Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
G oing back home was like putting on a pair of her favorite slippers. Tracy took her regular seat at the oval dining table and savored a meal her mom and dad had made because they knew she loved it.
After they all worked on cleaning up the kitchen, she settled onto the sofa with her mom while her dad cued up a movie that had just become available. Then he took the recliner.
She’d teased him about getting one. He was as fit as he’d been at twenty and looked younger than fifty-nine. Once a redhead, he’d gone gray early and sometimes her mom laughingly called him Doug after George Clooney’s character in ER .
Her mom’s silver hair, which she usually pulled back with a clip, was a dramatic contrast to her youthful face and lithe body. When her parents donned their green uniforms, either to work in their clinic in town or to take the mobile unit out to rural areas every other weekend, they looked like they belonged in a movie.
At home they wore the oldest, sloppiest clothes in their closet. It was a thing, and she kept a ratty sweatshirt and faded jeans in her room so she could change and blend into their grunge look.
The comfort of their routine soothed her. The cheerful color scheme lifted her spirits. But she couldn’t figure out how to talk to her mother alone without making a big deal out of it.
Traditionally the end of the movie would signal it was bedtime. Sure enough, her dad got up, stretched, and announced he was heading in that direction.
But instead of following his lead, her mom stayed seated. “I’ll be there in a little while, hon.”
“Okey-doke.” Her dad smiled and left the room. He hadn’t been the least surprised by her statement. Clearly they’d discussed this ahead of time.
She gazed at her mother. “You guys operate like a well-oiled machine.”
Her mom laughed. “Sometimes. Other times we grind the gears.”
“Not often, though, at least that’s how it seems to me.”
“We do pretty well, especially considering we’re together all the damn time. Fortunately we like each other.”
“Is that why you married him? You liked him?”
“That was a plus, but… that wasn’t the main reason.”
“Then what?”
Her blue eyes sparkled. “I was hot for his body. Still am.”
“You never told me that!”
“It’s not the kind of thing a mother volunteers to a young child, and when you were older, you never asked. Which is typical. Kids usually don’t care to think about their parents doing the deed.”
“I suppose that’s true. I just thought it wasn’t a big deal with you two.”
“Well, it is. But I doubt that’s what you came here to discuss tonight.”
“No, but… I’m glad you told me. I thought the idea was to find the nicest guy and the rest would come naturally.”
Her mom’s eyebrows rose. “What made you think that?”
“Observation. The other way around looks dangerous, at least to me. You get caught up in great sex and ignore red flags.”
“Did that ever happen to you?”
“No, because I always chose nice guys. No red flags, but we never quite clicked, either.”
“Honey, you can’t make yourself want somebody.”
“Guess not.”
“Do you want Adam?”
Her breath hitched. “Unfortunately.”
“Why is it unfortunate?”
“He thinks he’s in love with me, and I’m in love with him, and we should get married and have kids.”
“I take it you don’t go along with that.”
“How can I? How can we be just friends for twenty-two years and suddenly it’s love? If I hadn’t kissed him on New Year’s Eve, he wouldn’t be on this kick. He’s thinking with his?—”
“You kissed him?”
“Oh, that’s right. I didn’t tell you. I’d better start with that.” She gave a brief overview, eliminating details like the contract and Auntie Kat’s undies. “It’s all happened really fast, which is why I know he’s confused a physical attraction with love.”
“Or he’s had these feelings for years and your New Year’s Eve kiss brought them to the surface.”
“Then why didn’t he come to see me the next day and say that? Why did he write me a long letter of apology, send it through the mail , for God’s sake, and then avoid me for six weeks?”
“Maybe because he wasn’t comfortable with those feelings at first. Neither were you. I can see why both of you questioned what this is all about.”
“I’m still questioning, but he says he’s sure. After only four days. He’s delusional.”
Her mom was quiet for a while. Then she adjusted her position so she was sitting cross-legged, facing her. “You know, I’ve heard that whatever you loved when you were eight you’ll love forever.”
“Like my stuffed moose Hermie.” She smiled. Almost wished she’d brought Hermie out for this discussion.
“Like Hermie. I’m surprised you haven’t taken him to your apartment.”
“He likes country living better.”
“And you want him to be happy. That’s true love. Sooo… what if the eight years old thing applies to people?”
She’d figured that was where this was headed. “Are you saying Adam and I loved each other when we were eight?”
“Oh, you absolutely did. You wanted to be together constantly. You don’t remember?”
“Not really.” Her stomach did a few flips. “We had fun making that diorama.”
“It was way more than that. He liked coming over here because no other kids were around and you two could be in your own little world.”
“I kind of remember playing in my bedroom with my stuffed animals.”
“For hours. One day he told me he was going to marry you as soon as he was old enough to drive.”
“Oh, my God. Really?” Her chest felt tight. She rubbed her breastbone, trying to ease the pressure.
“Really. He came out to the kitchen to get lemonade for both of you. When I was pouring it, he made his announcement.”
“Did you laugh?”
“Of course not! He was dead serious.”
“I’ll bet he doesn’t remember that or he would have told me.”
“He might not remember, but maybe his heart does.”
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The pressure didn’t go away. “Even if he’s subconsciously tapped into something from our childhood, which I doubt, I’m not doing that.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. The only reason I remember the diorama is because it’s still in my closet.”
“And why haven’t you pitched it?”
“Because it’s cool.” The pain in her chest got worse. “When Adam and I first started talking, he said I was probably attracted to him because I was on the rebound from Sean and he was handy.”
“Obviously he doesn’t think that anymore.”
“He doesn’t, but what if he was right?”
“You know he’s not.”
“Do I?”
“You care about him. If you had a rebound relationship, he’d be the last person you’d choose.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Her throat felt clogged up, but swallowing didn’t help much. “Well, maybe he knows what he’s doing, but I don’t. I’ve never felt like this. I can’t think straight and I’m… I’m scared.”
Her mom scooted closer and took her hand, enclosing it in both of hers. “It is scary when you want someone so much. Your brain is a jumbled mess and you feel like you’re heading for a cliff but you can’t stop running toward it.”
She nodded and swallowed again.
“First of all, Adam is a good man. I’ve known him as long as you have and I guarantee he would never knowingly hurt you.”
“I believe that.” Her voice was husky.
“Second of all, I’ve been where you are.”
“With Dad?”
“Yes.”
“How did you deal with it?”
“I talked to my brain and told it to calm down, because the alarms going off made me want to throw up. Then I got quiet and listened to my gut and my heart.”
“And?”
“I took a very deep breath and said yes to your dad.”