Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Mila had insisted that she wasn’t moving in, but it felt like it and Cole had no objection whatsoever. He’d never lived with a girlfriend, never cared to. But Mila brought energy into his space that he hadn’t even known was missing.
Sharing an apartment with Jordie had told him a lot about co-existing with a woman. She’d taught him to value a scrubbed bathroom and a neat kitchen. He was used to putting down the toilet seat and picking up his clothes.
But living with Jordie hadn’t prepared him for the thrill of having Mila in residence.
He’d imagined her living with him — likely why he’d created a shower big enough for two.
She’d been his inspiration for hauling a king-sized bedframe up to the loft and hanging a dramatic electric fireplace within view of that bed.
After the ride they’d made love again and showered together. If they hadn’t been starving, they would have ended up back in bed. Instead they’d dressed and made breakfast in a kitchen with enough counter space to work side-by-side. His choices during the renovation made sense at last.
Only one silly little thing sat like a very small burr under his saddle of happiness. While they’d dressed after their shower, she’d balked at his suggestion to unpack her duffle and put her clothes in his dresser and/or his closet.
As they sat eating breakfast, her duffle was visible beside the armchair near the open barn doors. She’d moved her toothbrush, lotions and makeup into the bathroom, so why not unpack her clothes? It bugged him.
He should let it go. It wasn’t important.
“I’ll bet I know what you’re thinking.”
“Is that so?” He glanced at her.
“You keep looking at my duffle and wondering why I didn’t unpack it.”
“Good guess.”
“I’d thought I might, but while we were getting dressed, I read a text Claudie had sent earlier. That reminded me that I can only stay here tonight and tomorrow night. That should give me plenty of time to make the Santa hats. Then I’ll need to go home.”
“Because of Claudie?”
She gazed at him as if considering how to answer.
“I know you like it here.”
“I do, and I’m not saying I won’t come back after Christmas. That’s if you want me to.”
That sounded a long time away. “You know I do. Are you worried that we’re moving too fast? Do you need a break from me?”
“That’s not it.” She sighed. “Look, it’s obvious Christmas isn’t important to you, and I would never want you to fake it for my sake. It’s fine that you don’t care about decorations and trees and listening to Mannheim Steamroller, but I do.”
“Who’s Mannheim Steamroller?”
“You just made my point. Their Christmas albums are really popular. They go on tour every year and I got to see them once in Missoula. That concert was the highlight of my Christmas.”
“Now that you mention the tour, I might have heard of them, after all.” Chances were good his parents hadn’t played their music so he’d probably be okay with it. “If you want to put it on while you’re here, that’s okay with me.”
“That’s sweet of you but being okay with it isn’t the same as loving it. Claudie and I love it. We blast it through the house when we make our Christmas fudge.”
“Fudge? Really?”
“Yeah, I know. It’s your special word, but it’s also our thing we do. We make up tins of it to give to everybody. You’ll get one, unless you don’t like fudge, which would be ironic.”
“I’d love to have some of your homemade fudge.” He was beginning to get the picture. He could ask if she’d consider spending the night with him after she’d made fudge with Claudie while blasting Mannheim Steamroller.
But that would reveal his neediness, and he wasn’t prepared to do that. She also might turn down his offer.
It wasn’t just the fudge project. She didn’t want to spend the two days before Christmas with the Grinch in his cave, which had only a small tree that he’d yet to plug in, let alone find a place for.
“Cole.” She reached over and took his hand. “It’s only a couple of days.”
He glanced up. “I’m just sorry I’m not enthusiastic about something you enjoy.”
“I gather your folks weren’t big into it.”
“Not really.”
“Was it a religious thing?”
“No. It was… we didn’t have much money and so… it made them angry more than anything.”
“I can imagine that happening.”
Could she? A person who’d never experienced poverty?
Maybe she could see the doubt in his expression, because she quickly added to her comment. “I mean, sort of. I was lucky to end up in this family and I know it.” She hesitated. “What about Jordan?”
“She’s doing okay. She knows how much Luis cares about this holiday and now their baby news has added a special glow to everything. She’ll be fine.”
“You cushioned her from some of the disappointment, didn’t you?”
His breath caught. “I’m not sure what you—”
“Hey, I’m the oldest, too. I was four when my biological dad died.
I remember it and I remember worrying about how Luis and Zay were taking everything.
When we came here I was like a mother hen.
If Luis and Adam got into it, I was the one who broke up the fight until Luis begged me to stop babying him. ”
“Yeah, Jordie told me to stop worrying about her, too. Said she could take care of herself, but I kept a watch on her, anyway.”
“You still do.”
“I guess.”
“So do I, although now that Luis has Jordan, I’m not really worried anymore.”
“Same here. Jordie’s gonna have a great life with Luis. He’s a good guy.”
“The best.” She let a moment of silence pass. “What I’m trying to say in a roundabout way, is that I get that Christmas doesn’t work for you, at least now. You may eventually change your mind, but I would never expect you to force yourself into anything or pretend to like it.”
“I appreciate that.”
“So I’ll go do my thing and we can pick up where we left off after it’s over.”
“All right.” But the upshot was he wouldn’t have her around in the two days leading up to Christmas Eve. He’d been unconsciously counting on that to help desensitize him.
“I do hope you’ll come to the family dinner on Christmas Eve, though.”
“You have a family dinner?” Anxiety curled in his stomach.
“We do. Then after the meal we walk down to the barn, assuming there’s not a blizzard. Oh, and we sing carols. We sing on the way down and keep it up when we go into the barn to give treats to the horses.”
“Fun.” Could he manage that? It was whacky enough that he might be able to, assuming he didn’t lose ground during her absence.
“It’ll be Sparky’s first Christmas, so he won’t know the routine, but the other ones do. When they hear us singing, they get excited. Treats and all that attention. They love it.”
“I’ll bet they do.”
“On this same topic, we should get going if we want to avoid the midday rush at the General Store.” She squeezed his hand and let go. “We… oh, wait. You don’t have to go.”
“But I want to.”
“Do you?” She met his gaze. “Now that I know more about your childhood, I’m thinking it wasn’t a bad hard-boiled egg and moldy bagel that upset your system yesterday.”
He sighed. “No, it wasn’t, and I should have leveled with you. I’m sorry.”
“Listen, no worries. I’ll pick up those things.”
Did he want to go? No. Was he going anyway? Damn right he was. “It’s a good cause, one I believe in. I’ll enjoy picking out gifts for those kids.” He really wanted to believe that.
Her response was a smile with enough wattage to power a guy through a dozen Christmas shopping trips. “Okay, then, mi amor. Vamanos!”