Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
Mila had figured leaving Cole in the morning would be a challenge, but she’d underestimated how much she’d want to stay. The loft had never felt cozier and Cole had never looked more appealing. It didn’t help that he didn’t want her to go, either.
Her duffle sat beside the door, ready for her to stash it in her truck since she didn’t want to alert Claudie until later in the day. She was dressed in jeans and a warm sweater for her ride. All she had to do was walk out.
Instead she dawdled at the kitchen island drinking yet another cup of coffee and eating zucchini bread. Breakfast was essentially over, but they’d bought a loaf of it when they’d picked out the cupcakes and it tasted perfect with coffee.
She accepted the freshly cut slice he held her way. “At this rate we’ll go through the whole thing.”
“It’s made from a veggie. It’s good for you.”
“Not that good. It’s loaded with sugar.”
“So are you and you’re great for me.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek.
She gave him a gentle shove. “Don’t start or I’ll never go.”
“So don’t go. Nobody’s expecting you, are they?”
“No. Not even Claudie. She thinks I’m coming back tomorrow.”
“Then do that and take your ride tomorrow, too. The snow will still be nice.”
She shook her head. “We need all of tomorrow and the next day to make sure we get the fudge done and packaged up. Today’s the right time for a ride.”
“What if you get everything sorted out early? Then what?”
“I was thinking I’d pay a visit to the Dazzling Damsels. I usually try to do that every week or so, but now it’s been at least three since I dropped in for afternoon tea.”
“Then maybe I’ll take Adam up on that poker game.”
“What poker game?”
“Tracy’s spending the day with her folks and Jordie’s going over to your mom’s to collect some baby stuff she’s been saving, so Adam and Luis decided to get up a game. I told him I couldn’t make it, but I guess I can.”
“You’ll have fun.”
“And you’ll have fun with the Damsels. That actually sounds like a good idea. They like me. They’ll tell you to snatch me up before someone else does.”
She chuckled. “I’m sure they will. Tia Kat says if she were twenty years younger, she’d go for you herself.”
“Only twenty years? Isn’t she eighty-four?”
“If you’d seen a picture of her at sixty-four, you wouldn’t be saying that. Guys in their forties were begging her to go out with them. Mom told me she had one boyfriend who was thirty-six.”
“Incredible.”
“She was a babe. Still is.”
‘You’ll always be a babe, too.”
“Not like her. She has the Bridger genes. Great-grandma Lucy was a beauty into her nineties. The women in my family tend to be more…full-figured.”
“I’ve noticed.” He did a slow, blatantly sexual scan of her body. “I like it.”
“No fair.” Now she was tingling all over.
“I never said I’d be fair.” He met her gaze. “I want one more night.”
Damn, he was sexy. She hesitated.
“Leave your stuff here. Take that ride, visit the Damsels, then come back.”
“I want to, but….”
“I’ll make it worth your while.”
“When you look at me like that I can’t think straight.” Which was the point, wasn’t it? She needed alone time to get clarity on this relationship. “Are you okay with me saying maybe?”
“I’ll take maybe instead of no any day.”
“Then I’ll see how things go.” She made herself put down her coffee mug and get off the stool.
He stood, too. “I don’t think I ever properly thanked you for making the Santa hats. The guys look cute in them.”
“I appreciate you saying that.”
“I’m not trying to butter you up. I mean it.”
She raised her eyebrows.
“Okay, a little bit of buttering going on, but I really do like how they look.”
“Good. Me, too.”
“Do I get a goodbye kiss?”
“Only if you promise to keep your hands in your pockets.”
“Hey, I wouldn’t—”
“I’m not saying you would mean to, but—”
“All right. Done.” He tucked them in deep.
She did the same.
He glanced at her and shook his head. “This is ridiculous.”
“Maybe so, but we have a history of turning a kiss into a horizontal two-step. I’m not taking any chances.” She closed the distance between them, stood on tiptoe and kissed him lightly on the mouth.
Then she quickly backed away because she instantly craved more.
His eyes fluttered open. “That’s it?”
“That’s it.” The longing in his eyes tore her up. “See you later.” She put on her coat, left it unzipped, crammed on her Stetson and picked up her duffle.
“Wait. Why not just leave it?”
“Better not. I’ll stick it in my truck like I planned and grab it if I come back.”
He sighed. “Okay. Enjoy your ride. Tell the Damsels I said hi.”
“I will. Hope you win at poker. ’Bye.” She opened the door and stepped out on the landing.
“Be careful on the stairs.” His words followed her out.
“You bet!” She closed the door and started down, forcing herself to go slow when she wanted to take them fast. She had to get away quickly before she gave in to the urge to forget the whole thing, go back inside and hurl herself into his arms.
She’d never been so crazy about a man. But she’d made a mistake last time and she by damn wouldn’t do it again. She desperately needed this ride.
Hers were the first footsteps in a pristine layer of snow at the bottom of the stairs. The sunlight hadn’t reached that area yet, but the expanse beyond sparkled as if overlaid with diamonds.
As she created a path over to her truck, she glanced at the mini-hacienda draped in glittering white. Fragrant cedar smoke rose from the chimney. Claudie had a fire going.
Sadness gripped her. She longed to confide in her sister, but any discussion would have to include information she couldn’t share. She’d have to pour her heart out to Sol, instead.
Tossing her duffle in her truck, she walked back the way she’d come, passing the stairs to the loft without turning her head.
The snow in front of the barn’s double doors was well trampled. Adam and whoever had barn duty with him today had been and gone. The pasture was empty, so they must’ve decided against turning the horses out.
Lucky for her. She wouldn’t have to take time to fetch Sol, and she was itching to be off. He whinnied a greeting when he spied her coming.
“Got a job for you, buddy.” She grabbed a lead rope and halter from a hook by his stall and stepped inside. “I need to work through a high stakes situation, and you’re just the one to help me do it.”
The palomino’s ears pricked forward.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’tcha?” She slipped on the halter and gave him a nose rub. “It’s that guy who lives upstairs.” She glanced toward the ceiling and calculated the distance to the front of the barn. They were standing under Cole’s kitchen.
The barn had added significance since the renovation. Knowing he was up there, likely washing up after their breakfast, she could feel his presence as if he were standing next to her.
She could text him, invite him to come down and saddle Sparky. They could enjoy this glorious snow-spangled morning together.
She heaved a sigh. “C’mon.” She clipped the lead rope on Sol’s halter. “We’re outta here.”
He was generally a cooperative horse, and this morning he was super accommodating, standing perfectly still as she tacked him up. Maybe he understood this was an important journey or maybe he was simply looking forward to fresh air and sunshine.
She tucked snow pads into his shoes to keep him from getting the stuff packed in his hooves. When she swung into the saddle and headed for the gate, a ripple of excitement passed through his body.
“I’m excited too, buddy. This’ll be good for both of us.”
He gave a snort of agreement, sending out twin clouds of moist air.
As she passed by the barn, she’d be visible to Cole if he happened to be looking. She’d bet he was. She didn’t glance up.
Once through the gate, she let out a breath and nudged Sol into a slow trot. While a run across the meadow would feel great, she wouldn’t risk it. Instead she took a trail that she knew well, one along the edge of the meadow that was less likely to have buried hazards.
Swathed in snow, the Flint Creek Range stood in stark contrast to a sky so blue it hurt her eyes. Sun-drenched slopes alternated with shaded purple crevices. She drank in the beauty… and wished Cole was there to share it with her.
“Fudge it all, Sol. I miss him!”
Sol knickered in response.
“But here’s the thing. He keeps saying it’s better if I don’t know what he’s been through. I really disagree with that. I also don’t like his coping strategy. Numbing himself to all kinds of experiences isn’t healthy. What do you think?”
Sol glanced back at her, which made her laugh. “Yeah, like I have to ask. It’s no bueno.”
And she had a problem. Cole had shown no signs of changing his mind on either point. What if he never did? What if that was how he lived for the rest of his life? Could she deal with it?
“I love him, Sol. And I want him to change his tune. But everyone knows you don’t get involved with someone thinking they’ll change, or worse, that you can change them.”
Sol let out a big sigh.
“Exactly. If I want to be with him, I have to accept him as he is.”
They rode along in silence except for the crisp sound of Sol’s hooves breaking through the snow. Even the meadow on her left and the forest on her right were quiet, except for the occasional plop when a hunk of snow fell from a branch.
“On top of it, this is Christmas, when my family is doing so much better than last Christmas. We have Luis and Jordan’s baby news. Adam and Tracy are blissfully happy. I want to be happy.”
And she was, whenever she was in Cole’s arms. When they made love, she could block out the issues. A chill ran down her spine. Was that how she wanted to live?