Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
“What did you do?” Claudie pounced on her the minute she came through the door. “I was watching out the window! Don’t tell me you broke up with that beautiful man.”
“I had to.” She sounded like a mating bullfrog. “I had to, Claudie, and now I feel like shit.” She burst into tears.
“Of course you do.” Claudie pulled her into a hug. “I’m so sorry. Come over by the fire.” Arm around her shoulders, Claudie led her to the easy chair that was officially Mila’s spot. “Sit down. I’ll get you something. What do you want?”
“I don’t know.” She unzipped her parka and mopped her face with the lining of it. “I don’t know anything except this sucks. And it’s fudging Christmas.”
“Which is why I’m going to fix you some eggnog with rum in it. But first you need a box of tissues. You’re getting snot all over the inside of your parka.”
“I don’t care.”
“I know you don’t, honey. But you will later.” She hurried off and came back in seconds with tissues and set the box gently in Mila’s lap. “Want to take off your parka?”
“Not yet. Still freezing.”
“I’ll bet. When I get back I’ll build up the fire.”
“Thanks, Claud.” She glanced up through her tears. “You’re the best.”
She smiled. “I am pretty good at this.”
“Let’s stay in this house forever, just the two of us.”
“Yeah, who needs men, anyway?”
“Not me. Fudge ’em all. Fluffy fudge ’em all.”
“Attagirl. I’ll be right back with your eggnog.” She made for the kitchen.
“Fix one for yourself, okay?”
“Planning on it, toots.”
Blowing her nose, she closed her eyes and leaned back against the headrest of her cozy chair. She’d done the right thing, so why did it feel like the wrong thing?
Cole had made his position clear, and even when he knew where she was headed with her comments, he wouldn’t budge an inch. Not in my world. Stubborn, stupid cowboy.
But he had every right to live whatever crappy life he wanted. If that meant they parted ways, so be it. But oh, the devastation in his eyes right before she turned to go. Tears dribbled down her cheeks.
Claudie’s footsteps prompted her to open her eyes.
Her sister held out a steaming mug. “Drink up. It’s good for what ails you.”
“Just a sec. Let me get out of this dang parka.” Wrestling herself free of it, she laid it on the coffee table. “You weren’t kidding. The lining is a mess.”
“It washes.” Claudie handed over one mug and took the other one over to her chair. “Wanna talk about it?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Yes. You must think I’m insane. He’s a great guy.”
“Not great enough if you just kicked him to the curb.”
She winced. “I did. He’s gonna be miserable.”
“Do you think he’ll skip Christmas dinner?”
“Who knows?” She longed to tell Claudie about his issues with Christmas, but she wouldn’t. She’d promised. Holding the mug in both hands, she took a sip. “Nice. Does rum go okay with Baileys?”
“What?”
“I had hot tea laced with Baileys over at the bunkhouse.”
“Huh. That’s a new combo for them. Was it good?”
“It was, oddly enough. This is better. I don’t usually mix different kinds of booze. I don’t want to make myself sick.”
“Ah, there you go. You’re coming out of it already.”
“Out of what?”
“Your meltdown. Ten minutes ago you wouldn’t have given a damn about making yourself sick.”
“True. I still feel awful, but I was borderline suicidal when I walked in.”
“Yep. Scared me a little.”
“Sorry.”
“You pulled out of it. That’s all that counts. So what happened, chica?”
“I can’t tell you all of it. I promised not to, and I’ll keep that promise.”
“Of course. I assume we’re not talking about the secret project.”
“Lord, no.” She’d forgotten about the Beaver Bunch. “I guess he’ll still present it on Christmas Day, but….”
“It’ll be awkward.”
“Or not. Nobody needs to know we broke up since you’re the only one who saw it happen. We’d already planned for me to come back here for two days so you and I could make fudge. That can be the cover story.”
“I guess, until everybody sees you two together.”
“Yeah. He’ll be better at faking it than I will. The guy plays his cards close to the vest.”
“I’m not all that surprised.”
She took another swallow of the eggnog and raised the mug in Claudie’s direction. “Good call, hermana.”
“That’s what I’m here for. So what can you tell me?”
“Bottom line, he has some ugly stories from his childhood. From what we’ve heard about his sister’s experience, that won’t surprise you, either.”
“Nope.”
“I’ve figured out he had it worse than she did and shielded her as best he could, but he refuses to talk about it.”
“After all these years?”
“He insists on keeping it buried. Even Jordan doesn’t know the half of it.”
“Oh, boy.”
“I took a long ride on Sol today to think it through. Then I picked the Damsels’ brains on what makes or breaks a relationship. I didn’t say why I wanted to know, but I’m sure they figured it out.”
“You can’t get anything past that crew.”
“They’re also a feminist brain trust. I came away knowing that even if Cole and I have a lot going for us, which we do, if he won’t let me into his private vault….”
“Are you sure about that?”
“He said it again, just now, when he knew what was on the line.”
Claudie sighed. “That’s a damned shame, sis.”
“You can’t repeat any of this.”
“I won’t. I just feel like giving him a knock upside the head. I thought he was smarter than that. Only a dummy would give up a chance to be with you.”
“He’s no dummy. But he is damaged. And this is how he’s chosen to deal with it.”
“His loss. I hate that everything fell apart, but I’m glad you took a stand. The Damsels are right. This is a huge red flag. Will they say anything?”
“No. For one thing, I didn’t confirm that Cole was keeping secrets from me. But before I left, Tia Kat gave them all that look, and—”
“I know that look.”
“Then she said this conversation never happened.”
“Good for her.” Claudie’s blue gaze was steady. “Neither did this one.”
Gratitude brought a lump to her throat. “Thank you. And thank you for listening.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I wish I could tell you more, but even getting this much off my chest is huge. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Backatcha, sis.” Leaning over, she extended her mug.
Mila did the same, stretching her arm until the mugs touched. “To us.”
Sharing her troubles with Claudie had lightened the heavy weight pressing down on her heart. But that concept made no sense to Cole.
Would he ever see the light? She longed for that, but the choice was his.