Chapter 40
Sadie
S adie was in desperate need to find a way to slow down time. It had been almost a week since Ellie’s party and in a matter of days, Sadie would be in her car heading to Tennessee. That thought left a pit in her stomach that she wasn’t sure how she could fix. Granted, aside from blowing up her college plans or finding a DeLorean, Sadie was stuck.
Ugh .
If only she’d fall in love with Ellie before accepting the scholarship at UT. Then she could have chosen any of the closer colleges that had tried to recruit her. Heck, she could have given up her softball dreams completely and gone to Moonflower Cove campus of the University of Maine. And for Ellie, she would have.
The idea of living hundreds of miles away from Ellie was harder each day for Sadie to swallow. She’d been handling the subject the best she knew how: avoiding thinking about it. But with mere days before she had to go off to college, Sadie suddenly felt no desire to pack up her stuff. Instead, she wanted to spend all the time she could with Ellie.
Ellie had offered to help her pack, which of course Sadie agreed to. Granted, they’d done more kissing and touching than packing. Not that Sadie cared. She’d let Ellie love her body every last second they could.
Even if every single noise made them think Delaney or Charlie had arrived home. While Delaney was off showing a house to a client, Charlie had headed into Portland with Oakley Cooper. Oakley was Charlie’s lumberjack—lumberjane?—friend and the two apparently were in search of new equipment before winter. Sadie wasn’t expecting her parents home for a while, but anything could happen.
Especially with Ellie’s hand down Sadie’s pants.
“I’m gonna miss this,” Sadie whispered in Ellie’s ear before kissing it.
“Me, too.”
As Ellie’s fingers teased Sadie, one thought kept running around in Sadie’s mind. And it wasn’t how the feel of Ellie touching her turned her on or how she was worried any minute the bedroom door would swing open. Instead, it was something that Sadie had never said aloud before.
Until now, apparently.
“Tell me not to go.”
Sadie wasn’t even sure she’d said the words out loud until Ellie stopped kissing her and pulled her hand out of Sadie’s pants. Ellie looked down at Sadie, confused.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Trying to play it off, Sadie buttoned up her shorts as she got out of bed. Ellie, who was wearing a low-cut tank top and ripped jean shorts, sat on the edge of the bed as she watched Sadie. “Sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” Ellie reached out, taking Sadie’s hand as she pulled her back to her. “What’s wrong? Why did you say that?”
Sadie tried to play dumb, but knew it wouldn’t work. “Say what?”
“I can’t,” Ellie’s voice and eyes lowered, “tell you not to go.”
“I know,” Sadie sighed as she sat down beside Ellie on the bed. They took hold of each other’s hand as Ellie squeezed it, making tears nip at Sadie’s eyes. “I never thought it would be this hard.”
“I know.”
“Part of me wants to just tell them I’m not coming.”
“Sadie, no.” Ellie was on her feet now, hands on her hips as she locked eyes with Sadie. “This is your dream and it’s going to be amazing. You’re an amazing softball player, and you look hot in your costume.”
“Uniform.”
“Whatever.” Ellie didn’t miss a beat. “College is going to be so amazing for you and you’re going to have so much fun. And we’ll talk all the time anyway. And you’ll be here on breaks and I can come and visit you some. We’re going to make this work.”
Sadie nodded. “I know. I just hate it still.”
“I know,” Ellie sighed. “But it’ll all be worth it in four years when you have that diploma in the wall and you’re in the hall of fame or whatever as the most amazing college softball player ever.”
“You’re a really good hype person, did you know that?”
“Only because you’re my favorite.”
Ellie took a few steps closer to Sadie, and Sadie wrapped her legs around Ellie’s. As Ellie ran her hands through Sadie’s hair, Sadie knew where things could and would go. But she was too paranoid that her parents might come home at any moment and Sadie hadn’t decided which would be worse: Delaney finding them in bed together or her finding the bedroom door locked.
The latter had been a rule for years, but it had never really mattered to Sadie until now.
“We should keep packing,” Ellie said as she quickly kissed Sadie. “Then this can be our reward for getting it all done.”
“I can support that.”
As they resumed packing the suitcases and cardboard boxes with Sadie’s clothes, books, and toiletries, Sadie asked the question she’d been too afraid to ask Ellie for months.
“Ellie?”
“Hmm?”
“What made you decide to stay here and go to college?” Sadie pretended to be more focused on the pile of shirts she was folding and placing into the suitcase than Ellie. But she could see Ellie shrug out of the corner of her eye as she taped up a box full of Sadie’s favorite books.
“Honestly?”
“No, lie to me,” Sadie teased as Ellie laughed. “Yes, honestly. I’ve never asked.”
Ellie sat down on the floor across from Sadie and began folding clothes with her and putting them into the suitcase.
“Well, for starters, I didn’t know what I wanted to major in. And although I’m fairly sure it’s going to be ultrasound tech and I’ll transfer to the tech school for that, I kinda want to get at least one semester under my belt to make sure that’s what I want to do.”
“I get that.” They quietly folded clothes for a few beats as Sadie waited for Ellie to continue. When she didn’t, Sadie asked, “Were there other reasons too?”
“Yeah.” Ellie shrugged as her eyes slowly lifted to Sadie. “Brayden is one. He got a scholarship, but it doesn’t cover his dorm costs. And one night I heard Mom and Mama talking about how expensive it was. At the time, I was thinking of going to New York City for college just so I could be near Broadway.”
Another shrug, followed by a sigh.
“But, I don’t know. And I know it’ll make me sound like a loser, but I really don’t want to leave my parents or sisters. Mostly my parents.”
“That doesn’t make you a loser. It’s awesome you’re so close with them and want to stay close to them.”
“Did you choose to go away for college to get away from your parents?”
Sadie shook her head. “No, we’re close, too. Not Mackenzie close, but close.”
“Mackenzies are a different breed.”
“Entirely,” Sadie laughed. “But I picked the school that would give me the best chance of playing softball professionally, even though I really don’t think that’s what I want to do anymore.”
“Brayden feels the same way about hockey. And you both deserve to follow those dreams wherever they take you. Even if it’s far away from me.”
It was clear that Ellie was sad that Sadie was leaving, but it hadn’t hit Sadie until now that Ellie was having to say goodbye to her twin brother as well. Although Sadie knew Ellie was closer with her sisters, she always knew the special bond the Mackenzie twins shared. And that had to be hard on Ellie. Sadie reached out, taking hold of Ellie’s hand.
“Yeah but,” Sadie hesitated for a moment, “you deserve to follow yours, too.”
Ellie smiled sweetly as the sadness from a moment ago seemed to lift. “And I will. I don’t think Broadway is my dream. I’m perfectly happy doing community theater for the rest of my life. And I love working with Mama.”
“And Austin .” She wasn’t sure why she’d brought up Austin, but Sadie instantly regretted it. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. But you have to believe me when I say I’m not interested in Austin that way. Only you, babe.”
“I know.”
And Sadie did know.
“I’m sorry for saying that.”
But it did little to stop her ramblings.
“It just hurts to know she’s going to be here and I’m not. And that you’ll be kissing people in plays that aren’t me. I know I’m not an actress but I would totally be one if I knew it meant I got to kiss you more.”
Ellie was looking at Sadie with such a bemused look that Sadie felt her palms begin to sweat.
“What?”
“Nothing. I just find you insanely cute when you ramble.”
Sadie picked up a perfectly folded shirt and threw it at Ellie as they both laughed. Standing, Ellie held her hands out to Sadie as she pulled her to her feet.
“Let me show you something. This is how I kiss someone I’m in a show with.”
Although their lips met quickly, there was no passion behind the kiss. How Ellie was able to turn it off like that, Sadie had no clue. But it was quick and impersonal and involved zero tongue. Which, she could admit, had become one of her favorite parts of kissing Ellie.
“How was that?”
“Eh,” Sadie shrugged and laughed, “you’ve done better.”
“Obviously.” Ellie dramatically flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Now, see if you can tell the difference between that one and this one.”
As if they were on a stage, Ellie put her arm around Sadie’s back as Sadie wrapped hers around Ellie’s neck. With more skill than Sadie knew she had, Ellie dipped her and kissed her. But it was way more than a regular kiss. There was so much passion behind it that Sadie was struggling to think straight. Not only was Ellie kissing her passionately, but she was always holding her up as they did so. Sadie’s knees were on the verge of going weak as Ellie stood her back up. Her head was spinning as she goofily grinned.
“ That’s how I kiss someone I love.”
“Holy shit.”
“Mhmm.”
“My head is literally spinning.”
“I think I’ve proved my point.”
“I think you might need to prove it again.”
And Ellie did. The kiss was just as wonderful as the first. But this time it was cut short by the bedroom door opening. Sadie and Ellie parted quickly.
“Have kids, they said,” Delaney joked as she leaned onto the doorframe. “It’ll be fun, they said.”
“Sorry, Mom.”
Delaney waved them off. “Hey, it’s okay. I assumed when I left you two alone it wouldn’t be long before you were lip locked. But,” she looked around the half-packed room, “we do need to get all this packed.”
“And I gotta get to the theater.”
Smooth , Sadie wanted to say. But she knew Ellie did have to go. Opening night was the next night, so it was their last rehearsal.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you then. Bye, Delaney.”
“Bye, Ellie.”
As Ellie scampered out of the room, Sadie could feel Delaney’s eyes on her. She tossed up her hands and laughed.
“Well, yell at me already.”
“I only have one question.” Delaney was laughing as well now. “Did she tell you she had to practice her kiss for the play?”
“Shut up.” Sadie laughed as she plopped down on the bed.
“Because you know,” Delaney was still teasing as she walked toward Sadie and playfully tickled her, “you can’t fall for that line.”
“Too late.”