Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
DANI
I sat on the examining table at my doctor’s office. The thin paper crinkled with every tiny motion I made. The room was chilly, and I wondered why the office was never warm.
Looking down, I watched my feet swing back and forth, idly noticing my bright blue socks didn’t quite match.
For some random reason, one of them had faded more.
Wiggling my toes, I kept swinging my feet.
I was nervous and restless, and I had nothing else to distract me.
There was a soft knock at the door, and I called, “Come in!”
The door opened and shut, and my doctor’s face appeared as she pushed back the curtain encircling the corner where the door was. “Hi, Dani,” Dr. Sue said with a smile as she glanced down at the computer tablet she held in her hands.
I’d been seeing Dr. Sue for my annual appointments since I was a teenager, so she knew me well. She had a warm smile and a round face, with twinkling brown eyes. She adjusted her glasses on her nose and looked up at me.
“You know, your glasses almost perfectly match your hair,” I commented.
Her hair was a rich shade of brown and she had it pulled back into a bun.
She stopped beside the table, the paper crinkling a little when she rested her hand on the edge.
“Well, I’m glad to know something matches,” she offered with a wide smile.
“Seeing as I have to wear these most days”—she fingered the edge of her white lab coat—“I don’t worry too much about matching. So, we’re here for the usual, right?”
“Yep.”
“All right then.” She slipped her hips onto a rolling chair that had a small rotating tray mounted on the side for a laptop. She tapped on her tablet screen. “Okay, let’s do the rundown.”
She quickly ran through all the usual questions.
At the end, she glanced up and asked, “Anything you’re concerned about that I should know?
” Fortunately, or unfortunately, she knew me well enough to see the hesitation in my gaze.
“Go ahead and ask. I can’t help you if you don’t let me know what’s going on. ”
I took a measured breath, trying to quell the anxiety rising inside.
“Remember way back when that whole thing happened?” I was relieved I didn’t have to explain the entire incident.
She had been the doctor on call the night my mother brought me into the hospital.
When she nodded, I continued, “You mentioned that because I had one ectopic pregnancy, there was a chance I might experience another.”
Dr. Sue nodded slowly. “I did. Are you thinking about getting pregnant?”
I closed my eyes, willing the hot tears suddenly stinging to go away. After a moment, I thought I had it in hand and opened my eyes again. Dr. Sue also knew me well enough to wait me out.
“Not specifically right now, but I guess I’m wondering if it’s the kind of thing I need to be careful about. Like, how great are the chances?” I finally asked.
Dr. Sue stood from her chair, stepping closer to lean her hip against the side of the table and reach for one of my hands.
It was ice-cold, which I hadn’t even noticed until her warm hand closed around it.
“God, it’s freezing in here,” she said with a brief shake of her head.
“Please don’t start researching online because that’s a disaster.
You can find any number of trails to follow that will terrify you. ”
A small laugh escaped. “I have actually refrained from doing so out of fear.”
“We don’t think about it very often, not since the era of modern medicine, but pregnancy is fraught with potential complications for any woman.
It’s true that once you’ve had one ectopic pregnancy, the data tells us you’re at greater risk of having another one.
More so than a woman who never had one. But, there are so many other things you could start worrying about, none of which are worth it.
If you decide to get pregnant, I know your history, and we will monitor you carefully every step of the way.
Many, many women who have ectopic pregnancies go on to have healthy pregnancies.
Rather than focusing on the negative, let’s focus on the positive. ”
I chewed the inside of my cheek as my feet started swinging again. I wanted a guarantee. I knew intellectually that wasn’t possible for anything in life, but it didn’t change what my heart wished for.
I finally nodded. “Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say.
She gave my hand another squeeze before stepping away to wash her hands quickly in a small stainless-steel sink in the counter running along the wall. She donned a pair of latex gloves and fetched the speculum.
“You ready?” she asked.
“I think you forgot to tell me to scoot my butt to the edge of the table and put my feet in the stirrups,” I deadpanned.
Dr. Sue smiled. “That’s because I’m confident you know the drill.”
“Doesn’t every woman?” I replied with a chuckle as I did just that.
While Dr. Sue quickly and efficiently did my annual exam, she continued talking. “I feel like I missed some news in your life. I saw your mom for her annual just last month, and she didn’t mention anything about you being serious with anyone.”
Even though I was lying on my back at this point with my hands folded over my stomach, my cheeks got hot.
Blessedly, Dr. Sue was pulling off her gloves and washing her hands at the sink, so she couldn’t see my face.
There were many things I loved about living in a small town, but sharing a doctor with my mother wasn’t one of them.
“I don’t tell my mother everything, you know,” I replied as I sat up.
Dr. Sue glanced over her shoulder while she dried her hands. “Well, I wouldn’t expect that. I was just asking. Don’t mean to be nosy. I’ve known you for so long, sometimes I get relaxed.”
“Oh, it’s okay. I don’t mind you asking, and I wouldn’t mind my mother asking.
I guess I might be thinking about the possibility of something serious, and that got me wondering about things.
Plus, turning thirty isn’t too far off. Rumor has it my biological clock will start ticking so loud I might lose my hearing,” I teased.
Dr. Sue laughed. “For some people, it does. But not everyone. I’m a fan of choice. If you decide you want to have children, that’s a wonderful and amazing blessing. If you decide you don’t, it’s a wonderful and an amazing blessing to have it be your decision.”
The paper tore slightly under my hips as I wiggled to the edge of the table. “I’m all about choices too. I don’t know what I want just yet, but I suspect I might want to have kids. We’ll see.”