Chapter 28
CHAPTER 28
EVIE
It’s almost five-thirty when I finally pack up and leave Victoria’s for the day. I never would have stayed so late had Alec not texted and told me he had Juno, but the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.
This afternoon, Victoria and I finally added strings to the Georg Winterling. And because she is the most incredible boss on the entire planet, she let me be the one to give it a test run.
Or test play, in this case.
It sounded incredible. Amazing. Unlike any violin I’ve ever played before.
I can’t wait to tell Alec about it. I can’t wait to see Alec.
I’ve been worried about him the past couple of weeks. The days right around Thanksgiving and his surgery were admittedly terrible. Managing his pain, dealing with the frustration of not knowing what will happen next with hockey.
But things are slowly getting better. Luckily, it hasn’t been hard to be patient because even at his worst, Alec is never anything but sweet with me. But I can still tell he’s put some walls up. He won’t talk to me about hockey. He won’t talk to me about his plans. About how he wants to handle his physical therapy. He just closes off and shuts down.
Still, I’m confident we’ll get there.
I pull into my driveway, hopeful and anxious to see Alec, but then I freeze, hand still on the ignition, when I see a man sitting on my front porch.
I swear under my breath as I turn off the car, a riot of emotions at war in my chest.
I told Devon not to come. To leave us alone and let us be.
And he’s here anyway. He has some nerve showing up like this, no text, no warning.
But nerve is pretty much Devon’s trademark.
I sigh as I grab my purse off the front seat and slowly make my way up the front walk.
Devon stands as I approach. The porch light casts his face in shadows, but it’s easy to see he’s still the same Devon. Same charming smile. Same devil-may-care vibe.
I stop in front of him, arms folded over my chest. “Devon, I told you not to come.”
“I know. You did. I’m sorry for just showing up like this. I should have let you know I was coming.” He looks me up and down. “You look good, Evie. Back to your old self.”
I’m nothing like my old self. Mostly because I see him for exactly who he is. He’s saying all the right words, getting the apologies just right, because he always says all the right words. Especially when he wants something.
Which has to be my endgame here.
I have to figure out what he wants. What does he think he’s going to get out of this visit?
If his motives are anything but sincere, I’ll kick him back to New York so fast his head will spin. I’m sure Alec would love to help me.
Oh gosh. Alec.
I look up the porch steps to the front door. “How long have you been here?” I ask Devon.
His jaw flexes, and a flash of uncertainty passes over his expression. “Not long. Twenty minutes or so. Your boyfriend refused to let me inside.”
A million emotions pass through me at once. Gratitude for Alec, because I know he must have recognized I would want to introduce Juno to Devon on my own terms. Also worry for Alec, because I can only imagine what Devon said to him.
“I’m glad he refused,” I say. “He knows this is my house. I’m the one who gets to decide how welcome you are.”
“That’s why I waited,” Devon said. “I’m sorry for sounding so defensive. It’s still hard for me to imagine you with someone else.” He takes a step closer and reaches for my hand with a familiarity that makes my skin crawl.
I yank my hand back.
Devon slips his hands into his pockets, undeterred. “Can I come in, Evie? Can we have a real conversation?” He glances toward the house. “In private?”
I almost ask how he knows about me and Alec, but I haven’t exactly kept it a secret. Even though Parker didn’t post the thirst trap picture of Alec and Juno, she did post another of all three of us. After we walked through the party together, touching, kissing each other hello and goodbye, there was all kinds of online chatter about our relationship. At least according to Parker. I doubt very seriously that Devon follows the Appies, but someone in our shared circle probably does. It’s easy to imagine a mutual friend finding out and giving him the heads up.
“Did you drive here, Devon?”
He shakes his head. “I got a rideshare from the airport.”
I almost groan out loud because that does not make this situation easier. “Okay. Then, can you take a walk around the block for me? Just…give me a few minutes?”
“Evie, I’ve been sitting in the cold for almost an hour. It’s forty degrees out here.”
I love how his twenty minutes turned into an hour in the three minutes we’ve been standing here talking.
“Please, Devon? Or take my car. Go drive up and down Maple Street. It’s pretty this time of year. The Christmas lights are up.”
“Fine,” he says through a grumble. “I’ll go for a drive.” He holds out his hand, and I give him my keys. I wait on the porch until he’s backed out of the driveway, then I open the front door and step inside.
Alec is sitting in the living room, but he stands as soon as he sees me come in. “Are you okay?” he asks, moving toward me and pulling me into his arms. “What did he say to you? Is he still here?”
His hands slide up and down my arms like he’s checking me over, making sure I’m whole and okay.
“I’m fine,” I say. “He’s going for a drive. But he’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Understanding passes over Alec’s expression. “You had him leave so I would have time to go.”
I sigh. “I don’t want you to go. But I think it will be easier to have the conversation I need to have with him alone.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m sure you’re right, even if I really don’t like it.” He huffs out a humorless laugh. “Do you know what he said to me when I opened the door?”
I cringe because I can only imagine what it was. “Tell me.”
“He said, ‘Hey man, I’m Devon. Nice to meet you. Thanks for holding my spot.”
I gasp. “He did not.”
“He did,” Alec says. “And I didn’t punch him.”
“I kinda wish you had,” I say.
It suddenly occurs to me that I haven’t seen Juno yet. “Where’s Juno?”
“Still sleeping,” Alec says. “She fell asleep around four.”
I nod. “Yikes. Okay. That means she’ll probably wake up any minute.” I groan. “I would really love for her to be asleep. At least until I figure out what he wants.”
“Hey,” Alec says, reaching out and putting his hands on my shoulders. “What if I just stay? I’ll stay in Juno’s room. Have a bottle at the ready. If she wakes up, I can feed her and keep her until you’re ready for her.”
My heart thumps against my ribs. This man is so good. So. incredibly. good.
“Why would you do that?” I ask. “When he was such a jerk to you, why would you?—”
“Because I’m in love with you,” he says, cutting me off.
I suck in a breath as his words land.
“Because I love you, and I’d rather be here supporting you than running away to prevent my own discomfort.”
I lunge into him, wrapping my arms around his neck as I press my lips to his. “I love you too,” I say. “So much.” His arms loop around my waist, and I melt into his solid warmth, pressing into his chest as I kiss him again and again. “Juno started solid foods,” I say in between kisses, and Alec chuckles.
“What?”
I lean back and look at him. “I didn’t tell you because I was mad that you weren’t talking to me about hockey. I thought if you had secrets from me, then I should have secrets from you.”
His expression softens. “I didn’t have any secrets, Evie. I just didn’t know what to do.”
I bite my lip. “I know. I just wanted you to talk to me about it.”
“I want to,” he says. “I do. But probably not right now because Devon just pulled into your driveway.”
I breathe out a sigh, glancing over my shoulder and out the front window. Sure enough, my car is back, and Devon is making his way up the front walk.
I turn back to Alec. “As much as I love that you offered, I really do think this conversation will be easier without you here. I need him to be honest with me, and I’m not sure he will be, even if you’re in the other room.”
He nods. “Okay. As long as you’re sure you’ll be okay.”
“I will be.”
Devon’s knock sounds through the house.
“Will you come back?” I ask Alec.
“I will,” he says, leaning down to press another kiss to my lips. “But I might be a minute. I think I need to go to the Summit.”
“What? Why?” I ask as Devon knocks one more time.
“Because it’s time for me to say goodbye.”
I barely keep myself from giggling at the way Alec uses his looming height and broad shoulders to intimate Devon as he passes him on the front porch. The man does not yield his space. He just walks straight forward, trusting that Devon will sidestep out of the way.
It was a territorial move, with more alpha energy than I’ve ever seen from Alec before, and I’ll be honest. I’m definitely a fan.
“Come on in,” I say to Devon, pulling the door open and stepping to the side.
He steps into the living room and looks around. “Nice place.”
“Thanks. It’s perfect for us. More room than we had in Manhattan.”
He chuckles. “That’s not hard to do.” He sits down on the far end of the couch, probably hoping I’ll sit down next to him, but I pick the overstuffed chair I always sit in to nurse Juno. It has low arms, which makes it really comfortable, but right now I pick it simply because it puts me as far away from Devon as possible.
“So,” he says, rubbing his hands over his thighs. “How have you been?”
“Good,” I answer honestly. “Great, actually.”
He tilts his head to the side, like he can’t quite believe my answer. “Really?”
“Does that surprise you?” I ask.
He rubs a hand across his jaw, eyes down, and I get the distinct impression that he’s considering his next move. Like this is a chess game, and he’s trying to figure out how to get my pieces where he wants them. It’s baffling to me how I never saw this before when it’s so obvious to me now.
Devon stands and shifts to the other end of the couch so he’s closer to me, then he leans forward, giving me a soft smile. “Look, I’m nervous about how this is going to come out, so I’m just going to say it. Spit it out and get it over with. Evie”—he clears his throat—“I miss you. I think I was premature in ending things the way I did.”
The line is so far from what I expect, I choke on my own spit and spend the next thirty seconds coughing up my left lung. When I finally regain my composure, I look at Devon and say, “I’m sorry, what?”
“I miss you, baby,” he says, his words soft. “I miss us. ”
I narrow my eyes. It’s not lost on me that so far, Devon hasn’t said a single word about Juno. Hasn’t asked where she is or if he can meet her.
“You miss us ?” I ask because this man cannot be serious right now.
“We had some good times, Evie. You know we did.”
I lift a hand and pinch the bridge of my nose. “Are you serious right now? You want to have this conversation without even mentioning your daughter’s name? Without even asking about her?”
Devon seems to realize he’s miscalculated because he leans back and taps his fingers on his thigh—a nervous tell I remember from when we were together. “I mean, obviously, if we were together, she would be around.”
“She isn’t a puppy, Devon. She won’t just be around. She’s your daughter—one you haven’t even met—and she should have been the first thing you asked about when you walked through the front door.”
“Even before you? I thought putting you first was the right call.”
“Even before me,” I say. “You and I are divorced. I’m not your concern anymore. But she should be. I thought that’s why you were here. Why you were coming in the first place.”
“I’m here for you,” he says sharply, but I don’t believe it even for a second. There’s something else going on here. I just have to figure out what it is.
“What happened in California?” I ask.
He looks up and meets my gaze. “What?”
“You said something big could be happening. That’s why you didn’t come to Thanksgiving. What was it?”
He waves a dismissive hand. “It didn’t pan out. I met a director. They went a different direction.” He says this last part with so much condescension, I have to fight to control my eye roll.
“So you aren’t working, then? You haven’t worked since you lost your Great Gatsby role?”
“I didn’t think you’d heard about that,” he says, and the first crack in his very shiny exterior starts to show.
“Megan ran into Gina on campus,” I say. “Gina told Megan, and Megan told me. Are you working anywhere else?” I repeat the question because I’m starting to get an inkling of what might be going on.
“I’ve done a few things. Contract work. I’m not sure why this matters right now.”
“It matters if you need money,” I say.
“You clearly don’t,” Devon mutters, and the final puzzle pieces of my theory click into place. I think back on the conversation I had with Devon’s mother, Karen, just after Juno was born. She promised me she wouldn’t leave me hanging, that she would help support me and Juno as long as I needed it. It’s the only reason I haven’t made a big deal out of Devon’s lack of paying child support. I may not be getting it directly from Devon, but I’m getting it, and I respect Devon’s mother too much to cause trouble just for the sake of causing trouble. I don’t love Devon anymore, but she still does. And it was a big deal that she was willing to help when she had no obligation to do so.
But Karen was also generous with her support of Devon and me before Juno. When he was in between roles and our finances were tight, she’d send us a little cash to help us make rent or a grocery delivery when our pantry was a little too empty for comfort.
Maybe Karen decided she couldn’t do both. She couldn’t pay Devon’s child support and pay to support Devon.
“Look,” Devon says, leaning forward. “We both know my mother is the only reason you can be down here, living the life you want. I’m willing to overlook the fact that you’ve been dating someone else, but it’s time for us to make things right, Evie. We can be a real family. The three of us.”
“Or what?” I say. I feel the threat in his words even if he hasn’t said anything explicit, but I’m too over him to let him get away with passive-aggressive implications.
His jaw tenses, and he lets out a derisive laugh. “Or maybe you won’t be getting any more money from my mom.”
“Is that a threat?” I say, my voice cold.
He rolls his eyes. “You can’t think she likes that you’re down here hooking up with a hockey player. Leaving her granddaughter alone with him?—”
“Stop,” I say, surprised by the coldness in my own voice. “Do not talk about him that way. Right now, he’s the closest thing to a father that Juno has, and that’s on you.”
“So you get to have it all, then. Date the guy you want, live on my parent’s dime, while I’m…” His words cut off, like he realizes he was about to say too much. He drops back onto the sofa with a huff.
Without saying another word, I stand and move to my purse and pull out my phone. I sit back down and dial Devon’s mom. He looks at me, frowning as the phone rings.
When his mom answers the call, he rolls his eyes.
“Hi, Karen. How are you?” I ask.
“Good, dear. How are you? I loved the last pictures of Juno you sent.”
“Good. I’m glad.” I eye Devon. “Listen, I just wanted to make sure that I was being honest with you about everything. I really appreciate that you’re lending your support while I’m doing my apprenticeship. It means so much to me, but I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage, so I want to be fully transparent and let you know that I’m dating someone.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful news,” Karen says. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Things are getting pretty serious, so if we end up getting married and my financial situation changes, I’d love to have a conversation with you about it.”
Devon’s muscles are tense, like he’s just waiting for me to out him to his mom, but Karen’s words are as gentle and loving as I expected them to be. “Oh, well, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. Maybe after, if you no longer need the help, we could start a trust for Juno. Save for her future education expenses.”
“That would be amazing. And no matter what, Karen, you will always be a part of Juno’s life. I promise.”
“You can never have too many people loving you,” Karen says. “That’s what I always say.”
“I absolutely agree. Listen, I’ve got to run, but maybe we can do a video call in the morning so you can say hi to Juno.”
“Oh, I’d love that,” she says, her voice full of a warmth and sincerity that I hope Devon hears all the way down to his bones. “We love you, Evie. Kiss Juno for me.”
I hang up the call and look right at Devon. “I’m sorry, what were you saying about your mom?”
He frowns and scoffs, all the feigned affection from before, his talk of wanting to be a “real family” completely gone. But he’s also lost his fight. I called his bluff and took away his leverage. He has nothing to hold over me now, and he knows it. “It’s really great for you,” he says, his words hollow. “That you’ve won my parents over and have their support. Meanwhile, I’m in New York, and they won’t help me with anything. I can’t find work, I can’t pay rent…you know how hard it is to live in that city, Evie. I’m drowning.”
A tiny shred of compassion unfurls in my chest. I do know how hard it is to make it in New York. But it’s not nearly enough to negate the ick of Devon coming down here in the first place, pretending to want a family just to have access to his mother’s generosity.
“I want things to work out for you, Devon,” I say. “I do. And I’m sorry you’re struggling. But you can’t use my heart as a pawn in whatever game you’re playing. And you definitely can’t use Juno’s.” I stand, making a decision I hope I won’t regret. “Stay here a second,” I say as I leave the room.
I cross through my kitchen and back to the bedrooms where I find Juno awake in her crib, feet kicking. She smiles when she sees me appear.
“Hi, baby girl,” I say as I reach in and pick her up. I carry her back to the living room and sit down on the couch across from Devon, keeping Juno tucked onto my lap.
“She has your mouth,” I say. “And my eyes. She loves bananas and sweet potatoes and pears and she gets really cranky when she’s sleepy, but if there is anything exciting happening in the house, she does not want to miss it. She’ll fight sleep for hours if she thinks she might miss the party.”
Devon smiles. “Sounds like me.”
I watch him for a long moment while he looks over at Juno, emotions playing over his face.
“She’s the best thing I’ve ever done, Devon,” I say softly. “The best thing we’ve ever done.”
Juno squirms in my arms, wanting to stand, and I let her, her chubby legs bouncing as she lifts her hands to my face. I kiss her palm, and it makes her smile.
Devon lets out a little laugh. But then he’s quiet for a long moment before he finally says, “I’m not built for it, Evie. I know that makes me terrible. But…I’d just disappoint her.”
A part of me wants to tell Devon to step up. To trust that any sacrifice he makes for Juno will feel worth it ten times over. No parent ever fully feels equipped. But you learn. You try. You figure it out as you go. But I know Devon too well. If I pushed him, he might try. But how long would it last?
That last sentence was probably the truest thing he’s ever said to me. It’s selfish and unfair and disappointing on several levels, but I don’t want to put myself or Juno in a position where we’ll ever be resented.
Devon glances down at his phone. “My ride is almost here.”
So that’s it, then. He doesn’t want to hold her. Isn’t moved by seeing her. He just… isn’t cut out for it.
I wonder how long he would have lasted had I actually been willing to take him back.
A car horn sounds outside, and Devon stands. “So Alec—he’s Megan’s older brother?” he says as he moves toward the door.
I follow behind him, Juno propped on my hip. “Yeah.”
“Isn’t he like…ten years older than us?”
“Nine years,” I correct.
Devon nods. “I thought he might break me in half.”
I fight a smile, though I’m not sad about the imagery that pops into my brain. “He probably wanted to.”
He swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, and I recognize the effort he’s making here. I have to at least give him credit for that. “He’s good with her?” he asks. “He’ll be a good dad?”
My heart squeezes in my chest as I think about Alec and how gentle he is with Juno. How invested he is in making sure we’re both happy. “Yeah. He definitely will be. He already is.”
Devon lifts a hand like he’s going to brush it over Juno’s hair, but then he seems to change his mind, letting his hand fall back to his side.
“I’m sorry,” he says simply. The words are soft, almost too soft for me to hear. I can’t even begin to categorize the many, many things he could be apologizing for, but I’m not sure I actually want to.
I’m ready to move on from this part of my life. No anger. No animosity.
“I know you are,” I say. And then I watch him climb into a car and drive out of my life for good.
I sit in my quiet living room for a long time thinking about what happened. Considering the fact that Devon came down here to lie, to try to manipulate me into a relationship just to get access to his mother’s money, I was probably too kind. But he’s the one who has to live with himself for trying something so low.
And I really don’t want to carry around bitterness and animosity toward him. Not anymore.
It helps that I have the love of a man who is Devon’s polar opposite.
A man I wish would hurry along whatever it is he’s doing, because I have a desperate need to be in his arms, safe and whole and fully, unquestionably happy.
Except… wait.
He said he was going to the Summit to say goodbye.
I was so distracted by Devon’s knocking that I didn’t even process what that means.
Alec is done playing hockey.
I reach for my phone, tapping it against my palm as I debate what to do.
Alec has his location shared with me, so I pull it up and check. Sure enough, he’s still at the Summit. Two weeks post-surgery, I know he’s not skating. Is he just sitting? Alone?
He’s probably fine if he is, but when an idea pops into my head, I cross my fingers and run with it, hoping against hope that I’m making the right call.