2. Sara
2
SARA
“ I knew this day would come!” Amber croaks with glee into my headphones, her sleepy face suddenly very awake on my phone screen the moment I casually mention that Drew is now single, and that we spent the evening alone in SB. “This is more than I can deal with this early in the morning. Oh, I can just imagine how he said, ‘Looks like we’re the only ones left . ’ And you were wearing that tight red skirt with the white slingbacks yesterday! I told you red was your color. Okay, what happened after he sipped the coffee and did the sexy eyebrow thing?”
I weave in and out of Saturday morning pedestrian traffic on my way to Gypsy’s, my favorite spot for breakfast bagels, grateful that it’s only a block from my apartment due to the ominous purple clouds overhead. The damp air swells around me as I rush to the deli before the inevitable downpour. I simultaneously hold the phone in front of me, while using my other hand to attempt to restrain tendrils of hair that engulf my face in the late fall breeze.
“I…guess we got back to work,” I say as I stand in line to or der my usual avocado and cream cheese, sesame-seed bagel.
Amber’s face gets so close to the screen I can practically see the remnants of yesterday’s eye makeup under her bottom lash line. “Sorry, come again?”
“He sipped his coffee, I sipped mine. We got back to work, then he left ten minutes later,” I repeat.
“Well, of course he left.” Amber palms her forehead. “Sara, come on, the guy was flirting with you.”
“You really think so?” I lower my voice and speak from the corner of my mouth, “And what was I supposed to do, climb on my desk and drag him on top of me?”
A shriek of exasperation. “Yes! For the love of God, yes! He just broke up with his girlfriend, which means for the first time in probably years, he’s available. Guys like Drew have a very short window before they’re scooped up again.”
“I suppose,” I say miserably as I stalk from the deli, brown paper bag in hand. “And anyway, I’m not exciting enough for a guy like Drew so it doesn’t even matter.”
Amber pops up in her bed like she’s been resurrected from the grave. “Excuse me, you are exciting, and it absolutely matters! Now, listen carefully.” She shakes messy hair out of her face and over her shoulders like a bird preening its feathers. “We can fix this. Get on his Instagram, scroll back, not too far, something from maybe a couple weeks ago, you know just enough so it looks like you just casually drifted onto his page, but not far back enough to look too invested. Hit like on two of his photos. Gotta be more than one so it looks like you meant to do it. Three is too desperate. He’ll know you’re interested just from doing that. Then just talk to him on Monday. Ask him about the gym, take an interest in the things he likes, but this time, be flirtier. You’re hot and smart, and you dress cute. Got it?” She finally comes up for air.
I blink. “Jeese, you done this before?”
“A hundred times with a hundred percent success ratio,” she says proudly.
“I don’t know.” I laugh nervously because I’m not sure if I know how to flirt anymore, or if I can…
And then I feel my lungs tighten because there it is. That constricting feeling that snakes around my chest when a memory of the past pops out of nowhere.
It’s six months before the breakup, opposite ends of the sofa, eyes trained on a movie neither of us are paying attention to. Mark is checking his phone and sighing every so often.
“You okay sweetie? You don’t seem yourself.” I angle my body toward him.
“Fine.” He twists away.
I shuffle closer to him, kiss his cheek, stroke his face. Nothing, until he frowns at me, narrows his eyes, asks me what I’m doing.
“Making you feel better.” I smile. “Flirting with you. Trying to seduce you.”
He shrugs away from me. “It’s not working. Can I just get a bit of space?” He pushes my hands down, moves to the bedroom, spends the rest of the night glued to his phone. Says nothing is wrong when I ask him the next morning. He tells me he loves me. I believe him.
“Helllooo?” Amber drawls out the word. “Are you still there?”
“I’m here,” I say too enthusiastically, blinking away the memory and peeling back wrapping to get at my bagel. “Actually, you’re right. I can do this.” Then to myself, Fuck off Mark.
I end the call and immediately get on Drew’s Instagram page .
I’d never looked forward to a Monday so much in my life.
At ten thirty, I watch as Drew approaches the water cooler to top up a flask. He does this most mornings right before he goes for a run. And after he requested to follow me on Instagram after my liking spree , I have a fresh urge to continue to listen to Amber’s advice and strike up a conversation with him. Baby steps.
“Hey.” A raspy voice startles me from my daydream. I turn to see Kandi Lovetti leaning against my desk. She looks like she wants to tell me something but pauses to blink down at my ivory tweed two piece and shimmering bronze heels. “You’re always so dressed up,” she exclaims, and before I can roll my eyes, she continues, “I have a friend like that, she dresses up at work because she only goes to the office and the grocery store. Stays in her house all the time like some depressed teenager who got stood up by her prom date, bless her. But I guess work is all she’s got.” Her cheeks round as she grins, the smile not reaching her eyes.
There’s office politics, then there’s Public Relations extraordinaire, Kandi Lovetti. A twenty-six-year-old career go-getter who doesn’t care who she steps on to get to where she wants. People called her the office mean girl so frequently she eventually caught on, and when she did, she wore the title with pride.
We’ve never had any specific run-ins, which is very much her style. She prefers a slower type of poison. Like the way she delivers ‘compliments’ to my outfits for example, selecting terms like interesting choice and oh, you tried something new, and you’re always so dressed up. They aren’t compliments. They’re statements. Ones that only serve the purpose of making me question myself .
“I’m a little busy right now, did you want something?” I ask, ignoring her obvious dig, and setting my eyes on my monitor.
“I did, but if you’re busy…oh what the heck, I’ll ask anyway.” She waves a hand. “I just have so many tasks today and I thought you might want to help.” I see her flicking her auburn hair over her shoulder in my periphery.
“I have no idea why you think that’s something I’d be open to,” I say.
She presses her lips together. “I only ask because there’s this new position coming up, which I’m sure you’re aware of. And, helping out your teammates would make you look like a more attractive candidate.”
And then I realize she isn’t looking for help. This is her way of telling me we’re competing for the same promotion. That was the reason she bought everyone twelve-dollar smoothies on Friday. She is trying to look like the more attractive candidate.
“But you’re busy, so don’t even worry about it.” She smirks, grinding the heel of her boot into the floor as her eyes wander across the room to Drew who’s still at the cooler. “Anyway, that really is a cute outfit, I’m sure that friend of mine had the same one last year,” she says as she pushes from the desk and slinks through the open-space work area.
This is the window Amber was talking about, and it’s growing smaller every moment. Not only is Kandi in competition with my job, now she wants to battle for Drew too.
A part of me wants to admit defeat with the Drew situation and focus on my job, because the truth is, she’s probably more his type than I’ll ever be.
I sigh as I watch her flick her hair and sway her hips, her posture purely predatory as she continues on her way to seek out Drew.
Then, her entire body plummets to the floor.
Splats like a cream pie connecting with a face.
My neck extends like an ostrich as I stare wide eyed at Amber who winks at me before nodding like a crazy person at Drew. She mouths GO! before turning to Kandi and exclaiming, “Oh no, you slipped. Need help?” All while proceeding to offer zero help.
“I didn’t slip, you tripped me.” Kandi grits out, pulling a curtain of hair from her face as she climbs to her feet.
I look back at Amber, who’s grinning remorselessly and flashing me a double thumbs up.
By now, Drew is on the move, and since I’ll never hear the end of it if I allow Amber’s roadblock to go to waste, I smooth down my skirt, and scurry after Drew as fast as I can in a mini skirt and five-inch heels. I follow him to the elevators, slipping through the doors as they begin to close.
“Where to?” Drew gives me one of those wide grins.
“Lobby,” I say. “I’m just…heading out for coffee, thought it would be nice to get some fresh air.” The lie comes out with ease.
Drew raises his water bottle to his mouth and chugs, and I swear his throat bobs in slow motion as he gulps down the liquid. I can’t help but admire the muscles in his forearms as they contract throughout the gesture. “Next time bring your sneakers, we’ll grab fresh air together. You run, right?”
My mind casts back to Friday when I told him I wasn’t into CrossFit, and how he got that look of disappointment in his eye.
I push a tendril of hair behind my ear, thinking that if it was so easy to lie about getting fresh air and coffee, then maybe... “Yes. I mean, I’m out of practice, but I’d like to get better.” The second lie comes out with even more ease.
“Well sure, let’s get you moving again.” His face lights up as he presses a button and the doors begin to close. “What kind of distance are we talking? Ten, fifteen miles?”
Before I can roar out an obnoxious hell no , Walter’s voice calls from outside of the elevators. “Hold the doors!”
Walter, Raj, Francis, and Kandi are striding toward us. Perfect.
As instructed, Drew holds the elevator as everyone piles in.
“I’m coming too!” Amber yells, footsteps thumping against the tiles as she squeezes in, gasping for breath as the doors close behind her.
“I thought we could all get coffee out today, since it’s so mild,” Kandi says, narrowing her eyes at me. “My treat of course.”
Amber looks at me shaking her head and whispers, “I’m not fucking going.”
Sneering laughter comes from beside me. “You’re not going anywhere in those, Kirby.” Walter points at my feet. “Break your neck in those things.” Then, he points to Drew’s feet. “Now those are more like it. Running shoes. Practical, robust. Ready for adventure.”
Drew smiles. “We were just talking about that.” Damn it, damn it, damn it. I cannot get into a conversation about adventure in front of everyone. “Right Sara? We’re getting this girl back into running.” Drew points at me with his thumb.
“ Back? ” Kandi sneers. “Sara doesn’t run. You don’t run, right?” She eyes me.
“She doesn’t run.” Francis confirms, pouting as he dabs on lip balm. “You told me that when I asked you to help me train for that half marathon last year. You said, ‘ Over my dead body am I engaging in that bullshit.’ Remember?”
I clear my throat, gritting my teeth. “Yes Francis, I do remember, but that was only because I was taking a break and had simply lost my passion.” I glare at him. I don’t even have to think anymore, the lies just keep coming out. “And now, I’m back. ” I look from him to Kandi.
“Exactly,” Amber says beaming, flicking her ponytail so high it smacks Kandi in the face.
“ Pfft. ” Walter makes the sound while shaking his head. “Come on Kirby, running toward a Macy’s sale doesn’t count.” He laughs as the elevator doors open and we all get out. Drew frowns, moving to a space in the lobby to perform a few stretches.
“Oh totally.” Kandi agrees, fake laughing. “Sara, if you had to run for the last subway on earth, you’d probably die on the platform. You hate anything that could mess up your hair.”
Her and Walter explode into fits of laughter. Raj and Francis shrug, grinning too because apparently the idea that I could put any effort into anything apart from giving myself the perfect blow-out, is hilarious.
“Sorry Kirby, I don’t mean to laugh.” Walter scratches his fifty something salt and pepper hair. He steps toward me, blocking everyone else out. “While I’ve got you alone...” I frown because everyone is still very much within earshot. “I heard through the grapevine you’re interested in the Marketing Director’s position.” My entire body freezes as I glare over at Kandi as she laughs with Drew. Of course she told Walter. “Listen, I’d hold off applying for a role like that for now. It’s a tough job, not to mention it requires a degree of traveling. I need someone adventurous.” That word again .
My eyes drift back to Kandi who appears to be joining in with Drew’s warm up stretches.
“Adventurous. Okay,” I say attempting to hide the way my body feels like a deflated beachball that’s washed up beneath the pier.
Kandi turns her back on Drew, dramatically extending both arms above her head before folding forward in some kind of weird yoga position. Her hands reach in front of her while her butt is in the air. My eyes bulge out of my skull as I watch for Drew’s reaction.
Don’t look at her ass, don’t look at her ass.
“That’s right. I need someone with courage, determination,” Walter says. I look between him and Drew. Don’t look at her ass. “You’re great at your job, but I don’t know, there’s something missing. You’ll get your promotion when that missing piece appears, okay?”
Drew looks at Kandi’s ass.
“For the love of God, come on!” I shriek, startling everyone around me.
Walter looks at me. “Kirby?”
I breathe out weak laughter, attempting to cushion my outburst. I’ve never felt this vulnerable or exposed at work. I always thought my job was the one thing I had control over, no matter how terrible things were in my personal life. I need to fix this, I need to apply all reason and logic to regain control over the situation.
“What I meant to say was, come on, I can’t believe you don’t know about…my trip. My adventurous trip.” Reason and logic withers and dies as the pinnacle of all lies spills out of me. Everyone shuffles around me, forming a circle that feels more like a cage. I have no choice but to keep going. “A trip that I’ve been training for. ”
The circle falls silent. Amber looks more confused than I’ve ever seen her.
Kandi crosses her arms and juts out her hip. “Well, what is it?”
Everyone looks at me with expectant wide eyes.
An audible gulp escapes from my trembling throat.
“I’m training for something…that requires a lot of training.”
Kandi rolls her eyes.
“That’s awesome,” Drew says. His puppy dog eyes glow from genuine excitement.
His enthusiasm is the only thing carrying me through this, giving me the strength to finally exclaim, “I’m training to go on a hike.”
“A hike? Where?” Walter asks a little suspiciously, but at least he isn’t laughing which means I might just have his attention long enough to make this sound believable.
I scramble to arrange what comes next with the few brain cells I have left.
I dither and shuffle as I think of any trail I can scrape from the dusty corners of my memory. But none exist. Due to the fact that I’m not a hiker.
“Oh,” I exclaim as a foggy recollection surfaces.
The image of the pop-up from the other night blurs in my subconscious. The advert for the trail, what was it called?
What was it? What was it?
OH!
“The Maine trail,” I blurt victoriously.
Astounding silence follows.
Apart from Amber, who utters a strangulated, “What?”
“Do you mean the Appalachian trail?” Drew scratches his head .
Oh. Is that what the Maine trail is?
“Sure.” My laugh is shrill. “A small section of course. A favorite amongst hikers in fact.” I gnaw on my bottom lip, wishing I could remember exactly what that damn pop-up said. The wilderness walk? The valley trail?
“The Narrow Valley Wilderness Hike?” Raj offers.
I slap him on the arm. “The very one. Great, you’ve heard of it.”
Raj rubs his shoulder. “Yeah, I sent you a pop-up…”
I ignore his comment and focus on breathing oxygen.
“If it’s the one I’m thinking of, then it’s the coolest.” Drew gazes at me in a way he’s never done before. It’s something that borders with admiration and intrigue. All I want is for everyone to disappear so we can be alone, and I can swoon over the way he’s watching me.
“The Narrow Valley what?” Walter shakes his head, squinting at me again.
Drew steps into the center of the circle and begins to list off things about this trail. A distant voice of reason tells me to pay close attention. “It’s this awesome hike. Man, I’ve wanted to do it for years. Takes what”—he glances at me—“five days? A week? Anyway, it’s in Maine. There are waterfalls, beautiful scenery, some pretty gnarly ravines, and the rapids can chew a person up.” He laughs. “And there’s a whole stretch where they say you don’t meet another person. Hey, when do you set off?”
Francis chimes in when I don’t reply. “You’ve got a vacation in a couple weeks. Is that when you’re doing it?”
Leave it to the receptionist to know my every move.
I nod slowly as I recall the week I’d scheduled off to visit Boston. A week of shopping and facials and multiple hair appointments. “I mean, I don’t have the exact details yet…” He at pools at the back of my neck while my palms turn clammy.
“Do you even know how to camp?” Kandi smirks. “You know you have to camp, right? If it takes a week. Or were you planning on checking into one of the hundreds of hotels on route?”
Amber coughs, her elbow jabbing into my side. “I just realized I have to tell you something…about a…thing. Shall we go back upstairs real quick?” I nod, grateful for the escape route, but also scared of the grilling I know awaits. “Great, meet you upstairs.” She relentlessly taps the elevator button without breaking fierce eye contact with me.
Everyone shuffles off. All but Walter, who hangs back. He tilts his head toward me, his expression softening a little. “You’re really serious about this, Kirby. Never thought I’d see the day. I guess I was wrong about you. Sounds like a tough hike, you have my respect.”
My breath catches in my throat. My response is caught between shock and wondering if he merely tossed the words in the air to act as bait. A means of setting me up so that I would utter my thanks so that he could laugh and tell me of course he knew I was only joking, of course he knows I’m not capable of being adventurous or daring.
Yet when the seconds tick by, I discover he’s deadly serious.
He really does respect me.
“Thank you,” I choke out eventually.
And then an axe of guilt and shame rips me down the middle.
I should tell him. Tell him I’m not actually serious. These lies today… They’ve gotten out of control.
“Kirby…” he says hesitantly. “Why don’t you go ahead and apply for that position?” And then as if a moment of gr eat realization strikes, he adds, “You do produce pretty good work. I can’t fault you there.”
Two compliments.
I can’t fuss over my moral compass in a situation where Walter hands me two compliments. It’s like a rare kind of solar eclipse, perfect alignment might never occur in my lifetime again.
I draw in a steadying breath. “I’d be honored to be considered for the position.”
Then Drew’s nudging my arm. “I knew you had a wild streak in there, Sara. You’re gonna crush this hike.” His smile lights up the entire lobby as he jogs to the revolving doors, calling back over his shoulder, “Man, I’m jealous I’m not going with you.”