth of his palm, to know he was here.
“The doctor said I should come back here,” Noah said, glancing between them. “Everything’s okay, right? You and baby are okay?”
There he was, the handsomest man in the world, and David was going to raise a son with him. David stood, gently pulling his hand away from Caroline to guide Noah in for a soothing kiss.
“It’s a boy,” David said in a whisper, afraid that saying it too loudly would jinx something.
“A boy?” Noah squawked, wrapping his arms around David for a distracted but loving hug. “And everything’s okay?”
David kissed the join of Noah’s neck and shoulder, drinking in the scent of him.
“He’s healthy and perfect,” Caroline said. “The doctor is bringing the ultrasound pictures any minute.”
“He looks like a real baby already,” David murmured. “I can’t wait for you to see him.” Noah leaned into him so much that David had to grunt to hold him up. “Noah?”
“Yeah. Gimme a sec,” Noah murmured. “Actually, wait. I need to sit down, or I think I’m gonna faint.”