Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Cole wasn’t surprised about the baby. His sister adored Luis and Laughing Creek Ranch. A baby made perfect sense.
Sure did shine a different light on his own situation, though. He’d left his old life behind, determined to create a more meaningful existence. Mila was a step in that direction.
But his feelings were all over the place — awe, gratitude, anxiety… love? They hadn’t touched on that one yet.
He’d never been here before, poised on the brink of committing to a woman. But that wasn’t the whole picture, was it?
Mila wanted kids. He didn’t even have to ask. Her reaction to this announcement told him all he needed to know. And suddenly he was staring down a concept that scared the hell out of him.
Judging from the way his little sis basked in the warmth of the Bridger Bunch, she’d banished the crippling memories of their childhood. He envied that.
Eventually everyone meandered back to their respective tables and food began to arrive.
Not surprisingly, Mila was more focused on the baby than her meal. “I can’t wait for July. Wouldn’t it be something if he or she showed up on the Fourth?”
“We’re counting on it,” Luis said. “She’ll arrive on the Fourth and we’ll name her Liberty.”
“Smart move, choosing a gender-neutral name. You could have a boy, you know.”
“Possible but unlikely. We both think we’ll have a girl.”
“Alrighty, then. I’ll look forward to meeting my niece on the Fourth of July. Will that be before the parade or after?”
Jordie grinned. “Or during. Luis already assigned me to the wagon with Grandma and the Aunties.”
“Sounds like my first parade’s gonna be a doozy.” Cole picked up a piece of the cornbread that had come with his chili. “Will you be taking this munchkin on the road?”
She nodded. “Not right away, though. It’ll probably be the following spring, when we return to our regular clinic schedule. But thanks to our lovely arena here, we’ll still be in business in the meantime.”
“We can also concentrate more on the rehabilitation side, bring in more candidates.” Luis took a sip of his Modelo. “That’s more flexible.”
“And it turns out I love that process.” Jordie tipped her bowl to spoon up the last of her stew. “Gaining a wild animal’s trust is such a thrill.” She glanced at Cole. “You’d like it, too. Since we’ll be hanging around more, maybe you could go out with us sometimes.”
“I would like that. Here we are living so close, but we’re like ships passing in the night.”
She sent him a teasing glance. “Especially since you started your secret project.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“In fact, we haven’t even danced together since you moved here.” She put down her bowl. “Come on. Let’s show Luis and Mila our fancy footwork.”
He abandoned the rest of his chili and pushed back his chair. “Great idea.”
“Get him to tell you about the project,” Luis called out as they left the table.
“Not my plan!” She led the way to the dance floor.
Cole chuckled. “You sure?”
“Yep. I wanted to check on you.” She moved into his arms as they executed a brisk two-step.
“Why?”
She lowered her voice. “You’re freaking out about this baby.”
“Does it show?”
“Not to anyone else. But I can tell.”
“Keep it to yourself.” The lively dance only allowed for short sentences.
“You know I will.”
“It’s just that I didn’t think about…”
“Mila wanting babies someday?”
“Yep.” He twirled her under his arm. “I can’t picture being a dad.”
“I couldn’t picture being a mom.” She spun around again. “This family changes you.”
“What if I turn into our dad?”
“It’ll never happen.” She followed him as he executed a tricky step. “I won’t let you.”
“Good to know.”
“Besides, he wasn’t as bad as Mom. She hit us.”
His veins turned to ice. Stumbling, he almost stepped on her toes.
“Cole?”
“Sorry. Out of practice.”
She gave him a look, clearly not buying it.
He pretended not to notice and concentrated on his footwork. He’d shielded her all his life and wasn’t about to stop now.
“Mila can help you.”
“With my dancing?”
“With your PTSD.”
“I don’t have—”
“Yes, you do. We both do.”
His jaw tightened. A label would only make it worse.
“Luis is my saving grace. Mila can be yours.”
“She doesn’t need to hear my sob story.”
“She wouldn’t see it like that.”
He begged to differ. Mila wasn’t into guys with sob stories. She’d told him as much.
“I believe we’re meant to be here, with this family.”
“I’m sure you are, sis.”
“You are, too.”
“Hope so.” He’d been more confident earlier, but now he was second-guessing the whole program.
“How’re you doing with Christmas?”
“Okay.” It was sort of true.
“They all think your project is a Christmas present.”
“I know.”
“They’re all giving you stuff.”
He sighed. “I was afraid of that.”
“You haven’t told them not to?”
“No. Have you?”
“Didn’t have the heart.”
“Did you buy them presents?”
“I did. Something for you, too.”
He groaned. “But I didn’t—”
“You’re covered. You have a group gift.”
He sighed again. “Not my intention.”
“The timing is perfect. How’d that happen?”
“It crept up on me.”
“Then Mila doesn’t know how much you loathe—”
“She doesn’t, and please don’t tell—”
“I wouldn’t, big brother.”
“What have you said to Luis?”
“Not much. He knows I’m not a fan.”
“But you have lights and presents.”
“He loves this time of year.”
“And you love him.”
“Exactly.” The song ended. Meeting his gaze, she patted him on the chest. “Just get through Christmas. It’ll be clear sledding after that.”
“I’ll follow your lead.” At least until the twenty-fourth. Then he would go underground with some excuse or other.
During the time he and Jordie had lived together, they’d stayed in that night watching reruns of Bonanza. If she’d noticed that he’d quietly gotten drunk every Christmas Eve, she’d never commented on it.
That was still his preferred method of handling the occasion. Assuming he came up with a decent cover story, he’d be able to do the same this year.
But as he escorted his sister back to the table, Mila glanced away from her conversation with Luis and gave him a heart-melting smile. Guilt sat like a lump of moldy cheese in his gut.
Was he seriously planning to lie to her about his reasons for skipping Christmas Eve with her family? Sure looked like it.
The alternative was treating her to the ugly story he’d never told anyone. He wasn’t about to risk it. He could come off looking like the manipulative SOB she’d dumped. Or even worse, a damaged man who wasn’t worthy of her.